Royai Collections
by fullmetalscully
Summary: A collection of royai one shots from either prompts or ideas that come to me. From angst to fluff and everything in between. Rating changed to M
1. you don't mean anything to me

_**"you don't mean anything to me" / regret**_

* * *

She was angry. Worse than angry. The emotion consumed her entire being leaving her body shaking with it. Her hands clenched into fists by her side in an attempt to contain that anger but it was futile.

Her face was as schooled as ever. It gave nothing away as she and Jean Havoc listened to the wireless in his bunk. Riza didn't let it show the storm brewing inside of her just waiting to be unleashed. She would rain down fire on his head when she saw him again.

That's what he had done to those Ishvalans. He had killed them with her father's research. Research that she trusted him with to make this country a better place. To help the people.

There was talk of her being deployed out there too. She was only a cadet and wasn't old enough. Surely they wouldn't?

She was hurt. She was angry. But worst of all she felt betrayed.

Riza knew she had no right to criticize. If she was deployed like the rumours suggested then she would no doubt be killing people just like him.

The reality of that just hadn't set in she had trusted him.

And as soon as he got what he wanted from her he left.

Again.

No more. She would not put up with his bullshit anymore.

* * *

For a week she stewed. It didn't help that the rumours were in fact true and she was deployed. Tensions were high around the camps. It didn't help that she realised in two days' time she would be killing those innocent people just like he was.

The higher ups continued to talk about how pleased they were with the Flame Alchemist. What a great job he was doing. They laughed and joked about how the war definitely would be won now!

Riza just gripped her rifle tighter. Her knuckles went white.

And now as she watched the desert burn before her upon arriving in Ishval she knew how niave she had been.

And then she saw him.

After their initial meeting he sought her out once more while she was in her tent.

He had broken down then. Her anger had wavered slightly seeing the regret in his body and hearing it in his voice.

But only slightly.

She had trusted him. And this is what he had done with that trust.

"Riza, please… Say something."

There was only one thing she wanted to say. It dominated the forefront of her mind giving no access to any other thought.

"What do you want me to say, Sir?" Her tone was frigid even to her ears.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

Anger.

"Take your apologies elsewhere." Roy flinched and his hand retracted from her shoulder. "You had a choice and you did this." His face twisted in pain. "For that, you don't mean anything to me anymore."

And although she regretted saying it after seeing his body crumple to the floor she still walked out of that tent. Because if she didn't she would end up on the floor right there with him.

* * *

 **this one came from tumblr (thank you _yuripliscatsky_!)**

 **if you want to send a prompt either pm or send me an ask on tumblr (fullmetalscullyy)**


	2. monday

**This one stemmed from an AU post I saw on tumblr and then blossomed into a (slightly adjusted) retelling of an episode of The X-Files. You don't need to have seen the episode or the series, don't worry!**

* * *

 _ **trapped in a bank during a holdup au**_

Central's main bank was business as usual on this breezy autumn Monday. The tellers looked thoroughly bored. The customers even more so as they waited. The security guards lounged about chatting to one another rather than actually making sure premises was secure. Roy frowned. If they were MPs he would have them sent back to HQ faster than they could blink but this was private security.

Still, they should be doing their fucking jobs.

"Who crapped in your cereal this morning?" Havoc joked with a wry smile as he stormed into the office half an hour late.

He really didn't need this right now.

"Shut it, Havoc."

"Oh, _touchy_."

He suppressed a growl of anger.

"Sir," Hawkeye greeted him. He could just tell by the look on her face she was going to question his tardiness. Again, he really didn't need this today. Because when he woke up he found his apartment flooded. His foot went straight into the soaking carpet, the squelching sound rousing him immediately from the last of his sleep.

What the _fuck_?

His morning was spent wading through his apartment, desperately trying to salvage as much as he good before yelling on the phone to the maintenance guy. Luckily nothing too important had been damaged. All his alchemy books were safe, thank god.

So yes, he was a grouchy bastard this morning. Especially now that he had to run to the bank on his lunch break and take out money so he could stay in a hotel tonight. Those in charge of military accommodation were fickle beings when it came to money but assured him his apartment would be fixed as soon as possible. "As soon as possible" could range from the end of the week to two weeks.

Either that or he pay for it himself. Stingy bastards. He had given so much for this military already. They weren't getting another cent of his damn money.

Still bitter about wasting his lunch hour Roy sullenly drove to the bank. Central Bank was a magnificent building. It had been built over two hundred years ago. The architecture was stunning but Roy had no time for that today. He should probably have brought Hawkeye along but she was out of the office when he left and he couldn't be bothered waiting.

Besides, this would only take ten minutes.

Ten minutes stretched onto thirty and Roy was only half way down the line. His foot tapped impatiently in the line as he checked his pocket watch.

Hawkeye was going to kill him.

And it looked like he would be going hungry today. Maybe Breda could swipe him a sandwich from the mess hall?

"Everybody," someone announced from behind him. "Everybody get down!"

Roy turned, his brow furrowing in confusion. The shout came from somebody who was incredibly nervous. They stumbled over their words. However when Roy noticed the man, his stomach dropped. A gun was held in front of him – albeit it was shaking – and he was pointing it at every individual in the building.

"Don't press any alarms," he stuttered. "Or I will shoot you!"

First his apartment, now this.

God was up there fucking doubled over in laughter today.

No alarms sounded, only terrified gasps and cries. One woman pleaded with the assailant, only for a dark look to cross over his face, pointing the gun in her face, that nervousness clearly gone. The woman lowered herself down submissively but continued to cry.

 _Shit!_

"You!" he barked, gun training on Roy. He froze in the movement of reaching for his pockets, where his gloves were. "Hands where I can see them!" Roy complied. "Does anyone know you are here?"

He could lie and say no. He hadn't really told his team where he was going specifically. Just that he was going out. Plus, storming out of the room, his bad mood following him like a thunder cloud, left no room for them to ask.

Hawkeye would have asked though if she had been there.

He was such a dumbass.

"Yes. My team are arriving in ten minutes time."

The assailant's eyes widened. Licking his lips nervously he readjusted his grip on the fire arm.

It was a lie. But it might just save his life.

Before he could contemplate it any further the front door of the bank opened and very pissed looking Hawkeye walked in. Oh, she was definitely going to kill him. Roy's eyes widened as the assailant turned towards the noise, gun shifting with him. His finger depressed the trigger slightly.

"Hawkeye!" He was unable to stop himself. His hands dove for his pockets but he never made it. His body jerked backwards as an immense force was applied to his left shoulder. Screams sounded around him. Hawkeye yelled. His vision swam as he fell backwards and hit the floor painfully. The action caused even more pain to erupt in his shoulder. Someone was crying very close to his head. Bodies surrounded him on the floor. Warmth and wetness seeped into his uniform jacket.

"Sir!" Hawkeye called. The desperation in her voice dragged him back from the greying circle that was surrounding his vision. He gasped, heaving in a breath despite his body fighting the painful movement. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't wrap his head around what had happened. Shock was setting into his being, blinding and deafening him to all that was happening in the bank.

A hand gripped his shoulder. Another clasped the fingers of his good arm. He turned his head and saw wide, terrified eyes staring back at him. Recognition was there too. They knew who he was. The hand curling around his fingers nudged them towards his pockets.

Right. His gloves.

"Stop right there or I will shoot you too!"

No. _No_. He couldn't. Not Hawkeye. He couldn't take her. His fingers twitched as he shuddered. The process was slow and arduous, the pain making him almost black out.

"Stop!"

"Can I at least help him? He is going to die!" A woman was above his head. Apparently permission had been granted by the assailant because his head was lifted gently and onto a set of thighs. The woman's eyes stared back into his. She looked distraught. His eyes tried to shoot back to the action, but it was like they were coated in syrup. Every movement was such an effort.

Hawkeye was standing gun raised and poised to kill, pointing at the assailant. He was the same, but his hands were shaking.

Riza's hands never shook. That had only happened in Ishval.

One night she had sought him out because it had become uncontrollable. He had grasped them tightly and held her while she tried to sleep. He ignored the tears that had stained his uniform. He ignored the way her breath shuddered as she cried. Instead he whispered to her about their shared time together in her father's house. About that time he had successfully patched up the roof only to fall down the ladder and onto his ass. The first time he ever heard Riza laugh. About that time they had gotten lost in the forest behind her house and had stumbled back into the house after midnight, both exhausted but exhilarated after their "dangerous" adventure. They had shared a grin before parting ways to sleep. In the days following they had shared secretive looks about their time in the forest, whispering to each other about it so her father wouldn't overhear their shenanigans.

The only thing was, that made her cry harder.

Roy found himself wanting that same feeling of holding her, content, back. Right now. As his blood seeped out of his body slowly, eyes zeroed in on the woman he loved he lamented about how he had never properly said the words he had wanted to for years. They were always in the forefront of his mind, just waiting to be spoken. What made it harder was she was constantly around.

By this point in their life, after ten years of being together, they both knew how the other felt.

But he needed to say it. He needed to tell her like he needed the air that was dragging past his lips right now.

Suddenly the events that had transpired that morning felt very trivial.

Hawkeye's gaze flicked to his momentarily. He gasped as he saw the raw pain and terror in them. She was afraid for him. Hawkeye never looked afraid. _That_ was what worried him.

The assailant tore at his jacket, revealing a bomb strapped his chest.

Muffled screams filled the bank once more. People were sobbing outright now. Roy's breathing stuttered. The hand on his shoulder tightened and the woman above rose a hand to her mouth in horror. The fingers wrapped around his twitched, pushing them right into his pockets this time while the assailant's attention was diverted.

Right. His gloves.

"Put down the gun," the assailant slowly commanded. His hand was already on the bomb around his chest. A flick of his fingers and the whole place would go up.

Well, he couldn't let that happen. Too many people had died on his watch. No more.

The hand in his pocket helped him put his glove on as quickly as he dared. His vision was greying once again. _Shit_. This wasn't good. He needed to concentrate. One wrong movement, one wrong through, could set them all alight.

He watched in horror as Hawkeye raised her hands in surrender. The assailant gripped his gun tighter, nervous. She lowered it to the ground and backed away slowly. Her eyes found his across the room. He was drifting too much to be able to see clearly the emotions within them.

"Can I have one last word with him?"

"Why?" he barked.

Riza's face set in anger. "He is dying and he is my commanding officer. Please."

Silence stretched out before them, seemingly unending. Or maybe it was just unending to him because of the pain wracking his body.

"Fine."

"Sir?" Hawkeye called. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes," he rasped.

This was dangerous. What was she thinking?

"I forgot to tell you. Isla came by the office and dropped off some files. She said she and Lorraine were thinking of going out for lunch. She wondered if you would like to join them?"

His pain addled brain heard their code and registered it. A smile played on his lips.

 _I love you too, Riza_.

"He's not going anywhere," the assailant replied nervously. His voice rose. "None of you are!"

Hawkeye's eyes bored into his and he returned the same courtesy. If this all went wrong then the last thing he wanted to see was her.

He snapped, sucking out the oxygen from around the bomber. He gasped, hands flying to his throat. Riza scooped down low and shot him, incapacitating him. Screams echoed around the deathly silent room for a final time.

To give the guards their due, as soon as the assailant was on the ground they scrambled up and pounced on his prone form. If Roy wasn't about to pass out he would have laughed.

 _Not so useless after all_.

"Sir!" Hawkeye cried and sprinted over to him. Falling to her knees her face was suddenly very close. Good. If he was going to die he wanted it to be near her. It was selfish. That would traumatise her. But common sense went out the window when you were shot, he discovered.

Someone else entered his field of view. His Lieutenant and the newcomer shared a few words.

"I'm a doctor." Hawkeye nodded and moved out of his way as he placed pressure on his shoulder wound, barking at someone to phone an ambulance. Roy groaned and Hawkeye's gaze snapped to the doctors. He could almost hear the growl on her lips.

"He is going to be fine," the doctor assured Hawkeye. "The bullet exited cleanly. I just need to hold this pressure to stop him from losing too much blood. Once he is at the hospital he will get stitched up and be right as rain."

Roy found his demeanour far too cheery for a situation like this. But he didn't care because Riza Hawkeye was holding onto his hand for dear life, her thumb brushing his knuckles. He focussed on that sensation and that sensation only.

"I got your message Lieutenant. Loud and clear."

Her lips quirked up into a smile, posture relaxing slightly. Sirens began to sound louder in the distance.

"You will be okay," she breathed. "You will be okay."

He chuckled but is sounded like a gasp. He was the one who was supposed to give orders, not her.

* * *

 **So, a different ending but that was because I wanted to up the angst ;)**

 **Names after the episode "Monday" (6x14) of The X-Files. Go watch it because it is honestly one of my favourites.**


	3. you saved my life

**AN: i actually completely forgot about this oneshot whoops but here you go another christmas present for all y'all**

 **i hope you enjoy!**

 **thank you for all the support this year!**

* * *

 ** _"you saved my life"_**

"Hayate!" Riza called into the forest. When she received no answer from her pup, Riza sighed. He was such a well behaved dog, he always came when she called, and that was why she was starting to grow concerned when he didn't respond. She called his name again but a strong gust of wind carried her words away on the breeze. It wasn't a fruitless endeavour, however, because she heard a very worrying whine.

She started off in the direction it had sounded from, her gait rushed. Why was her pup whining? Was he hurt? She found herself stepping off the woodland trail towards the cliff edge. She sucked in a deep breath, feeling the panic begin to rise within her. Riza's pace was decidedly more frantic now.n

While living temporarily in Drachma for the year, Riza had found and taken in Black Hayate off the street. The poor dog was half dead when she found him cold, hungry, and terrifyingly thin on her doorstep one evening trying to shelter himself from the cold. That been last winter. Now, in the summer months, the forest trails were clear of snow but rain was prevalent most days. It remarkably had _not_ rained today and Riza was actively not acknowledging that fact out of the fear of jinxing the weather. It had, however, rained all through the night which is why her young pup had slid down this slope and got himself stranded on a ledge by a cliff face.

There he was in all his pathetic glory. Unharmed, thank goodness, but whining pitifully, covered in mud, and looking back up the muddy slope he'd just slid down. Trying to calm her heart rate, Riza placed her hands on her hips and smiled down at him in relief, shaking her head. She tried not to think about how just one wrong step could've sent him plunging into the angry ocean below. It wasn't too far a fall, maybe about seven or eight feet, but the waves crashed against the rocks below, trying to beat them into submission.

He was okay, that's what mattered.

"Did you slide all the way down there?" she asked her pup. He yipped in response, followed by a whine while his feet moved restlessly as he stared up at his master. "How did you even manage that?" she muttered to herself.

What she didn't see, however, was the small ledge just above where Hayate was waiting patiently. It was hidden under the cover of moss and bracken. Riza only just noticed it as she made her way carefully down the slope. That was why he was stuck. Hopping down Hayate barked happily and brushed up against her legs.

"And now you've gotten mud all over my jeans. Thanks for that, boy." The only response she received was him wagging his tail and his tongue lolling from his mouth.

"Here," she announced, lifting the Shiba into her arms. "Stay still," she laughed as he wriggled around, eventually settling his paws on her shoulder, staring out at the ocean behind her.

"Do you not like the ocean?" she asked him. He was shaking in her arms but she couldn't be sure if it was because of the coldness that had begun to set into the air in the last half hour or so, or if it was out of fear of the expanse of water.

Perhaps he _didn't_ like the water. He was always slightly skittish when it rained, which made sense based on how she had found him. Bath time was always a quick affair. He'd allow Riza to wash and rinse his fur but as soon as he was clean, he would hop out the bath, putting as much distance between himself and the tub as possible.

"Up you go." Hayate fought to stay next to Riza, but she firmly placed him on the ledge just above her shoulder height. Preparing herself to climb back up, she was very aware of how narrow the ledge was she was standing on.

Pushing aside her nervousness, she reached up for a tree root that was dangling off the overhanging rock. It seemed steady enough. Gingerly, she tested her weight and slowly placed both feet on the exposed rock in front of her. She slowly walked herself up as Hayate watched one, letting out the occasional whine as he waited for her to reach safety.

The root Riza grabbed to pull herself up snapped. Then she was falling.

A sharp pain shot through her ankle as it hit something hard. She landed on the edge and the panic flying through her didn't give Riza enough time to regain her balance or find purchase as her leg crumpled beneath her. Hayate barked endlessly as she toppled over the edge and down the raging sea below.

The cold was a shock to her system. On instinct she gasped from the sudden drop in temperature, allowing a large mouthful of seawater into her lungs. She choked under the water, completely disorientated as she water threw her around like a cat would a ball of yarn. It was merciless as she struggled, her chest burning with the lack of oxygen, eyes stinging from the salt. Something struck her cheek, causing her to gasp as a reaction, so more of the seawater was forced down her throat. If she could vomit, she would as the water begun to settle in her stomach and her lungs. The roar of the ocean filled her ears and it was so dark she was unable to figure out which way was up, and which way was down.

She could feel her energy sapping. Before long she knew she would be gone. The realisation sent a new surge of energy through her as Riza fought for her life, but she was already spent.

 _This is it_.

She would drown in the Drachman Sea while her dog barked above on the cliff face, unaware of her fate. She was worried about him. If Riza was gone there would be no one to look after her pup. She knew no one in this city. Not really. No one would miss her and no one would take care of her dog. She knew people through work but it was a strictly professional relationship. A woman named Rebecca had tried to make friends with her. Riza was polite and engaged in conversation, but her upbringing moulded her into someone who kept to themselves.

As Riza drifted off she was sure she felt herself moving again. The ocean was relentless once more, pulling her away from her dog and her consciousness.

* * *

Roy almost missed the sound of barking as he jogged along the trail. His music was blasting in his ears, the beat sounding to the time of his footsteps. He was on a roll and this run was feeling good, which made a nice change from recent weeks. He almost tripped over the small, mud covered, Shiba as they darted out from the bracken.

"Sorry buddy," he told the black pup and continued on his way. A brief thought entered his head along the lines of wondering where the owner was, but he continued on his way regardless. The dog refused to let him go that easily. It ran alongside him, barking and nipping at his ankles.

"Hey. Hey! That hurts!" he cried, stopping his run and ripping out his headphones. The dog stood before him, barking away. It was restless for some reason, walking back a few steps before returning to him. "What? What is it?"

The dog whined and ran back a few feet before stopping to see if Roy was following. When he didn't, they returned and barked once more.

"Where's your owner, buddy?" More barking. The dog was relentless. "Is something wrong?"

It whined loudly, paws padding on the ground before running off once more.

 _If something_ is _wrong…_ He'd never forgive himself if he turned on the news tomorrow and saw a headline about a walker who'd died in these woods tonight.

With a sigh he jogged back. The cold air had begun to seep into his sweat drenched hoodie. The damp air clouded over him like a mist, cooling his flushed skin from the exercise. The dog, finally seeing the stranger was following it, darted back into the underbrush. Peering down the slope Roy saw the small ledge it was standing on, barking out towards the ocean.

A sinking feeling filled his gut. Had someone fallen down there? Carefully picking his way down the muddied slope he came to rest beside the dog, peering down into the dark water. He got a glimpse of blonde hair disappearing under the inky darkness as the waves swept it away suddenly.

"Oh shit. Oh, _shit_!" Someone _was_ down there! From the skid marks in the mud and the disturbance of the dirt he guessed they'd fallen.

Roy shrugged out of his hoodie and dropped it next to the dog. It looked up at him expectantly, continuing to whine with the occasional bark. The cool air hit his bare skin and Roy shivered.

The drop wasn't far, maybe about seven or eight feet, but there were large rocks down at the bottom. Calculating the safest way down he crouched and lowered himself to a seated position, hopping down onto another ledge. On the left of that outcropping, there was a rock jutting out that he placed his foot on, edging his way down to a small beach that was hidden under the overhang of rock. The sandy beach was maybe about four feet in length, seven in width, but it would do for dragging the person out of the water. The sea water sprayed Roy as they hit the rocks before him. They formed a wall against the brunt of the water, but some still seeped through. Without another thought he hopped over them and into the freezing water. He hissed as a reaction, his body screaming at him to leave the water _immediately_ but he fought it as ice crept from his toes and up his legs. He tried not to think too much about it, opting to scan for another glimpse of blonde hair.

 _There!_

He dove into the water and swam about six feet out into the water. He grabbed blindly, grasping the person's upper arm tightly just as another wave crashed and pulled them both under. Luckily, Roy had anticipated this move from the ocean and took a deep breath. He used the momentum from the wave's energy to let it carry them both towards the shore. Breaking the surface, Roy reached for a rock as they were passing, anchoring himself to it. Gasping for breath, he hauled the unconscious body up and out of the water.

The woman's hair covered her face and her skin was deathly pale. There was no telling how long he had been under the water for. Her lips were blue and there was no movement from her chest. "Shit," Roy muttered, dragging them both back towards the beach. His panicked, adrenalin filled state gave him strength he wasn't aware he possessed as he tried to save this woman's life. The dog was barking once more, but had found its way down to the beach.

Roy brushed the woman's hair off her face. Placing a hand on her forehead and two fingers under her chin he tilted her head back, lowering his head down to her face to listen for any signs of life. Looking down her chest he saw no movement. No air hit his cheek either.

"Oh, fuck." Roy had hoped for something, _anything_ , but the woman was dying. She wasn't breathing and she'd no doubt be on her way towards suffering from hypothermia. Without hesitation Roy pinched her nose and formed a seal around her mouth, breathing air into her body.

Roy had never felt relief like it when she jerked and coughed on the fourth breath he'd given her. His hands were shaking as he placed one hand on her back and the other on her chin, forearm running down her torso in a vice grip hold and rolled her onto her side to allow the vomit to exit her mouth more easily so she didn't choke on it. Seeing signs of life, the dog barked and placed its front paws on her legs, tail wagging furiously.

"Easy," he soothed, rolling her back over and helping the woman sit up, she gripped his biceps tightly as coughs continued to wrack her body. "You're okay. You're safe now." What was worrying was just how much she was shivering. He had nothing to give her in terms of providing warmth. He thought of his hoodie but –

The dog had carried it down with them. It lay on the sand within reach. "Good boy," Roy praised, scratching the dog behind its ears. It yipped once, tail wagging.

The woman's eyes opened slowly, and Roy found his attention caught in her brown eyes, scanning to see if they were focussed or not. Roy dipped his hand into the salt water behind him and gently wiped her face free of her stomach contents. His stomach turned as he wiped away the remnants of it, but it was mostly water anyway. The smell had begun to waft his way from the pile on the sand, but there wasn't much he could do about that. Washing his hand a final time, he brushed more of her wet hair off her face.

"Are you okay?" A shiver caused her body to jerk. She opened her mouth to reply but it was just a croak. The salt water had done a number on it apparently so she just nodded. "I know that's a stupid question." Then he chuckled in both relief and disbelief. The woman sat watching him, violent shivers wracking her body.

She was alive. He'd saved her life without a thought, and Roy was quite proud of himself for that. All that lifeguard training he had taken as a teenager had paid off.

"Here," he added. Roy retrieved his hoodie from the sand. Shaking the grainy substance off and brushing off twigs and leaves from the underbrush above Roy placed it over her head. It wasn't ideal, it was sweaty, but it was better than her dying from the cold. She needed the warmth more than he did. Speaking of warmth, he'd begun to shiver uncontrollably himself. The adrenaline from after the rescue had begun to wear off and he felt incredibly shaky as he remained in a crouched position.

"Come on, we need to get you to a hospital."

"Where am I?" she asked. Roy's stomach dropped at how slurred her speech was. "Who are you?"

"My name is Roy. We're in the Drachman Forest and you fell in the water. We need to get back up to the path. Can you stand?" The woman looked down at her legs, confused, before her head dipped forward and her eyes closed. That wasn't good. "Hey, hey," he called gently, shifting his weight to lessen the pressure on his legs. He placed a hand on her cheek, wincing at the colour difference. While his skin was pale from the effect of the cold, the woman's skin was deathly pale. Gently he tilted her head so her eyes were meeting his.

"I'm tired," she mumbled, body falling backwards. Roy caught her by placing one hand on her shoulder, gripping it tightly.

"Can you tell me your name?" he asked, lowering one arm under her knees and securing the other behind her back. He lifted her into his arms and moved over to the ledge he'd descended from. How was he going to get her back up there with her so unresponsive? "Hey, what's your name?" he asked once more. She roused herself from the grip of unconsciousness. He needed to keep her awake for as long as possible.

"Riza," she slurred.

"Riza? Okay, Riza, can you help me out here? We need to get back up to that ledge. Can you help me?"

"You saved my life," she muttered, eyes closing. Her words sent a sensation he couldn't name through his stomach. He would focus on that later. Right now she needed his help.

"Your dog technically did. Can you help me? Please?"

"He's a good boy…" she trailed off.

"Can you help me, Riza?" he murmured, eyes scanning the cliff face in order to assess the best way to get back up to the path and to help. It was more a prayer than a question to the woman in his arms because it was too high for him to lift her up there himself.

"I'll try…"

"Good." That was all he needed. "I'm going to lift you up as high as I can." A shiver wracked his body suddenly, jerking Riza in his arms. She appeared to have noticed but was slow on the uptake. "Can you grab it?"

Bless her, she did try. Roy had to shove her upwards and onto the overhang, securing her foot on the rock jutting out from the cliff face. It was a clumsy affair but she made it. She lay in the mud while Roy lifted the dog up, and then made his own way up. It was an effort to get his own fingers to work properly and support his weight. They burned with the cold and ached in pain as he gripped the rock tightly. He felt like he might vomit at the exertion.

"Are you okay?" someone called. Roy's head snapped up the slope towards the path. A woman was standing at the edge, peering down worriedly. Riza's dog barked at the stranger, as if trying to tell her they needed help.

"We need help!" Roy called back as he tried to stop his teeth from chattering together. "She fell in the water!"

"Oh my god," the woman exclaimed to herself. She dug into her pockets frantically. "I'll phone an ambulance! My car isn't far. I have blankets there. I'll go get them!"

"You're cold too," Riza mumbled into his chest. He cradled her body to him as he climbed the slope with great difficulty. Her head rested on his shoulder, her entire body in a constant state of shaking. He was no better off. The cool air from the sea wreaked havoc with his own body. The urge to vomit never really left him.

"I know, I pulled you out the water."

"You saved my life?" she asked, head lifting from his shoulder as she tried – and failed – to look up at his face. Eventually her head tilted back once they reached the path. Roy pushed his legs to a jog, the muscles protesting loudly at the movements after their cold treatment. "You saved my life," she breathed, head hitting his shoulder once more.

The woman was still on the phone when Roy met her along the path. In her arms were a bundle of blankets. Her own dog ran close by her heels, looking up at its master as she hurried, sensing the urgency.

"Here." She wrapped a blanket around his shoulders once Roy slowed to a stop. "The ambulance is on its way. Should be here in a couple of minutes."

Roy breathed a sigh of relief, both at the news and the warmth surrounding him. The woman wrapped Riza's legs in a blanket, making sure her feet were covered once removing her sodden trainers.

"How is she?" she asked peering into Riza's face worriedly. Another blankets was draped across her body, adding another layer of warmth to Roy.

"Cold," Riza mumbled, another violent shiver wracking her body.

"I know, honey. The ambulance is on the way. Just hang in there."

"You're cold too," Riza muttered, eyes still closed. "Why are you… wet?"

"I pulled you out of the water," Roy explained once again, brow furrowing at the repetition. She was confused. He searched his mind frantically, trying to remember the symptoms of hypothermia.

"You saved my life. What's your name?" Riza asked, head tipping back once more. Her eyelids opened with great effort, but she managed. In the distance, sirens reached his ears.

"Roy," he revealed.

"Roy…" she trailed off. She shifted against him, turning her body to face his chest. A hand gripped his sodden t-shirt and Roy swallowed as he adjusted his grip to become more comfortable. This wasn't a time to be thinking about such things, but he couldn't help but enjoy the way she said his name. Something about that East Amestrian accent made it appealing to him. It was so different from the thick Drachman he heard day in and day out. It reminded him of his home.

"I think she's passed out." Riza's body turned limp in his arms, the hand fisted in his t-shirt going slack. Fear and worry gripped him. Luckily, the ambulance pulled into the forest car park. Paramedics hopped out and moved towards them with purpose, another one pulling a stretcher out the back of the van.

"Do you know this woman?" one asked looking between Roy and the stranger.

"No," the woman beside him replied. Roy offered Riza's unconscious form to them, eager for them to help her. "I just phoned the ambulance and found them by the edge of the path. Roy here rescued her from the water." His arms folded over his chest now that they were free as he tried to control his shivering.

"You entered the water?" the paramedics asked.

Roy nodded. "Yes. Her dog chased me down the path and brought me to her." He looked around, spying the dog by the side of the stretcher.

"We would like to check you over as well then. Come with me, please." Roy nodded and walked towards the back of the van, eyes lingering over Riza's form. He shuddered as he watched them pull an oxygen mask over her face.

"Thank you for your help," Roy called back to the woman, suddenly remembering to do so. She smiled tightly and nodded, gaze turning back to the person who was worse out of the two of them.

Roy didn't expect them to load Riza into the back of the ambulance as quickly as they did. The paramedic had just finished wrapping him in blankets, instructing him to remove his wet clothing to speed up the process, when the stretcher came barrelling in beside him. Roy shifted his blanket laden legs to stop them from knocking out his kneecaps.

"Take it easy now, we've got you both." The paramedic wrapped a band around his bicep to measure his blood pressure. "Can you tell me exactly what happened?"

So Roy began retelling the incident and how he had pulled Riza from the sea.

* * *

Riza opened her eyes to find herself in a hospital room.

Why… Why was she here? What had happened?

"Ah, you're awake," someone greeted her, tone pleased. Groggily, Riza looked down the bed to find a doctor standing at the foot of her bed. He tucked his clipboard under his arm and smiled warmly at her. "My name is Doctor Ramsey. How are you feeling?"

"Cold," Riza replied truthfully. Although she was under a pile of blankets on the bed goosebumps still prickled her skin. The response triggered a memory in her head, but her mind was too foggy to concentrate on it.

"You were suffering from hypothermia when you were brought in. You're in Marmansk State Hospital. Do you remember what happened to you?"

"I think… I fell. Did I fall in the water?"

The doctor nodded, noting something on his clipboard. He walked around the bed and pulled out a light. "I'm just going to check your pupil's reactions, okay?" Riza nodded. "You fell in the Drachman Sea not too far from here. You were helped out of the water and brought here."

Riza thought back to the last thing she remembered. There was something wet underneath her cheek, something soft yet solid. A heartbeat under her ear. Someone had carried her.

" _I pulled you out of the water_."

" _You saved my life?_ "

" _Roy_."

Roy… He had saved her life. She felt heat begin to burn in her cheeks, remembering of the way he had held her carefully in his arms as they moved. There had been another woman too, but Riza never found out her name.

"Everything looks good in there," Doctor Ramsey announced cheerily.

"Do you know who it was that rescued me?"

"A man called Roy Mustang. He was discharged two days ago after being treated for mild hypothermia." Riza's stomach sank. She felt slightly guilty about that.

"How long have I been here for?"

"Three days."

A disturbing thought just occurred to her. "I was out with my dog when I fell. Is he here?" Worry laced her words.

"Mr. Mustang took your dog home with him seeing as we cannot allow pets to stay in the hospital. He left this for you." Doctor Ramsey placed a note on the table next to her bed and patted it once. "I'll return shortly to monitor your condition once more. We're optimistic though, you should be out of here in a couple of days. The bruising on your face has been healing nicely too, so there will be nothing to worry about."

Riza remembered her face being struck as she was thrown about under the water. She swallowed thickly, the memory disturbing. She had almost _died_. No one would have known. No one would have cared. If Roy hadn't come to her aid she would be a corpse lost in the frigid Drachman Sea.

"Thank you, Doctor."

He smiled. "No problem. I'll be back soon."

Riza picked up the piece of paper apprehensively.

 _Riza,_

 _I've taken your dog to my place while you get better. They wouldn't let him stay in the hospital. Feel free to come and collect him at any time. My address is 213 Ulitsa Street, Murmansk._

 _I hope you get better soon._

 _Roy_

Riza sighed in relief. Hayate was safe. He wasn't running around, lost in the woods, like she worried.

* * *

"Easy, boy," Roy admonished as the doorbell rang. For some reason he was all worked up at whoever was at the door. He ran in front of Roy, pawing at it and whining, looking at Roy expectantly. "Jeez," Roy exclaimed, opening the door. "I'm opening it, calm –"

His sentence was cut off as he blinked in surprise. Riza stood on his front doorstep, hands shoved deep into her pockets. Her nose was buried by a large scarf and she wore a woolly hat which had been pulled down low in an attempt to cover as much skin as possible. A yellowing bruise poked out over the edge of the scarf.

He broke into a grin after recovering from his shock. "Hey! You're all right!" He was more pleased about that fact than he cared to admit right now. He had been worrying about her for the past week.

"Uh, yeah," she replied, cheeks turning a light shade of pink. "Hey, Hayate," she greeted, kneeling down to pet her frantic dog.

"Ah, so that's his name."

Riza looked up at him, her scarf no longer covering her mouth. "Thank you for looking after him."

"It was the least I could do to help."

"You already saved my life." Her cheeks turned pink once more and Roy grinned. That made her blush even more. She looked cute when she blushed, Roy noticed. "Thank you for that. I don't know how I can ever repay you."

"Seeing you up and about is thanks enough." He grinned at her. "Would you like to come in for a coffee?"

She straightened, eyes searching his. The thought of her saying no dismayed him slightly, but he wouldn't push it. Roy just wanted to know she really was okay. Visions and dreams of the woman before him drowning had plagued him for the last week. It hadn't sit well with him at all.

"Yeah." Hayate barked by her side and Riza smiled. "Sure."


	4. soulmate

**ok for this one i apologise in advance for the angst but i also want you to know i am not sorry in the slightest :) you can thank the discord server for this idea (looking at you, strong chicken winry)**

 **thanks for the push royai_mustang and waddiwasiwitch**

* * *

 _ **soulmate**_

Legend says that when two soulmates meet they instantly know who the other is. Many search for years without ever finding theirs. Others are brought together by chance. Some know who their soulmate is, but have yet to find them once again, having only passed each other by briefly in a single moment.

Before they find each other, the feeling each half experiences is a strong yearning. Until their soulmate is found that feeling never goes away. Two people only become aware of each other because once they meet, that deep rooted need dissipates in an instant. It is so intense that it is immediately noticeable.

That's what happened to Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye.

When the girl opened the door for him it felt like all the air had been knocked out of his lungs. He panicked, the teenager not particularly enjoying the feeling of being unable to breathe. Riza gasped quietly across from him, eyes wide, but fearful. Before either could utter a word her father joined her at the door.

"Who is it Riza?" he asked gruffly, pushing the door apart further. Riza had relinquished her hold on it after realising her soulmate was before her.

Tearing his eyes away from the girl, Roy met his potential new master's expectant gaze. The longer he took to reply, the deeper Berthold Hawkeye's frown appeared to be.

"Roy Mustang," he replied finally. "My Aunt Chris has been writing to you from Central? I'm here for the apprenticeship."

Berthold studied him for a moment and Roy desperately wanted to return to meet Riza's gaze, but he stood firm. He couldn't stare at the man's daughter while Berthold was sizing him up. That would not leave a good first impression.

"Come in." He turned and left the two teenagers at the door.

"I –" Roy began, turning his attention to Riza.

"Come in, Mr. Mustang." She beckoned him inside with an air of formality. He swallowed and picked up his suitcase, entering their home. "I'll show you to your room." She passed him and started up the worn staircase, eyes cast down.

"Shouldn't we –"

"Please, Mr. Mustang. This way."

Snapping his mouth shut he followed her to his room.

For the first couple of weeks they didn't discuss the fact their two souls were tied together. In fact, Riza appeared to want to forget about it all together. Roy didn't have much time to contemplate that fact while in her presence. His studies were so intense and exhausting that it left no room for discussion. At night he wanted to seek her out but as soon as his head hit the pillow he was asleep.

Berthold gave him one day off a week and that was a Sunday. The first Sunday he worked to catch up with assignments he had missed during the week. He would sit at the kitchen table working furiously throughout the day while Riza pottered about the house. Again, there was no chance to talk properly.

On the third week when he fell asleep with his head on the table, drooling on his paperwork, Riza spoke to him properly for the first time.

"Mr. Mustang?" she called cautiously.

Roy grunted quietly in response but didn't wake.

"Mr. Mustang?" she tried again, inching closer and giving his shoulder a poke. After getting no response again, she raised her voice, bringing her head close to his face. "Mr. Mustang!"

Roy's head snapped up, piece of paper stuck to his face. Snatching it off his face, he felt heat creep up into his face as he looked into her eyes.

"You were asleep."

"Uh… I guess I was," he replied sheepishly. He gathered his pages together once more and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He expected a lot of work but this workload blew those expectations out of the water. This was literally eating, sleeping, and breathing alchemy.

"My father likes to push his apprentices hard in the beginning," she informs him quietly, stepping up to the sink to wash the dishes from lunch. Roy turned to look at her back, surprised. This was the most she had spoken to him since his arrival. He sure as hell wasn't going to waste it. "He likes to overload them to see if they have what it takes."

Roy snapped his mouth shut, which had been hanging open. He clenched his fist in determination. "I _do_ have what it takes. I'll prove it to him, no problem."

Riza paused in her washing for a moment before continuing once more. Roy might have been dreaming, but he could have sworn he saw her shoulders relax slightly. Her voice softened. "Don't let him catch you sleeping, then."

Roy grinned at her back, swivelling back around in his chair. "Right!" Picking up his pen to write, he paused once more. "Thank you."

Not much else was said on the matter, but the silence that hung between them didn't appear to be as awkward as before.

* * *

Not much is known about soulmates. Scientists have studied it for years, but no real progress can be made because it is something that simply cannot be measured accurately. It just _is_. It's the way of the universe and no one really questions it. The same goes for alchemy.

Since both souls are tied together, whether it is through love or through platonic friendship, feelings become shared. Love is intensified. Their friendship becomes strong companionship.

The worst part, though, is the pain.

Religious leaders theorise it is their God's way of reminding the couple that they are tied together indefinitely and that they must love and protect each other always. Those who do not believe in religious reasoning insist it is a way for people to live in harmony. If everyone is tied to someone in that way then fighting between humans would stop. To put it simply, nobody would want to get hurt because it would hurt their soulmate.

In theory.

In an ideal world.

Of course, the human race always has that burning need for war, so that reasoning was ruled out years ago. Ever since Xerxes disappeared overnight. Science has yet to determine another solid reasoning since then, having just accepted the concept as it is, just two souls tied together. It had been replaced by alchemy, no longer holding the interest of the majority of the scientific community.

In order to maintain efficiency of the military, only those who have yet to discover their soulmate can enlist. If they have, only one half can join, leaving the other sitting at home, wondering if their significant other would die that day, and they would feel it happening, but not be able to do a damn thing about it. It wouldn't do if both halves of the soul were fighting in the same war, only to have one soldier die, leaving another unable to function. After all, why lose two soldiers when you could only lose one?

So when Roy joined, it wasn't an issue. He loathed to leave Riza, but he had great ambitions and she told him to go. He never dreamed he would see her in Ishval. How had she even gotten _in_ the military? She had to have lied. But… why? She knew what could happen if they were caught. She knew the penalty. The threat of Riza Hawkeye being court martialled almost made him vomit every day. Since she was the second to join – a couple of years after him – she would be the one who was punished because she already knew the consequences but did it anyway. Then where would he be? If she was killed he would be useless. Of course, he discovered in Ishval that he loved her so much that, regardless of being soulmates, he would be useless without her anyway.

He had first discovered it after she made her first kill. As kids they never spoke about the bond they shared. The only time it had been brought up was at her father's funeral. In all the years they had been together, _that_ was the first time they had a serious conversation regarding their soulmate status. So when he had found her looking dazed and wandering through the camp, he pulled her aside to talk. He could see her emotional pain no mater how much Riza tried to hide it. He could see how much she was struggling with taking another life. Of course he needed to talk to her.

The legend says that once you accept your love for the other person – whether it is romantic or platonic – that is when you begin to experience what the other is feeling. The _only_ thing Roy Mustang needed to do was not fall in love with Riza Hawkeye and everything would be fine. But he had ruined it. How could he not fall in love with her when she was crying in his sandy tent in that warzone, clinging to him so tightly? How could he not, when all he wanted to do was take away all her pain and suffering and protect her from it all. She was here because of _his_ dream. Roy had caused this.

That was when he fell in love with Riza Hawkeye.

It was a love so intense and so extreme that it took his breath away once more. Riza stilled upon realising it, looking up from Roy's hold and into his eyes. Nothing needed to be said. They both knew the gravity of their situation. So Roy placed her head back on his shoulder and held her until it was dark. He didn't miss the way she curled in on herself, pressing her body against his to draw them even closer together.

They didn't discuss that moment ever again. He didn't see her much in Ishval, but there was always the constant worry, the constant anticipation, in the back of his mind that she might be killed. The same ran through her mind. She had berated him hard enough when he had been shot by the Ishvallan, but it was only because Riza had been scared. She didn't know how to properly react to the thought of him dying, so she lashed out at him.

When he burned her back that was the first time they realised they shared the same pain.

In Ishval they were both so dejected and traumatised they didn't really notice that they were sharing the same feelings. Those two feelings were both prevalent for the two souls already.

But burning her back…

"Are you ready?" Roy asked, swallowing hard. He looked at her back, marvelling at its smoothness and ignoring the tattoo marring her skin. When he saw it the first time he felt ill. Then he felt anger. Riza had soothed him, understanding his anger while neglecting to inform Roy that she felt it also.

"I wanted to make him proud," she had told him, eyes cast down as they had done so often when her father was alive.

"Yes," Riza breathed shivering against the cool air in the room. Roy felt his own skin prickle as a draught blew into the room, despite the fact he was wearing his military blues. He chalked it up to what he was about to do, rather than the room temperature.

"Please," Riza whispered, throwing Roy off. "Please free me from this burden."

"Right," Roy replied, shifting his stance and readying himself once more. "I love you, Riza," he whispered. She nodded, repeating the sentiment back to him.

Riza clutched the pillow she was holding tightly a second before he snapped. Roy watched her do it and it tore at his chest. However all thought of that flew out of his mind a second later. It took him a bit to register it but then his own screams mixed in with hers as his entire back erupted in pain. He gasped and fell to his knees on the floor. Pain seared his back. His left shoulder felt like it was on fire.

Just like Riza's… The thought was brief and through the fog of pain Roy couldn't cling on to it.

Roy's body convulsed on the floor as pain wracked his body. What was this? Why was he in so much _pain_? His flesh burned as his vision turned a blinding white. He was struggling to breathe. His throat closed off and no air entered his lungs.

He blacked out.

"Roy…" Riza croaked, inching over to him while still on the bed. He heard it briefly through his consciousness.

His eyes popped open and he gasped. The pain on his back had lessened, but only slightly. It stung with such a ferocity it still felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Roy, are you okay?" she gasped from above him.

He groaned, rolling over onto his right side in an attempt to stand.

"What happened?" he panted, propping himself up onto his knees. Riza remained on the bed, face contorted in pain. Despite everything she was still trying to make sure he was okay.

"You –" Riza grit her teeth as another wave of pain washed over her. Roy fell back to his knees, one hand on the bed to catch himself. He experienced his own pain rushing through him… But _why_? "You passed out."

Pushing through the pain he rose to his feet and sat heavily on the bed. One look at Riza's back caused bile to rise in his throat. On her left shoulder blade the skin was puckered and blistered already. The angry red colour of her freshly burnt skin jumped out at him, the sight shooting pain right into his heart.

"Roy." His eyes snapped up to hers. Sweat covered her skin and her expression was still pained, breathing heavy as she tried to control it. "What happened?"

"I – I don't know," he replied. He winced at the pain on his left. "As soon as I snapped I felt this pain on my back –" He cut himself off, his eyes widening in a perfect mirror of Riza's.

When researching it before Roy left for the military – they didn't find much in the town library – they discovered that after admitting their love for the other person soulmates begin to share feelings with one another. A little fact both of them had overlooked leading up to this event. After all, they both shared the exact same feelings in Ishval that they never had cause to remember it. Riza had never mentioned feeling any pain when he had been shot. Perhaps she had been too scared to admit it.

"You could feel it?" Riza gasped, body shaking.

"I still can." He fell forward slightly, bracing his hands on the mattress to catch himself while Riza groaned in pain. "I'm so sorry," he gasped.

"Roy," she whispered.

"I'm so _sorry_."

Her hand gripped his tightly. "I wanted this."

"But I've hurt you so much." They both knew he wasn't just referring to burning her back. He had betrayed the trust she had put in him when revealing her back. He had preached about using for alchemy for good, promising he would do so, but he had only used it to murder.

"You made a promise to me. In Ishval." Her breath caught and they both experienced another wave of pain as a draught blew through the room, caressing Riza's exposed and burnt skin torturously. Roy stood shakily, swaying on his feet. He grit his teeth but moved to draw the curtains then slam the door shut. He was breathing heavily after completing his task. It was an effort even to remain upright in this amount of pain.

"Roy, you made a promise," Riza mumbled, the exhaustion of the situation taking its toll her. "Do you remember it?"

"I'd make it to the top." He grit his teeth, returning to the bed. "I would put a stop to Bradley's rule to stop this from happening again." His teeth ground together even harder. "We would make this world a better place together."

"Do it, please." Her hand latched onto his again. "Forget this. I wanted you to do this to me, remember that."

"How can I forget?" he whispered, desolate. "I _burned_ you," he choked.

"Because you'll promise me that you will."

"Riza…"

"Do it. Now. Otherwise I can't follow you."

That thought terrified him most of all.

"I promise."

Riza relaxed, her body sagging. "Thank you." Her eyes closed, shielding the true pain she felt from him. Not that it hid anything, he could feel her own pain as clear as day.

When she lost consciousness Roy gasped in relief, the pain on his back disappearing as quickly as it had come to him. He looked down at her face, partly in grief, partly in wonder. So, it seemed that if one of them was to fall unconscious then the pain disappeared.

Well, that was one blessing of this whole mess.

His body was an extension of hers, and vice versa. That was the true meaning of soulmates. They were tied together in every way shape and form. It was more of a blessing than a curse for normal people. For them, it was a curse.

* * *

In their current situation, of course, they pretended they weren't soulmates. It put to rest any rumours about them because not even a straight laced soldier like Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye would join the military and work under her soulmate. She was too by the book to do that. Roy Mustang was a womanizer, proclaiming frequently he was simply searching for his soulmate with that smirk that made all those woman swoon.

It made him feel nauseous.

Being so close to Riza at all times and being unable to do anything about it plagued him daily. She had always been very good at hiding her feelings. Roy, on the other hand, had not, but he had done it for her. That reminder that she would be court martialled for even working with him hung over his head every day.

When the homunculi appeared their cover was almost blown.

Roy choked as he ascended the stairs to the bell tower, a hand flying to his throat as he crashed heavily into the wall. Whatever was attacking Riza was killing her. His throat burned but he pushed onwards and upwards.

The pressure on his neck loosened suddenly and he gaped loudly, sucking in oxygen. Barking then childlike shouts echoed down the stairwell. _Hayate_. He would make that dog a General if he could. _Good boy, Hayate_. As soon as he laid eyes on the homunculus he didn't hesitate, Roy sent that thing out of the window so fast it was gone in the blink of an eye.

He had been lucky no other members of the team had been around as he made his way up to her position otherwise his secret would have been given away. His team were loyal to them both and there was no doubt in his mind that they wouldn't breathe a word. Hell, they probably already knew, but Roy knew they weren't stupid enough to ever bring it up. There was no telling who would be listening.

Again, his main worry was for Riza. After Ishval they wouldn't harm the famous Flame Alchemist. It would upset the public too much so they would punish the Hawk's Eye instead, as sickening as that sounded. They wouldn't kill the Hero of Ishval, a national symbol.

So, Roy's only thoughts after being stabbed by Lust was how it would affect Riza. His side was in agony as he closed the wound. He almost passed out and if Lust was heading towards Riza now he needed her to be at her full strength until he arrived. Plus, the last thing he needed was for them to discover they were soulmates. That would make things ten times more difficult and they would be used against each other.

As he lay on that white floor, eyes finding Riza's wet ones, he smiled. The threat was gone for the moment and she was unharmed. Roy, on the other hand, felt his pain flare up as blood seeped for his wound. It had opened up after he had fallen.

"Does he know?" Roy whispered quietly after Alphonse left the room to run for help for Havoc. His face contorted in pain and Riza's grip on his hand tightened in response. From the pained look in her face, Roy knew she was feeling it too. Subconsciously a hand rose to her side, gripping the same spot he had been stabbed.

"Yes."

Roy stiffened but sighed. He would need to have a discussion with Alphonse about this. It couldn't get out.

"He won't tell anyone," Riza replied softly.

"Why?" he asked, wincing in pain.

"Because he knows just how much is at stake." Her cryptic message was too much for him to figure out right now. He would just trust Riza would fill him in later.

* * *

"I won't kill her," Bradley added conversationally, as if discussing the weather. "If I did you would become useless."

Roy felt his stomach drop. He had become complacent with Riza as his soulmate. They played their game so well that no one even had an inkling they were connected to one another. Rumours had stopped and moved onto something else, taking the attention away from them both. Once this had happened, Roy relaxed and that was the biggest mistake of them all. It was only once Bradley revealed he knew all about their little secret did Roy feel that fresh terror return.

He had researched soulmates in more recent years, using Central Library to his full advantage. If Riza was to die it would feel like he had truly lost a part of himself, like losing a limb. He would cease to function anywhere from a short to a long period of time. Some went insane after losing their loved ones, others simply shut down. That feeling of grief and hopelessness never truly went away.

"And we need you to be useful, Mustang," the Fuhrer warned, his one eye training on Roy. "Make no mistake, though. If you step a foot out of line then we will kill her, whether we need you functioning or not. At least then we won't need to worry about you sneaking around if you're incapacitated."

They would kill Riza just to keep him in line. If he lost her… He would be a shell of his former self, there was no doubt in his mind about that. No will to live, no drive to fight them…

This truly was a curse for them both.

It should be happy, it should be wonderful… But after what they had done in Ishval, Roy and Riza knew they didn't deserve it. This soulmates curse was just another punishment for their sins.

* * *

"Lieutenant!" he screamed. His own neck burned with pain but he could hardly care. The only thought was that she was _dying_ and he needed to do something to stop it. He could feel what she was feeling, he knew how much it hurt. Her eyes met his and he could see the determination in hers, he could even feel a sliver of it residing in his chest, but she could also feel the desperation in him.

That's why they never really communicated what they were feeling. They always knew what the other was experiencing. It did, however, mean that no matter how much she downplayed her injuries to her fellow officers in order for them not to worry about her, Roy knew exactly how she was feeling. Riza used that to her advantage, downplaying it to him. They couldn't reveal the fact they were soulmates so whenever she assured him she was fine, and Roy knew she _really_ wasn't, he just had to accept it and move on.

He wouldn't do that now.

"I won't die," she breathed into the room. "I'm under strict orders not to die."

He _wanted_ to believe her but he could feel the pain in his neck lessening. She was fading from consciousness and didn't have much time left. Panic seized him and he heard Riza gasp in response. He strained forward as far as he could, needing to be as close to her as possible. He needed to hold her. He needed to _help_ her.

"We knew she was the one," the doctor replied gleefully. "Now, all you need to do is open the portal and she will be fine. You can save both her life and yours because once she's gone…" he laughed maniacally before his voice turned deadly. "You will be _useless_."

Her eyes slid up towards the ceiling before blinking closed for longer than usual. Roy's heart leapt into his throat as he thought she had passed out.

"Lieutenant, open your eyes!" he commanded desperately. "No," Roy whispered. He was transported back to years ago when he burned Riza' back. When she passed out his pain disappeared. Now, watching her eyes flutter closed despite her bravado about being ordered not to die, he no longer felt the pain in his neck.

She was almost gone.

"Lieutenant!" he screamed. The grip on his right arm loosened. Eyes snapping up he saw one of the Xingese girl's knives embedded in the arm of his captor. Wrenching his arm free he grabbed the sword, stabbing the other in the leg. In a burst of energy he was on his feet. The pain that had disappeared from his neck was all that fuelled him. Despite how awful it felt, despite the fact it would hurt Riza, he would do anything to bring that pain back right now. If he brought it back that meant she was still conscious and one step further away from death than she was now.

Gathering her up into his arms Roy begged her to open her eyes. There was an impending feeling of finality creeping up on him.

"Lieutenant, please, open your eyes!" he called, giving her body a squeeze. "You have to wake up. We promised we would fight this together." Roy swallowed past the lump in his throat. "You promised you would stay by my side. You can't leave now."

Nothing.

"I'm nothing without you."

"Let me help!" Mei Chang commanded. She threw her knifes down and within a couple of seconds she had performed a transmutation. Roy gasped as pain flared in his neck, but it was duller than before. He winced, a hand automatically flying up to the affected area, but the relief he felt overcame it all.

He scooped Riza into his arms, burying his face in her hair. He breathed in her scent, feeling her chest rise and fall with her breaths. She was _alive_.

The worst of it was over for the moment.

Or that was what he thought.

As if fate or god or _whoever_ didn't think it was hilarious enough already to pin them as soulmates, they didn't even get a chance to rest. Bradley pounced on him without a moment's hesitation and Roy's fear intensified both from his own and from Riza's. This was the first time he had felt such a raw emotion coming from her. She rarely showed it, even to him. Emotions were easy to bury when it mattered. He had only ever been privy to her pain.

One thing he didn't count on was what would happen after he opened the gate. When the swords pierced his hands he heard her gasp, the sound echoing his own strangled yell. Their screams mixed once more as it felt like his body was being torn apart to go through the gate.

"Colonel!" Riza screamed for him as pain enveloped his entire body.

Then it was gone.

* * *

"Colonel," he heard Riza whisper to his right. "Your eyes…"

"Are you all right, Lieutenant?"

The battle with Father was over. They had been taken to a military hospital nearby and patched up. That hadn't been pleasant as Roy felt every time the needle pierced Riza's skin as she got the stitches on her neck. He simply lay in bed, staring up at a ceiling he couldn't see while his hands were clenched by his side.

Silence. His heart beat wildly in his chest in anticipation. His hands reached out for her, needing to feel she was there and that she was all right. The pain was still present in his neck, so he knew she was alive, but he needed to confirm it.

"I'm all right."

He breathed in response, relief flooding his body. Riza grabbed his hand tightly, giving it a squeeze to reassure him that she understood his concern. They were soulmates, after all. She could feel the relief he was experiencing right now and the panic that had swelled within him when she didn't reply right away.

"My wound will heal nicely, they said. All thanks to Mei."

"Good." Silence fell once more as Roy formulated his next question. He had so many he needed answered so he decided to get the most important ones out of the way first. "Did you feel it?"

"Sir?"

"Did you feel any pain… when I lost my eyesight?" Riza remained quiet, the silence eating at him. "Riza…"

"I did."

Roy stiffened. "How bad was it?"

God, he wanted to look at her face to see her eyes. Emotions were shared between soulmates but they were easy to hide. Riza had been doing it for years. Pain, however, was not easy to hide, that was why it was so prevalent in every soulmate bond. In a time when he needed to see just how much it had affected her, he couldn't.

That was what he had been focussed on for so long, after all, just how much his pain would affect her without any real concern for himself.

"It stung. My head…" Roy squeezed her hand, prompting her to continue. They always knew how the other was feeling so never needed to relay it back out loud. This was something new for Riza but Roy was extremely grateful that she was doing this for him, especially now when he couldn't pick up on her cues. "It felt like a headache. Like a stabbing pain behind my eyes."

"I'm sorry."

Riza sighed in frustration. "There is nothing to apologise for. What happened to me… Well, that was much worse."

"I thought you'd died." Roy swallowed. When the feeling of grief threatened to overwhelm him he felt both Riza's hands grasp him and she exhaled. Roy followed suit, letting it all out in a breath. "Well, you can probably tell already how much that affected me."

"You were so scared."

"I thought I was going to lose you."

"I felt you straining. I felt their grip on you tighten."

"I couldn't let you die alone."

"You fought for me," she added simply, as if only now realising it.

"Of course. Where would I be without you?"

Roy felt her tears build in her chest. He lifted a hand to her face, fingers becoming wet as he confirmed what he felt through their bond.

"Why are you crying?"

"Because I would be lost without you too," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too, my soulmate."


	5. soulmate part 2

**sam i blame you for this bc i couldn't get the idea out of my head dhafgf but i love you for it**

 **a (sort of) part two to soulmates but just one scene written from riza's pov ;)**

* * *

 _ **soulmate**_

Riza gasped, hands flying to her side. Pain pierced her lower abdomen. It was so unbearable she almost blacked out. Her vision greyed at the edges and she felt anguish fill her entire being. The hand she had thrown out to steady herself hit Alphonse's metal body with a _thump_. Riza vaguely remembered hearing him gasp at the sudden change in her demeanour. The hand was unable to find any purchase against his armour and slid down towards his legs, finally sliding off. She had been brought to her knees, the phantom pain gripping her in its clutches, incapacitating her and unwilling to let go.

"Lieutenant!" Alphonse called, lowering to a crouch. His hands rested on her shoulders while her head bowed forward. "Are you okay?"

She didn't reply, only continued to grip her side as a sob escaped her.

Now she knew how Roy felt when he burned her back. This was _awful_. Why was this happening? What had he done? The pain blocked any coherent thought from forming in her mind. She couldn't focus on anything else.

Then terror, pure and unadulterated, consumed her very being.

He was dying.

He had been stabbed in the stomach and he was dying.

 _She had to get to him_.

"Lieutenant," Alphonse urged quietly, giving her shoulders a shake. "Someone is coming!" he whispered fearfully. "You need to stand."

"I can't," Riza gasped as pain continued to flare in her side. _No, no, no! Roy!_

"You _must_. You can't let them know."

"I need… I need to go to him!"

Alphonse's eyes met hers and he said nothing. He would be able to see the pain in her eyes. He would be able to sense her urgency because that was what Alphonse Elric _did_. He was so in tune with the situation around him that he would recognise why Riza needed to leave without her relaying the why.

"You _can't_." His hands tightened on her shoulders once helping her to her feet, like he didn't trust her not to run away. "They _can't_ know you are soulmates." He whispered the last word, as if afraid someone would overhear. "Especially about you two because they will use it against you."

Riza was struck by his earnest.

"How –" She was cut off by another wave of pain. Roy was wracked with pain somewhere in this complex and she was sitting here snivelling about it. She needed to protect him. That was her job.

"I can read the signs," Alphonse replied softly.

Before they could go any further with their conversation a woman entered the room.

Riza stiffened. She would protect him from here. If they found out they were soulmates Riza would be court martialled. If she was imprisoned that would be fine but if Bradley saw fit to kill her then Roy would be a shell of his former self, unable to function properly. He wouldn't be able to make the world a better place.

She would do it for him. She was an expert at hiding her emotions and pretending, after all. She would pretend that her side wasn't on fire and that she didn't need to vomit from the pain she felt there while the homunculus droned on. Riza had jumped when Lust skewered Barry the Chopper's body. Her hands trembled as they gripped her gun tightly. It was becoming too much to focus on the conversation.

 _Please, Roy. Just hang on. I'm coming!_

"Now then, where were we?" Lust asked conversationally, now that Barry was dealt with. "I think I was about to send the Lieutenant to join her superior."

Join him? Join him where? He was alive. She could feel it, he wasn't dead. So why?

Then Riza realised… The pain in her side was gone. There was nothing there just… emptiness.

The world around her stuttered to a stop.

"Wait a minute…" The gun in her hands began to shake. Panic welled inside her. _No, no, no, no, no! He can't be dead! He_ can't _be!_ "So when you said you'd already had to kill someone…" Riza felt like she might throw up. She screamed for him in her mind, hoping he would be able to reply or... or… something! Riza had never wanted to feel pain more in her entire life. The presence of his pain meant he was alive. "It can't be. You didn't!"

Lust's smirk is what sent her over the edge.

" _You bitch!_ " Riza screamed, pouring every emotion she felt, every bit of pain in her chest into those shots. She howled at Lust, whipping out her third and last gun when the clip ran out of the other two.

 _Roy couldn't be dead! He_ couldn't _be! He promised her! He promised he would never leave her again!_

Riza couldn't even feel satisfaction after each shot because the damn thing wouldn't _die_. Tears fell down her face, spent.

"Are you done?" Lust asked pitifully.

She was done.

Roy was gone. Her soulmate was dead. What was the point in living anymore if she would be without him?

That was the true meaning of these bonds. It was not to tie people together to make them happy. It was to remind them that life was cruel and life was unfair. It taught the lesson that although you may love someone with your entire being they can be ripped away from you in an instant.

She didn't even get to say goodbye. He could have died alone. Where was Havoc? Was he dead too?

Her soulmate was gone from this earth, leaving her behind.

"Such a sad and weak creature. Another typical human."

"Stand up Lieutenant. You need to get out of here."

"Do you want me to kill you first?"

Riza barely even registered Alphonse and Lust's conversation. Her eyes stared at the floor, desperately searching for an answer. Pain had gripped her entire being once more but she barely felt it. She was numb to it all, to the pain in her body, the pain in her heart, and the conversation happening around her. A breeze shifted her bangs, but Riza couldn't bring herself to raise her eyes from the floor. She could only register the fact that Alphonse was still here with her. He needed to leave. He needed to be _safe_. Alphonse still had purpose, he had so much left to accomplish.

"Listen, Alphonse. Leave me and save yourself."

"No." The determination in his voice stirred something within her but she couldn't grab a hold of it.

"Run!" she begged him. She had already lost one person today. She didn't need to lose another. If she could sacrifice herself so that boy could live then she would. He was too good to die here. Riza wasn't. She had murdered innocents and for what? No other reason than to exterminate a whole race of people. Of _human beings_. She was despicable.

Riza had researched and read what happens when one half of a soulmate dies. She would be useless now anyway.

"I _won't_."

"Go!"

"I won't leave you! I'm sick of watching people die and I can't just sit back and take it anymore!" _I am as good as gone now anyway, Alphonse._ "I won't let anyone else get killed! Not when I can protect them!"

"Well spoken, I couldn't agree more."

Riza gasped. Her head shot up, eyes desperate and searching but all she could see was the wall Alphonse had transmuted. _Was he… Was he_ alive _?!_ Riza didn't dare believe it. Before she could walk out there and see with her own eyes that Roy Mustang was alive and breathing Alphonse had her wrapped in his arms protectively, shielding her from the flames. She fought him desperately, trying to get to Roy.

She screamed to him over the sound of the flames. She could only hear snippets of their conversation. Lust's anguished screams and the flames overwhelmed her. Every time Riza moved Alphonse just tightened his grip.

 _He was alive._

 _He was_ alive.

There was a pain in her side again, an agony that felt so sweet and so, so welcome. Riza never enjoyed pain but the fact it was there meant her soulmate wasn't dead. She had never felt relief like it before. Alphonse only let go when he was sure Lust was gone. Riza pushed out of his hold and ran to his side.

"Are you okay?" she asked when Alphonse left to get help. Her gaze worriedly trailed down his body, settling on the wound on his side that Riza could feel herself. He grimaced in pain and Riza gasped at the same time, both experiencing the same wave of pain crashing through their bodies. "You need help," she choked, tears starting fresh.

"I'm all right," he murmured.

Riza's hand gripped his, the only source of comfort she could give him right now. Roy clasped it tightly, grabbing onto her like she was a lifeline. In a way, she was. Her soul was bound to his in every way.

"I thought you were dead," Riza sobbed, bringing her spare hand to her mouth. "Your pain disappeared and I thought you died."

"Hey," Roy soothed, head turning so he could get a good look at her face. He grunted as he lifted his arm and Riza felt their sides twinge in response. She opened her mouth to scold him, but stopped when his hand found her cheek. "I'm right here."

"But… but…" Riza didn't know what to say. She was so sure he had been dead. His pain had disappeared and she could no longer feel his presence. What had happened?

"I passed out," he replied. "When you passed out after I burnt your back the pain disappeared too." Riza stared down at him, in shock.

"You told Lust you _almost_ passed out from the pain."

His expression simpered. "A white lie."

"I'm sorry I never told you. In the aftermath of… that, and while treating your wounds it slipped my mind. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you like that."

"You scared me to _death_ ," Riza scolded lightly, gripping the hand on her cheek tightly. In a move so unlike her she leaned down, kissing him. What was the point in them being soulmates if they couldn't enjoy it, especially after a moment like this?

"Does he know?" Roy whispered quietly once he had recovered from his shock, eyes lazily moving towards the door. They were drooping closed, his exhaustion taking hold. The pain in her side flared as he lowered his hand, the grip on her hand tightening in response. She watched as his face contorted in pain. Riza didn't even notice she had brought a hand to her side in an attempt to stifle the pain.

"Yes." Roy stiffened but sighed. "He won't tell anyone," Riza replied softly, sure of her reply. Riza had suspected it for a while, but after her brief conversation with Alphonse before Lust entered, the boy knew all about soulmates and what they entailed because he had experienced it all before with his brother.

"Why?" Roy asked. Riza winced in pain.

"Because he knows just how much is at stake."


	6. you saved my life part 2

**AN: i'm still not entirely sure if IxiaLiliana was joking or not when they asked for a part two of this but t** **his oneshot would not leave me alone and my hand slipped**

 **enjoy!**

* * *

Roy didn't really know why he invited her in for coffee, it just slipped out. As Riza stepped across the threshold he panicked slightly. What was he doing? Why did he invite her in? Why did even _want_ to –

Her dog – finally named – barked happily in her arms and continued to lick her face happily.

Oh, right. He still had her dog.

"Through here," he ushered, walking through to the kitchen. He had been doing some paperwork on the breakfast bar in the centre of the room while he waited for his own coffee to finish brewing. Hastily, Roy cleared it all away while Riza stood in the doorway, unsure of herself. Hayate, oblivious of the slightly awkward air that had settled on the room, wagged his tail happily and looked up at Riza. "Take a seat," he offered with a smile. Riza nodded and perched gingerly on the stool.

"Thank you."

"How do you take your coffee?"

"Black, please."

"One black coffee, coming up."

"Thank you again," Riza began breaking the silence that had enveloped them both while Roy made another cup of coffee. He offered the first one to Riza, who took it after thanking him. "You… You saved my life," her voice softened. Roy couldn't see her face, he was still at the coffee maker, but he smiled happily to himself, enjoying the lilt of her voice and the softness of her tone.

"It was no trouble," he offered, because, really, what do you reply to that with?

"That sea…" Roy turned just in time to see her shudder. "You could have died trying to pull me out." She took a sip of her coffee. Roy didn't miss the way her shoulders curled in on themselves slightly, savouring either the taste or the warmth it provided.

"I don't think Hayate would have left me alone unless I did come and help," he grinned at the pup, reaching across the small distance to scratch behind his ears after perching upon the stool across from Riza. Hayate's only response was a yip.

"Roy," Riza stated, her tone commanding his attention. His gaze moved to hers and he was surprised by the seriousness of her face, the shining of her eyes. "You saved me. _Thank you._ " She sniffed, wiping her bruised cheek then wincing, obviously having forgotten the bruise was there. "I don't know how I can ever repay you."

Dropping his grin and quips, Roy noted the change in the conversation. Humour held no place here.

"I don't need payment. Like I said, seeing you up and about is enough for me. That's your payment."

Riza shook her head. "No. Not only did you do that, you looked after Hayate for me for a week. Let me at least pay you for –"

"Riza," Roy tried to interject, but she was having none of it.

"Please, I insist."

Roy sighed, admitting defeat. So, she was a stubborn one. So was he, but he knew when he was fighting a losing battle. They could argue about this for the rest of their lives and neither would back down.

"Fine. But _only_ for the dog food." Riza pursed her lips, unhappy with the compromise. "I won't take any payment for saving your life. Any decent person would. And I hated the thought of waking up the morning after to read about a dog walker who had died in the woods because I hadn't done anything about it."

Riza deliberated, biting her lip and looking away from him. Not that she met his eyes for very long anyway. Finally, she nodded. "Fine."

It didn't stop Roy from giving her a much less amount than what the dog food actually was. When Riza questioned it, he simply said it was on sale. From the narrowing of her eyes Roy knew she would be the type of person to go and check. She hated to owe anybody anything, Roy theorised.

But, perhaps the nearly full bag of dog food would come in useful after all. He had enjoyed having the pup around the house.

The two made easy conversation once their initial awkwardness was out of the way. Roy observed Riza was shy at first, not meeting his eyes directly and when she did, it was only for a couple of seconds before her gaze returned to her coffee cup. The longer they talked for, the more she seemed to come out of her shell. He wanted to say it was because of himself, but his ego wasn't that big. Well.

Before long they were laughing about this and that and Roy found himself truly enjoying her company. He had been feeling slightly lonely recently, missing home. He had moved here a year ago for his new job and he had made new friends but he still missed those he left behind in Central. This woman's Amestrian accent reminded him of that. It was a comfort.

They had been sitting chatting for an hour and a half before Riza announced she had to go. Their coffee had gone cold, forgotten about during their conversation. At least Riza had finished hers. He also didn't miss her shiver as she stood. Plus, she still had her jacket on Roy noticed with dismay. He hadn't even offered to take it from her. Hayate hopped down to the floor with ease, eyes looking back up at Riza expectantly.

"Are you cold?" Roy asked suddenly.

Riza shrugged. "A little. The doctor said it would take a while for my body to regulate its own temperature again. I just find it hard to get a heat in me sometimes."

"When did you get out the hospital?"

"This morning." His stomach fluttered delightfully at the thought that he was the first person she had come to upon leaving the hospital. "I missed Hayate too much," she smiled, but Roy saw the twinkle in her eyes.

"I completely understand. He's a good pup." Riza beamed happily, meeting his eyes again straight on. "Um, here's my number," Roy offered somewhat nervously. He reached across the island for the messy pile of business cards that had been scattered about the counter top in his haste to move his things to create space for them both. "Give me a call if you need anything. Even if you just need someone to talk to about it." He didn't know if Riza had nightmares about what happened. He had experienced some very vivid and unsettling dreams in the days following the incident. Talking to his Aunt about it helped, but perhaps talking to another person involved would help even more. After all, no one understood what had happened better than Riza.

Plus, at the hospital he had learned she had no family or friends here to call about what happened. She had been admitted once before, the nurse had told him, but offered no emergency contact details. Perhaps it was a ploy just to get a number off of him because he was involved and they could call him if anything drastic happened to her. It certainly worked.

"Um, thank you. I will."

"My phone is always on," he smiled. Riza's cheeks turned pink at his reassurance and Roy realised how that sounded. It was a bit forward of him, but it was the truth. "Oh," he added, sheepishly. "I mean genuinely, it _is_ always on. I'm always on call with my work."

Riza nodded but it didn't look like she believed him one bit. Roy didn't mind, plus he liked the wry smile that had appeared on her face.

"Will I see you again?" he blurted out. Embarrassment crept into his chest and he felt horrified. _Oh God, you idiot, what are you doing?!_

"I'd… I'd like that," Riza replied, her cheeks turning pink once again. It was equally a beautiful sight as the smile on her face.

Roy breathed in relief. _God, you are like a_ teenager _around this woman._ "Awesome! I mean, great. That would be great." He composed himself as Riza watched as he struggled, amusement clear on her face. Roy didn't really care at this point. "I would miss Hayate too much if you said no."

Riza laughed and it was one of the greatest things he had ever heard. The melodic sound made his heart sing. This was incredibly fast and probably a stupid thought for him to have, but Roy could picture himself falling in love with this woman. Her beautiful smile and enticing laugh… He wanted to know more about her.

Preferably not after another near-death experience.

Oh well. It was an interesting start to this fledgling relationship. It would make a good story for them at least.


	7. do you ever wonder

**AN: feel free to hate me i bask in the hatred for my angst**

* * *

" _ **do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you had never joined the military?"**_

A knock at the door jolted Riza from her focus on the paper beneath her hands. She stood wearily but was grateful for the reprieve from her writing. Writing that letter was making her heart heavier and heavier with each passing day she had put it off.

Since she had started writing each letter had not met its recipient. It had been a year since then and with every letter that was returned to her Riza felt her motivation to continue slipping. However, even if they got sent back she needed to get those words out there. It was her only way of conveying her true feelings, she had discovered. In this empty, decrepit home she didn't have anyone to speak them out loud to. Well, she smiled to herself, she had someone. But the person she really wanted to talk to was apparently unavailable.

Mr. Barns always says "no news is good news" far too cheerily for Riza's liking, but she still smiles at him regardless. It wouldn't do for her to get on anybody's bad side in the village. While her father had been living everyone avoided the home up the overgrown lane for a reason. Now Riza was the tenant, more and more people passed by without fear or animosity.

Still, even as each letter was posted back to its return address, Riza pressed forward. If the recipient couldn't read them then at least they were in for a hell of a surprise when they got home.

A cool draft curled around her ankles as she entered the hallway. Riza shivered and pulled her cardigan subconsciously tighter around her body. She really must do something about the insulation in this house. Ever since her father died she had been too preoccupied to devote any attention to it. Perhaps now was the time to be thinking about such things.

Riza opened the door as she always did, a heart full of hope, only for it to be crushed under the boot of the person before her. It was never who she wanted to see.

A soldier stood on her front porch, which Riza thought was odd. The war was over in Ishval and the troops occupying her village and the surrounding ones had all been shipped out a week ago.

The man in question was tall and dark haired. He wore glasses and there was a patch on his forehead, the tell-tale sign of a wound from the war. A military cap covered his dark hair and his royal blue uniform stood out in the soft greens and browns of the wilderness around her childhood home.

"Riza Hawkeye?" he queried.

"Yes? How can I help you?"

The soldier removed his cap and one lock of hair broke free from its restraint, falling across his forehead.

"I am Captain Maes Hughes. Pleasure to meet you ma'am." He saluted crisply, but his smile wavered.

Why did he look so pained all of a sudden?

"I come bearing some bad news I'm afraid."

His voice wobbled and he coughed midway through his sentence. Riza felt dread pool in her stomach. His tone was neutral but there was a hint of sadness to it. There was too much pain in his eyes for this simply to be "bad news". No, this was certainly not just bad news. He had come bearing the worst news Riza knew imaginable. She could feel the sense of foreboding deep in her bones.

Her hands trembled by her side. She shook her head. "No," she whispered, voice cracking.

"Miss Hawkeye-"

"No!" she sobbed, a hand flying to her mouth.

"Riza." He reached out to her in a show of comfort but Riza recoiled away. The only way he would know her name... The only way this stranger knew where she lived would be...

Would be because Roy Mustang had told him.

"Where is he?" she asked, whole body shaking. Tears had yet to fall but Riza's vision was blurring. The world before her was spinning and she could feel her legs shaking.

Maes' gaze never wavered and his own eyes watered. "Riza-"

" _Where is he_?"

Maes Hughes sighed quietly and composed himself. A mask slipped in place and when he spoke, it was all business and formality.

"It is with deepest regret that I am here to inform you that Major Roy Mustang was killed in action during the Ishvalan Civil War. He was a hero to his country and served it well." Maes saluted once more, hand trembling as his voice cracked on the last word, like a man who had practised this speech in his head numerous times but when it came to it, the confidence and professionalism he had sought out never arrived.

He kept talking, something about the state and her, the military offering its condolences, but Riza's world had just come to a standstill. She saw his lips moving, saw a tear escape from his left eye, but heard nothing. Not the sudden strong breeze that seemed to whip around her body, chilling her bones, not the blood roaring in her ears, nothing.

Her knees crumpled and so did her world. Before she hit the ground somebody caught her and pulled her in for a fierce hug. There was a small part of her mind that appeared to view this situation very clinically. It was very odd for this stranger to be acting this way. Why was he hugging her? Why was he crying? Riza could feel the tears hitting the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, voice thick. "He told me all about you and I –" Maes was cut off by a shuddering sigh. "I promised… He asked me to… Tell you, if anything ever went wrong."

Despite feeling numb and frozen in place, Riza manged to look up into Maes Hughes' eyes.

"He says he loves you."

Everything went dark after that. Whether she had passed out or was pressed against the blue of a military uniform, Riza didn't know. There was nothing else occupying her mind but the two words.

 _He's dead_.

Riza didn't hear Maes talking anymore. She didn't hear a door slamming somewhere in the house due to the force of the breeze from outside.

She didn't even hear the cry of an infant from inside the house.

* * *

 **my reasoning for roy dying in ishval is based off of riza shooting an ishvalan who tried to kill him. a theme throughout the ishval story is that "if i hadn't done it they would have just gotten someone else" and that's what i went with for this. yes, if riza hadn't been there someone would have taken her place, but no one is as good as riza hawkeye, are they?**


	8. i can't stand my own reflection

**AN: thank you waddiwasiwitch for the prompt on tumblr!**

 **note: i wasn't sure of riza's rank in ishval so i just went for private i know there is a document on the fma wiki stating what their ranks are throughout the series bc i've SEEN it but for the life of me i couldn't find it tonight skdjnfajk if anyone does know lmk and i'll change it because it's really annoying me tbh xD**

* * *

" _ **i can't stand my own reflection" / bedroom**_

"Sir?" Riza called uncertainly into the dim hallway. Her childhood home was quiet, not unlike it had been all those years ago. A lifetime ago… A life before war, suffering, and the murder of innocents.

A life before flames had invaded both their lives against their will, filling it with nothing but pain.

With no answer Riza shivered, clutching the thin sheet tighter to her chest. Her back was still healing so she couldn't wear her pyjama top, like she wished, to protect against the cold draughts that continued to breeze through the crumbling house. It should have made her uncomfortable to be so open and vulnerable, but not with Roy. Never with him.

Usually Roy slept in her bedroom in an uncomfortable chair to watch over her while she slept, changing the dressings on her burns every couple of hours. Riza asked him to sleep, begged him even, but he never did. Not properly. When he finally succumbed to exhaustion, it was in an armchair he had carried from the living room downstairs – a punishment inflicted upon himself. Guilt ate at him for burning her back, she knew it did. Riza hadn't anticipated the emotion to be so strong, but it was there in his eyes, in the way he held himself, and the way he rarely met her eyes when they spoke now.

However, when Riza awoke her bedroom was empty. After being confined to her bed for the last week she felt it was time to leave it. Without Roy to scold her and firmly guide her back to rest, Riza left her childhood bedroom and the oppressive walls. Cabin fever had well and truly set in days ago so with her protector gone for the time being, she jumped at the opportunity for escape. Although the cool air made her skin prickle with gooseflesh and made her back ache, she was still grateful to be up and out of that room.

It worried her when she couldn't find him right away. Roy hadn't really been alone since they got back from the war, Riza made sure of that. After departing the train in East City, they had both come here to deal with her father's research once and for all. Nightmares plagued them both, obviously, but Roy seemed to be affected by it more. Riza had awoken to the sound of him struggling in his sleep more than once.

After checking all rooms on the first floor, Riza paused outside the room she hadn't stepped a foot inside for years. Her hand hovering over the door handle, she gripped it tightly, letting loose a shaky breath, memories flooding her from years prior. She had stood before this door numerous times. Often, she had sat on the floor instead, staring at the closed door while leaning against the wall across from it, tears tracking down her cheeks as she wondered where she had gone so wrong in life, everyone she loved had abandoned her.

Entering through the door, she saw Roy standing in his old bedroom, facing the dusty mirror she hadn't cleaned since he left. In fact, Riza had opted to remain out of the room since Roy had joined the military, there were too many reminders of him in there, too many nights spent on the floor with alchemy worksheets spread between them as they tried to figure out her father's half-crazed writings. Too many nights spent simply together, whether it was just enjoying each other's presence, or discussing life and their futures.

Loneliness followed her like a shadow once more after Roy joined the military. The ache in her chest had been even greater than before because she had finally known what it was like to enjoy the company and companionship of another, but even Roy had left her, like everyone else she had ever known. Her mother, her father to his research, and then Roy for the military. She didn't blame him. He had ambitions and goals to achieve that Riza supported wholeheartedly, but it still stung. Her chest had still ached as she lay in her cold bed each night without his warmth to lull her to sleep.

In many ways Roy Mustang had essentially been her whole world. He had been the one to bring life back into her own, given her purpose, brought her happiness and love. After her isolated upbringing it was hard not to feel that way when he had been the first person to pay attention to her since her mother died. Her father certainly didn't, not in the ways he should.

Never in her wildest dreams did Riza imagine that he would feel the same way about her, but it was there, in the way he had cradled her aching body, whispering repeatedly how sorry he was, and when he had spoken forbidden words against her skin. Forbidden, because the path they were about to head down wouldn't allow such feelings between the two of them. Even through her haze of agony, Riza had felt relief. Not only was she finally free from her father's burden, she also felt loved, cared for, and wanted, something she had been lacking for most of her life. She no longer felt cast aside, like she was just at the edge of Roy's peripherals while he was in the centre of her vision.

For the first time in a long time, she felt peace.

She shouldn't, Riza had killed so many people in Ishval, but in that moment as Roy held her, she couldn't deny that she felt a brief period of happiness. Hughes' speech about returning home to his wife, happy, popped into her thoughts. They were both adamant they didn't deserve to be happy after what they had done, but there was still a niggle in her mind that what if Hughes was right? What if she could embrace this happiness with her blood-stained hands all the while still trying to atone for her sins?

A question for another time as she noticed the look on Roy's face. Her breath caught in her throat and she gasped quietly.

He looked desolate in the moonlight. Dark circles looked like bruises under his eyes. Riza never noticed how thin he looked. His clothes hung off his frame, baggier than they should have been. His hair was a mess, sticking up in different directions all over, like he had been running his hands through it constantly. His eyes were red rimmed, like he had been crying.

At the sound of her entering, Roy didn't even budge. Riza called to him, shuffling slowly closer. She discovered his eyes weren't actually looking at himself in the mirror, they were fixated on the wall above it.

"I can't do it…" he whispered. It appeared as if he were miles away, talking to himself.

"Can't do what?" Riza asked quietly, all thoughts of referring to him as her superior gone in an instant. He was struggling and he needed Riza right now, not Private Hawkeye. Riza didn't think she could bring herself to do it either, not after seeing the haunted look in his eyes.

"I can't even look at myself," he whispered.

Riza shivered with the cold, moving around his frozen body to stand before him. He was so far away from her right now… Riza was of no use to him if she couldn't bring him back from this.

"Roy? Look at me." He didn't seem to hear her.

"I can't stand my own reflection," he continued, unaware of Riza in front of him. "All I see is a monster staring back at me."

With one hand she placed it on his chest, hoping the contact would draw him back to her. "Roy."

Slowly, his eyes drifted down to her face and something in her broke at the look in his face. Her chest ached because she knew it was the same way she felt inside. Riza hadn't intended this to happen. She hadn't intended him to get so beaten down and hurt by the knowledge she had gifted him. This was as much her fault as his.

He blinked once then started, as if realising who it was that was in front of him.

"Riza! You shouldn't be out of bed," he stuttered, choking on his emotions as he returned to the present. "Please," he gripped her hand tightly. The word was spoken like a prayer and Riza knew it wasn't just to ask her to return to bed. She saw the pain in her eyes. It was a prayer for her to make the pain go away. "Please, go back to bed."

Riza searched his eyes, confirming what she guessed to be true.

Like Roy, Riza also wanted the pain to stop. However, they had made their choices. They had both been adults when they chose to fight in Ishval. So, although they both couldn't look at themselves in the mirror, they would bear it. They had made a promise to each other that they would stop this from happening in the future to protect the next generation.

"Riza, please," he begged, body beginning to shake. "I can't… I hurt you and I'm so _sorry_."

Riza hushed him, placing a hand on back of his neck and pulling his head down to her shoulders. He wrapped his arms around her waist, mindful of her injuries. His warm hands hit her cool skin and Riza shivered but not from the cold. His fingers dug into her skin, but there was no pain, just the desperation of a man suffering for his sins.

"I'm useless," he whispered. "A superior doesn't hurt their subordinates like this. A… friend doesn't either." His arms tightened around her as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.

Not missing the way he tripped over the word "friend", Riza clutched at his neck tighter in response, fingers stroking his skin in an attempt to soothe him. They were so much more than that, but for the purpose of their upcoming task they had to pretend that was all they were.

"You set me free," she whispered into his hair. "Remember that. You set me free from my father and are giving me the chance to live as Riza Hawkeye and not as my father's notebook."

His body shuddered and her skin turned wet under his tears. Riza felt her own cheeks wet also as the two stood in the centre of Roy's old bedroom, clutching each other like a life raft. In order to stay afloat, they would hold each other for as long as it took. The monster inside them wouldn't take them just yet.

It wouldn't be easy, but, maybe, in time, they would be able to find peace with their reflection and the monster staring back at them.


	9. you're better than this

**AN: another tumblr prompt. thank you shadows-of-1832!**

* * *

" _ **you're better than this" / nighttime**_

The sand billowed around the soldier's ankles as they walked through the cold night air. The wind blew the course substance into his eyes, but Major Mustang barely flinched. It was what he deserved, he supposed. He blinked to rid the grit from his eyes but made no effort to ease the affair with his hands.

"Sir?" a voice called to him quietly. In the quiet outskirts of camp, it carried the distance between them. Roy cursed internally, not ready to face the woman who had entrusted her secrets to him, only for Roy to use to cause the destruction before him. He had vowed to help the people, not murder the innocents.

 _Yet, you're still doing it aren't you? Bastard._

"Sir," Hawkeye admonished, her tone disapproving at his late-night wander through camp. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

"Couldn't sleep," he replied, voice gruff. He continued to blink away the grit, but it didn't want to budge. "What are you doing up, Private?" he retorted, needing to shift the focus away from himself. He was in no mood or frame of mind to discuss his wellbeing at the moment.

Hawkeye was quiet for a moment. "My unit just returned from patrol."

That was when he finally met her eyes. They looked as haunted as he felt, and his heart clenched in his chest. He never wanted this for her. She deserved better. Look where his naive and foolish comments had gotten them both. Stuck in this hell hole, murdering innocent people who didn't deserve it. The least he could do was meet her eyes as she spoke to him. He would remember that look in her eyes, the horrified expression on her face. They would haunt him for the rest of his life, just like this war.

She had killed again tonight, he knew it. There was a terrified spark in her eyes, one that made him want to wrap her in his arms and protect her from the horrors of the war he had dragged her into.

Although she looked terrified, there was no look asking him to comfort her. She bore her sins, like he did. They both felt like they didn't deserve each other's comfort but craved it, nonetheless.

"We, uh…" Hawkeye coughed as she stumbled over her words, an uncharacteristic trait. Roy felt surprise and remorse fill his chest. Surprise at the unlikely behaviour, and remorse because he knew it was this place that was causing it. He had seen more than one soldier succumb to the mental torture this war pushed on them. Major Armstrong had been publicly demoted and deployed back to East City that morning. "We, uh…" Riza tried again more successfully. "We were stationed in a residential area tonight."

Roy felt his heart stop. From her words he knew _exactly_ what she meant. She had killed families, _children_ , torn them apart, gotten up close and personal with their deaths. For him he could at least hide around a corner as he murdered them. A blessing that wasn't really a blessing at all. After all, their screams found him no matter where he stood. He was a coward, plain and simple. Hawkeye was stronger than him to do what she did. She always had been.

He blinked as her face crumpled, a hand raising to cover her face. Roy watched as Hawkeye's shoulders curved in and shook as she cried. Quiet gasps reached him in the night, and something kept him rooted to the spot. He theorised it was the shock at seeing Riza Hawkeye cry for the first time.

 _You're better than this, Roy_. _You caused this. Don't let her suffer for your sins too._

Unable to hold back, and thanks to the nudge in his mind, he approached Riza with hurried strides, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, muffling her sobs in his dusty, dirty uniform. In the cold desert air, Riza's sobs carried up into the night sky, blanketing over Roy's very soul and constricting it painfully.


	10. i never meant to hurt you

**AN: WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH**

 **this is all silas' fault so blame them**

* * *

" _ **i never meant to hurt you"**_

"Lieutenant," Roy croaked, his voice finally breaking under the pressure of everything he was experiencing in that moment. His restraints tore at his skin causing blood to seep from the wounds. They were impossibly sharp, grating against his skin. It was agony. "Lieutenant, please," he begged.

Riza Hawkeye struggled before him. Roy saw it in her eyes. The darkness in them cleared for a split second and she gasped quietly. Her body shuddered in that one moment of clarity, the gun in her grip shaking.

"I'm…" That was all she managed to get out, her voice strangled.

"Hawkeye," Roy begged, seeing the gun rise once more to train on his head. "Riza, please." His voice broke then and so did something in his chest.

It was oddly poetic that Riza was the one to kill him like this. He had given her permission to shoot him should he stray from the path, but it was _her_ who had strayed from the path. Pride had overtaken her body too easily. Roy had tried to break through to her, he really had, but he was too weak. He couldn't save the woman he loved from a fate Roy knew she would have been horrified to live through.

Riza was trapped as a homunculus and Roy couldn't save her from it.

She had always been the one to save his dumb ass from a danger like this, and Roy couldn't even return the favour.

The shadows restraining his arms and legs bit tighter, cutting into his flesh. He cried out, unable to help himself. They cut deep, causing more blood to pour onto the concrete ground below him. The shadows slammed him down suddenly to the floor. Dazed, Roy lay on the stone, face pressing painfully into the cold ground.

"Riza, I'm so sorry," he mumbled against it. "I'm sorry… For everything."

Under the pressure of Pride's shadows, he craned his neck up to look at her, not caring that the black strands were cutting into his skin. What was the point in caring now? He knew he was going to die, he knew this was the end.

His only regret was it would be Riza that killed him.

It had already killed him to know that she had no say in the matter. The homunculus had taken over completely already.

He regretted that he hadn't been able to get to her in time and now Riza Hawkeye was going to kill him.

The thought horrified him, terrified him. It tore up his insides because being killed by the woman he loved was _not_ how his story was meant to end. It was not how things were supposed to happen.

Yet, here they were, in the tunnels under Central Command.

His biggest concern right now was that he knew Riza was still in there somewhere. That moment of clarity, however brief it had been, had confirmed the hope he had foolishly held onto. Everyone told him not to believe it, not to get his hopes up because it would no doubt end in tragedy.

This was definitely a fucking tragedy, but only because it meant Riza was aware of her actions, she just couldn't stop them. She would tear herself up because of this, that was the person she was, and that's not what Roy wanted. He didn't want her to blame herself, should she get her body back. Riza needed to keep on fighting. She needed to stay strong to beat Pride and help the Elrics beat Father.

"Colonel," she gasped, the gun shaking. "I can't…" Hope filled him briefly. Maybe there was a chance…? "I can't stop this," she whispered. She was horrified.

Roy's stomach sank.

"Riza?" he called. Her brown eyes jerked down to meet his head on. The whisky brown colour he had grown to love over the years. "It's okay."

Peace filled him. Roy knew why, he just didn't want to acknowledge it. Not yet. Not while he still had to speak to her.

"It's okay, I forgive you," he whispered as she shook her head, eyes wide and frantic, begging him to get away and stop this from happening like he always did.

"It's _not_ ," she choked out.

"I love you."

Her body stiffened then a shot went off.

A split second later she heard Riza scream his name. Pain erupted throughout his back. He may have chuckled to himself about the irony of her shooting him in the back she had sworn to protect without a prompt. If he wasn't in so much pain, he just might have.

Another rang out, hitting his flesh and vital organs, and Riza screamed again.

Blood entered his throat and Roy coughed it up, spitting his life onto the cold and unforgiving floor.

"No!" Riza Hawkeye screamed.

The pressure on him was gone in an instant.

"No, no, no," Riza sobbed, rolling him onto his side. Roy gasped and his vision greyed, the edges darkening.

 _This is it._

"Roy!" she sobbed, her face scrunched up in horror and grief. "No, this can't happen. I'm… I'm…" Riza vomited onto the floor, entire body shuddering as she tried to find her breath.

"I… love… you," he whispered.

"I… I never meant – I never meant for this to happen," she whispered through her tears. "I never meant to hurt you. I tried to stop. I tried –" She cut herself off, overwhelmed by her grief and the result of her actions.

He lifted a hand to her cheek, feebly brushing against it. "Don't cry…" he told her as she sobbed, her hands desperately moving against his face to try and keep him with her. She brought her face down to his, pressing their foreheads together, hard. "I forgive you."

Lips were crushed against his as Roy felt himself become lighter.

As Roy Mustang left this earth, he heard Riza Hawkeye screaming his name. It was a noise that sounded inhuman as she sobbed. His body had numbed, and his brain slowly begun to shut down.

Riza may have killed him, but it was her body that did it, not _her_. That was evident in her reaction. Pride had taken over and made her perform the task she feared most of all.

 _Bastard_.

Roy supposed this was his payment for everything he had done in life. He had always said that Riza had permission to shoot him should he stray from his path. In a way, he had, long before that promise had been made. Back in Ishval he had fallen from grace so hard he was toying with the flames of hell in his very hands.

This was it catching up with him finally.

He'd had enough out of this life though. He had loved Riza Hawkeye and been loved by her in return. That was enough for him. He'd been witness to her rare smiles and her dry humour. Roy had seen her weary from work, almost – and adorably – falling asleep at her desk when it had just been the two of them in his office. Her vulnerability, although rarely shown, even to him, was there just underneath her soldier exterior. Roy knew, because he had been privy to her most private moments as a child and in Ishval. Roy had made love to her throughout the years, whispering everything he shouldn't say against her skin.

They had admitted their love out loud only once back when they were kids, but after he left for the military it fell by the wayside because of Ishval. They never spoke of it again, opting to focus on their work in favour of it. There were stolen nights in each other's apartment but that was all they would permit themselves after everything that had happened during their time in the military. In all honesty, Roy wasn't sure they even deserved that.

However, he had to let her know before he died that he had held onto the thought of them, of _her_ , all these years. Even in the last few months after Father had shoved that monster inside her head.

He still loved her.

And he forgave her for this.

His only regret was that he hadn't been able to save Riza from the grip of the homunculi. He only hoped Edward and Alphonse would know what to do. They were smart kids and had proved time and time again that they were intelligent enough to conquer the impossible.

They would help her.

They _had_ to.

"ROY!"

* * *

 **SORRY ;_;**


	11. there's someone you have to meet

**AN: did i forget to post this? the answer is more likely than you think!**

 **thank you to ssadropout for the idea!**

 **a sequel to chapter 8 but only for happy reasons.** **i still want to keep chapter 8 sad af so... kind of sequel?**

* * *

 _ **"there's someone you have to meet"**_

"Shhh, baby, it's okay," Riza whispered to the wailing child. Bouncing on the spot had done nothing to soothe her infant child. She had a set of lungs on her, that girl, and half an hour later Riza's arms and feet ached. As little Iris continued cry Riza closed her eyes briefly, a tear tracking down her cheek, followed by another.

She couldn't do this alone.

She needed... She needed...

She needed _him_.

But he wasn't here anymore, and he wouldn't be coming back to her ever again.

He had promised he would at her father's funeral. Promised he would return to her. He didn't even know he was a father.

He died without knowing that they had created a new life between them.

Riza's chest ached, the emotional agony gripping her entire being as she failed to calm her child. She had failed. She couldn't even stop little Iris from crying, how was she going to raise her by herself?

Riza's sobs grew louder as the crushing weight of her situation suffocated her.

Roy was gone and he wasn't coming back.

The sound just made Iris cry harder.

Riza crumpled into the couch in her draughty living room, cradling her daughter to her chest tightly. It felt like a lifetime ago she had considered fixing up the old place, but, it had only been six months.

Iris eventually exhausted herself to sleep and Riza followed shortly afterwards, spent emotionally. The two lay on the couch, her baby girl on the inside against the back of it, and Riza on the outside.

Dawn filtered through the threadbare curtains, stirring Riza awake. She felt awful. Her head was pounding relentlessly. She'd maybe gotten about three hours sleep. Luckily, and thankfully, this time her dreams were nothing but endless darkness. No nightmares had plagued her that night.

Riza sat up, muscles protesting after being on the uncomfortable, old cough all night. She lifted Iris into her travel cot in the living room before shuffling to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Maes Hughes said he was coming over today. He made a point to visit once every two weeks. Riza told him not too – it must cost a fortune in train fares – but he wouldn't take no for an answer. Riza didn't know why he was so intent on visiting her. Riza had nothing to offer the soldier and he was just a reminder...

Maes was a beacon of happiness despite what he had gone through in the war. Riza couldn't understand it. In contrast, she felt like a black hole around him, sucking up all the cheer in the room so it was left a grey, bleak mess.

That's what her life felt like right now. Grey, empty, and bleak.

The only thing pushing her forward was the soft glow from the infant in the other room.

Riza knew her behaviour wasn't healthy, and for Iris's sake, she should be better, but six months ago she found out the love of her life had died in the war and Riza had yet to move on. She was still frozen at her front door, begging Maes to tell her differently.

A knock at the door piqued her curiosity. Who was this? Irritation blossomed when she thought of the only person it could be.

Maes.

The man was a nightmare. It was barely passed dawn and he was calling on her _now_?

He was persistent, sure, but was he really this insufferable? There was only one person who visited the house nowadays, everyone stayed away after Riza closed herself off in her grief, so it had to be him.

"Maes, it's too early for this - "

Time stood still.

Riza's eyes blinked furiously, telling her brain to end this torture _right now_. It was not the first time she had imagined Roy returning to her.

But... There he was.

He had been facing away, back down the path of her overgrown front garden, and when he turned to face the opened door, he sucked air into his lungs sharply.

He looked... Thin. His clothes hung off his frame, military jacket sitting awkwardly on his shoulders. His trousers hung looser on his hips, sitting lower than they should have. His hair was much longer than it had been when he left. It fell over his eyes, obscuring them from Riza's view.

She knew it was him because she knew those eyes anywhere.

The pair were frozen in the doorway, a cold breeze entering the house that would no doubt stir Iris from her sleep.

Roy didn't know about Iris. He didn't know he was a father.

He was _here_. In front of her.

"Are you..." she whispered, voice incredibly quiet, as if speaking too loudly would break the illusion. "Are you real?" she finally got out.

"I'm back," he whispered softly. Emotion overwhelmed him, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. "I'm sorry it took me this long, but I'm finally here."

Riza reached out tentatively, her fingers brushing the skin on his face. He sighed quietly, eyes fluttering closed.

He _was_ real.

With a strangled sob Riza stepped forward, meeting him in the middle as the two crashed together in an embrace. Her cries were loud and uncontrolled like the shaking in her body.

"Is it really you?"

Roy nodded, clutching at her desperately, like there was too much distance between them. "It's really me. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry this much."

"It was all over the radio," Riza sobbed. "They said you were missing in action, presumed dead." Her tone rose and fell in the octaves, unable to grab a hold of just one as her emotions overwhelmed her. "Maes told me you'd died. I stopped listening as soon as..."

"I was taken prisoner. They bargained for my freedom, but it took weeks. After that I was in... Rough shape. I was in the hospital in Ishval for three months. They couldn't move the intensive care patients, so I had to stay there."

"Oh my god," she whispered, burying her face in his jacket. His smell enveloped her wholly and Riza felt a fresh wave of tears leave her. She had missed this smell. She had missed _him_. Still not quite believing it, her grip on his waist tightened and loosened frequently, as if trying to remind herself that he _was_ real. He wasn't her in her dreams. Riza was awake.

"Did... Did Maes know – "

Roy shook his head. "He doesn't know. I'll phone him tonight. I came here as soon as I was discharged. I couldn't leave it any longer."

Riza grip on him tightened, horrified to learn he had been alone all this time, probably dying.

"I was told I was presumed dead," he murmured, burying his face in her hair. "I wanted to contact you but had no way too. There was no postal service, they'd all left already. The phones were out because of frequent sandstorms. I'm sorry I couldn't get word to you." His voice dropped, thick with emotion. "I can't imagine what it could have been like living all that time thinking I was dead."

Riza's grip tightened on him for the final time, squeezing his body tight. _He's here_ , she kept repeating in her mind.

"I forgive you," she replied. "Of course, I do. It wasn't your fault. I just wish I could have done something to ease your suffering…"

"It's okay," Roy reassured her. "I got out relatively harm free. I sustained a wound that got infected during the event." Riza appreciated he paused and left out the word "capture". It sent terror flying through her being. "That's why I was in intensive care, but I'm fine." He pulled away, tilting her chin up to face him. "I'm back." He chuckled to himself. "I told you I would always return to you."

Riza sobbed, her mind taken back to a warm afternoon in a meadow near her house.

Disturbed from all the noise, Iris cried out in the other room. Roy jumped at the sound, his hold tightening on her. Riza pulled back further but couldn't let go. She wasn't ready yet.

"What was that?" he murmured, brow furrowing.

Riza smiled for the first time in what felt like a long time.

Iris cried out again, calling for her mother.

"Is that...?" Roy swayed in her hold. One of his hands flew out to the door frame, bracing himself on it to keep him upright.

"There's someone you have to meet."


	12. are you drunk?

**AN:** **dedicated to (and inspired by) waddiwasiwitch and also ruikosakuragi, two people who continue to support my writing no matter what**

 **i love you guys!**

* * *

" _ **are you drunk?"**_

Mustang entered his Aunt's bar, weary from his long week at the office. He wanted nothing more than to sit until the wee hours of the night, enjoying some good whisky and forgetting about the source of his stress.

It seemed the universe had a much more interesting and entertaining set of events planned for him instead.

Roy sat down heavily on the bar stool, the top swivelling around to face his Aunt. The Madame raised an eyebrow questioningly. He knew what that look meant. _"What the fuck happened to you?"_. He could hear her saying it in his head.

"Whisky," he ordered. "Neat."

"Coming right up, boss," she muttered. Roy frowned at her tone. He hadn't ordered her, had he? Damn, he was letting this case get the better of him.

The top brass was pressuring him into accepting a new case, but something felt fishy about it to him. He couldn't put his finger on it, but it just didn't sit well in his gut. If he accepted it, and solved it, there could be a one-way ticket to Central with is name on it, along with the status of Colonel to boot.

Frustrated once more just at the thought, Roy scoffed and banished it from his mind. He was off duty, it didn't matter now. He didn't care about that manila folder that had been burning a hole in his desk all afternoon.

Christmas slid the glass along the bar carelessly, apparently disgruntled by her nephew's behaviour.

"Who shit in your cereal this morning?"

"No one," he scowled, tossing money to pay for his beverage atop the bar.

The Madame snorted. "You're a terrible liar, you're aware of that right? Have I ever told you that?"

"Multiple times," he mumbled.

"Don't mumble," she barked. It was a pet peeve of hers.

Ignoring her disapproving glare, Roy explained his behaviour. "Sorry. I've had a long week and I just want to sit here and forget about it for now, not be teased by _you_ ," he glared, but there wasn't any real heat behind it. He felt like a goddamn teenager again, his foster mother grating on his nerves.

"Drink away your problems instead of facing them? Classic teenage Roy."

"Excuse me?" he frowned.

Christmas chuckled. "You heard me, boy."

Roy muttered under his breath, causing Christmas to whip the towel she was holding in his direction to make him stop.

"Leave me be," he pouted childishly. "I need a fucking holiday," he muttered, taking a swig of his drink, enjoying the way it burned down his throat.

"Oh yeah?" she asked, one corner of her lips quirking up into a grin. "Well, you'll have to put that request on hold for now. It appears as though work has followed you here."

Decidedly fed up with his Aunt's games, Roy lifted his head. "What?" he asked, exasperated. The door to the bar banged open at the same time and two women entered, laughing and whispering to themselves. Christmas motioned towards them and Roy – too tired to fight her anymore – spun in his stool, only to freeze.

Riza Hawkeye and Rebecca Catalina had just entered the bar. What made him freeze, however, was just how _good_ Hawkeye looked. In their adult years he had never really had much of an opportunity to see her out of her military blues, but here she was, stumbling towards the bar in a long, forest green, dress, wearing high heels and a black leather jacket over her shoulders.

"Hey!" Catalina greeted Christmas jovially, as if they were old friends.

"Good evening ladies," the Madame greeted warmly, shooting Roy a decidedly smug look. He knew where he got it from, at least. "What can I get for you?"

"Two shots of tequila, a rum and coke, and a whisky, please Madame," Catalina ordered, leaning heavily on the bar to his right. Hawkeye stood to the left of him, unaware of who she was next to.

"Lieutenant?" Roy questioned, his brow furrowing in confusion. He wasn't even aware Hawkeye knew this place existed. Roy had never told her about it. He would have never expected to have seen her here. Not in a million years. Plus, the way Catalina was so friendly with the Madame made him wonder just _how_ she knew his Aunt. "What are you doing here?"

Her eyes were unfocused as they met his, her pupils dilated. She grinned, but it was lopsided – and incredibly endearing. It made his stomach turn pleasantly. Roy crushed that feeling immediately.

"Hello, Sir," she all but purred. It stirred something within him. "Enjoying my Friday night," she grinned, taking his whisky from his unresisting hands and downing it in one go. He didn't try to fight her simply because he was too damn shocked to even think about moving.

"Are you _drunk_?" he asked in disbelief. He had never seen Hawkeye drunk before. This was… very interesting. Blonde hair tumbled down her back as she threw her head back and laughed. Roy had never heard that sound come out of her before either. _Holy shit_.

"You've got Rebecca to thank for that," she grinned, swaying slightly. As she leaned too much to the left, away from the bar, Roy grabbed her arm to stop her from faceplanting the floor. _I will eagerly thank her for that. Holy shit, Hawkeye is drunk!_

"Mustang!" Catalina shouted in greeting, slapping his back hard. He was sure it was supposed to be an amicable gesture but because it was Catalina, he was fairly certain she just wanted to hit him. "Fancy seeing you here," she hiccupped, giggling.

"Yeah, crazy how the world works, isn't it?" he muttered, still in disbelief.

"How have you been? Riza here says you've had a stick up your butt all day at the office," she cackled.

"She did, did she?" Roy asked, twirling in his seat to face his Lieutenant, mock disapproval on his face. He couldn't stay mad at her for very long though, not with the way her eyes were dancing like that in amusement.

"I call it as I see it," she shrugged, reaching for his new drink one more time. Roy snatched it back, out of her reach. Before she could pout Christmas handed her own whisky over the bar to Hawkeye, which she promptly took a large gulp of.

Roy was dumbfounded. He had never seen Hawkeye this carefree before. It was… endearing, and a welcome change of pace. He had seen glimpses of this side of her of course, when the team went out for drinks together, but he had never seen her _properly_ drunk. It was fascinating to watch.

"So, come on then," Catalina nudged him. He wasn't sure if it was supposed to be gentle or not because he lurched to the right, bumping into Hawkeye who was standing a lot closer than he remembered, his drink sloshing in his hands and splashing onto his hand. Oblivious, Catalina continued. "What's got your panties in a bunch?"

Irritably Roy mopped at the spilt whisky on his hand with a wet rag the Madame handed him. He ignored the knowing look in her eye and the smirk on her face.

"Nothing," he replied casually. "Lieutenant Catalina, you also know I can't talk about that outside the office."

"We're off duty!" she protested, as if that made things better, then she groaned loudly. "You're so boring. No fun! How do you deal with it Riza?" Catalina asked the woman who had somehow shifted even _closer_ to him. Her hands were almost touching his on top of the bar. One wrong shift – or another "nudge" from Catalina – and they would brush together.

"You get used to it," Hawkeye teased, her voice lower than anticipated. Roy risked a glance, seeing how she was _right there_ beside him. Unable to help himself, Roy's gaze flicked down to her lips that wore a lovely colour of lipstick. How he would love to kiss it off her…

 _Oh shit_.

This was not good. They weren't teenagers anymore. That thought was _grossly_ inappropriate –

Roy abruptly lifted his eyes to see amusement in Hawkeye's. She smirked at him, her eyes amused. Tossing her hair, Hawkeye turned back to face the bar to down her shot, leaning closer to Roy.

 _She…! She knows exactly what she's doing!_

If they weren't in such a public place, Roy would fight fire with fire. However, her behaviour wouldn't seem that suspicious because Hawkeye could attribute it to the fact she was drunk. Roy, on the other hand, was very sober, so any retaliation would be called into question immediately. Not that anyone here would snitch on him, but you can never be too careful.

Deciding to let it go – and plot his delicious revenge for another time – Roy let the two women tease him further. Despite how much he grumbled at Catalina's horse jokes about Hawkeye finally taming a mustang, he _was_ enjoying himself. He liked drunk Catalina. She was fiery to begin with, but alcohol just amplified it, and made her a worthy opponent to verbally spar with. Drunk Hawkeye was bold and unafraid to let loose. She finally sat on the stool next to him and occasionally swayed drunkenly, always towards him. Roy righted her every time, enjoying how he could touch the bare skin on her arms and how soft and warm it was.

She knew what she was doing, how she was winding him up, but was this… Was all this "falling over" against him on purpose? Did she _want_ him to right her every time?

The look in her eyes told Roy his answer.

The final time she did so, Roy gave her a soft smile, giving her arm a quick but subtle squeeze in response to the now sleepy smile on her face. When her hand shifted, bumping and coming to rest against his on the wood, Riza didn't try to move away and neither did he.

It wasn't much, but it was enough for now. In just a couple of hours Roy had seen Riza laugh freely, tease him mercilessly with Catalina – they were a formidable duo when they were together – and now she was beginning to lean her weight against his hand, her arm coming to press against his. Through the fabric of his suit he could feel her heat but longed to feel the hard muscles of her arms against his. Instead, Roy remained steady, clutching his third whisky tightly, holding steady against her.

Then, subtly, Hawkeye tried to swipe his drink again once the Madame told her both she and Catalina weren't getting anymore alcohol, planting a tall glass of water in front of them instead. However, Hawkeye was sloppy in "Operation: Steal Roy's Drink", and with a chuckle, Roy easily lifted it out of reach. What he didn't expect, however, was Catalina to pluck it out of his hands effortlessly and down it in one go.

The two women cackled with each other, noting the astonishment on Roy's face. Christmas' chuckled from behind the bar, appreciating the manoeuvre despite the fact she had stopped serving them alcohol.

"I suppose you will want another Roy boy?" Christmas asked. She had already begun pulling out the bottle.

"You two are going to leave me bankrupt tonight," he grumbled, fishing more money out of his wallet. So far he had paid for three but only drunk one of them.

"Of course," Catalina replied, batting her eyelashes at him. "What are friends for, right?" she proclaimed loudly, spinning in her stool as if to ask the whole room. The whole room being old John who looked asleep in the corner and drunk Bill who was asleep on the top of the bar.

It was then that Roy realised it was way past closing. They had been sitting here for three hours talking. Roy could think of worse ways to spend his Friday night. After that day at the office, his mood had improved greatly.

"Okay ladies," Christmas proclaimed. "Closing time. Finish that water then I'll let you leave."

"And what if we don't?" Catalina slurred, a smirk on her face. "We gonna have to stay here all night?"

Christmas raised an eyebrow. "I've got plenty of rooms upstairs if you want one."

"Do we have to pay?" Catalina was suddenly very serious, her eyes clearing.

The Madame snorted. "Of course you do. This isn't a charity."

"Bummer," she sighed. "D'you hear that, Riza?" Catalina crooned. "You could've been staying here with Roy boy tonight," she giggled, particularly pleased about learning his Aunt's nickname for him. He groaned internally. He's never live that one down. Guaranteed by Monday morning the whole team would be aware of it.

"Hm…" Roy heard Hawkeye hum in agreement. As he turned his head to look at her, he felt something fall against his shoulder. Hawkeye's hair splayed across it, falling down his own back as she rested her head on it. Her eyes were closed, breaths becoming more even.

A warmth spread across his chest as he looked down at her dozing form, followed by a genuine smile spreading on his face.

"Two lovebirds," Catalina murmured, leaning her head against her hand while her elbow was propped atop the bar, slowly sliding forward into a more comfortable position. She grinned happily to herself, her eyes meeting Roy's and crinkling at the edges. Roy chuckled to himself but couldn't help but feel sad that this would never become the norm for them. However, he had experienced it for tonight, and the memory would keep him going for a while.

"Come on you two," Christmas barked suddenly, making Hawkeye jump. Her head jerked off his shoulder before falling back down heavily. "Time to go home. Finish that water and I'll call a cab."

"Comfy…" Hawkeye breathed, sighing against him. Roy grinned.

"Lieutenant," he admonished in his most authoritative voice, hoping that would get through to her. "You need to drink that water before you go home. I'm not letting you or Catalina leave until you do so." Catalina giggled and mumbled something to herself, but it was unintelligible. "You too, Catalina," he barked.

"Fine," she sighed like a teenager. "Hey, Riz?" she called sleepily.

"Yeah?" was her mumbled reply from his shoulder.

"I bet I can finish this before you."

It was comical the way her head shot up. Roy would have been sad to miss her heat and the pressure of her head, but he burst out laughing as she blinked and looked around, reminiscent of a meerkat.

"Oh, it's on," Hawkeye replied fiercely. Apparently, the pull of a bet and a challenge was enough to wake her up again. Roy placed the palm of his hand against his forehead as they goaded each other before racing to down their water.

Hawkeye won, but only by a fraction.

"Round two!" Catalina demanded, swaying on her stool.

"I don't think that's wise –" Roy begun but was promptly shushed by the Madame.

"If it gets them sobering up, don't stop it," she muttered conspiratorially to him.

"What you say?" Catalina demanded.

"Just taking bets on who will win round two," Christmas lied smoothly. "My bet is on you, Rebecca."

"Damn right!"

"Roy boy here, _of course_ , would never _dream_ of betting against his Lieutenant," she added, eyes dancing with amusement. Roy groaned. Now Christmas had started.

Catalina laughed loudly. " _Of course,_ he wouldn't," she grinned, mirroring the Madame, and shooting her a knowing look.

"Let's do this, Sir," Hawkeye slurred, determination clear in her tone. "I'll win for us!"

Hawkeye won round two.

"No fair!" Catalina wailed, water dribbling out of her mouth and down onto her dress.

"Time to go," Christmas announced. "Cab's here."

"Let's go, Becca," Hawkeye burped. "Wanna get some food on the way home?"

"Go _straight_ home," Christmas barked, making them both jump. "D'you hear me? I won't have you wandering the streets like that."

There was a pause as the two shared a look. In unison, they snapped their heels together, raising their hands to their foreheads in a crisp salute.

"Yes, Sir!" they replied before bursting into peals of laughter. The sound was music to Roy's ears.

"Come on, Riz," Catalina ushered. "I'm beat. Thank you, Madame Christmas, Mustang. Always a pleasure." Hawkeye threw out her own thanks, but it sounded like gibberish as she stumbled over to the door.

Roy felt this sudden urge to walk them home, but he knew the cab company Christmas used. Johnny would make sure the two women made it back to their apartments safely. He'd shoot anyone who tried any funny business.

But still… It would have been nice to walk Riza home…

Roy was left staring after them as they exited the bar, giggling once more.

"I've always liked that girl," Christmas commented smugly as they left, busying herself at the other end of the bar and away from him.

So had he.

He thought about how Hawkeye had commandeered his drink, drinking greedily as if the whisky was water. The way she had pressed against him in her drunken stupor, her head on his shoulder, her eyes telling him she was _very_ aware of what she was doing. There would be no regrets for her tomorrow morning for her behaviour, that was for sure.

It had been inappropriate, but everyone in this bar worked for his Aunt and wouldn't breathe a word about it. Riza Hawkeye knew just how to push his buttons, it seemed, and Roy found himself not minding that at all.

He spun back around in his stool, vaguely aware he had been staring at the door for longer than he should have, smiling to himself. He heard Christmas chuckle at the other end of the bar, but Roy didn't care. Finishing off the last of his whisky – Hawkeye and Catalina had been too preoccupied with their water downing competition to try and swipe his drink this time, how considerate of them – only one thought occupied his mind as he shook his head.

 _What a woman_.


	13. i'm so in love with you

**AN: thank you to all who left guest reviews, it means a lot to read your kind words! you've made my day and i'm crying in the club rn ;_; especially Mal and Mars bc i don't even know what to say other than jkfjgakfls. i would absolutely love to continue some of these (and probably will, let's be real) but it's nice to know others enjoy them as much as i did writing them!**

 **did someone order team mustang paintball?**

* * *

" _ **i'm so in love with you"**_

"Come out, Hawkeye!" Havoc called to her from somewhere very close by.

"Not like you to run from a fight!" Breda goaded.

 _Two of them to the west, three unaccounted for._

Riza shifted her weight _just_ enough so she could peer around the corner of the wooden wall in front of her. Havoc and Breda popped into view immediately as they crept slowly through the trees with the precision their military training offered. Guns were raised in front of them, scanning the forest critically.

Riza smirked.

With precision she shot them both in the chest. There were two cries of surprise, followed by grunts of pain. Then silence.

Havoc sighed loudly. "God _damnit_."

"She's inhuman, I've decided."

"We've known that for years," Havoc muttered, his pride stomped on as he was bested. Orange paint splattered the vest strapped to his chest. He slung his paintball gun over his shoulder in defeat, eyes still scanning the forest to try and spot her.

"Let's go. Hopefully the other three have more luck."

Havoc snorted. "Like _that_ will ever happen. The boss is useless with a gun."

Breda chuckled. "True, but finding the Lieutenant? He's got a sixth sense for knowing where she is." Riza frowned at their inappropriate joke.

She waited until they were out of sight, counting to sixty to ensure she really was alone before creeping out from her hiding spot. Riza was on high alert, hyperaware of her surroundings as she moved. Her grandfather's idea of a team building exercise was turning out to be extremely enjoyable, especially for Riza. The six of them were assigned to an area of the forest, split into two teams of three, then three teams of two. Mustang had become cocky after winning twice and demanded for him to be on his own team, with everyone else trying to beat him. After his spectacular failure courtesy of Riza, he sulked and pouted, only perking up when Havoc suggested they do the same set up, but with Riza on her own team. The prospect of getting revenge perked Mustang up, and he was all for round two.

So far, she was up two to nil.

Mustang stomped through the forest, the king of attracting attention to himself wherever he went. Fuery was collected, but anxious at the prospect of a hidden enemy shooting him with painful paint bullets. Falman was the same. They both knew to fear the Hawk's Eye in a game of paintball, and they were smart to. Riza was ruthless. Call it payback for all the shit she had put up with in the office this year.

Speaking of Fuery and Falman, Riza spotted them both as she moved to a different area. They were back to back, guns raised and poised to shoot, as they scanned and walked. She ducked behind a wooden crate, calculating her next move.

"I'm glad we left the Colonel behind," Fuery muttered. "He's too loud."

Falman nodded. "He's been too careless today. I understand it's just a game, but I'd like to win for once."

"We can do this," Fuery replied, determination lacing his tone "I know we can. We just have to be careful."

To give them their dues, they were extremely efficient in the way they scanned and moved, searching the area. However, they were forgetting their blind spots and Riza was inclined to remind them.

Feeling slightly sorry for them, she fired, hitting Fuery in the side of his arm and Falman in the side of his thigh. Both jumped and gasped in pain before hopping on the spot in pain.

"Oh, crap!" Fuery wailed. His gun fell to his side, body language defeated.

Falman sighed, rubbing his leg to try and rid himself of the pain. "Another loss for me."

Fuery straightened, expression sympathetic. "Come on, let's go and find out if anyone else has lost," he mumbled.

Ten minutes passed in silence before Mustang came charging through the trees. Riza observed him momentarily, trying to calculate what his next move would be. Eventually, he begun to creep closer and Riza waited for the opportune moment to make her move.

Riza charged at him from her hiding spot, startling the Colonel. He recovered smoothly and raised his gun, firing off three shots in quick succession. Riza dodged them easily, moving to slide towards him along the ground. Her feet were headed straight for his ankles, hitting them at full speed. Using her momentum Riza pushed off the ground and stood, spinning to face Mustang who had crashed painfully to the ground.

"Have I told you lately how much I love you?" he asked, a sheepish grin on his face, an attempt to try and pacify her. Riza rolled her eyes. She fired once, hitting him square in the chest. He winced, grunting in pain.

The two of them stared at each other for a moment, breathing hard but frozen in time. Then Mustang grinned. "Well, damn." Riza finally relaxed, lowering her weapon. "Hawkeye, that was badass."

"Thank you, Sir." Offering him a hand, Riza pulled the Colonel to his feet.

"I'm so in love with you, by the way. That demonstration just reminded me why." Riza rolled her eyes for the second time in two minutes but couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face. "You love it really, don't you?" he asked cheekily, giving her a wink.

"Of course, Sir," she responded flatly, just to irk him.

"Boss!" Havoc called, still wearing his paint splattered vest. "I see even you fell victim to Hawkeye." Breda muttered something under his breath, something she and the Colonel couldn't hear but both assumed was wildly inappropriate. Havoc's eyes widened in surprise before he snorted, falling into peals of laughter with Breda.

"I may have fallen victim to our brilliant sniper, but I fought valiantly," he boasted, an utter lie. She knocked him on his ass and shot him at point blank range. There was no contest.

"Of course, Sir. I've never seen anything more inspiring," she deadpanned. The whole team laughed while Mustang frowned, affronted by her comment.

"Cue the moment he stomps off petulantly in three, two, one…"

"Havoc?"

"Yo?"

"Do you have something to share with the class?"

"Not at all, boss. Just commenting on your inspiring actions in battle."

Fuery snorted uncontrollably, surprising them all, and even Mustang couldn't supress his smirk.

* * *

 **poor fuery and falman, they just wanted to win : (**

 **also emma writes humour/happiness? has hell frozen over?**


	14. i want to take care of you

" _ **i want to take care of you"**_

"Shit," Riza cursed softly, her head jerking as she flinched away from her fingers. She pressed them gingerly against the fresh wound on her cheekbone. That was going to sting for a while, and would no doubt leave a scar. She sighed quietly to herself. What was more frustrating would be her superior's reaction when he saw the gash on her cheek. She could picture it now; the controlled fury in his expression, the way his eyes would dance with anger, and how his hands would form fists by his sides, steadying their shaking. While Riza could appreciate the fact someone cared about her, and was willing to look out for her, it was an inherent risk of the job. They all knew that. Besides, she would handle these idiots herself no problem. While revenge wasn't something that drove her, payback was a bitch and these criminals would get what was coming to them. Riza couldn't deny that it would be satisfying to see them put away for what they had done.

She was angrier at herself for this stupid mistake. One had gotten too close and with a razor hidden under his shirt sleeve he had slashed at her face. The wound stung and she winced as the cool air hit it while Riza ran as quickly and as quietly as she dared up the slightly rickety stairs in the abandoned warehouse. Riza was pretty sure the metal staircase was in violation of a building code somewhere but couldn't bring herself to care. Instead, her jaw set, and she grit her teeth against the pain in her face.

Dust kicked up as she moved, irritating her nostrils. Forcing down the urge to sneeze and scrunching up her nose, Riza breathed through her mouth quietly, swiping at the blood on her face irritably.

A noise sounded through a door to her right. Raising her weapon, Riza steadied herself with one single breath. Then she kicked.

The door swung open with such a force it banged loudly against the wall, the hinges straining at the impact. Her eyes picked out two men in the darkened room. Blackout curtains were pulled over the window to hide the shady workings of the small, cramped room. That's why she hadn't been able to pick out anything from the outside during their surveillance period. Clever, but not clever enough to shut up shop when her and the team arrived, or to realise that there were people onto them. They were not the brightest of the bunch, and that's why Riza was so annoyed with herself over this stupid cut on her cheek.

"Get down," she barked. Both froze and in the light cast by her torch, Riza could see their fight or flight response kick in. One bolted for another closed door to the left while the other rushed her at the same time. The man trying to escape grabbed whatever was on the table and dashed out, bottles falling from his arms and bouncing on the floor as they fell in his haste to wrench open the door.

The man rushing her received a gunshot wound to the shoulder while she tracked the escapee, placing a bullet in his foot. With a cry they both fell within seconds of each other, crashing to the floor. Some of the bottles smashed in the escapee's arms but Riza couldn't find it in herself to care.

Securing both men, Riza left them a heap on the floor, and not a minute after she had done so, footsteps echoed down the hall. Raising her weapon, Riza breathed in relief as she saw Mustang and Breda enter the room. The room was dark, but she still angled her injured side away from Mustang's view. They had more important things to worry about right now.

"Excellent work Lieutenant," Mustang congratulated, head moving to face the two men.

"Thank you, Sir. I'll wait with them while you direct the MPs."

He nodded and breezed out of the door, black coat billowing behind him. Riza followed but stopped at the door, flicking the safety off once more and gripping her weapon tightly. She heard their voices echo down the hall, Mustang asking Breda to find a way to get the power on in the building.

That was partly why the criminal had gotten so close. It was so damn dark in there that in the large, open, and overcrowded room below, Riza hadn't seen her assailant coming. He had vaulted over two crates stacked on top of each other, landing a kick to her chest and knocking her to the ground. She had reacted quickly, but her chest stung from the kick and her back ached from the impact against the concrete floor. With a roll she was crouched and aimed to fire, but not before he stabbed wildly, connecting with her face. Riza had swept his feet from underneath him, striking out as she lurched to the side as a reaction to the attack. With a heavy thud, he landed on his back and Riza restrained him, leaving him to struggle in between the crates while she pursued his friends.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye?" she heard Falman call from down the hall.

"In here."

Falman came into view a few seconds later, holding up two torches. Flicking one on, Riza blinked in the sudden light. Her pocket one she used with her weapon didn't hold a candle to the strength of those two.

She knew he had seen her face while she had been dazzled by the sudden light, because he froze and one of the torches moved to her face. Watching as his jaw set, without another word he pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and handed it to her.

"Thank you," she replied, slightly touched by his thoughtfulness. Falman was always the one who was prepared for everything and Riza thanked him for it in that particular moment.

"Are you okay?"

Riza nodded. "One got too close in the darkness. He's still downstairs."

Falman nodded. "I'll go retrieve him for the Colonel."

Five minutes later the MPs entered the room, followed by Havoc, and collected the two criminals. One asked her about her face, causing Havoc to turn sharply to face her.

"What happened?"

Riza said nothing, her jaw setting and her stomach clenching. She knew this was going to happen, but it didn't stop anger at her own incompetence spiking. Not wanting to talk about it, Riza opted to just get it over and done with. She would have to do it again very shortly anyway. With it being on her face no one was going to miss it, but Riza just wished her friends wouldn't make such a big deal about it.

"Hawkeye?" Havoc warned when she still offered no explanation. His hand lifted to her face, fingers angling her head so he could get a better look at it and Riza didn't resist. "What happened?" His voice was softer now.

"One of them got too close." She tugged her chin out of his grip. "I dealt with him accordingly."

"Go and see the medic. I'll take over here."

"No."

"Hawkeye," he warned, brow furrowing in frustration.

"I'm fine, Lieutenant Havoc."

"That's great, but sepsis isn't. Go and get it checked."

Riza frowned. She was unhappy, but she knew he was right. There was no telling what was on that blade and the last thing she needed was to suffer the effects of an infection. With a quiet huff she turned and left the room.

The medic was outside in the blissfully empty entranceway. She didn't know where the team were, but she was glad she would have some peace while this was dealt with. The medic tutted and busied herself with preparing to treat Riza. After a round of sterilisation, the alcohol causing her wound to sting like hell, a dressing was placed over it and the medic gave her some extra for when it would need changed.

Just as she was finished being patched up, Mustang chose that exact moment to exit the warehouse. Breda was talking to him, but his eyes drifted over to the movement and locked on Riza's. With a resigned sigh she turned away from him, preparing herself for the onslaught of questions.

"Lieutenant?" he asked, concern lacing his tone. Friendly concern was fair enough, but she didn't like that look in his eyes. It spelled bad news and risky decisions. "Are you all right?" Mustang asked. His course altered immediately, making a beeline for her.

"Yes, Sir. One of them got too close in the dark," she explained, tone sour. She still wasn't happy with herself.

"What happened?"

Her eyes narrowed minutely, daring him to make her explain her shortcomings in front of someone. Breda was all right, but the medic? Luckily, the woman excused herself, obviously sensing the mood.

"Sir, I'll go and direct the MPs," Breda announced, his eyes focussing on a point behind Riza. Turning to look behind her, she saw a car pull up and the MPs exited, striding towards the trio. Mustang nodded, his eyes briefly leaving Riza's face to glance towards the street.

"What happened?" he asked in that soft voice she loved but hated to hear in the workplace. It was a reminder that they were bound to their path and couldn't risk any moments of weakness, no matter how much they wished it.

"I told you," Riza replied, but not harshly. "It was a slip up."

"No, to your face," he clarified. "How bad is it?"

"Just a scratch, Sir." It wasn't. It was deeper than a scratch, but there was no need to worry him now.

He sighed, not believing her in the slightest. "Hawkeye –"

" _Sir_ ," she interrupted, reminding him exactly where they were. She knew that look on his face. She knew he wanted to run back in there and deal his own version of justice to whoever had hurt his Lieutenant. "I'm all right, I swear. The medic has signed me off to return to active duty. It's nothing you should concern yourself with."

He stepped aside and jerked his head, towards the warehouse. "Walk with me?" he asked quietly. Riza sighed and nodded, following behind him.

"I know you're more than capable of taking care of yourself and I apologise if I made it seem like I didn't."

"You didn't," she assured him.

"But is it wrong for me to worry?" he asked quietly, pausing at the door, offering Riza to walk through first. "I want to take care of you," he announced softly, his hand coming to her lower back to guide her through the door as they entered the warehouse. Riza sucked in a breath at the unexpected – but not unwanted – contact. "I know you don't need it, but you're hurt."

"It's a tiny scratch," she explained, her injury not warranting this kind of reaction, however this was Roy she was talking to. When she was injured, no matter how severe it was, all bets were off with him.

"The offer still remains."

"I know," she replied, a small smile gracing her lips. "But we can't."

Mustang nodded in understanding, a quiet sigh leaving him. "I know," he muttered. "It doesn't mean I don't want to."

Riza stopped in between the dark crates. The lights were yet to be turned back on in the facility and the light from the open door was their only source, shrouding half of Mustang's face in shadow. He watched her expectantly, expression turning mildly surprised when she pressed a hand to his cheek.

"Thank you."

He lifted a hand to her face, his thumb grazing across her dressing. Riza's eyes fluttered closed involuntarily, supressing a wince as even the slightest pressure made it sting. She still savoured the feeling of his fingers on her chin, angling it towards the light, and the sweep of his thumb across her cheek. A shiver ran down her spine.

The lights turned on and their quiet moment was interrupted. In their position they were hidden from view on every side. Havoc called for Mustang from the catwalk above, signalling that was the end of their conversation.

"Can I see you tonight?" he murmured quietly. "I can cook dinner?"

Riza almost refused. Almost. Risking it was a foolish move but that look in his eyes stopped her. It wasn't the clearest in the dim lighting, but it spoke of promise. It told her that he simply wanted to ensure she was all right, and that he wanted to spend some time with her. The latter was something she didn't want to pass up on, no matter what she told herself.

"Okay," she breathed, resigned. When it came to Roy, she would always agree, who was she kidding?

His excited eyes and happy grin were enough for her. He gave her hand a quick squeeze before breezing off to find Havoc, his expression all business once more.


	15. bodgyguard au

**AN: a response to a prompt on tumblr from anon.** **this was a tough one to get started with but i got there in the end**

 **for reference, roy is around 23 in this fic and riza is 20**

* * *

 _ **bodgyguard au / unexpected virgin au**_

"Again."

A sword arced towards Riza and she dodged easily, her attackers fatigue clear in his movements. She frowned at his sloppy swing, making a mental note to correct that immediately.

"Again."

"Hawkeye," Roy groaned tiredly, giving up on his attack, stumbling to a stop. "Can we –" She never gave him the chance to finish, opting to launch a counter attack. With a surprised _oof_ Roy hit the ground hard as Riza pinned him in place. He blinked up at her in surprise, brain struggling to comprehend what had just happened.

" _Again_."

"Is that the only word you can say today?" he bit back, his pride hurt more than anything. She took great delight in pinning him because he was too cocky for his own good, especially in a sword fight.

She didn't reply just to annoy him further.

Roy huffed irritably, raising his sword once more. He thrust harder this time, forcing her backwards as Riza parried his stabs. The edged towards the edge of the training ring she had set up and Riza smiled. Finally, he was working.

One thrust was unexpected and Riza moved right when she should have moved left. Roy's sword bit into her arm, pain exploding in her arm. She gasped as a reaction, stumbling to a stop, hand flying up to the abrasion. "Oh, shit. Hawkeye! I'm so sorry!" Roy's sword clattered to the ground and he rushed to her side.

Despite the sting, she was proud of him. That move had been unexpected and therefore he had been unpredictable. She almost smiled. He was getting better.

At precisely an inopportune moment, his butler announced his presence. "Mr. Mustang, Sir," his butler welcomed. "Miss Vanessa is here to see you for a social call. I have directed her to the lounge for the time being." The butler's eyes fell on Riza. "Should I tell her to come back another time?"

That killed her smile, but it was Riza who answered for him. "That's not necessary Jeeves, Mr. Mustang will be there shortly. Please inform Miss Vanessa he will be with her momentarily."

Roy's eyes turned to her once more, full of concern. The hand on her shoulder felt nice, the pressure warming her chest. Forcing it down, Riza straightened while maintain pressure on her wound.

"Riza –"

Ignoring how he said her name, Riza schooled her expression. "You need to go and see your guest," she admonished. Roy had a fortune to secure, a reputation to build, not worry about his Weapons Master and bodyguard's welfare. "I'm all right. I've had worse."

He looked torn but duty won out – a regular occurrence for both of them – and Roy sighed. He picked up his sword but turned for his eyes to linger on hers for a moment longer.

"Will you be okay?" His voice was thick with concern, his eyes betraying his worry. He shouldn't worry about her like this, he had a future suitor to attend to instead. When Miss Vanessa left, another would come, and then another. Riza's heart constricted painfully whenever she thought about such things, but she closed that part of it off. She always kept Roy's at arm's length. If she didn't allow herself to feel when in his presence, then she could do her job effectively.

After being taken in by Roy's adoptive mother when her father died, she had worked hard every day to earn her keep. Swordplay had become her speciality and upon seeing her potential, Chris Mustang had arranged for Riza to receive proper lessons. When the old Weapons Master retired, Madame Christmas had offered her the position, something Riza was eternally grateful for. So now, and every day since, she had pushed herself to ensure she was the best she could be for the Madame.

Now that Roy was going to receive his inheritance, the Madame had proposed Riza become his bodyguard.

"Someone needs to take care of that boy," she had told Riza. "And the best person for that job is you." If the Madame thought she was worthy then Riza would readily accept, and she did. Another way to repay her thanks for taking her in all those years ago. "You keep him sane and grounded," the Madame added, expression cryptic so Riza couldn't decipher her true meaning. "I can't think of a better match."

Her shoulder still felt warm from their unexpected contact. It spread down her arm and creeped across her chest. Sooner or later she would feel that familiar and unwanted tingle all over her entire body and that would lend to rather unfortunate circumstances.

"I will fetch the Healer at once, Miss Hawkeye."

"Thank you, Jeeves."

Inhaling deeply, Riza breathed through her pain, trying to forget the emotion she had seen in Roy's eyes as he fussed over her.

* * *

Riza blinked at him. He wasn't… He had never…? No. No way. "You mean… You haven't…?"

His cheeks turned bright red and shook his head, averting his gaze. "No."

" _Ever_?"

"No," he reiterated, tone becoming more irritable.

Hope filled her chest, but it was foolish. He wouldn't go for someone like her anyway. He needed a wife who was unmarked by her past and had nothing but love to give him. Riza did love him, but she had so much baggage she would need a horse and carriage to transport it all. Roy had no idea the severity of it and Riza wasn't going to start unpacking all of that. She might appear to be strong – many people had told her she was "a strong, independent woman" – she wasn't when it came to her past, and that was something nobody needed to see.

In short, Roy needed a partner who would offer themselves to him completely, but Riza couldn't offer him that.

He took a deep breath, exhaling in a rush. "I was waiting… for someone," he added, voice lowering to a mumble. Riza had to strain to hear him.

Realisation setting in, dread pooling in her stomach, Riza nodded. Of course, he was waiting for the right person. He was waiting for the right woman to cross his path to make love to.

Riza had crossed his path years ago.

"I understand," she replied, schooling her features once more. "I was just shocked by the revelation that is all. I… Don't quite understand the necessity of revealing that information to me, sir, however I appreciate your honesty and trust. If that's all you require of me, I will take my leave."

A hand on her wrist stilled her.

"Riza," he pleaded. "What are you talking about? We tell each other everything."

No, they didn't.

"You tell me everything," she corrected, because he did. Riza was always open to listen to his gripes and troubles. Being his bodyguard meant she was his closest confidant, both jobs she took very seriously. However, she was technically his employee and had no right to refuse. Personally, she rather enjoyed listening to him talk about his life, but personal life had no place in bodyguard role.

"What?" He seemed thoroughly confused. "No, I…"

She turned to look at him. "I listen because as your bodyguard I need to be aware of your situation and frame of mind. That can reveal a lot about someone in a fight and it's better to know beforehand." A half-truth. She listened because she loved to hear the sound of his voice as he monologed about what how society was ailing him that day. When the territory moved towards his suitors, Roy always steered it away and Riza was glad. She couldn't handle listening to how so many women loved and wanted to marry him. It would happen one day – Riza was aware of this – but hopefully by then Riza would have paid off her debt and would be long gone. However, judging by the frequency of Miss Vanessa and Miss Rosalie's visits, that day would come sooner than Riza wanted it to.

"As a friend, I want to make sure you are all right," she added, voice quieter this time.

"A friend?" he echoed. Surprised that was the one thing he picked out from the sentence, Riza nodded. "Right," he replied, looking rather crestfallen. His hand freed her wrist and Riza drew it back to her side, the movement controlled as she wriggled her fingers to rid the warm feeling spreading up her arm once more.

"And we don't discuss these things while we're working," she reminded him.

"Yes, but you're always working," he grumbled.

"Exactly."

"Riza, I was waiting on you," he blurted. As if realising what he just said, Roy's eyes widened, cheeks turning pink He stuttered for a few moments, trying to recover from the outburst.

"For what?" she asked, brow furrowing.

"For…" he coughed awkwardly. "I, um, I wanted it to be you. Oh god, that sounds so bad."

"Wanted _what_ to be me?"

He gave her an incredulous look. "Riza, I love you."

Blinking back at him, Riza's lips parted slightly in surprise. She barked a laugh. "Good one, sir."

" _No_ ," he stressed, tone earnest as he closed the distance between them. Suddenly, Roy was _very_ close. She could smell his familiar scent of sandalwood. His entire presence assaulted her senses and Riza was trapped in it. "It's not a joke."

"No, that can't be right. What –?"

Warm, soft, lips were on hers in an instant. Riza felt herself melt against his body, eyes fluttering closed at the sensation.

Then, she remembered just _who_ was doing this and her eyes widened. Roy couldn't get involved with her. _Keep him at arm's length._ Riza reared back, her hand striking out to hit his face. There was a _crunch_ as her knuckles made contact with his cheekbone and Roy stumbled backwards.

"If this is a joke, I won't be toyed with this way," she growled. "Ah," she gasped, clutching her injured arm. The skin stretched as she punched him and Riza could feel wetness seep out from underneath her dressing. Her knuckles burned in response to the hit. _Why did he have such a bony face?_

"It's not a joke!" he cried, rubbing his cheek. Suddenly, he was beside her again. "Are you all right?"

"No!" Panic welled within are as she realised she had just struck her boss.

"Why did you do that?" he asked, voice gentle as he took her sore hand in hers. Gone was his irritation.

"I – I –" Riza's brain was frozen. _Oh god, he's going to fire me. Then where will you be? Out on the street again with nowhere to call home, no friends or food –_

"Why did you pull away," he clarified, expression hurt. _What?_ "I thought… Well, I _assumed_ you felt the same way. Apparently, I was way off," he muttered, smoothing out her fingers with his palm, stroking her red knuckles. It felt way too good and this venturing into dangerous territory.

"What?" she squeaked, a noise that was very unlike her.

"I've always loved you, Riza. I thought you knew that. I understand if you don't feel the same way and I won't push you into anything. I don't expect anything in return either," he added hastily "I just… I wanted to get my feelings out there in the open, in case there was a possibility." His thumbs began to move together across the back of her hand, the action doing unfair things to her. She could barely breathe, could barely concentrate. "I was waiting for you, though. I don't know why I blurted out that fact before." His embarrassment was clear on his face and in the way he averted his eyes to the floor. "I think I didn't want you to think I was fooling around with anyone."

"But… But… Miss Vanessa, Miss Rosalie –"

"A cover. My Aunt works very closely with the King's informant, Captain Grumman. She had been teaching me how to gather and pass on information discreetly."

"But…"

"There's never been anyone else, Riza. Just you."

She wanted to bark out a laugh of disbelief. She wanted to vomit from the feeling coiling in her stomach. Surprise, hope, dread… They all burned in there, creating a toxic cocktail of emotion that was threatening to explode.

"Please," Roy begged. "Say something."

"I…" What could she say? The person she loved, loved her back? All her personal worries and fears had just been soothed? That she wanted to kiss him but was too afraid to take that plunge because if she did, there would be no going back.

"I'm scared," she whispered. All professionalism was dropped as she admitted her fear.

"Why?" he asked, cocking his head to the side. The grip on her hand tightened and he held it against his heart. She felt it _thump_ under his skin.

"I don't really know," she replied honestly, voice still barely above a whisper. "Because you're _you_."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, a nervous laugh leaving him.

"You're well-liked by all, especially the women. I'm not. I keep to myself and my weapons and don't know much else."

"Who said I wanted to be with someone who knew everything?"

"I'm plain," she added, daring him to shift their relationship in the direction she knew it was headed. She saw that look in his eyes and it was only a matter of time.

"I love that about you," he retorted. "You're _real_. You're honest and strong-willed, unafraid in the face of most things."

"I'm nothing special," she warned.

"You are to me. Always have been."

She had run out of excuses as to why he shouldn't love her like he obviously did.

"If you're willing," he added after her prolonged pause. "I would like to get to know this other side of you. Not Hawkeye, the Weapons Master, who kicks my ass on a daily basis," he chuckled, giving her hand a squeeze. "But _Riza_ , the girl who stole my heart all those years ago with her soft smiles, her sarcasm, and incredible will. Can I do that?"

His eyes peered into hers, black meeting brown. Love meeting uncertainty. Acceptance meeting fear.

Her nod was imperceptible, but Roy saw it. He always would. Smiling brightly, he lowered his head to hers once more. With less punching this time, he kissed her and Riza felt a happy sob build in her throat.

 **i've always wanted to have a butler character called jeeves**


	16. teachers au

**AN: response to a prompt on tumblr from flourchildwrites**

 **i was given the option of doing both royai or havolina and tbh i did both i couldn't help myself teacher aus own me**

* * *

 _ **teachers au / green-eyed epiphany**_

"Who crapped in your coffee this morning?" Maes asked him as Roy sullenly took a sip from his to-go coffee mug. "You've been in a grump all day."

"Have not," Roy replied petulantly. He knew he had and the reason for that was sitting on the opposite side of the staff room. His gaze lingered on the woman for longer than it should have, and Maes noticed.

"Ah," he replied, his tone suggesting all had currently been revealed to him. The sound of laughter drifted across to them and Roy tensed, causing Maes to chuckle at his expense. "So, it's Riza again. Isn't it?"

"No," Roy replied, but it was a little too quick.

Maes chuckled and Roy wanted to hurl his coffee at him. The man was infuriating, and Roy wasn't sure why he hung around with him. Friend or no, he was a pain in Roy's ass who acted as if he had Roy all figured out. Either that, or Roy just let slip his true feelings in his mannerisms too easily.

Yeah, definitely the last one. Maes was smart, but he wasn't _that_ smart. And he certainly didn't have Roy all figured out, _that's_ for sure.

"Yes, it is," Maes smirked, leaning back in his chair, steepling his fingers as he rested his elbows on the armrests. His voice took on a condescending tone. "Oh, did someone get rejected from a date? Did the great Roy Mustang finally get shot down?"

With a growl Roy grabbed his papers and coffee. "Shut up," he scowled, adding more fuel to Maes' fire. His friend simply laughed loudly, drawing attention to them. Deciding his coffee would taste better in his classroom, Roy headed towards the exit.

Unfortunately, he had to pass Riza in order to get out the door.

Van Hohenheim, teacher of Religious, Moral, and Ethical Studies, was making her laugh and Roy thought about how nice it sounded.

 _How_ you _would like to make her laugh like that, you mean._

"Shut up," he muttered at the voice in his head.

"Hey, Roy," Riza greeted, turning from Hohenheim. Her eyes danced with amusement, her smile radiant, causing his stomach to flutter.

"Hello, Roy." Hohenheim offered his own smile. "Riza, I'll speak to you later. I need to prepare for my next class."

"Okay, see you later," she bid with another friendly smile.

 _Was it friendly, or was it_ too _friendly?_

"How was your lunch?" she asked.

"All right," he replied. "Sorry, I need to go."

He felt slightly bad about leaving her there, but he wasn't in the mood to listen to Maes who was _still_ laughing or deal with the fact someone else might like Riza like he did.

Oh my god. Was he _jealous_?

No, he wasn't jealous. He wasn't. He was –

Oh my god, he was.

The knot in his stomach twisted tighter at the revelation.

This… this was not good. He needed to get out. He needed to escape. Another epiphany was on its way to the front of his mind and he couldn't realise it now, not with so many people watching.

 _Roy, you're being an idiot. You know that, right? Hohenheim is married and has two kids._

He _was_ an idiot.

Not quite believing he had let his thoughts and emotions run away from him like that, he coughed in embarrassment as he descended the stairs to the ground floor corridor to begin the long walk to the opposite end of the school.

To make matters worse, he had Hohenheim's kid in his next class. Edward Elric was a gifted student who hated Roy for a reason he had yet to comprehend. The boy hadn't _said_ anything to him directly, however, Roy had seen the graffiti in the bathrooms. While Edward's words were incredibly creative and descriptive – something that made English teacher Maes Hughes incredibly impressed and proud of Ed – they were not the most pleasant. And Roy _knew_ it was him. He would recognise those chicken scratches anywhere. His tests were barely legible however Roy knew every answer would be right. The kid had a gift with chemistry. It was too bad he didn't apply it to other aspects of his life, like respecting his elders. The worst part was, Ed _knew_ that every answer would be right as well.

Grumbling to himself as he retreated to his classroom, Roy sullenly thought about how he couldn't catch a break lately.

First, he thought Hohenheim – a happily married man with two kids, one of which Roy taught – was getting too friendly with Riza. _It was only too friendly because you didn't want it to be. She was happy to talk to him. You wanted it to be_ you _making her laugh like that_. Secondly, he just discovered that he might actually be jealous because he was too nervous to talk to Riza himself and venture into the territory of possibly going out to do something out of school hours, rather than chaperone a trip to the science centre in Central City together. That had been an experience, and not the good kind. In short, it ended with Roy chasing down a chicken that had somehow, _magically_ , come free from an exhibit while a certain golden haired teenager cackled madly to himself while Riza watched with a smile and shook her head.

That smile had made it all worth it.

The moment of clarity hit him in that instant, clutching his now cold coffee, the grip on his papers now crumping them into a mess.

He was jealous because he was in love with Riza.

It all made sense. It was idiotic, jealousy had no part in his life, but regardless, it was there, and it just confirmed feelings he had been hiding from since he met her. There had always been something between them, but neither were bothered about it or interested in taking it further. Well, that's what he thought anyway.

He was… in love…

 _Oh,_ shit _._

"Roy?" he heard Riza call to him.

Cringing at the unexpected conversation – and therefore requiring a bullshit reason as to why he had appeared to be in such a bad mood leaving the staff room – Roy turned and gave her what he hoped qualified as a smile and not a constipated look. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, of course. Why?" he replied automatically. The question had been asked without thinking, and he was regretting it now. That three-letter word opened up an excuse for Riza to turn it back on him and ask why he was in such a foul mood.

"You seem… Off. Is something bothering you?"

 _Yes_. "No."

Riza eyed him critically, approaching him. He felt himself straighten when she was finally in front, the faint smell of her perfume wafting pleasantly towards him. The papers he was holding under his arm were clutched tighter. Very soon they would be a lost cause.

"Something _is_ bothering you. I know it is."

Roy resisted the urge to squirm underneath her gaze. Once he finally met her eyes, he was pulled in by their warm caramel colour. Oh, how he would love to lose himself in those eyes…

Riza's expression softened and she smiled, as if she finally figured out what was wrong. He felt himself sweat, his shirt sticking to his back uncomfortably. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." _Well, that was a pathetic squeak, wasn't it?_

"Not even over coffee tonight, after – and outside of – school?" she asked. Roy blinked in surprise back at her. That was not… what he expected.

"Uh, yeah. Sure," he replied, feeling very graceful as he stuttered over his words. Riza's smile was bright, a knowing look crossing her face. Did she just –

The shrill ring of the bell signalling the end of their lunch hour almost cut off her reply. "It's a date." With a grin she turned around, heading back the way she came.

 _A date_. Roy grinned to himself, feeling slightly idiotic in the slowly filling hallway. However, nothing would put a damper on his afternoon now. He had a date with Riza Hawkeye tonight.

Suddenly, his next class didn't seem so bad.


	17. all for you

**AN: "Hey! I was wondering if you're taking requests? If you are do you think maybe you could do a royai fic where Roy gets injured badly and its partially Riza's fault? Like she rushed in or something? If not I understand ❤️ keep up the good work btw I love your writing 💕" - Anon**

* * *

He had to move. He had to get there _now_. If he didn't, Hawkeye and Havoc's lives could be in danger.

 _Move, move, move!_ His feet pounded the pavement to the beat of that word in his head.

They had been pursuing an arm's dealer for a few weeks and Roy had dispersed the team to search different areas of the city where they could be holed up. Hawkeye and Havoc had been assigned as a team, dispatched to the warehouse district. Breda and Fuery were sent west but were now hightailing it to the warehouse district. Roy had held back at the office because Fuery informed him Falman had been trying to contact him. However, apparently there had been a bad storm near Briggs and communication lines were down for an hour before Falman could get through.

It was Falman himself who explained the situation to Roy. It appeared Briggs had _finally_ caught wind of the possibility of their cover being blown and his former comrade desperately detailed what would happen should the team blow Cole's cover. _It only took them three weeks to realise_ , Roy growled to himself. _How is the military_ this _incompetent? Sending its own soldiers to pursue each other._

"It was need to know only, Brigadier General, sir," Falman elaborated in a hushed tone. Even though the worst of the storm had passed, the line still crackled with interference. "And once I caught wind of what was happening, I couldn't leave you in the dark."

"I appreciate that, Falman," Roy replied gratefully, his mind elsewhere and running a mile a minute, trying to figure out how to alert the team to back off _immediately_. "Thank you."

"I won't keep you sir, I know you have work to do," Falman stated, tone changing, voice rising in volume. Someone was nearby and possibly listening in.

"Thank you, Falman. I'll be in touch."

"Sir."

The warehouse came into view at the end of the street Roy just turned onto. The nondescript beige building didn't look like it was housing an undercover operation, however that was the whole point. Apparently, Olivia Cole, their target, had been meeting here with the Drachmans, so even her base of operations needed to look convincing. The paperwork there alone would incriminate the Lieutenant to Hawkeye and Havoc.

Only Olivia Cole wasn't an arm's dealer. Second Lieutenant Cole was in fact in the middle of an undercover operation from Briggs to locate the _real_ arm's dealer who was smuggling Drachman weapons into Amestris. She had worked with the real Drachmans, but had yet to discover the mysterious identity of the ring leader. This warehouse was where Cole and her new "friends" were located. If Hawkeye or Havoc shot Cole then there could be severe consequences. Hawkeye would follow her gut and if even the slightest thing appeared off about the Briggs' soldier, or if any of the other men tried anything, she would shoot to incapacitate her, leaving the undercover operation blown wide open, giving the real target a chance at escape.

General Armstrong had a soft spot for Hawkeye, however this operation was top priority, Falman explained, and probably wouldn't hesitate to berate and possibly court martial anyone who disrupted this for the Briggs' soldier.

That's why Roy needed to get there before it all went to hell.

The door had been propped open with a piece of metal piping. Roy eased himself in carefully, wary of not putting too much pressure on the metal as he eyed the rusty hinges, daring them to make a sound to announce his presence.

"Get down," Hawkeye commanded, and Roy heard a gun cocking as he entered the main room.

"You don't want to do this," an unfamiliar female voice told them sternly. Lieutenant Cole. He edged further into the room, weaving in and out of the maze of crates which probably housed "weapons". Props. The only real weapons in here would be the ones Cole had obtained from the real arm's dealer.

Roy crouched behind a crate, eyes peeking over the top as he took in the scene before him. Lieutenant Cole was on her knees, hands behind her head, gaze defiantly staring back at Hawkeye and Havoc. Both his soldiers had their guns trained on the Lieutenant. Other men were beside Cole, the real Drachmans, each with a face of thunder. His Lieutenants had done a grand job getting them all on their knees and surrendered, however this wasn't good.

 _Shit_. Hawkeye's finger repositioned on the trigger.

He could snap. He could activate his array and use the flames to push them back from Cole, but there was no knowing how much gunpowder was in these crates. If Roy did that, the explosion could be catastrophic.

 _Think Roy, think!_

"I would reconsider, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Cole tried one final time, her face twisting into an angry snarl. Roy's gaze snapped between the "arm's dealer", her men, and Hawkeye, who was a second away from pulling the trigger. Cole stared right back at Hawkeye, eyes dangerous. She looked every bit the part of a Drachman spy, and sounded like it too, her accent thick. Falman wasn't joking when he said this was a serious operation. Cole wasn't budging in her resolve or tempted to reveal anything despite the fact she might very well be incapacitated there and then.

Cole's hands begun to move from behind her head and that was when Roy begun to move. He vaulted over the crate with ease, breaking into a sprint towards the standoff happening only a few metres away. He knew he only had a matter of time, because he knew Hawkeye had already made her decision. As soon as Cole's hands moved, Hawkeye's expression turned neutral and her finger begun to depress the trigger.

It was stupid, it was reckless, but if it saved Hawkeye's life, and her career, Roy would do it. He always would. Cole's "men" begun to shift too, hands reaching for hidden weapons.

This was the only way Roy could think of to stop Cole from getting hurt, and therefore ending the Briggs' operation. It would give them the element of surprise as well. A Lieutenant shooting one of her own would cause enough confusion that it may just stun Cole's "comrades" to prevent them from shooting.

Havoc noticed Roy running at them in a full sprint, and so did the Drachmans. Havoc's lips parted in surprise, realisation dawning on him that something was _very_ wrong. The Drachmans looked confused, faces twisting in anger as they spotted another Amestrian soldier. Roy heard Havoc say something, but his entire focus was on reaching Hawkeye before that bullet left the chamber.

Roy didn't even hear the gunshot. He just kept running. There were two shouts, one from Cole and one from Havoc, as Roy felt his body jerk. Hid right shoulder twisted painfully from the force of the bullet, spinning him around to face Hawkeye. He saw her face as he fell to the ground, mouth parted in shock, expression horrified. Roy crashed painfully onto his side, his brain finally catching up with what his body was feeling. He gasped, pain exploding throughout his entire body.

His right shoulder burned intensely. It was almost as bad as when he had sealed his wound closed two years ago. There was a wetness spreading across it and down his arm. His left shoulder, that had hit the ground, ached and he was sure something had _crunched_ inside as he fell. Roy felt pain in his hip too, which had also contacted the ground roughly.

"Shit! Boss!" Feet pounded the concrete below him as the Drachmans fled, obviously noticing who exactly it was bleeding out in front of them.

Havoc rolled him over onto his back and Roy groaned as he moved. It was too much. Spots danced in his vision, the edges greying as the pain become too much for him. However, he still had a job to do. He had to protect his subordinates. He was partly responsible for this mess and it was up to him to sort it out.

"Don't," Roy managed to get out. "Don't… shoot her." His head rolled to his right, seeing Cole blinking at him in surprise. She was frozen in place, hands poised above her head, the other men long gone. Why she had decided to provoke Hawkeye and Havoc, Roy didn't know, but it pissed him off. Surely the solider – a _Briggs'_ soldier – knew the implications of moving from a position of surrender like that while under scrutiny at gunpoint.

Another wave of pain washed over his body as Havoc put pressure on his wounded shoulder.

"Sorry, Boss," Havoc muttered.

The question regarding Cole was for another time.

"Shit! Hawkeye!" Havoc barked, head snapping up. "Phone an ambulance! Now!"

Roy's head rolled back to his left, gaze lazily moving towards Hawkeye. The look on her face made fear coiling in his own stomach. She was pale, _so_ pale. Her eyes were wide with terror, the gun barely being held in her grip anymore as she stared back at her superior.

Surely the implication of what she had just done was weighing on her mind. That thought would have made his stomach clench if he were not so focussed on his fading vision.

Roy had known this was what he was stepping into when he ran from behind that crate. Taking that bullet and saving Cole's life meant scrutiny wouldn't fall on Hawkeye and Havoc. By taking out Cole, Hawkeye would be ending the Briggs' operation. If anything, Roy would be the one under scrutiny for sending his team into this mission, which ultimately ended in him being shot. However, he could play the card that he was unaware of the situation and was only following orders. So were Hawkeye and Havoc, however they were "less valuable" to the military – a thought that made his blood boil – so wouldn't be exempt from punishment. A Brigadier General diving in front of a bullet for his fellow soldier would add enough heroism that it may just get them out of this messy situation unscathed.

Plus, they could play it off as the criminals who begun the shootout. It wasn't right, but until Cole's operation ended, that was what the military would be led to believe.

This would just leave him with a hell of a set of consequences to deal with personally, rather than professionally. He'd take that and protect Hawkeye any day.

"Hawkeye!" Havoc called desperately. The former had yet to move from the spot, her hands trembling, the gun shaking in her loose grasp. It clattered to the floor. Roy heard movement and Cole spoke quietly and urgently, her accent gone, giving her identity to an operator and calling for an ambulance.

Wave after wave of pain engulfed Roy and he didn't last much longer under consciousness. He was feeling lightheaded, the roof above him spinning sickeningly. He was losing blood and judging by the pulse he could feel in his injured shoulder, it was a lot.

No sound came out when Roy opened his mouth, trying to speak to his subordinates. It was too much of an effort to move his head one final time, so he tried to convey to Hawkeye what he wanted his say just though his eyes.

 _I'll be fine_.

 _Please, don't be mad._

 _Don't blame yourself._

The ceiling finally dimmed, his eyes closing as he heard a very distraught and choked yell. Riza was yelling his name…

* * *

 _What did you_ do _?_

Riza barely felt the blanket Havoc had draped over her shoulders. She sat with her elbows resting on her knees, hands clasped in front of her, head bowed in shame, anguish, pain, you name it.

 _You shot him_.

Riza shuddered, taking a shaky breath. Her hands gripped one another even tighter as she tried to control the shaking in her body, her knuckles white.

 _You fucking_ shot _him._

There was a pressure on her back, and she jerked. Havoc had taken up a spot next to her on the uncomfortable hospital chairs. His hand rubbed lazy circles on her back in an attempt at comfort and to soothe her, but Riza's mind was in too much turmoil.

She had shot her superior officer.

She had shot _Roy_.

The ever-present urge to vomit creeped its way back up her throat.

"It wasn't your fault," Havoc reminded her for what felt like the hundredth time. "He dove in front of that bullet to protect Cole."

"Why," she whispered.

Havoc shrugged. They had only recently been filled in on the situation by Fuhrer Grumman, who stopped by a short while ago to see how the Brigadier General was doing. "The doctors are doing their best for Brigadier General Mustang now," was all they were told. That bile crept higher and higher every time that explanation floated through her head.

 _If he dies_ … _Because of_ you _…_

Riza thought her fingers might break if she gripped them any tighter.

Havoc sighed, gently prying her hands apart and taking them in his. "Hawkeye? Look at me." It took her a while, but she finally did. Havoc's eyes were understanding, and sympathetic, but there was a certainty in them. "This was _not_ your fault. He chose to dive in front of that bullet. Mustang _chose_ to do that. You were only doing your job, and this was an unfortunate result of Mustang's rash decision." Havoc huffed a laugh. "You know how he is. Especially when it comes to us. To _you_."

Riza stiffened in her chair as Havoc gave her hands a quick squeeze. He stood from the chair, fingers diving into his trouser pockets to pull out a packet of cigarettes. He appeared to be calm, but Riza recognised the signs of stress. His face was pulled tight, his movements stiff as he walked to greet Breda. Havoc's tone was strained as they conversed quietly, too quietly for Riza to make out what was being said. Before she knew it, Breda sat down in the chair Havoc had just vacated.

"He's a dumbass," Breda remarked quietly with a humourless chuckle. "I can't believe he did that. Well, I can absolutely believe _why_." Breda shook his head. " _To protect her and Havoc_ ", apparently. Riza shuddered, picturing Mustang's face as he was hit, body jerking and spinning towards her, eyes wide with shock, expression twisting with pain.

And she had just _stood there_ and done nothing as Havoc yelled at her to phone an ambulance. It had been their so-called "arm's dealer" that had saved his life and protected him.

Not her, Mustang's bodyguard.

 _You're useless_.

Lieutenant Cole fled the scene after placing the call, just as Breda and Fuery arrived. The MPs and the ambulance were only a few minutes out as the other two team members took in the picture before them, Mustang bleeding out on the floor and Havoc yelling for help. Riza had just stood there, body shaking uncontrollably. Fuery wrapped an arm around her shoulders in comfort, trying to soothe her, but she heard the way his voice shook in fear at seeing their strong, caring, and fearless leader dying on the floor.

Breda disappeared and when the MPs entered with their guns drawn Riza thought they were there to arrest her. Something coiled within her then, her fight or flight instinct kicking in.

"Where is the shooter?" one barked, eyeing the crates that could have been hiding an assailant. Riza tensed.

"They fled out the back," Breda barked, pointing in the opposite direction Cole left in. "We arrived just to see them shoot at Mustang and then escape. Lieutenants Havoc and Hawkeye were here when it happened."

The MP's gaze snapped to them both. "Did you see them?"

Havoc had always been quick to think on his feet. He backed away from Mustang as the paramedics loaded him onto a stretcher and placed an oxygen mask over his mouth. Riza noted Havoc's hands were bloody. _You caused this_. He nodded. "I saw them. I saw them shoot the Brigadier General," he snarled. Riza thought his anger was targeted towards her.

"It was the situation," he had explained quietly as Breda drove them to the hospital behind the ambulance. "I wasn't angry at you." His fists clenched atop his knees. "If anything, I'm angry at Mustang. He chose to do this to us without warming. And, we were left in the fucking dark by General Armstrong and Fuhrer Grumman and he had to pay for it. So, did you."

"Hawkeye?" Breda called to her, giving her shoulder a shake. She was roughly thrown back into the present where the never-ending ache that throbbed throughout her whole body came crashing back into her consciousness. The shaking had almost stopped, but her mind was still punishing her severely. "You with me?"

She released a shaky breath and nodded, unable to speak.

"Shit," Breda murmured. His head snapped up, looking down the hall. Riza's head slowly moved to look as well, seeing MPs approaching them. If she moved any faster, she thought she might snap and break in two, that's how tightly she was wound.

Riza really wasn't in the mood to talk to them right now.

 _You'd have to tell them you fucking_ shot _him._

"Lieutenant Hawkeye, we would like to ask you –" She shut her eyes, blocking out their voices.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye is in shock at the minute. The shooters targeted her before ultimately hitting the Brigadier General," Breda lied smoothly. Riza's eyes popped open in surprise. "I witnessed the attack and can answer any questions you may have."

Riza watched as the MP's lips pursed, clearly unhappy, but nodded in agreement. "Right this way, Second Lieutenant Breda."

* * *

As Roy opened his eyes, he heard someone in the room gasp quietly. Groggily, he blinked, his eyelids taking a while to respond to his brain's request. The harsh, white light blinded him, and, in that moment, everything came rushing back. The warehouse. Cole and Hawkeye. The bullet entering his shoulder.

Hawkeye's horrified expression.

His head lolled, rolling to face the direction he heard the gasp from. Hawkeye sat by his bedside, posture stiff and expression stricken. Her eyes betrayed her true feelings. Terror, shame, concern… They were all there.

"Lieutenant?" Roy croaked. The pain that had been a dull reminder in his shoulder flared suddenly and he hissed in pain, closing his eyes. He never saw Riza's pained expression. "Are you okay? Where is Cole?" There was a pause, so Roy opened his eyes again, teeth gritted against the pain. He froze when he saw Riza's expression.

"Fled the scene, sir," she replied. It was barely perceptible, but Roy heard the wobble as she said "sir".

 _She thought this was her fault_. That much was obvious, and, of course, Hawkeye would think that. _He_ had chosen to do it, to protect her and Havoc. It was dumb and ridiculously reckless, but it saved them a world of trouble.

"Good. And you? Lieutenant Havoc?"

"All right, sir. Fuhrer Grumman filled us in on the… situation."

He breathed a sight of relief. "Good." _They were safe._ "I must apologise, Lieutenant. I acted without thinking and you paid the price for it. I'm so sorry." His earnest eyes met hers, which were grief stricken. She nodded, but the action was stiff.

"Understood, sir," she replied sharply. His gaze flicked down as he noticed movement. Her hands were atop her thighs, fingers digging into the fabric of her trousers. They were white with the force of it as she tried not to break apart.

"Don't you dare blame yourself for this," Roy added, tone disapproving. "I chose to do this of my own free will."

"Why?" she finally choked out, that one syllable telling Roy all he needed to know. She was hurt as to why he decided to throw himself in front of her gun and desperate for an explanation.

"To save you." Hawkeye blinked back at him in surprise. "Cole was part of an undercover operation, as you now know. If you had shot her, the whole thing would be blown open and you may have been court martialled by Briggs for interfering with the mission. The fact you weren't aware of it would be overlooked if Cole died. And I know you never miss.

"Plus, with the other Drachmans present we could play it off as a shoot out that ended unfortunately for me."

"Sir, I…"

"Yes, Lieutenant?" She was obviously struggling, and Roy's voice softened. "You've never held back before, Riza." Her gaze snapped up to his at the use of her first name. "Don't hold back now."

"I _shot_ you," she let out in a rush.

"You didn't," he replied patiently. "I moved in front of that bullet."

"It was because of _me_ that you were shot," she tried again, voice rising in volume.

"Riza," Roy replied slowly and carefully, his tone suggesting she should calm down and _think_. He wasn't sure how long he had been out for, but he knew for a fact that Hawkeye would have been blaming herself this whole time. " _I_ chose this. Not you."

Suddenly, her hands gripped his good arm tightly. They were cold against his skin, a momentarily uncomfortable sensation, then he felt himself relax at her touch, as he had done so many times before.

Hawkeye took a moment to compose herself, eyes closing briefly. Roy watched with fascination, but hating how he had done this to her, knowing he would do it again in a heartbeat if it protected her. The niggling sensation in the back of his mind, reminding him this was just another thing to add to his "The Ways You Have Hurt Hawkeye" list, never went away though.

"I shot you," she repeated. Just from her tone Roy knew this had been repeated in her head over and over. "Something I promised I would never do." At his confused expression, Hawkeye elaborated. "Never without clear intent." She took a deep breath. "I swore an oath to protect you from harm, and I take that very seriously, sir –"

"Riza, please," he begged her. They were so beyond superior and subordinate right now.

"And I wasn't able to protect you from myself," she continued, too lost in her own self-destructive thoughts to hear him. "I'm useless."

Roy gripped her hand tightly. "Don't you _ever_ say that." His dark eyes pierced hers, daring her to challenge him. " _I_ was the useless one. _I_ didn't figure out what was going on until the last second. I sent the whole team out to find Cole, and it was Falman who informed me of the operation, at great risk to himself."

"Falman told you?" Hawkeye asked, momentarily distracted.

"Yes. He called before I left HQ. I would have reached you all sooner but there was a storm that cut the communication lines with Briggs. I was almost too late."

"Why… You jumped in front of the bullet," Hawkeye muttered. This was something she was struggling to wrap her head around and, to be perfectly honest, Roy was still baffled as to how his brain decided that was the best course of action. All it had taken was seeing Hawkeye being dismissed from the military, demoted, taken from his side, and he knew he had to so something, _anything_ , to protect Cole and her operation.

"Because I knew it would give us the advantage, the element of surprise. I don't enjoy being hurt, contrary to popular belief at this point," he joked, pleased when he saw one corner of Hawkeye's mouth quirk upwards to a smile, then it was gone. "But if Cole was injured and I had to call it in using her identification, and the Drachmans overheard, the real target would catch wind of it and flee, blowing her cover and all she had worked towards."

Hawkeye nodded as she processed the information, posture slowly relaxing. They weren't out of the woods just yet. It would take her a long time to come to terms with what happened today, but so long as she understood he did this of his own volition, that was all that mattered right now. Yes, she had shot him, but he put himself in front of that bullet to protect Cole and, ultimately, Hawkeye. He couldn't take her being removed from his team again. Riza thought she was useless, but it was _he_ who was the useless one without her. Without Riza Hawkeye his whole team would fall apart, him included. She was the glue that held them all together, no doubt about it. Roy was sure the whole team would agree on that one.

He couldn't take her being court martialled either. Whether it would have come to that or not, Roy wasn't sure. He was glad he would never have the opportunity to find out because he couldn't lose the woman he loved like that.

"Just… Promise me one thing?" Hawkeye asked.

"Anything."

"Please try to be less dramatic, sir," Hawkeye replied, eyes becoming sad once more, the grip on his hand tightening. "No more jumping in front of bullets."

"Who is the one giving orders here?" he quipped, raising an eyebrow in amusement. He chuckled at her stern glare, giving her hand a squeeze. "I will," Roy promised. "For you."

"Thank you… Roy."


	18. blame and trust

**AN: "If you have the time, could you write a royai oneshot where a mission for ed and al goes wrong and they find nothing on getting their bodies back and they narrowly avoid getting killed, so ed is angry and blames mustang and says that he'll eventually get his whole team killed and that no one really trusts him and Roy's upset about it so Riza comforts him? By the way, I really love your royai oneshots and your havolina oneshots. I have a guilty pleasure for both royai and havolina" - Musicbook20**

 **i've never written anything like this before, so thanks for the new challenge! also, prepare for angst (as per usual with me khgfsd)**

 **if anyone else has a requests hmu!**

* * *

"Edward –"

"No!" Edward growled, expression twisting in anger as soon as Roy spoke. "Don't "Edward" me!" he yelled, his tone mocking as he repeated back his own name. Roy blinked then frowned at the sudden anger. He could understand why he was angry, but this reaction was bordering on ridiculous. Then again, this was Edward Elric he was talking about. If one was to look up "violent verbal outburst" in the dictionary, Edward's picture would be there. "You blew this for us, you bastard. I hope you understand that!"

"Ed –" Roy sighed, tired of this argument already. The whole ride back to Central HQ, Edward had silently fumed in the backseat of the car after yelling his distaste at Roy's interference as a serial killer was so close to killing them. So, sue him, for not wanting the two brothers to die. Was that such a crime? He effectively got them into this mess with the military, the least Roy could do was look out for them as much as possible.

" _Why_ did you arrest him? Is it because you just don't want to ever see us get out bodies back?" Edward raged. "Why even _bother_ to assign us under you if you aren't going to help?!"

"Major Elric," Roy barked, his patience almost gone. Hawkeye stiffened beside him, shifting her stance slightly. "Control yourself."

"One day," Edward stated, eyes narrowing, his automail finger pointed menacingly at Roy. "You're going to get your whole team killed, and I doubt you'll even be sorry about it." Hawkeye opened her mouth to reply, but Alphonse didn't give her the chance.

"Ed!" his brother cried in shock. His fists clenched by his side, stance shifting in disapproval. "Stop it!" However, Edward wasn't listening to any of them, Roy realised it now. He was a teenager throwing a tantrum because he didn't get his own way. More like a fucking toddler.

Fine, let him have his tantrum. It would be the last time Roy tried to fucking help him.

"Mark my words, Mustang," Edward continued, voice ice cold. "You _will_ get them all killed one day, just like Brigadier General Hughes –"

Roy's blood ran cold. There was more than one gasp from the rest of the team behind him. Hawkeye stepped forward, but Roy threw his arm out to stop her. No, if Edward had something to say, Roy wanted to hear it. He was a masochist that way. This was what Roy deserved.

"Ed!" Alphonse shouted. This was the angriest Roy had ever heard him. It was not an emotion that should be associated with Alphonse Elric.

"None of them even _trust_ you, that's why –"

"Ed, shut up!" Alphonse shouted. That seemed to get through to his brother, because Edward finally stopped his tirade, rounding on his brother.

"What, Al? It's true!"

"That's _it_!" If the situation wasn't so serious, Roy might have laughed as Alphonse dragged his spitting angry brother out the door to the office by his shirt, the door slamming loudly behind them, shuddering in its hinges. They could still hear Edward yelling down the corridor, demanding Alphonse let him go.

Yes, it would have been funny. He might have laughed. Instead, Roy stood there as Edward's words washed over him, shame, guilt, and uncertainty following close behind.

"Sir –" Hawkeye began, tone low, with an edge of anger to it.

"Get back to work," he commanded, leaving no room for argument. Roy walked over to his desk, although even he had to admit it felt wooden. He was still too busy reeling from Edward's words.

 _They don't trust you._

 _You'll get them all killed._

How often had it happened now where he voiced those thoughts in his own head?

* * *

Mustang barely said a word to anyone else for the rest of the afternoon. Instead of his usual milling about the team's desks, hoping to find conversation and therefore a way out of his paperwork, he remained at his desk and actually did his work.

That was why Riza knew Edward's words had affected him.

Edward had been… justified, somewhat, in what he said, although Riza didn't approve in the slightest. In fact, she had felt angry towards the oldest brother, her eyes flashing in response to his words. Not only because they weren't true, Mustang did care about them _all_ , no matter what Edward appeared to believe, but because she also knew Mustang would take it to heart. He had only been trying to save the boy's lives, and had succeeded, but because they lost a solid lead to their newest connection to the Philosopher's Stone, Edward saw it as a personal attack against them. He was understandably frustrated, they _all_ were for the brothers, but that verbal lashing was unwarranted, especially the mention of the late Brigadier General.

Alphonse was the complete opposite. He had been horrified to hear Edward talk in such a way to Mustang and had angrily told Edward to come back and see them when "he was no longer acting insane". The youngest brother had waited with them all afternoon, but eventually, and apologetically, left for the evening around an hour ago. He was ashamed of his brother's actions, that much was true. Breda had explained to him why Mustang interfered.

The man they had been pursuing, Arthur Commons, was a serial killer in Central. This was unknown information to Edward and Alphonse. They hadn't mentioned a name when they revealed they were pursuing a lead, but when Fuery heard over the radio that Commons had been spotted, and Edward and Alphonse were with him, Riza had put two and two together – at the same time Mustang had – and they were up and out the office within two minutes. The last thing they needed was a serial killer who targeted children luring the two brothers in with false information about the Philosopher's Stone.

Once Alphonse found that out, he stewed silently for a while before leaving, probably to find Edward.

Five o'clock came and went and Mustang made no move to leave the office. The other men left, shooting their commanding officer concerned looks, while Riza reassured them quietly that she would take care of it.

"Sir?"

"You trust me, don't you?"

Riza hadn't expected that to be his response, but how could it not be? Her posture relaxed and she rounded his desk. Mustang sounded so… dejected. She couldn't let him wallow in this any longer.

"Do you even have to question that? At _this_ point in our lives?"

"I told myself that was the last time I helped them." He exhaled forcefully through his nose, as if trying to laugh. "But I know it won't be. I couldn't to do that to Alphonse, no matter how much of a little shit Edward is."

"I know, sir," Riza replied. "He was just frustrated, that's all. We all knew the plan, but they didn't. From the outside, I could see why Ed reacted the way he did. He had no idea Commons was a serial killer. I still don't think he does."

"He wouldn't have let me get a word in edgeways, either," he muttered under his breath, scrubbing at his face tiredly.

"Are you okay, sir?" Riza asked, noticing the darker circles under his eyes.

"Yeah, it's just…"

"What, sir?"

"I…" He sighed, sitting back in his chair. Mustang tipped his head back and gazed up at the ceiling as he spoke, rather than meeting her eyes. "I keep thinking about what Ed said –"

"Sir," Riza warned, gearing up to tell him it wasn't true. All the men on his team trusted Mustang with their lives, he should know not to question that by now.

"Let me finish, please. I kept thinking about what I did in Ishval, and how I betrayed your trust." His gaze lazily made its way down to meet her own, as if afraid he would see validation for his own fears in her eyes.

"Sir, we've talked about this," she reminded him gently, moving so she was closer. This was a moment of comfort, and Riza was wiling to give it to him. She always would be. She placed a hand on his shoulder.

"I know, but today reopened a fresh wound."

"You did what you had to do."

"You were so angry, though."

The hands that had been playing absentmindedly with his rank stilled. "I was." Her reply was simple, cautious. "Only because I didn't understand. Once I'd heard Bradley had decreed the murder of the Ishvalan people, only then did I understand. We both did horrific things. I won't justify it to say we did it to survive, because we didn't. Not really. It wasn't a life or death situation. We were ordered to murder innocents, plain and simple." Roy's hand lifted to cover her own, his skin a welcome sensation on hers. "We did it because were too young and stupid to know otherwise. However, now," Riza inhaled, placing her other hand on his other shoulders, giving them a quick squeeze as she stood behind him. "We fight to ensure nothing like that happens again."

"Right."

"And there's no one in this world I trust more to head this fight, than you." She felt Mustang relax under her hands while he gave them a quick squeeze, his thumbs stroking the backs of her hands. "Please," she added, tone softening. "Don't doubt my trust in you again."

"I always knew you trusted me, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't blind."

Riza chuckled softly. "You should know by now that could never happen. You gave me permission to shoot you, should you ever divert from the right path, so it wouldn't do if I was blind to your actions."

"I suppose your right," he smiled up at her. Her heart fluttered happily in her chest. She was pleased she had been able to soothe his fears for the moment. When Edward came back, however, that would be another battle they needed to win.

A knock at the door interrupted their quiet moment. Riza straightened and moved towards it, smiling back at Roy as his hand outstretched to follow her own, clearly wanting to hold onto it for as long as he could.

When Riza opened the door, Alphonse's metal arm shot past her, holding Edward by the scruff of his jacket, and shoving him without ceremony before her. Riza blinked at the older brother, slight disproval on her face. _How_ could he have doubted Mustang's loyalty to them all?

"Ed has something he wants to say to you," Al announced, sounding like a mother rather than Edward's brother.

"Can I… Can I talk to you?" Edward mumbled, eyes cast down to the floor.

Riza looked back towards Mustang, who's expression was schooled and controlled. He leaned back in his chair, eyes scrutinising Edward. He certainly looked sorry for what he said, and Riza supposed that was something.

"All right, Edward." Mustang's voice held a coldness to it and for once, Riza wasn't opposed to it. She watched Edward shuffle inside the room, her own cold eyes watching him. Like a dog with its tail between its legs, he stopped before Mustang's desk.

Riza closed the door behind the Elrics and moved over to the coffee pot. She had a feeling this was going to be along evening.


	19. understanding

**AN: "I was wondering if for your royai and havolina oneshots you could write something where rebecca can't understand why Jean trusts and follows roy and why riza loves roy until she sees roy take a bullet to the chest for riza and how upset and hysterical riza is about it. Later, Havoc explains that mustang would go to great lengths to protect anyone of his subordinates and how mustang had saved his life once and rebecca finally gets why they all trust mustang so much?" - Patsy Koala**

 **why do i keep hurting roy so much lmao sorry dude you got glacked again**

 **thank you for this request! i had so much fun writing it (angst is here again ladies and gents) and i hope you enjoy it!**

 **(also remember when i said a few chapters back these were all kind of "connected" in the same universe, excluding the straight up aus? 👀)**

* * *

Rebecca Catalina couldn't understand it. Why did Riza Hawkeye follow Mustang so readily and without question? Just by looking at them, she could tell they shared a bond, but why? Curiosity always got the better of her. Every time she tried to set up a date for Riza they only lasted one or two before her friend would shrug and tell Rebecca she wasn't interested in them. Rebecca had been frustrated as time wore on but seeing Riza and Mustang together she could see why Riza's attention was always elsewhere.

However, it didn't explain the trust and love. It was clear as day Riza loved him. Every time Rebecca would mention him, especially by first name, a small smile would appear on Riza's lips and her gaze would shift, staring off into the distance for a fraction of a second.

Mustang always appeared to be sleeping around though. Rebecca knew, she had seen him. He got _very_ cosy with the women he met up with in the evenings at this restaurant and that bar around the East and Central. This had been going on for years, but why did Riza love him so much, and not question that behaviour? Not react to it? The one thing Rebecca didn't want was for Riza to get her heart broken by him.

But as she watched Riza clutch a dying Roy Mustang in her arms, she finally understood. She had gotten the wrong end of the stick for years, but seeing them both in this situation, everything slotted into place. Jean's words echoed through her head at that precise moment, still frozen in shock from what she had just witnessed.

" _Mustang acted like he didn't care,_ " Jean had told her, when Rebecca questioned – in frustration – why Riza followed Mustang so readily for years. " _And that was exactly it, just an act, to throw off the higher ups and alleviate the suspicion such a young officer in such a high position would hold._ "

" _What do you mean?_ "

" _Think about it, Mustang acted lazy and played dumb, yeah? It was so he wasn't seen as a threat. Back then, if the Generals had any idea about how he_ really _was, and what his true goals were, he probably would have been restricted in his movements, kept in the same place so they could continue towards their plan for the Promised Day."_

" _Okay, that makes sense_ ," Rebecca agreed. " _But I don't get_ why _Riza followed him so blindly. She could have done so much more._ " _So much better_ , Rebecca had also thought at the time.

" _Oh, definitely_ ," Havoc agreed without hesitation. " _But after Ishval they both made a promise to each other, to reach the top and prevent anything like the genocide of the Ishvalan people from happening again._ "

" _That's why –_ " Rebecca cut herself off, finally realising.

Havoc nodded. " _That's why they did what they did. If they'd pulled the same stunt as Armstrong, the homunculi would have succeeded on the Promised Day._

" _Make no mistake,_ " Jean added gently. " _He cares about_ all _of us, not just Hawkeye. He loves her so much. I don't think I've ever seen anything like it before, and the feelings are mutual, which is why she is top priority to him, and vice versa._ "

Rebecca understood that now as Riza stood over her commanding officer, feet straddling his bleeding body, firing off rounds in quick succession, two assailants falling like dominoes. There was a coldness in her expression that Rebecca had never seen before.

The four of them had been enjoying drinks at Madame Christmas' bar that Friday night. Rebecca was behind the bar, looking after the place while the Madame took a night off.

After the Promised Day Rebecca had found her new calling in life after meeting the infamous Madame Christmas. Deciding this line of work was more thrilling than the military, she had been taken under the Madame's wing, and had begun to learn the way of information gathering. Plus, all the eye candy that came through the door was also a nice bonus. There was only one man on her mind nowadays though.

And her first shift overseeing the bar? Four armed men had entered the bar, firing shots.

As the door banged open, Mustang had turned sharply, even before Riza.

"Riza Hawkeye?" On instinct, she begun to turn, a frown on her face as she didn't recognise the voice.

Rebecca couldn't comprehend what her mind was seeing. Seeing the metal glint in the lamplight, Mustang's stool fell as he launched himself out of it to wrap his arms around Riza's midsection, his black coat billowing out behind him like a cape. If only it had moved upwards, covering them both from view. He pulled Riza into his arms as two guns fired, the bullets entering his body. Mustang fell to the floor with a _thud_. Before he hit Rebecca already had her gun out and fired at the man closest to her. She was rusty with a firearm, being out of the game for so long, but she could hold her own.

However, nothing could have held a candle to Riza Hawkeye, even when she was calm. This Riza had nothing but cold fury to fuel her, and that was _much_ more terrifying. The assailants never stood a chance.

When Riza hit the floor, Mustang's dead weight on top of her, she sprang to her feet beside Jean – who fired at another shooter – taking out the other two. This Riza was anything but calm. Before Rebecca could blink the two assailants were on the floor.

Then the screaming started.

"Roy!" one of Christmas' girls screamed. Another poked her head around the door to the back, a hand flying to her mouth as she took in the scene. Rebecca quickly barked an order at them to hide upstairs, still unsure of the situation and how secure the bar was.

"Nobody move!" Rebecca shouted. She vaulted over the bar and sprinted for the door, pistol raised and ready to fire. Jean was before the door right after her. Shooting her a quick look, his expression grim, she nodded. He kicked the door open and exited through, gun raised and ready to be trained on anyone who would dare shoot at them. The street was empty, save for a black sedan parked haphazardly outside.

"I'll keep watch," Jean announced, voice tight. "Get an ambulance."

"Right."

Rebecca raced back inside, only to come screeching to a halt. Mustang was on his back, a worryingly large pool of blood spilling onto the wooden floor. Riza was bowed over him, her eyes boring into his own. Rebecca saw something fall onto his face. A second later, she realised it was water.

Riza was crying.

One of the girls was already on the phone for an ambulance, speaking with such a calmness, it suggested she had done this before.

"No, no, no," Riza whispered over and over. Her hands were spread across his torso, putting pressure on his wounds. One was near his shoulders, the other down near his waist. "Roy," Riza called to him, voice broken. It made Rebecca's breath catch in her throat. It took her a few seconds to get moving, but Rebecca eventually crouched by Mustang's side and gently moved Riza's hands. Her friend's eyes tore away from Mustang's, flashing in a challenge.

"Let me," Rebecca urged, placing her own hands over the bullet wounds.

After Riza removed hers, she brought them to Mustang's face.

"Riza," he groaned, the coughed. Blood spattered on Riza's face, and she flinched, but didn't appear to be bothered by it.

"I'm here," she replied. Her bloody thumbs stroked against his cheekbones, making bile rise in Rebecca's throat. She had seen death, seen bloodshed, but this was so much worse. Mustang had never been her favourite person in the world, but she didn't dislike him. Rebecca had always admired his drive and ambition to change this country for the better. When she had discovered he was leading the coup against Bradley – and why – her respect for him only grew. What she hadn't liked, was the way he acted, especially towards Riza. It had been clear from _very_ early on that Riza was smitten with Mustang. It was hardly a surprise when Riza admitted it to her in confidence years ago.

Rebecca had struggled to figure out their relationship – and Mustang's feelings – ever since.

Riza looked distraught, broken, terrified, right now, emotions Rebecca would never have associated with Riza Hawkeye. But when it came to him…

Where the _hell_ was that ambulance?

"Good," he muttered, eyes closing. "Good…"

"Stay with me," Riza begged, shifting on her knees and readjusting the grip on his face. it caused his eyes to flutter open and that was enough for her. "Roy, stay with me! You don't get to die, not like this." They remained closed, not reacting to her words. Rebecca watched as the panic begun to rise in Riza. "No! Roy, open your eyes! We have so much left to do. You promised…" she whispered, tears falling thick and fast now. "You bastard, you promised!"

"I love you," he replied, voice barely above a whisper. Rebecca had to strain to hear it. "Remember that…"

"Roy!" Riza screamed.

"Riza?" Rebecca called urgently to her, trying to break through her hysteria. To be perfectly honest, she was terrified. Rebecca had never seen Riza react this way to anything _ever_. Seeing the wild panic, the fear, the hysteria, Rebecca finally understood why Riza Hawkeye followed Roy Mustang.

She loved him, and he loved her. Pure and simple.

Mustang coughed underneath Rebecca, his body shuddering with the effort. Rebecca's hands shifted, slick with his blood, and she fought to keep them in place.

"Get… somewhere safe… please."

"I'm not leaving you," Riza shook her head. "I'm never leaving you."

"We've got the place on lockdown, Roy," Rebecca told him. His head rolled, his unfocussed eyes looking in her direction. "There's nothing to worry about, we'll take care of you."

"Thank you," he breathed.

"Just – Just stay with me, Roy. Please," Riza begged, a hand moving up to his hair and stroking it down. The same hand made its way back to his face, cupping his chin. "I can't do this without you."

The door burst open once more and a teary eyes Riza Hawkeye lifted her firearm without hesitation. Rebecca's gaze snapped up, but she relaxed upon seeing the paramedics. What she didn't miss was how much Riza's hands were shaking.

Riza had a death grip on Rebecca's hands all the way to the hospital. Jean drove them behind the ambulance, weaving in and out of traffic, the emergency vehicle never leaving their sights. Rebecca didn't think anyone would dare stop General Mustang's car as it raced after an ambulance, in which he lay dying.

The worst part was not knowing his condition.

Despite their urging, Riza refused to leave the waiting room to return to her apartment. Mustang had been taken into surgery eight hours ago and they had yet to receive any word. The rest of the team joined Rebecca, Riza, and Jean in the small waiting room, each looking exhausted but worried. It had been midnight when Jean made the calls and here they were, at eight o'clock in the morning on a Saturday, still all gathered in silence as they awaited Mustang's fate.

Breda had sat in a chair for most of the night, lost in thought. His elbows rested on his knees, hands clasped together, covering his mouth, he stared at the linoleum tiles below him. He was the only one who regularly broke the silence. He asked questions regarding the shooting. "Why did they target Hawkeye?", "Were there anymore?", "Was this over?". Rebecca watched his brain run a mile a minute trying to figure out the mystery. After an hour or two – Rebecca lost track – Breda left for a while. When Rebecca got up to stretch her legs, she heard him on the phone down the hall, speaking in a low voice, asking someone to go to the Madame's bar and secure the area and collect evidence.

Fuery looked desolate when he entered the room, eyes fearfully finding Riza's stricken and tear stained face. Apparently, that was all he needed, and the young man nodded in understanding. He looked at Jean for a few moments, who shot him a look and Fuery nodded again, exhaling. He took up a chair next to Riza, the one Jean had recently vacated to pace instead. Rebecca had watched as his hands itched in his pockets, no doubt fiddling with the packet of cigarettes he held in there. She knew he would be dying to smoke but refused to leave the room.

That was what surprised her the most, adding further understanding to her initial question, was just how worried they were about Mustang. Each person in that room cared about their commanding officer a great deal, and Rebecca had been a fool to think Mustang didn't care about his staff. Loyalty and respect went both ways, especially with these men Rebecca had come to learn, so it spoke volumes that they had come to the hospital as soon as they heard and refused to leave until they knew he was going to be okay.

Even Falman had phoned twice through the night, asking about Mustang's condition and if there was anything he could do to help. Breda told him there wasn't, but they would keep him updated as soon as they knew the situation.

"Riza Hawkeye?" a doctor asked, entering the room. All eyes snapped up to the doctors, the woman looking slightly taken back by the response. Her gaze found the two women in the room, eyes asking which one was Riza. She stood wearily, as if the entire night had weighed down her body. The doctor took a deep sigh, a sympathetic look on her face, and that was all Riza needed. Rebecca's heart stopped, plummeting into the depths of the earth.

"No," Riza whispered. Rebecca's heart tore in her chest at the thought of Roy dead. No, he couldn't be. He was too stubborn to die. He –

The bastard, he couldn't leave Riza behind like this. They had so much left to do!

"You are named as legal guardian, should General Mustang be unable to answer any questions himself. He's stable – for the moment – but still in intensive care." He was… alive. Rebecca thought Riza was going to collapse. The hand on Rebecca's forearm tightened considerable, Riza's fingernails digging into her skin, hard. "At the current moment, he will appear to make a full recovery." The air in the room relaxed as the boys drank in the doctor's words like she was giving them water in the desert. "There's still risk of infection, but we are hopeful. If you can, Captain Hawkeye, could you please walk with me? We have many things to discuss and it's hospital policy that only family or named guardians are to be present."

Two hours later, Riza returned to the waiting room, eyes red and raw from crying.

But she smiled.

The air appeared to fill with air as everyone collectively exhaled in relief.

"He's okay," she whispered, voice hoarse. "He's going to be okay."

Jean enveloped Riza in a bear hug faster than anyone could blink. She returned it equally as fiercely, eyes squeezing tightly closed as she clutched her friend, a desperate need of comfort. Breda placed his hand on her hair, ruffling it as he chuckled in disbelief. Fuery was crying silently, crowding around the rest of the team as they all revelled in each other's comfort.

So. now, Rebecca knew exactly why they followed Mustang without question.

They all loved him, whether it was romantically in Riza's case, or platonically like the rest of the boys. There was a lot of care, respect, and loyalty between them, something which took years to develop and earn. There was no doubt in Rebecca's mind that it had all been an act.

Mustang cared deeply about his team. It was evident in the way they reacted to the news he was still among the living.

* * *

"You're… okay?" Roy asked, somewhat confused. His voice was hoarse and low, unable to speak louder than a whisper.

"I'm all right. Are you?" Riza asked, clutching his hand tightly.

"Sore," he mumbled, eyes fluttering closed in pain.

Riza was up and out of her seat in a second, unable to contain herself any longer. That had been the longest ten hours of her life and she didn't want to _ever_ go through something like that again.

Just as her eyes closed, she saw Roy's eyes pop open in surprise as Riza pressed her lips against his. There was a quiet sigh beneath her as she clutched the front of his hospital gown desperately.

"You saved my life," she murmured. "At the risk of your own."

"I saw it coming. Of course, I had to."

Riza chuckled, a tear falling down her cheek. "That's supposed to be my job."

"This stuff goes both ways, Riza," Roy replied, a smile forming on his face. His nose rubbed hers, Riza refusing to move too far away from him. Their breaths mingled together intimately. "Especially when you love someone."

Riza smiled, kissing him again before pulling back to look in his eyes. Dark circles plagued the skin under his eyes. His face was drawn tight in pain but didn't show any complaint. He wasn't out of the woods, but he was alive.

That was all that mattered to Riza after her night.

He was alive and still with her.

 _To you, I will always return_ , Riza heard in her mind, and she smiled to herself as Roy shifted, eyes fluttering closed in his exhaustion.


	20. nightmares

**AN: "if you have the time could you write another royai oneshot where Roy has a nightmare about ishval and calls Riza in a panic and she comes over and holds him while he cries?" - musicbook20**

 **consider it done! and thank you, again! :D**

 **TW: (not mentioned by name) allusions to rape**

* * *

Riza awoke in the night, startled. Normally she woke up like this after a nightmare, but as far as she could remember, her sleep had been dreamless before she had been jolted awake. No, the reason why was the shrill cry of the phone coming from her living room.

Cursing whoever was calling her at this time in the morning, Riza stumbled through, Hayate perking up himself and yawning. He hopped off the bed with a stretch and trotted after her, interested to see what all the fuss was about.

"Hello?" she asked, trying not to let her irritation show in her tone. She didn't do very well.

"Lieutenant?" Like a switch had been flicked, Riza was instantly awake. What was the Colonel doing phoning her? Had something happened? Was he okay? What – "Uh, sorry to wake you." She picked up a tremble in his voice. "I – I didn't really think, and I've just realised the time."

"Sir? What's wrong?"

There was silence on the other end of the line before she heard him take a deep breath.

"I had another nightmare." Now she understood the reason for the call, the hitch in his voice. "I'm sorry, it was dumb of me to call, I didn't think –"

"Roy?" The use of his first name stalled his babbling, the effect Riza had aimed for. "I'll be right over."

"No, it's fine, I – I –"

"Honestly, it's fine. You returned the favour last time."

There was a moment's pause before he replied, tone resigned, but grateful. "Right. Thank you."

The drive to his apartment wasn't a long one. Military assigned accommodation was all housed in one neighbourhood, separate from the civilian residential districts in Central. When Riza pulled up and parked, her eyes glanced up the building, spotting a single light on in the sea of darkness.

Roy greeted her at the door. His eyes were red rimmed like he had been crying. His hair stood on end and he looked exhausted. Something told Riza he hadn't been sleeping very well recently. He was an expert at covering it up at the office. He often joked it was because of his "late nights with a lovely lady", but he wasn't fooling Riza. She knew how much the war affected him, and still did to this day, three years later. There were no "lovely ladies" in his life either, something he confided in her about while drunk over a year ago. Only informants and loneliness.

It appeared they were both in a similar situation.

"Hey," he greeted, clearing his throat.

"Hey."

"Uh, come in. Make yourself at home."

Riza had only been here once before. Madame Christmas had called her to come pick him up from the bar and take him home. Roy had apparently been asking for "Elizabeth" all night and the Madame was not blind, nor was she an idiot. She knew fine well the relationship Riza and her nephew shared and knew just how complicated it was.

Upon arriving at the bar, Riza had simply rolled her eyes as Roy drunkenly declared "heyyy, Elizabeth is finally here!" very loudly to the room, swaying in his seat, eyes unfocussed.

"Not Elizabeth, sir, it's Lieutenant Hawkeye. You'll have to put up with me tonight instead." Her heart rate had risen, panicked that someone might have overheard a little _too_ much while Roy's tongue was loose thanks to the alcohol. Riza didn't doubt the Madame would have dealt with it, but it paid to be cautious, and from the babbling and the terrified look in his eyes after Riza brought him home, she knew he was simply drinking to forget.

Riza perched on the edge of the couch, watching his every move like her name's sake. He shuffled backwards and forwards, undecided about what to do with himself. After closing the door, he drifted to the kitchen, then stopped, moving back towards living room before stopping in the centre of his apartment's open plan area.

"Roy, do you want to sit down?" she asked when he remained frozen in place, a violent shiver overtaking his body. His head snapped up, as if remembering she was still in the room, before he nodded and shuffled to sit down next to her.

This behaviour… He was so unlike the Roy she knew. Gone was his confidence and bravado. Here, was a shell of a man, deeply affected by the horror he had caused and been subjected to in the war.

"What happened?" Riza asked. There was no point in beating around the bush. They both knew why they were here. He took a deep breath, but his voice caught on the first word. Roy stared at his coffee table, scrubbing his face with his hands.

"I…"

"Take your time," Riza reassured him after he fell silent.

"You died." His voice was so quiet and broken Riza's heart stopped. "They – They cornered us and restrained me while they… _took_ you away... a – around a corner. I heard your screams." He looked like he was going to vomit and Riza was pretty sure she looked the same way. "Th – then they brought you back." Roy was visibly shaking by this point. Riza moved over on the couch, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. His head lowered to her own shoulder, body violently shaking as he relived his nightmare. "And… And…"

"I'm right here," she soothed, fearing her own fear tighten her throat. She had heard stories around the camps about what happened to the female soldiers. The male Amestrian soldiers were just as bad towards the Ishvalans. She repositioned her arms, wrapping them tightly around his body. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I know," he muttered, taking a deep, shuddering breath. "I know that, but it was so real," he whispered. "They dragged you back to me, bloody and –" he choked on his next words and Riza shushed him, reassuring him he didn't need to continue. She got the picture. "And they executed you. Just like that. I couldn't stop it."

The pressure of her arms around his body increased as she held him close, eyes closing as a tear escaped from her eye. This could have been a very real possibility in Ishval. There was no doubt in her mind something like this had happened.

But it was just a dream, she repeated back to him. She was there. She was alive. They survived Ishval together and would work harder to ensure nothing like that ever happened again.

His cries grew louder, filling the dark apartment as Riza held him tightly. They rode through it together like they always did, gravitating back towards one another in times of crisis.

Eventually the shaking stopped and so did his sobs. When Roy pulled away his face was blotchy, eyes bright red, but he looked… at peace. Whatever demons had tried to worm their way into his mind to torture him were banished.

"Thanks to you," he whispered against her skin as he kissed it, showering her body in his affection as they moved together under the sheets in his bedroom. "I love you," he whispered against her hip bone, lips trailing their way up to capture her own. "So much, I can't bear the thought of not getting to touch you as often as I should."

"I love you, Roy," she moaned in reply, back arching as his fingers moved across her skin. She placed a hand on his cheek, bringing his attention to her face. They gazed at each other, lost in their lover's eyes. "And we will fight this. Together." His reply was to kiss her deeply, pressing both their bodies down further into the mattress.

"Another late night, boss?" Havoc asked, waggling his eyebrows as he entered the office a few hours after Riza left him. She pretended not to be listening, like always, however she was morbidly curious about what the Colonel's answer would be.

"Huh?"

"You look like you haven't slept all night," Havoc laughed, a smirk on his face.

"Oh, right. Yeah," Mustang grinned back, his façade sliding into place.

"So, who was it this time?"

"You wouldn't know her," the Colonel shrugged while Havoc pouted. Honestly, he was worse than the gossips around HQ.

"Come on, boss. Give us something. Anything."

"Oh, all right." Riza tensed, preparing to block out their guy talk about their conquests. Even if Roy's were made up, the women were very real and were part of the Madame's information network. Riza wasn't privy to his personal life, and vice versa. Her brain often reminded her that even though his "dates" weren't actually dates, he could be out there with other women.

Women who weren't her.

"This one was pretty special," she heard the Colonel reply, the tone of his voice soft. "She has helped me through a lot over the years." The men – well, Havoc and Breda – ooh-ed like a couple of teenagers.

"I bet she did," Breda muttered, and Havoc snorted at the insinuation.

"She's the most important person in my life right now, to be perfectly honest." Riza smiled to herself, eyes never lifting from her paperwork as she continued to work.

"Aw," Havoc cooed. "The Colonel is smitten."

"Give it a week," Breda snorted.

"No, I don't think so," Mustang replied. "I think this one is here to stay."

Riza wiped the smile off her face as she stood and approached his desk. Her expression was a stark contrast to what she was feeling inside. Warmth spread from the top of her head right down to her toes, her stomach flip-flopping in response to his confession.

"Really, Colonel?" she scolded, eyebrow raised. "Don't you have work to do, sir?"

"Ah, yes, Hawkeye. Thank you," he replied sheepishly, giving the boys a wink, a promise to continue this conversation at a later time. Both men satisfied, they turned and walked back to their desk.

"Your paperwork for the day, sir," Riza stated, handing him the pile. His gaze met hers for a brief moment and he smiled at her. It was different from his usual ones that were mostly smug because he knew he had been right all along about something. This was kind, appreciative, and thankful. It told Riza he had meant every word.

"Thank you, Lieutenant," he murmured softly, taking the pile from her hands. Riza returned to her desk and refocussed her attention, but Roy's words, and the memory of the night they shared, floated around her head for the remainder of the working day.


	21. panic

**"I was wondering if for your royai collections you could do something where Roy has a really bad panic attack in front of his whole team because he's been stressed and having nightmares about ishval and just not sleeping very well and the team panics and don't know what to do but Riza calms him down and takes him into his office then Roy's humiliated for freaking out in front of his team but Riza reassures him that it's fine and that no one will think of him any differently and he just holds her for a little bit?" - November Flowers**

 **consider it done my friend. hurt/comfort royai is love, hurt/comfort royai is life**

* * *

"Lieutenant?" The call was strained, signalling something was amiss immediately to his subordinates. Roy could barely care though, his eyes only focussing on the words on the sheet of paper in front of him, although by now they had begun to swim as he lost focus.

"Sir?" Hawkeye asked in concern, brow furrowed as she entered the room. When their eyes met, no words were needed. She understood what was happening immediately.

"You okay, boss?" Breda asked, stepping into the room.

"What's up?" Havoc added, poking his head around the door.

They had been privy to one of Roy's episodes before. The whole team had. However, it didn't make it any les humiliating for the Colonel.

"All of you," Hawkeye barked. "Out." Breda and Havoc didn't need to be told twice, closing the door hastily after them. Hawkeye rounded his desk, crouching down so she was at eye level. "Sir? I need you to breathe for me. Can you do that?"

Roy barely heard her. The panic was still building and had already overwhelmed him. He felt like he was drowning, taking great, loud, gasping breaths to try and get air into his lungs. His mind was filled with flames, the smell of burning flesh assaulting his nostrils. He was back there, in the desert, being torn apart by their screams and his own actions.

A pair of arms circled around his torso, lifting him from his desk chair. Roy clung to Hawkeye's blue jacket, throwing all sense of professionalism and propriety out the window, and buried his face in the crook of her neck. He used to do this when they were teenagers, when… Well, when they could love each other freely.

But they had traded that freedom with the blood of innocents.

After Ishval things had been different, however being so close to Riza helped. She had been there with him, knew the horrors they had both caused and witnessed. They suffered together. So, when he had a panic attack, she was always there to comfort him.

It had been a while since his last one. Since before Riza had come to work for him. He chalked it up to her calming presence and how she kept him sane. However, all it took was to receive a report of murdered of Ishvalans by fire and it all came rushing back.

The office was deadly silent, save for his shuddering breaths as he tried to reign in the panic and Riza's hushed words as she rubbed his back in comfort.

"Is he okay?" Breda whispered. Roy's hands tightened their hold on Riza's jacket. He didn't want them to see him like this. He was Roy Mustang, "Hero of Ishval", playboy, the youngest Colonel in the Amestrian Military. He was supposed to be strong and fearless. However, Riza Hawkeye said it best. "Even the strongest fall sometimes. Just like I watch your back, I'll catch you if you fall."

"I'll talk to them," Riza reassured him.

"You don't need to –"

"I will." As always, she left no room for argument. "What was it this time?"

"The – The report."

Riza pulled away and Roy instantly missed their closeness. She didn't stray far because he snaked his arm around her waist, keeping her body pressed against his side. Riza either didn't mind or didn't fully realise how they were standing as she moved towards his desk. He wasn't ready to let go yet. His breathing had calmed but his heart still raced, and the feeling of panic still had its grip on him. At least the walls didn't feel like they were closing in on him anymore and the ache in his chest had dulled. Among a million other things, he had Riza to thank for that. She could talk him down from anything, his panic attacks included.

"It was a surprise, that's all," he stuttered in explanation. Riza's lips pursed as she read, the offending paper getting crushed by her fingertips. "Leave it, I'll deal –"

"With all due respect, sir, I would personally like to head this investigation." She extracted herself from his hold, gripping the paper with two hands. He was too surprised by her request to keep her by his side.

"What? Why?"

"Personal reasons, sir."

"Riza, I can't –"

"You asked me to watch your back, sir," she reminded him. "Let me." She paused, expression softening, shoulders relaxing. "Please. I know how much this still affects you."

"Who will watch _your_ back then?" he questioned. He couldn't let her deal with this alone, she had been there just like he had. With her father's alchemy he had razed an entire region, killing thousands. That affected her as much as it did him, not to mention adding her own actions on top of that.

"Roy –"

"Together?" he suggested, meeting her halfway. He watched her debate with herself, before Riza finally nodded.

"All right. Together."

Roy let out a sigh of relief then proceeded to rub his face with his hands, his true exhaustion no doubt plain as day on his face. "Thank you."

"Have you been sleeping well, sir?" He knew nothing would escape her.

"No," he answered truthfully. Riza stiffened ever so slightly. "Nightmares," he elaborated. She nodded in understanding. What shocked him, though, was she opened her arms to him once more, and who was he to deny Riza Hawkeye a hug from himself?

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It never came up. I never got the chance."

A hand rose to his hair, Roy's eyes fluttering closed as she ran her hands through his black tresses. He sent a silent prayer up to the heavens for Riza Hawkeye. She remembered this calmed him down, and how much he loved her doing it to him. That had been _years_ ago he had revealed that, before Ishval, before the military.

"You remembered," he murmured, once again burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her scent enveloped him wholly and he felt the last tendrils of his panic floating away.

Riza chuckled underneath him. "Of course, I did, Roy," she smiled. "How could I forget?" He smiled against her skin, pressing a kiss against it. He smirked as he heard her breath catch in her throat.

"I should go," she whispered, her head shifting as it rested against his. Roy nodded, but didn't move. He had overstepped their boundaries, but something told him Riza didn't mind, especially by the way her hands fisted in his military jacket. "Roy," she admonished, amusement clouding her tone as he refused to loosen his hold, opting to hold her tighter instead.

"You should, it doesn't mean I'm going to let you," he murmured.

"Breda will be having kittens."

"Let him. It'll give Hayate some entertainment if he does."

With a chuckle she extracted herself from his arms and he left their embrace with a smile on his face. Dread and anxiety pooled in his stomach as he thought of how much Breda and Havoc had seen, humiliation prickling his skin.

"I'll talk to them," she repeated, seeing the look in his face. "This is nothing new, but don't be ashamed. It shows you cared." He opened his mouth to reply but froze. She was right. "Never be ashamed of having that reaction, sir."

"Right," he nodded, smoothly moving back into their professionalism. While he ached to hold her close and love Riza Hawkeye like she deserved, he couldn't. This professional barrier was a curse, but also a safety blanket. If anyone got wind of what they got up to in their spare time she would be relocated, and who would keep him sane and talk him down then? Their late-night trysts would do for now. "Thank you."

Hawkeye gave him a crisp salute, accompanied by a soft smile, the one she saved just for him. "Anytime, sir."

"Is he okay?" Breda whispered as soon as Riza closed Roy's office door.

"The Colonel will be fine," she reassured them. "He received some unfortunate news, that's all."

"Hawkeye saves the day again," Havoc replied. Roy could hear the appreciation in his voice and smiled. She certainly did that.

Now, he would need to compose himself properly and face the team. However, with Hawkeye by his side, he could accomplish anything.


	22. proposal

**AN: "Could you do one where after the promised day, Roy's being secretive and sneaky so Riza follows him one day and sees him at Maes Hughes' grave talking about how he wants to propose to riza but doesn't know how and riza approaches him and asks him to marry her and he says yes?" - Anon**

 **ahhh thank you so much for your kind words and this prompt, i loved it! royai proposal owns me uwu**

 **i hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Riza narrowed her eyes as the General left the office during his lunch break rather hurriedly. Well, more so than usual. There wasn't even an offer to join him extended her way. Even after the Promised Day, there were days when he couldn't escape the office fast enough. There had been so much work to be done, especially after Wrath was out of power and the opportunity to ascend the ranks even further presented itself, yet he wasn't as focussed as he should have been. However, Grumman – unexpectedly – promoted him to General once he assumed the position of Fuhrer President. Due to Roy's efforts in uncovering the truth, it had been well deserved, Grumman explained.

"Plus," he added. "I need someone I can trust at my side. After the farce with Fuhrer Bradley I trust none of these bastards."

So, as Roy rushed out of the office for his lunch, she felt a small ache blossom in her chest at the thought of him going to spend it with another woman.

Someone who wasn't her.

She had been curious at first, asking him where he took his lunch by casually dropping it into conversation. He had shrugged and replied he had a meeting, but the smile on his face made her stomach sink. It was the same one he used to show when he was going on "dates" with his adoptive sisters to grain information on the top brass. And, of course, he had to mix those in with real dates in order to avoid suspicion.

It was still useful to have dirt on the rest of the Generals, Riza had tried to reassure herself once she finally realised what was happening. They needed to know who they could trust and that was the best way to do it.

Riza had thought after the Promised Day – and the subsequent conversation in the hospital room regarding their future – they would be together. That had been a clear decision. He had become more affectionate once they were released from hospital and Grumman forced the whole team to take leave for a month to recover and as a reward. Now, six months later, he was distant and was hiding something from her. She thought they were passed all this, but apparently not.

Of course, as was their way, they didn't talk about it. Roy wasn't offering to come around as often as before and Riza left it, not wanting to make a big deal of things. Keeping it hidden from everyone was natural for them at this point, however, now it shouldn't be.

Her decision made, Riza slowly packed up her own things and followed him out under the guise that she too was going out for lunch, rather than going to the cafeteria. She just needed to see for herself. If it was what she thought was happening then that was fine, she would know for sure, she could move on. Riza didn't see any other avenue this could go, so with a heavy heart she followed the General at a distance to confirm whether or not her heart would be broken today or not.

Roy entered a café and, sure enough, a woman greeted him with a smile and a kiss to his cheek. He grinned at her, hand snaking down from her shoulder to grasp her hand. They sat at a table and picked up a menu, Roy laughing loudly at something she said.

Riza stood across the street, staring. She swallowed once, nodded to herself, then continued on her way. There was no need to get lunch now, her appetite was gone.

She really had gotten the wrong end of the stick.

The cemetery came into view when Riza exited her mind and returned to reality. She blinked, feeling a wetness on her cheek. With a sigh she stepped under the beautifully crafted gate and begun her walk back to HQ. Walking through here was the quickest way back and while the last thing she wanted to do was return to see Roy right now, Riza was a professional. It was against her nature to be late anyway.

Why didn't he just _tell_ her? Was he really such a coward? She thought they were passed all of these games.

There was a figure stood by Maes' grave. The only reason she knew is because, by habit, she glanced up towards her old friend was buried. They had their back to her but Riza would recognise that black mop of hair anywhere.

She could turn back and go the other way, but she would be late back to the office. Plus, she wasn't a coward like _he_ was.

"… we finalised the preparations today, Hughes," Riza caught Roy say. Her curiosity was piqued, but she was too irritated to walk up and ask. "It's all planned, I just don't know how to ask her." Riza froze, about five feet away from Maes' grave. Roy sighed. "This should be the easiest part, but it's never been easy between Riza and I," he chuckled to himself. "I… I just always feel so nervous around her, even to this day, when it comes to the personal stuff," he laughed again, but this one was nervous.

What stopped Riza dead, rendered her mute and frozen both physically and mentally was Roy's next words.

"I've wanted to propose for years and now it's finally here I don't know what to say."

He kept talking but Riza was no longer listening. Her brain had stuttered to a stop, unable to comprehend his words.

All her worrying had been for nothing. Guilt resided in her mind at doubting him, however who could blame her, after all, given his previous track record with woman? A slow smile spread across her face as she watched him shift his weight and run a hand through his hair.

He was such a dork.

"I don't need anything fancy," Riza spoke softly, announcing her presence. Roy whipped around in surprise, stark fear on his face. He floundered for the words, his cheeks turning pink, but no sound left him. Riza smiled fondly towards the man she loved. "I only ever needed you."

Seeing Roy was unable to do the deed, Riza took it upon herself. She dropped a knee, Roy's eyes widening as they followed her movements as she grasped one of his hands. As she opened her mouth, Roy finally came to life. He dropped to his own knees, causing her to pause. Her hands were grasped tightly in his, brought up to his chest, but Riza could feel the sweat on them. Her was still nervous, true to his word.

"I – I –" Roy swallowed.

"Roy," Riza stated gently, her thumbs stroking the back of his hands. "Will you marry me?" she asked simply. There was no need to make this even harder than it was for him. Roy _had_ always been the nervous one of the two, being more emotionally available than she was.

Riza always opted for complete honesty, and so did Roy, however her upbringing gave her no time to dwell on nervousness. Around her father she had to be self-assured and honest with herself, so asking him was easy. They had been together for so long it was easy to ask this question, despite how she had felt ten minutes prior. That was simply a misunderstanding.

"Of course," he breathed. Riza rose up to meet him, their kiss loving as Riza shed all her fears.

"I feel like I should have asked you that," he murmured, his nervousness gone, that much was clear from his tone. He nuzzled the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply as he pulled her body against his, holding her tight.

"If I left it to you, we would be here for another few years," she replied with a grin. When Roy pulled back, he kissed her again and she smiled against him, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"That's true. Sorry it took so long."

"We've been waiting for almost fifteen years for this moment," she quipped. "I could wait a while longer." A thought popped into her head. "What preparations have you been making?"

He smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "…Wedding preparations." Riza blinked at him. "I know its sudden, but I wanted to surprise you and I didn't want to give the secret away. I also knew you wouldn't want to plan too much yourself or make it a large ceremony – which I haven't – but you're more than welcome to look it all over to see if you're happy –"

Riza kissed him to stop him from babbling.

"Is that who you've been meeting with all this time?"

Roy nodded. "Yes. That's what I've been doing on my lunch breaks for the last three months. My sisters and the Madame have been a big help. Apparently, I wasn't trusted to make these decisions myself," he laughed. Riza's cheeks pinked in embarrassment and Roy noticed. "What?"

"Nothing, I…"

"Riza, what?" he smirked. He brushed her fringe off her face and Riza felt her stomach flutter.

"I thought… I thought you were… " _out_ ", like you used to do. You know, before the Promised Day." The frown on his face smoothed as realisation dawned on him.

"Oh. _Oh_. Riza, no, nothing like that!" he hastily reassured her. His hands ran up her arms, slowly, pulling her into another hug, kissing her hair. "I thought you knew by now it's not real –"

"I knew, but I wasn't sure. And I didn't recognise the woman from today –" Her mouth snapped shut, eyes bugging in her head as she let slip her little secret. When Roy pulled away to look at her, she avoided his gaze.

"You followed me?" he asked in surprise, but there was amusement in his tone.

"You've been distant lately and what was I supposed to do?" she asked indignantly, bringing her eyes to meet his gaze. "You meet up with strange women for lunch and stop seeing me, stop inviting me over, and making plans. Imagine what that looked like to me."

"Riza," he murmured softly, guilt apparent in her tone. "I'm sorry. I was making wedding arrangements. All the woman I've met with work for the Madame, I _swear_. There's only ever been _you_ ," he stressed, squeezing her hands for emphasis. "I picked out the ring the day after I got my sight back. I wanted to ask you back then, but I thought preparing first would win your favour because I've known since we were kids you've never wanted to bother with a wedding. I wanted to save you as much trouble as possible. I see now that I've pushed you away instead." His expression was pained.

"If you had given me some kind of explanation –"

"I know, I'm sorry."

Riza sighed, then smiled. "I forgive you. Like always, you had the best intentions, but poor execution," she winked.

"Hey," Roy replied, indignant, but his grin was back a moment later. "Where would I be without you?"

"Alive, but not nearly as successful as you are now."

Roy snorted. "Isn't that the truth?"

"He would be happy," Riza stated, turning to look at Maes' grave, one of their biggest supporters. She had a lot to thank him for when it came to her relationship with Roy, especially from during their time in Ishval. "Also, Maes might be screaming somewhere up there because we were engaged in front of his grave," Riza smiled.

"I don't doubt it," Roy grinned, slinging his arm around her shoulder and kissing the side of her head. They walked arm in arm back to HQ, both feeling lighter and happier than they had in years.

* * *

 **another oneshot to "during their time in ishval" is coming soon 👀**


	23. general asshole

**AN: "Roy has just finished forming his whole team and and a general intent on making Roy's life miserable assigns them a mission which goes badly and it's not Roy's fault but later in his office the general chews roy out in front of his entire team and Roy is upset about it so Riza comforts him and reminds him that they all signed up for this, knowing that not everything would always turn out well." - Anon**

 **who doesn't love some self destructive mustang and protective hawkeye?**

 **to the guest who is wondering if this is still alive: yes! i've been posting other fics i was working on for camp nano. now it's over all the additional ones will be posted here!**

* * *

"What the _hell_ were you playing at Mustang?"

The General was in his face now. A bit of spit hit Roy's cheek and he tried his best not to flinch.

Tried.

"Not only did you fail spectacularly," General Park berated him. "But you put your entire team in danger because of your incompetence."

 _No,_ you _set us up to fail from the start._ You _sent us on a doomed mission –_

"I told General Grumman it was a mistake to promote you to Colonel," he growled, continuing to pace in front of him. This charade of berating him – in front of his whole team, just to add insult to injury – was all for show. It was meant to intimidate. Roy hated to admit it was working. Not for his sake, but in terms of his team. They had only been working together for a week. They'd all readily agreed to work with him to achieve his goal, however the first mission they were sent on, their commanding officer failed spectacularly, causing the escape of their two perpetrators?

It didn't instil confidence. Quite the opposite.

He wouldn't be surprised if they transferred a week later.

General Park had assigned Roy a mission which he _knew_ would be doomed from the get-go, however orders were orders and in his newly promoted position of Colonel he wasn't going to argue.

Ishval had certainly taught him how to suck it up and get on with it.

Roy shuddered, feeling instantly dirty at the thought.

The mission was simple. On paper. In truth it was rife with inaccuracies and inconsistencies. The thieves were a duo who had robbed a store, with clear evidence present at the scene, however the General stated in the report that they had a clear alibi for the robbery.

 _What_?

Roy tried to question Park about it, but he had been dismissed before he'd even got the chance.

How convenient. It was almost as if the General _wanted_ him to fail.

If Roy didn't know any better, he'd say Park orchestrated the whole thing to make Roy slip up.

In short, the thieves escaped, using dynamite to collapse a building to cover their tracks. They were idiots, but they were destructive idiots, and that was dangerous. It had almost cost Roy the lives of his new team mates.

"You are inexperienced, incompetent, and if I was your CO I would have you demoted right here and now!" General Park stopped, his face mere inches from Roy as he tried to intimidate him further.

Roy didn't even flinch.

Not getting the desired reaction, the General scoffed, turning away and striding to his desk.

"You are dismissed. General Grumman wishes to speak to you immediately. Get out of my sight," he spat, not looking up from his paperwork.

"Sir," Roy replied with a crisp salute. He resisted the urge to make a different gesture.

He breezed past the team and out the office. There was no _fucking_ need for the General to make them stay while he chewed Roy out. No fucking need.

"All of you return to the office," Roy stated evenly. His voice didn't betray an ounce of the anger or indignation he felt.

A chorus of "yes, sirs" sounded as he left them to walk to Grumman's office.

There was a pause in the steps, as he expected, but with a muted sigh even Hawkeye turned and followed the team.

That conversation would happen after. He… He needed to speak with her. He needed her to tell him just _where_ that mission had all gone wrong.

They had been temporarily assigned to General Park while General Grumman was out of town on business. Park had never liked Roy, and he was still trying to figure out why. Often, he thought it was because he was afraid of Roy and just how quickly he was ascending the ranks. Dear old General Park hadn't reached the rank of Colonel until his mid thirties and here was Roy, a Colonel in his mid-twenties, ten years earlier than Park.

Nothing like a sixty-year-old man feeling threatened by a twenty-six-year-old.

Resisting the urge to scoff at his thought, Roy knocked on General Grumman's office.

Their conversation was brief. Grumman expressed his distaste at Park's behaviour.

"He's an oaf," Grumman announced loudly, uncaring about who would overhear. Roy's eyes widened at how blasé he could be, but Roy had also come to learn that was just how Grumman operated. "Don't worry about him, I'll be having a word with General Park." He sniffed, his sour expression displaying just what he thought of the dear General.

"Please, sir, I don't want to cause any trouble –"

Grumman waved away his worries. "That man doesn't get to berate one of my subordinates like that. In front of his entire _team_ no less," he ground out. An odd feeling stirred in Roy's chest. Grumman had always been on his side, but it was still nice to hear it all the same. "No, I will definitely be having a word with General Park."

Roy was dismissed and he made a beeline straight for the men's room. He needed a moment before he faced them all again.

He needn't have worried because the office was empty when he returned.

Well, empty, save for Hawkeye who was working diligently at her desk.

"Sir," she saluted when he walked into the room. He simply nodded and retreated to his desk, not in the mood for pleasantries. "The rest are away to lunch, sir. I picked something up for you before returning to the office."

Sure enough, there was a sandwich on his desk, placed neatly next to a steaming cup of coffee.

He almost lost it then.

"Thank you, Hawkeye," he replied hoarsely.

"Anytime, sir."

She really was too good to him. Far better than he deserved.

Trying to concentrate on his work was a fruitless affair. All he heard was that damn General's words pounding into his skull.

"Sir?" Hawkeye asked, suddenly very close by. He jumped in his chair. The sudden noise was unexpected. He then realised he'd had his head in his hands as he stared down at the sandwich on his desk, only one bite taken out of it.

He couldn't eat it because it felt dry and stale in his mouth.

"It was all for show," Hawkeye stated, as if reading his mind. Roy glanced up at her face. Her expression was neutral. Her bangs fell over her face as she studied the paperwork on his desk, one of her hands moving from being clasped behind his back to pull a piece of paper closer so she could inspect it. "A show of power, nothing more."

"I still didn't appreciate being dragged over the coals like that for something that wasn't even my fault," he grumbled.

"I know. Neither would I. The whole time I was thinking how nice a bullet would look between his eyes." Roy choked on his own saliva. "However, we were stuck, forced to watch his little pantomime. He is threatened by you, that's all."

"He's intent on making my life a living hell. He has been since I was promoted to Colonel."

"Our lives are already a living hell, so he doesn't win that point," Riza reminded him, her voice lowering to a murmur.

"True," Roy agreed, sobering.

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. We all knew this wouldn't be plain sailing from the start, yet we _all_ signed up for this. We _all_ agreed to work with you, didn't we?"

"Yes," Roy sighed.

Riza nodded. "So, don't worry about what the team thinks. You are young and in a high position, that makes you a target. Breda's words, not mine. We're all aware this rise to the top won't be easy, but we're all here because we believe in you. One little slip up isn't going to change that."

Roy smiled. Genuinely smiled. "Thank you, Hawkeye."

"Any time, sir. Now eat," she commanded, a teasing smile on her face. They heard loud voices echoing down the hallway, their peace interrupted.

"I thought I was supposed to be the one giving orders around here."

Hawkeye's lips quirked up before she returned to her desk, their conversation now over as the men approached the office. As soon as they saw Roy the door was closed quickly and they all jumped to his defence, each of them – even young Fuery – saying how General Park didn't know what he was talking about, and that he was a great CO.

Roy caught Hawkeye's eye and she gave him the smallest of smiles.

There was nothing to worry about after all.

"Okay," she announced, trying to calm the rowdy men. "Let's all get back to work." They continued to grumble about what had happened that morning but listened and agreed with Hawkeye.

"Hopefully General Grumman will sort it all out," Fuery whispered to Havoc.

"I'm sure he will," Hawkeye placated them. "After all, General Asshole definitely needs a talking to after that pointless scene he just caused."

Roy choked on his sandwich while the men sat in stunned silence before erupting into laughter.


	24. a fistful of paintballs

**AN: "Prompt number 12 with royai XD" - Anon**

 **i decided it was time to have a break from the angst fest and i had so much fun creating this one! hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

" _ **drive bitch, drive!" "sir, please"**_

Mustang vaulted over a crate and didn't break a step as his feet connected with the ground again. He sprinted forward down the hallway, grabbing onto the doorframe at the end to swing himself around and through it – narrowly missing a bullet that hit the wall where his head had been. Taking two steps at a time he continued his escape down the stairwell, one shoulder and both his hands hitting the fire escape door at the bottom, exiting into the bright sunshine outside.

He didn't think about the red substance covering his hands.

Pressing forward, bullets flying around his head, Mustang ran. His heart beating furiously, jumping every time a bullet whizzed past his head or hit the ground in the open courtyard. His arms pumped up and down, the weapon heavy in his hand, willing himself to move faster and escape his pursuers. Sweat prickled his skin in the heat of the afternoon but he couldn't enjoy it. Not like this. Not when bullets continued to creep closer to his body, or while he was running to escape the assault behind him.

Shouts went up – the assailants commanding each other on how to move – but Mustang ignored them. He saw an opening, and he took it. Cutting left sharply he disappeared down an alleyway. He hurdled over old pallets, bags of rubbish, and dustbins. There was an echo behind him just as he reached the other side – signalling they had just entered the alleyway – but Mustang was already long gone.

A white van pulled up, stopping on the street dead ahead of him, and as the door slid open, he dived in, grateful for the protection.

"Drive, bitch, drive!" he cried, scrambling to close the van door just as a shout went up, the men and women lifting their weapons. Just as the door closed, neon orange, red, and green paint covered the window on the door, blocking out the sunlight.

"Sir, please," Hawkeye replied with a sigh, pulling away from the curb slowly and in control, as if she was in the centre of the city, not in an old abandoned office building during a game of team building paintball.

"Hey, you did it!" Havoc congratulated Mustang, slapping him on the back. "You escaped. Nice one, boss!"

Breathing heavily, Mustang nodded with a smug grin. "It was a piece of cake."

He caught Hawkeye rolling her eyes in the rear-view mirror.

"Was it in there?"

Mustang shook his head. "No. But they're stuck there guarding it. We're safe for now." Hughes' team was in one building and Armstrong's was in the other while Mustang's tried to retrieve a "prize" – a burlap sack. If they did it before time ran out, they won. Whichever team had the quickest time, won the day. Mustang's team was the last to go and were doing well, but his heroic manoeuvre of pressing ahead himself had set them back a couple of minutes.

He just hoped nobody had really noticed.

Mustang leaned forward, pressing his body through the gap between the two chairs in the front so he could get a better view out of the front windscreen.

"Come on, Hawkeye!" he urged. "We're in a race against the clock here! Pick up the speed!"

She sighed again.

"Sir, just because this is an abandoned street doesn't mean we shouldn't obey the traffic laws," Falman piped up from the passenger's seat.

"Guys," Mustang whined like a baby. "Come on, we've got to win this! Or we'll never hear the end of it from Hughes!"

"You're the only one who cares so much about this, sir," Hawkeye reminded him, slowing and signalling – actually _signalling_ – to turn right. On an empty street. "We're just happy to participate and, you know, actually _work as a team_."

So, she had noticed the time loss. Whoops.

"What's your point, Lieutenant?" he grumbled.

"Oh, I don't know," she replied casually, pulling over and stopping. "Maybe the fact you split off from the team and went off on your own to try and retrieve the prize that would allow us to win? Or maybe the fact that you got yourself captured by Hughes' team and we had to listen to him ramble on about his daughter, non-stop, for _fifteen minutes_ while _we_ organised a plan ourselves. Without you."

"I had to listen to it too," Mustang mumbled, looking very sheepish.

"And who's fault was that?" she snapped.

" _Guys_ ," Breda barked. "Focus. We need a game plan. We've escaped Hughes's team for now, but they're holed up in that office block you escaped from, Mustang. Armstrong's team is in this one here, so what do we do?"

"Scope it out from here," Hawkeye stated before Mustang could open his mouth. "See if there are any patrols then take it from there."

"I thought I was team leader," Mustang muttered.

"You gave up that right when you decided to go off on your own," Hawkeye snapped, tone hard and unforgiving.

He supposed he deserved that.

"You deserved that," Havoc whispered, leaning over.

"Yes, _thank you_ , Havoc," Mustang replied through gritted teeth.

"One problem," Fuery piped up. "We only have twenty minutes left." He checked the stopwatch circling his neck. "Not a lot of time to sit and scope it out. We have to move."

"Okay," Breda sighed. "Let's get out and press forward."

Hawkeye cocked her paintball gun. "Let's move."

This whole day was part of a team building exercise General Grumman had set up. The military had a lot of old office buildings lying around Amestris which they'd revamped for training purposes. The General had the bright idea to pit teams against each other in a paintball match in order to work on not only teamwork, but combat and shooting abilities too.

Hawkeye took the lead with a grumbling Mustang on her left flank and Havoc on her right. Breda covered behind them while Falman and Fuery took the left and right, respectively. Her sharp eyes would do them good as she surveyed the three-story office block, scanning to pick out any movement in the windows.

"Maria Ross just passed on the top floor, third window in," she murmured. It was quiet but the team could all hear her news through the earpieces that had been gifted to them for the exercise. "Stay sharp."

That's why everyone was irritated with Mustang. He'd gone off on his own to try and retrieve the prize from Hughes' building, only to discover it wasn't there, and to end up being captured by him. Hughes was a sick man, especially when it came to an intense game of paintball. Standing with a paintball gun aimed at Mustang's chest while he rambled about just how gosh darn _cute_ his daughter was – complete with a slideshow of pictures in his wallet – left him stuck and unable to escape. Something had distracted Hughes from outside and Mustang had used that opportunity to escape.

"Take cover!" Breda suddenly shouted and all six of them dove behind something in unison. The sound of the guns firing filled the air as everyone righted themselves, trying to pinpoint where they were coming from.

"Top floor, second window in!" Hawkeye shouted, lifting her weapon.

"First floor, on the far right!" Havoc offered.

"The doorway!" Fuery added on.

That was three. There were six on Armstrong's team. Where were the other three?

Mustang peeked over the top of his half crumbling wall, eyes scanning the windows. It was a fruitful effort, because he spotted Armstrong's hulking form through the window on the second floor.

"Armstrong is on the second floor!" he told the rest of the team.

"Roger. That's where the bag is," Breda stated. It was a rule that the team leader had to remain on the floor where the bag was located at all times, but they didn't need to stand next to it. Mustang made a note of this, lifting his weapon to fire at Denny Brosh. He hit him on the arm, neon orange paint spraying over his military blues.

"Oh, man!" he complained. Lifting a fist over his head to signal he'd been shot and was out of the match, he trudged outside and across the abandoned road, taking a seat on a bench to watch over the rest of the match.

"One down. Stay sharp. There's still five more."

"Thank you for the sharp observation, sir," Hawkeye quipped, moving up without alerting anyone beforehand.

Oh, she was _pissed_.

He _did_ leave the team to stage an attempt to grab the prize by himself, but Mustang saw an opportunity and he took it. Granted, it didn't work out as intended, but this was a dumb training exercise, not real life. It was paintball, for crying out loud. It was already ridiculous enough as it was. Why not have a little fun with it?

"Fuery," he called to his left. "I'm moving up. Cover me."

"Roger that, sir!"

Mustang came to a stop beside Hawkeye, resting his weapon on top of the crate and popping off a few more shots to supress Maria Ross.

"Sir," she greeted sourly.

"Hey, Hawkeye," he replied cheerily, ignoring her tone. "Ready to storm the castle?"

"Just stay out of my way," she griped, moving up again without alerting it to the team.

Sheesh. And _he_ was the one who acted alone.

Mustang followed behind her, firing off more suppressive shots above them to protect Hawkeye's back. Once inside they paused for breath, ears straining to hear any movement. There were footsteps above them, but that was it.

"You take left, I'll take right," Hawkeye commanded, already moving.

"Can you wait a second –?"

She was already gone.

With a huff, Mustang moved left towards the stairwell.

The area was clear on his end, but he heard guns being fired and disappointed cries coming from ahead of him as he moved. Weapon raised, eyes searching, body ready for attack, Mustang pressed forward.

Movement from the right caught his eye and he whipped around to fire, only for the weapon to be jerked upwards, causing him to hit the ceiling. A forearm was pressed against his throat as he was forcefully pushed, his back painfully hitting the wall behind him. He grunted and struggled, before recognising who his assailant was in the dim light.

"Oh, Hawkeye, it's you," he replied, relieved. With a hard look she held onto the grip on his throat a little longer than necessary before moving away. "All right, what are you so pissed about?"

"You know exactly what," she replied, narrowing her eyes dangerously.

"Look, I saw an opportunity and I took it. It's just a dumb game –"

"To you, maybe," she spat. "But to the rest of us we actually _want_ to work together. Too bad your ego is too big you can't allow us to win together. You always have to do it alone, don't you?"

Mustang blinked at her, taken aback. Where was this coming from?

"Hawkeye, what –?"

"You know what, forget it," she scoffed. "We've got a game to win. If you don't want to work together then leave and get out of our way."

"Listen –"

"No, _you_ listen," she rounded on him, weapon dropping to hang by her side as she poked him in the chest. "We're _supposed_ to be a team, but you chose to go off on your own. But I suppose you would know all about that, wouldn't you?"

Anger creeped into his chest at the accusation. Reaching up to his ear he removed the earpiece. Hawkeye followed suit. This was not a conversation the others should here.

"What exactly do you mean by that, Lieutenant?"

"You like going off to play the hero, don't you? Leaving the rest of us behind while you go and search for glory."

Mustang grasped her gently by the elbow, leading her out of the hallway and into a room on the left, towards the back of the building and out of view of Fuery.

"Is this about me leaving for the military? Or for Ishval?" The look on her face told him it was both. "I thought we discussed this."

"We did, but apparently you're slipping back into your old ways with no regrets about who you leave behind."

"That's unfair. Do you want to know _why_ I entered that building alone without you and held the team back?"

"Enlighten me."

He took a deep breath, bracing himself. He didn't doubt Hawkeye was ready to hand his ass to him, especially after this revelation. "Because Hughes warned me not to let you go in."

"Why?" she asked indignantly.

"Listen, I made a call and I don't regret it."

" _Roy_ –" she stressed, and Mustang could see her irritation threatening to spill over.

"It reminded him too much of Ishval."

"What?"

"I…" He sighed. "I noticed it when I went in. There was a sniper placed at one window, shrouded in cover, firing as I entered. Inside there was sand on the floor and the heaters were on to simulate the desert. I don't know if it was intentional or not, I'm still not sure. But Hughes told me not to let you enter it. He'd guarded that building before while we were in the other, and based on his recommendation, I went in myself."

"What?" she repeated again, still irritated, but looking less angry. "I wasn't _allowed_ to go in?"

"He thought it best for you not to enter. Listen," Mustang urged quickly, gripping her shoulders gently. "I was in there and it literally took me back there. Hughes found me when I was on knees, transported back to the desert and helped me up. That's why the comm went silent. He helped me through an episode by rambling about his kid, giving me something else to focus on. That's what you guys heard."

"So, why wasn't I –"

"We both took the war hard. I know that."

"Yes, you harder than most."

"I know. But _I_ was team leader and tasked with scoping out the building. I was looking out for you. Plus, what use were two soldiers out of commission?" he reasoned, knowing Hawkeye wouldn't protest that logic. "Hughes had the opportunity to put me out, but he didn't, because he knew you would probably just come in instead. So, we staged a capture to keep you guys out. I didn't –" He swallowed, feeling that familiar anxiety build in his chest. It had been a constant friend since the war and as he entered that first building it had overwhelmed him, leaving him reeling and on the floor, suffering from a panic attack as he had a flashback.

"What?" Hawkeye asked, voice soft.

"I didn't want you to see me like that."

"I already have," she reminded him gently. A hand rose to cup his cheek and he offered her a smile.

"I know, but this was supposed to be a bit of fun. Not end up with me having a mental breakdown."

"Why did you hide it?"

"I didn't want to, not from you, but the others –"

"You didn't want them to see," Hawkeye realised.

"Yeah," he replied sheepishly.

"While I appreciate you trying to protect me from that, I would rather have been in there with you to help. Plus, _we're_ supposed to be a team," she gestured between them both. "You watch my back and I watch yours."

"I know. I'm sorry. I was never questioning that."

Hawkeye sighed, shaking her head with a small smile on her face. "I know you wouldn't. Do over?"

Hawkeye nodded with a wry smile. "Just don't do it again. We protect each other. It's not one sided."

"Of course."

Movement caught Mustang's eye at the door, Maria Ross spinning around the door frame, weapon raised. He spun Hawkeye behind him, putting her out of harm's way. Well, as harmful as paintball pellets could be. Her face was surprised at the sudden movement, but the paint hit Mustang's chest instead of Hawkeye's back. He grunted in pain, the bullets packing more of a punch than he expected.

Ross jumped backwards as paint pellets flew past her, disappearing out of sight.

"Ouch," he grimaced.

"Sir," Hawkeye admonished at his actions.

He shrugged. "I was watching your back," he grinned. "Quite literally," he added, causing Hawkeye to smile. He grimaced again, stretching out his chest to try and shift the pain.

"What, never been hit by a paintball pellet before?" Hawkeye quipped.

"No, actually," he boasted with a grin. "I was always too good."

"Sir! No!" Havoc cried suddenly from the doorway, racing over to Mustang and gripping his shoulders. Hawkeye swapped with him and moved to the doorway to fire, hitting Ross with her neon green paint. Grumbling, Ross left down the stairwell Havoc and Mustang had entered through.

Hawkeye rolled her eyes as Havoc knelt, gripping his commanding officer's hand in his, bracing another on his shoulder as Mustang's knees shook and he "fell" to the floor.

"Remember me," he cried dramatically, adding in a wracking cough as he sank to his knees on the floor. "As I was."

"An asshole who made us do all his dirty work for him?" Havoc quipped, face expectant, breaking out into a shit eating grin.

Mustang frowned.

"We need to go, Havoc," Hawkeye reminded him.

"Take me with you," he groaned, sinking to his knees, playing up his "death" because why the hell not? This was supposed to be a bit of fun and the air had been cleared between him and Hawkeye, making him feel better, his chest lighter. "You wouldn't leave your dying CO behind, would you?" he pleaded.

"Havoc, he's out of the game. Leave him there, we've got a game to win and we're running out of time."

"Yeah, you know what, boss? You're dead. Sorry."

Mustang's cry of protest was muffled as Havoc's hand landed on his face, pushing him roughly back down to the floor.

"Hey!" Mustang shouted angrily as his teammates forged ahead, leaving him behind. With a huff, he stood and lifted his fist above his head sullenly, stomping outside and joining Brosh and Ross on the bench.

"Mustang," Grumman greeted cheerily as he approached. "Brosh, Ross." The three of them stood and saluted the General, who waved away the formality. "This is a training day. Forget the salutes for now."

"Yes, sir," Mustang replied, taking a seat again.

"I took the liberty of tuning into your team's comms, Mustang. That was quite a show."

He felt shame curdling in his chest, mixed with embarrassment. Hawkeye had been right, of course, but the fact the General and the rest of the team had heard the initial outburst too? That thought slipped his mind.

Laughing at his misfortune, Grumman clapped him on the back. "It was about time someone put you in your place," he grinned. "That Hawkeye appears to be a strong willed one. She will do well working with you."

Mustang didn't doubt it. They'd been working together for only a few months and while it was hard to hide his true feelings from the world as she handed him a stack of paper, their fingers brushing together, or when he held the door open for her and she brushed past him, he did it because they had a job to do.

It didn't mean it was easy. Before Ishval he'd left with the promise of returning to her and marrying her. Hawkeye was very aware of this fact, then everything changed in that desert. Where that left them now, he was unsure. A lot had been discussed under the moon and inside tents in Ishval, but they were charged and said in the heat of the moment. Now, where they were safe and war, death, and destruction, wasn't all around them, the conversation needed to happen again.

At least today had been a start.

And Grumman was right, she would do well working with him because she already knew not to take any of his shit. She'd had years of practice already and honestly? Mustang was looking forward to their path ahead. With Hawkeye by his side he knew they could accomplish anything.

"I'm looking forward to seeing how your team performs, Mustang, now that you are out of the picture. This is just a new team, yes?"

"Yes, sir. I formed it a few months ago."

"Excellent. This exercise shall prove rather useful for you all, then."

"Of course, sir."

Looking on and listening in to their communication was eye opening. They really _did_ work excellently together. Individually they were good soldiers, but together, they seemed unstoppable.

Hawkeye took on the leadership role well and was a natural at distributing orders to the rest of them. Havoc was excellent support, backing up Hawkeye without question. Fuery still remained outside, situated further back from before, however it gave him a better view of the building as a whole and he was passing on the location of the opposition as he saw them pass by the windows, occasionally popping off a shot to direct his team or scare the other side. Breda and Falman were back up to Hawkeye and Havoc, keeping an eye out behind them and the strategy worked extremely well. Communication was short, sharp, and effective.

Mustang felt pride build in his chest at his newly selected team. He felt excited for what the future held for them because they could very easily become the best.

"A lot of people are saying this is an unconventional team you've set up, Mustang," Grumman ventured.

"Do they, sir?" he asked, not giving into the rise.

"They do. A lot of new officers there."

"They're new, but as you can clearly see," he added, gesturing towards the building, indignation building in his chest. "They're some of the best."

Grumman was silent, but he grinned and chuckled to himself. "That they are, Mustang. Good job. It's helpful to have a good team behind you, supporting you." Mustang caught his meaning. After all, Grumman was his mentor of sorts. His approval of Mustang's choices meant more to him than he cared to admit. Regardless, Mustang wouldn't change his team even if the General didn't approve.

A victory cry went up over the earpiece. His team had done it.

Pride surged in his chest.

"Well done," Grumman congratulated, patting him on the shoulder. "Your team was the fastest, even without your guidance," he joked, waggling his eyebrows before laughing at his irritated expression.

He didn't appreciate the joke at his expense, but he didn't regret putting himself in front of the bullet for Hawkeye, effectively putting himself out of the game. He knew he'd do it again, not just for her, but for all his teammates, in a heartbeat, paintball game or not.

That's how much she, and this team, meant to him.

* * *

 **let me know what you think! :D**


	25. for a few paintballs more

**AN: "Hey Ems, Those numbers spoke to me and I hope they speak to you too 15 + 37 + 41 havolina and royai 😉" - puppybek**

* * *

 _ **paintball adventure / "i'm an angel with a shotgun" / "and to think i trusted you"**_

"Okay, this is still the same as last year people, except we have two additional members of the team," Mustang stated, looking each of his team members in the eye. They all looked expectantly back, awaiting their orders. Edward and Alphonse were the two new team members. Grumman thought it would be fun to let Alphonse join in, despite him not being a part of the military. The man was strange, but it did mean that the teams were evened out. Mustang was confident his team could win while being outnumbered, but Grumman disallowed it.

"We can only hope it's different from last year," Havoc muttered under his breath, causing Breda to snicker beside him. Mustang just glared at them.

"It's a fair assessment, sir," Hawkeye pointed out, shooting him A Look. It told him " _you better not pull the same shit as last year. We're_ supposed _to be a team_ ".

Mustang huffed in irritation, his frown deepening then groaning quietly as Edward piped up. "What happened last year?"

"The boss took on Hughes' team by himself – during a team building exercise, mind you – and left us in the dust."

"Figures," Edward muttered, gaining a glare from his commanding officer. That received a disapproving scoff from his younger brother.

"Hawkeye put him in his place though," Havoc added with a chuckle.

"Let's just get this done, okay?" Mustang huffed, attempting to cut off the conversation.

"That all depends on you, sir," Havoc replied. There were a few more snickers throughout the team.

"All right," he announced, truly irritated. "Let's move out. You all know what to do." He stomped out the room, pulling his face mask down to shield his face from the pain. As always, Hawkeye followed dutifully behind him.

"You know, it _was_ a fair point," she pointed out. Her poker face was spot on, but he just _knew_ she was far too amused by this.

"Are you _still_ pissed about that?"

"Not at all, but I do hope you've learned your lesson. Besides, we agreed as a team it would be essential Edward and Alphonse knew about your little attempt at heroism last year. It would let them know what to expect."

"I wasn't playing at being the hero –!"

"Would you rather we told them the truth?" Hawkeye retorted, her gaze moving to look at him sideways. "Because I'd prefer it if we didn't," she added quietly. "Not yet anyway."

Mustang sighed – long and heavy. "You're right, as always. And to think, I trusted you," he grumbled, but shot her a quick smirk to show he was joking.

Shoving the door open with more force than necessary, Mustang lifted his paintball gun, firing once as to put out one of Hughes' men. He groaned loudly, having been the first person removed from the exercise after only a minute.

"Someone is touchy this morning," Havoc muttered in passing, putting another person out of the game. It was effortless the way they operated, a credit to their bond. They weren't just colleagues; they were all friends and that played a large part in their ability to get the job done effectively and efficiently. Any doubts the higher ups had of his team had been turned to ash in the last year because they'd become the most proficient team in East City HQ.

"Just tired of putting up with your usual bullshit, Havoc, and we've only been in each other's company for eighteen minutes."

Havoc chuckled. "I always aim to please."

"Well work harder, because you're doing terribly."

"Will it come up in my performance review?" he quipped, effortlessly firing off a few more shots without breaking a sweat. Hawkeye moved up, coming shoulder to shoulder with Havoc while Mustang begun to trail behind. The earpieces they used last year had come into play again, and even though he was getting a ribbing, Mustang rather enjoyed the way they could banter back and forth when they were out of speaking range.

"No," Mustang grumbled.

"Then not doin' it," Havoc called back to him, making Mustang wince at the volume in his ear.

"We have earpieces, Havoc," Breda barked in their ears. "Stop shouting. Idiot," he added with a mutter.

"Movement on the first floor, far left window," Hawkeye stated. All banter was dropped for the moment as everyone zeroed in on that location while Falman and Fuery covered their flanks, keeping an eye out for any bogeys incoming.

As they entered the building everyone split off into teams of two. Mustang and Hawkeye took the first floor and cleared it out no problem. This year, Grumman became more inventive with his weapon choices. Smoke bombs – although less harmful than proper ones – were on the table and Havoc was _very_ excited about that. He hadn't shut up about it all week. So, naturally, as Mustang and Hawkeye entered the room where the prize might have been held, a smoke bomb went off in front of them in the direction from where Havoc and Fuery were supposed to enter. They both dived into cover, anticipating another attack, waiting in silence.

"Who's there?" an unrecognisable voice called into the smoke.

"I'm an angel with a shotgun," Havoc replied. Hawkeye rolled her eyes before she heard the gunshot. Stepping out from her cover, she picked off Hughes with a shot to his chest, having spotted him shortly after exiting cover. His paint splattered with neon yellow paint and he stood there, frozen in shock. One of his men – the one Havoc had just eliminated – was already standing, defeated, in front of Hughes. The latter

"Damnit!" Hughes whined.

"Hawkeye," Havoc whined too, even worse than Hughes. "You stole my final shot."

"Yeah, well, you deserved to lose it with that stupid line," she bit back.

"Game, set, and match, Hughes," Mustang announced smugly, walking up to their target and plucking it from the pedestal it was resting on.

Hughes chuckled. "You just got lucky," he winked, shaking each of their hands in turn. "Good game, old friend. At least this year you managed to make it to the end." He snickered at Mustang's glare, causing the whole group to break out into laughter.

"Did we win?" Edward asked through the earpiece.

"We won, kid," Havoc replied. Come to the first floor, I'll meet you there." He exited the room, taking Fuery with him to signal to the others which room they were in. Hughes and his man exited to join his other defeated comrades outside, leaving Mustang and Hawkeye in the room alone with their prize.

"Well, was _that_ better than last year?" he asked, removing his earpiece.

"Much better," Hawkeye smiled. "See what happens when you're actually a team player?" she quipped, grinning at the surprise on his face. She gave him a quick kiss as she left, chuckling at the now pure shock on his face.

"Hey now, wait a minute," Mustang called as they left, stumbling over his own feet to catch up with Hawkeye. "I, uh," he stuttered, trying to gather himself after Hawkeye just kissed him. At work. After their paintball training exercise. The sounds of her quiet laughter was music to his slightly pink ears and did nothing for the blush that had begun to dust his cheeks. But it didn't stop him from grinning though after he composed himself.


	26. teenage royai argument

**AN: "Could you write something that takes place during Roy's apprenticeship with Berthold Hawkeye shortly after he started and he doesn't get along with Riza even though he tries to. One day they start fighting, Roy calls Riza a bitch, Riza gets mad and tells him that his parents only sent him here because they hate him and don't want him around and Roy is upset and leaves, Riza finds him later crying about it and he tells her that his parents are dead and she feels bad and apologizes." - Anon**

 **young!royai is always a delight to write so this was a treat!**

* * *

Tensions were high in the Hawkeye household and it wasn't because Roy's first alchemy exam - courtesy of her father and his intense way of teaching.

Well, that had something to do with it.

It was because Riza and Roy were currently walking on eggshells around each other after dumb argument they'd had that morning. It was so petty that even now Riza felt ridiculous, but then she remembered his words and felt another surge of anger.

They'd never really seen eye to eye on a lot of things. He was too loud and demanding for her liking and she was too quiet and apparently "stuck her nose up" at everything he suggested. Riza had been outraged to hear that was how Roy thought of her, because it wasn't true at all. Just because she didn't want to listen to him loudly boasting about idiotic things like how he could run the fastest out of all the boys in his neighbourhood, didn't make her stuck up. It made her irritated hearing him trying to put her down by asking what achievements _she_ had to her name.

He'd tried to strike up a friendship, and so had Riza, but she thought they just didn't work. They didn't mesh well together. He was a pompous and arrogant idiot that Riza had no time for.

However, they'd reached a truce a few weeks ago when Roy had complained about how stupid and unfair this exam was, not knowing that Riza had just entered the room to hear him. He'd jumped and scowled, but there was a panicked look in his eyes, afraid she might run and tell her father.

Instead, she approached the kitchen table and quietly took a seat.

" _Sometimes, he's too much for me too._ "

They'd bonded over their mutual frustration regarding her father's teachings and upbringings, and so begun a tentative friendship.

Now, that was in tatters.

Riza had been helping the stressed teenager study and asked him _how_ he could have possibly gotten a simple question wrong - meant more as a playful joke than anything else, and the first one Riza had ever made in his presence - but Roy had snapped back, stating that at least he could _do_ alchemy, unlike her. Riza had stated at him, slightly dumbfounded. He then went on to state that no wonder her father had chosen him over Riza to teach alchemy. She'd stood abruptly, the textbook falling off her lap and landing with a _thump_ on the floor. Roy didn't even look up. She stormed out the room trying to fight back the tears without so much as an apology from the boy she'd been trying to help.

Riza remembered the days when her father had tried to teach her alchemy. She remembered the yelling and the berating.

" _I can't believe I was cursed with such a child who'd not only taken my wife's life away from her, but was also so useless at alchemy, she is unable to carry on my legacy._ "

Shortly after that conversation, he'd brought on Roy as an apprentice.

That's why, initially, Riza wanted nothing to do with this damned science. It could burn in hell for all she cared – and that opinion remained – however, being cooped up in the house with only her recluse of a father and another teenager, Riza had naturally sought out companionship. Alchemy came part and parcel with her fledgling friendship with Roy.

It was also another way she could try and please her father, by helping the boy succeed, however she'd never openly admit that to _anyone_. It took a lot for Riza to even admit that to herself.

Now it was two days later, and the exam was tomorrow morning. This would determine whether Roy would be kept on or not. Naturally, he would be nervous and stressed, but that didn't excuse being mean when she'd only been trying to help and lighten the mood.

Riza entered the kitchen after dinner for a glass of water only to jump in fright at the sight of a dark figure sitting, slouched, against the table. The door creaked loudly, the hinges yelling their desperate plea for some maintenance and care. Roy started in his chair, sitting bolt upright, a piece of paper stuck to his face with his drool.

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all, but his angry words remained, clinging painfully to her chest. Without a word she continued on her way and retrieved a glass from the cupboard. Roy only coughed in response, followed by the sound of paper rustling.

Time seemed to stretch for an eternity and for some reason the constant sound of paper moving _really_ begun to grate on Riza's nerves.

"You had no right to say what you did," she managed to announce to the silent room, the anger inside her belly overcoming the nervousness in the face of confrontation. It was time for her to stand up for herself and Riza Hawkeye was more than ready because it was a long time coming.

"Neither did you," Roy stated, voice hard.

Riza whirled around, the running water forgotten. "I was trying to _help_ you. I have been since you started preparing for this exam, in case you'd forgotten."

" _Why_ did you volunteer to help if you were only going to make fun of me?" he fired back.

"I was trying to lighten the mood! And, because I don't want you to go!"

Silence filled the room and for once Riza was proud of herself. She'd finally managed to render the great Roy Mustang mute.

"I don't care," he sniffed. "It sucks here anyway. I don't care if I get kept on or not." His tone was petulant but teenage Riza was unable to distinguish that. She only felt hurt in her chest as the one person who was the closest thing to a friend for Riza stated they didn't care about staying here with her anymore.

"Fine," she whispered. "Screw this up. See if I care!"

"Fine, I will!" he shouted back. No doubt this whole conversation had disturbed her father but Riza didn't care. "It will save me the hassle of putting up with the crazy bastard in the other room and his bitch of a daughter!"

Riza's expression was cold and unforgiving as she replied. "The only reason you're here is because your parents hate you and didn't want to put up with you anymore," she replied, just as hatefully as Roy's retort, but there was something different in his face. "Good luck crawling back to a home where no one wants you after you fail this exam!"

Roy's mouth was parted and Riza – dare she say it – thought she saw his eyes becoming wet.

He was gone and out the room in seconds, the back door slamming loudly.

Where pride had found her before, now there was only regret. She wasn't proud of what she'd said in the slightest. It wasn't nice, it was mean, and that was not the kind of person Riza was. Even though Roy had initiated it with his unkind words, Riza didn't need to add fuel to the fire. However, she wouldn't just sit back and take his abuse – she'd done that enough in the face of her father and had vowed that it would happen no longer.

Standing up to her father was still incredibly difficult, but standing up to a someone she didn't really know that well? She could do that.

What Riza couldn't understand was why her words had caused such a reaction?

Oh. Oh _no_.

Were his parents…? Was everything all right back at his home in Central?

Riza had only seen his Aunt drop him off here, but she just guessed that was because his parents were maybe busy with work or something. She'd never ventured to try and put two and two together and Roy never mentioned anything about them.

Thunder cracked outside – the sound making Riza jump in fright, that's how loud it was. A fork of lightening streaked through the sky and dived down behind the trees of the forest outside her home.

Roy was out there in the storm.

He was probably upset because of her comments. Riza knew she was.

She'd had a hand in causing this.

Grabbing both her and Roy's rain jackets from the hook by the front door and a torch Riza took off into the night.

* * *

It was dark before she found him. Riza was soaked through to her bones, shivering uncontrollably with her teeth chattering loudly. Roy looked much the same, hunched over on an old tree trunk that had fallen down a few years ago in a thunderstorm. He looked as drenched as Riza felt. Hair plastered to his head and down his neck, his clothes shining with moisture.

The rain had been relentless as it fell while Riza had moved through the forest. Here, at this old fallen tree, it had lessened as they were more sheltered. The canopy above was thick, however fat drops dripped off the leaves and onto their bodies as the rain continued to fall high above them.

"Roy?" she called apprehensively, her teeth almost biting her tongue. His back was to her and Riza wasn't sure what she would find when – or if – he turned to face her.

He did turn, but only after she called his name again and a little louder. Roy looked up at her, confusion plain on his face, but it also held an immense sadness. His eyes were desolate, his face wet. What were raindrops and what were tears, Riza couldn't tell.

 _You caused this_.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Her chest tightened at the sight of him. He looked so small and sad – a shell of his usual arrogant self.

He shook his head.

"Here," Riza offered him his jacket. Roy stared at it before looking back up at her for a brief second. Then, with finality, he shivered and turned back around to stare into the inky blackness of the trees.

A brief internal debate later, Riza draped his jacket over his shoulders and huddled on the fallen trunk next to him. Roy stiffened but didn't say anything when she pressed her body up against his. She shivered next to him, a large shudder racking her body and causing it to bump against him. With a mumbled apology she looked ahead with him, formulating the correct words she needed to say in her mind.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered. Thunder cracked again, making her jump, but Roy appeared to not have heard it. "What I said… I'm sorry if it was insensitive." She risked a glance up at his face. He continued to stare straight ahead into the trees, unmoving and unflinching in the rain.

"My parents died." Riza felt her blood run cold, the regret in her stomach knowing away painfully as his words registered with her. _Oh, god._ It was worse than she thought. And she just _had_ to go and put her foot in it and say something like _that_.

"Roy, I'm sorry, I truly am." Her tone was earnest, desperate for him to understand. She felt like such an idiot. She was the worst person on the planet, throwing something like his dead parents back in his face.

She felt awful.

Appearing to have snapped out of whatever trance he was in, Roy shook his head, water slipping off his sodden hair and hitting Riza's skin.

"You didn't know."

"That doesn't excuse what I said –"

"Riza, please, just…" He trailed off, suddenly looking and sounding a lot older than his sixteen years. "Let's not talk about it."

She didn't want to leave it be. Her words had been hateful, but so had his, she reminded herself. She'd basically stated his parents didn't want him anymore that's why he was here with her, but his parents were dead.

That was so much worse.

"I'm sorry too. For everything."

"For everything?" Riza repeated, confused.

"I wasn't the most open when I first arrived," he elaborated. "It wasn't intentional. Growing up where I grew up… Arrogance came as part of the deal. I had to because if I didn't then I would've gotten eaten alive for being the scrawny kid with no real talents except his brains." He laughed to himself but Riza knew there was nothing funny about it. "I had to lie my way through a lot with the other kids because they… Well, they weren't the nicest. The area I used to live in wasn't the nicest, but it was home," he added, an almost wistful smile on his face.

"Strategy and alchemy have always been my strong point so at least I was able to get myself out of some rough situations." Riza's heart constricted at the thought of her friends being left to fend for himself like that. It didn't sound pleasant at all. "Now, it's just a habit. A defence mechanism. So, I apologise if I came on too strong with you. I know how irritating that behaviour can be."

"It was a little much," she whispered, bumping his shoulder with her own. A small smile tugged at his lips and Riza counted that as win, even if his face did drop again. Roy wiped his nose with the back of his hand, rubbing at his eyes.

"Can we… Can we just, start over?" he asked, expression earnest as he finally turned his body to face her. "I… I'm not proud of what I said, and it was unfair. I think…" He sighed heavily, dropping his gaze. "I thought you were making fun of me like the kids back home used to do. That's why I snapped."

"I was trying to lighten the mood," Riza explained. "I didn't mean to –"

"It's okay," he reassured her with a real smile this time. "We could be here all day handing out apologies for every little thing we said in anger. I'm really sorry for that. And, if you're willing, I'd like to start over, because I really like you, Riza." His eyes widened as he spotted her blush. "No – No! Not like that," he stuttered. "I mean, you're really lovely, and a really nice person, not stuck up at all like I said before –"

"Roy," she interrupted, still embarrassed by the blush that had appeared on her face. "We're good on my end," Riza stated, telling him all was forgiven. Now, she waited with bated breath to hear if the feeling was mutual for him, and not that she'd made the biggest mistake of her life by driving probably the only person she could call a friend away from her with some angry words.

"We're good on my end," he repeated back with another smile. He turned away and sighed in relief, completely missing the way Riza's face turned pink again at the sight of his smile. "I'll cut the shit and work on being more bearable," he offered, a strained smile on his face as he turned back to face her.

"That's all I ask," she stated solemnly before breaking out in a grin, nudging his shoulder to tell him she was joking. "Come on, we should get back before we get hypothermia," Riza offered.

She stood, offering her hand to Roy. He stared at it before looking up at her eyes. Riza remained steady under his scrutiny. Obviously, it had been hard for him to trust thanks to his upbringing – something she was intrigued by and wanted to learn more about, should he offer – so that explained the hesitation.

However, Riza felt a thrill of happiness as he gripped her hand tightly and hauled himself up to his feet. With a sigh, another sniff, and a wipe of his eyes, Roy nodded and was ready to return home. Riza gave him a quick smile and the two rushed into the rain and back to her home as quickly as they could.


	27. teenage royai discussion

**AN: "I really love your writing, especially your royai oneshots with a hurt or upset roy and a comforting riza. Maybe you could write a sequel to the oneshot when Riza finds out Roy's parents are dead and maybe a few weeks later, she gets up the courage to ask him how they died and he finally tells her about it and gets a little emotional when he's telling her, so she gigs him and holds him while he tells her?" - Anon**

 **this one is a sequel to the previous oneshot! the aftermath of their argument ;D**

* * *

Riza shifted her weight from foot to foot. She was nervous. Her hands were being wrung together in front of her as she moved, trying desperately to try and formulate the right words she wanted to say in her head.

It'd been a few weeks since her and Roy's argument. She still wasn't proud of what she'd said and since starting fresh, their friendship budding nicely, Riza had tried at every moment to make it up to him.

Losing one's parents was not a pleasant experience. Riza had lost her mother young, _too_ young, so never got to experience that loss. All she knew was growing up without a mother was extremely difficult, made even harder by the fact she was a constant disappointment to her father.

She had no idea just how old Roy had lost his parents, but tonight she would hopefully find out.

It had been gnawing at her for weeks and Roy had noticed. Her childlike curiosity had gotten the best of her and she'd finally plucked up the courage to ask. After all, she knew what it was like to lost a parent. She could help him with it.

"Hey," Roy greeted suddenly, making Riza jump in fright. She was in the back garden, the early summer sun high in the sky as it blanketed them both in its heat. There was a gently breeze that tugged at her golden hair. Her fringe constantly fell across her eyes and tickled her face, causing Riza to push it off her face in irritation frequently. It didn't help that the heat was causing the hair to stick to her face, making her even more uncomfortable.

Riza had never enjoyed the heat.

"Hey, Roy."

"What's up?" he asked, flopping down on the grass beside her. He lay back on the gentle hill, sliding both hands behind his head as he stared up at the cloudless sky. "You said you had something to ask me?"

"Uh, yes. I did," she replied. Now the moment was here, Riza didn't think she could do it. The nerves in her stomach increased ten-fold now Roy was close and she was just about to chicken out, then he spoke.

"Does this have something to do with what we discussed… that day?" he asked, tactfully bringing up their argument.

Riza nodded. "Yes." Her voice squeaked unintentionally. "I'm sorry, I don't want to pry. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to. I just thought we could help each other."

"In what way?" he asked, a question mark on his face.

Riza took a deep breath, biting the bullet. "I know what it's like not to grow up with your parents," she whispered. Although her father was still alive, he'd be as well being dead, that's how much he paid attention to and cared for Riza.

Silence ensued and Riza cringed.

"I'm sorry." She begun to stand. "I didn't want to upset you –"

"It's okay," he reassured her, his tone soft. He clasped her wrist gently, stopping her from leaving, yet still giving her the opportunity to go if she desired. "We can talk about it."

"Are you sure?"

Roy nodded. "Yeah, of course," he smiled. It wobbled uncertainly.

Tentatively, Riza sat back down in the silence, thinking how to start.

"My mother died when I was three," she began, thinking that starting off with her own experience would be a good start, rather than pushing Roy to share his story. A show of trust. "It was due to complications of childbirth. It was quick, I was told, sudden." _My father blames me for it_. "I never really knew her. I don't even know what she looks like. Not really."

"Aren't there any pictures?" Roy asked, his concern and sympathy leaking through.

Riza shook her head. "None that I've ever seen."

"That's really sad," he stated. Risking a glance at his face Riza almost blushed at the sympathy she saw there. Instead, she just shrugged to cover it up.

"It happened a long time ago and I never really knew her so I don't feel like I can miss her. If that makes sense?"

"That's… Riza, I'm sorry." He took her hand in his, giving it a quick squeeze. She almost blushed again at the sudden affection.

Ever since they'd made up the pair had become closer. She continued to help him with his studies while jokes and laughter flowed more easily between them. Riza had forgotten how nice it was to laugh, and she would always remember that it was Roy who'd brought it back into her life. He was a true friend, someone Riza would never want to lose.

"It's okay," she stated, turning to face him. "Really. Thank you, though."

"Of course. And if you ever want to talk about it, just let me know."

"I will," she smiled gratefully.

"My parents…"

After a brief silence, Riza made an attempt to reassure him. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it." She suddenly felt very foolish trying to bring up the topic of his parents. Just because she didn't mind talking about, didn't mean everyone did.

"It's all right." Roy took a deep breath before continuing. "Honestly, it's fine. I… I want to. I want to tell someone. That would be nice."

"Okay… If you're sure. Take your time."

And so Roy begun to tell the tale of his childhood before moving to live with his aunt in Central. It had been a happy one. He'd been well loved by both his parents. Riza felt a pang of jealousy, never truly getting to discover that feeling herself. Until Roy had entered her life, she'd never wondered what it would be like to be loved by both parents. Now, she did.

"Then…" Roy trailed off and he sniffed. Riza was alert, her head snapping around to face his. It was just out of view as he'd turned away from her. "They… They went out one night for dinner." His voice was thick with emotion. His breath caught and when he spoke again it wavered. "They never came home."

"Roy? Are you okay?" Riza asked, very concerned. Was he… crying? She'd never seen him cry before. That time in the rain… She hadn't been able to tell if he'd been crying or not but this… This was so much worse. He was so open, the emotion clear in his tone and no doubt on his face.

She wasn't sure she wanted to see it.

He rubbed his face with the back of his hand, still not turning to face her.

"Yeah," he whispered. "I'm fine."

No, he wasn't.

Riza reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He froze under her touch. That hand slid over his shoulders to the opposite side and she shuffled closer to him. Her body was pressed up against his side as she hugged Roy against her. Finally, Riza placed her head on his shoulder and held him as he cried silently.

They remained that way for a long time. Roy eventually stopped crying and Riza didn't want to let go of him. Not yet. Not while he was suffering like this. She knew his plight and his pain, and she wouldn't leave him to suffer it himself like she'd been left to do all those years.

Riza wouldn't wish that fate on her worst enemy.

* * *

"I just wanted to say thank you for the other day. It was nice to talk about them again."

Riza smiled, closing her book. She looked up to find him standing in the doorway, hands in his pockets, and shoulders hunched close to his ears.

"It was my pleasure. They sounded like great people."

Roy beamed, unable to stop himself. "They were. I… I found something in you father's study the other day," he added, suddenly seeming very nervous. The tips of his ears turned pink. Was he _blushing_? "And I thought you might want it. It was hidden underneath a lot of books, so I don't think he'll miss it."

"What is it?"

Roy handed her a folded-up piece of paper. "Take this as a thank you," he stated. "For everything."

Roy turned and left – rather quickly, Riza noticed – and she frowned. Glancing down at the paper she turned it, trying to figure out what it was. Prying it open Riza felt tears spring to her eyes.

It was a picture of her as a baby being held in her mother's arms.


	28. miscarriage

**AN: "Could you write something where Riza has a miscarriage and Roy takes it a lot harder than anyone thought he would and when Ed and Winry come with their kids to check up on them, roy freaks out and has a meltdown and blames himself for it says people he love always die and Riza has to calm him down?" - Anon**

 **this was a really hard one for me to write bc its something i've never looked into (or experienced) however it has happened in my family so i've drawn on that experience for this piece**

* * *

" _We're expecting_ ," Roy had told everyone, beaming proudly with his arm around his wife. He'd been so excited about the news he literally couldn't contain himself and told everyone he could. Although there were reservations regarding this path they were now on, he heeded advice from Riza on this one. Of course, she was always right.

If Maes Hughes could return from the war and manage to find happiness, why couldn't they? It wasn't in their character to let themselves be happy, especially after everything they'd done. They didn't deserve a child, they both agreed on that, however what had happened had happened and now they had to live with it.

That little ray of hope and happiness stayed with them for about two months before it petered out to nothing but darkness.

Just like everything Roy had ever touched.

Riza had awoken in the night, gripping his bicep so hard that the bruises still remained two weeks later.

" _Wha –? Riza? What is it? What's wrong?_ " he'd asked, panicked.

" _I don't know,_ " she'd whispered before doubling over in pain. Roy threw back the sheet to discover a worryingly large pool of blood staining the white sheets. Their eyes met - horror meeting desperation - and Roy hopped out of bed, moving around it to throw Riza's arm over his shoulders as he helped her walk to their car.

She never once stopped clutching her stomach.

" _A miscarriage_ ," the doctor had said. Roy had barely registered it because that couldn't be true. No, Riza wouldn't have had a miscarriage. She couldn't have. Their child… " _We're almost finished,_ " the doctor explained. " _I'll be back when she's ready to see you._ "

He'd waited for three hours.

Three hours in that waiting room, all alone, with only the word miscarriage floating around in his head. He'd felt completely numb. There was no word in any language to correctly articulate what he was feeling.

All Roy knew was Riza falling pregnant had been too good to be true all along. And, just like everything else Roy Mustang came into contact with, it turned to ash.

Just imagine Roy having to go around telling people that they were no longer expecting.

 _Miscarriage_.

The sympathy was unimaginable and there were constantly offers from their friends to visit as they passed on their condolences.

" _If there's anything we can do, just let us know_."

Rewind back the last twenty years so that Riza Hawkeye never met Roy Mustang, so she could live a happy life, and not the cursed one she'd be subjected to by his side.

There was no way he'd leave Riza to pass on the news. After all, he'd been unable to keep his big fat mouth shut and told everyone before the twelve-week mark.

He'd just been so excited.

He'd finally done something good and given Riza what she wanted but had denied herself for years because of her actions. Roy felt like he'd finally done something good in his life and this was how he'd been repaid.

" _Go home, Roy,_ " Riza had urged him from her hospital bed. She'd taken the news hard, but apparently not as hard as him.

 _Their child was gone_.

" _Roy, please,_ " she'd pleaded, grabbing his hand tightly to try and coax him out of his self-destructive thoughts. " _Go home and rest."_

Apparently, he'd been staring off into space because when he came around and finally looked her in the eye for the first time since receiving the news, there was a nurse next to his wife, also looking extremely concerned.

" _I'm fine_."

No, she wasn't. She'd just lost their child.

 _Miscarriage_.

Roy did go home, and it was one large blur. He'd sat on the armchair by the window - a chill emanating from it that coated him and coaxed gooseflesh onto his skin - and hadn't moved until the sun rose three hours later.

 _Miscarriage._

Once the sun was up, he was back at the hospital. One look at Riza and he knew she could tell he'd been unable to sleep. Hell, Riza knew he hadn't even tried.

She knew him so well.

Two weeks had passed since then and the Elrics were on their way to Central to visit. Roy had passed on the news. It was nice to do it over the phone because he didn't see the sympathetic look on anyone's face. He'd had enough of that for one lifetime.

But when Edward and Winry showed up at the door with their two kids, _that_ had been too much for him.

"How are you doing?" Edward asked as Roy stood frozen in the doorway, eyes locked on the infant in Winry's arms. That question was worse, especially from Ed. There was no sarcasm, no scathing remark or nickname, only real sympathy.

That was so much worse. It was so far from the familiar that it made this situation suddenly very, _very_ , real. The infant and young boy looking expectantly up at him only added fuel to that fire.

"Hey, Mustang?" Ed called but it surrounded oh so very far away. "You okay?" His vision tunnelled and greyed around the edges, his breathing picking up as he continued to stare at the baby who'd just yawned in her mother's arms.

 _Miscarriage_.

 _You ruin everything you touch._

"Roy?" Riza's voice managed to break through and into his mind. Her arms were placed on his shoulders, meant as a comfort, however he shrugged them off violently.

No, she couldn't touch him. If she did, he would hurt her again, just like he always did.

Everything Roy loved was hurt by his actions in the end. He couldn't do it to Riza again. She deserved so much more. She deserved so much _better_ than _him_.

Blindly, Roy moved through the house, blocking out the concerned shouts from the front door. He stumbled, shoulders banging into walls hard enough to leave a bruise. His hand hit a door handle in passing and pain flared at his wrist, but Roy didn't feel it. All he knew was this crushing weight on his chest and the darkness of his vision.

He fell to the floor, slumping down the wall in his dark study. The door closed softly behind him, leaving him in the pitch black.

It reminded Roy of his brief time being blind. Every day he'd open his eyes and panic because he couldn't see anything, then reality would set in. His eyesight had been unjustly taken from him however the only thing he'd been able to think about was how he'd never see Riza Hawkeye again. She was the first person he'd seen when his vision returned and he vowed to himself that after the Promised Day, he would do everything in his power to make her happy.

That included giving her a child.

He'd failed at that too.

So, in that dark room, his panic doubled as his chest felt like it was tearing in two because they'd lost their child. He'd only known about it for two months and he would have died for that child. Granted, it was still only a foetus, but to know that they'd finally begun to create something _good_ , only to have it ripped away…

That panic and crushing despair was what he deserved.

When arms encircled Roy, he begun to protest.

"Leave me alone," he'd whispered brokenly to the darkness.

"No," Riza replied.

That caused him to struggle even further because she couldn't be near him. He'd only hurt her again.

"Roy, please, stay still." Her own voice was thick with emotion as her hold remained. "Please, I… I need to hold you," she replied desperately.

"Why?" he whispered, and he felt Riza pause. "I only hurt you."

"This _wasn't_ your fault," she replied, adamant. Roy scoffed. "These things happen –"

"Yes, but they always happen to _you_ , and it's only when I'm involved."

Riza hushed him. "If I agreed with that, I'd have left you a long time ago. There's a reason I stayed."

"What is it then?" he asked, tone bitter. He was truly curious because since the news of their loss he was still trying to figure it out. He hadn't touched her, hadn't been near her, and Roy knew Riza was hurt by it. He'd overheard her on the phone to Catalina, worrying that she was no longer desirable to him since she'd miscarried. He'd broken down then. But he'd done it alone.

She had it all wrong. It was _he_ who felt unworthy of _her_.

"Your compassion and your drive to right the wrongs of this world," she began, brushing a hand through his hair. She'd brought his now unresisting head to lay against her chest as she cradled him to try and calm him down. "Your ability to see the bigger picture and determination to do right by those _you_ have wronged. You don't shy away from your sins, like me, you embrace it and try every day to try and absolve yourself of them." Riza shifted on the floor to try and become more comfortable. "I could list more but we'd be here all day," she added, a small smile appearing on her face.

"This is a setback," she whispered, placing a kiss on the top of his head. "I'm just as hurt and disappointed as you, but this isn't the end. We'll try again. The doctor ran some tests this afternoon and the results will be in soon. Then we can see our options.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going?" Roy asked, head shooting up.

"You were working," she reasons, although her answer came a little too quick, her expression schooled a little to quickly. There was more than she was letting on. It was probably because she didn't trust him there with her. Roy wouldn't blame her after his behaviour the last two weeks.

"We'll be fine," she whispered, bringing his head back down to her chest. Roy wrapped both arms around her middle, feeling more secure in both himself and their future as husband and wife. "We'll work through this. Together."

Roy hoped so, because he didn't know what he would do if he failed her again.


	29. through despair and hope

**AN: so, this idea came to me while listening to the lion king soundtrack (i see you "can you feel the love tonight") and i thought person a thinking person b is dead? for years? only to find out they're still alive? hell yeah**

 **so welcome to my royai (loosely based on) lion king au**

* * *

 ** _through despair and hope_**

Five years ago, Riza Hawkeye lost her best friend to the men she was stalking right now. Crouched low on the dirt track, she hid behind a tree, waiting to see which way they would turn next. Riza scowled as their laughter reached her. How can they act so carefree and happy when they've hurt so many people?

The estate was quiet tonight. The patrols were the same frequency, but their gaits were slower and more relaxed. It was like they knew they were untouchable. They often captured and sometimes killed anyone they found out wandering at night, so Riza wasn't surprised they were feeling quite lax. Anyone living on the estate knew to keep their head down and stay out of the officer's way to avoid trouble.

Anger burned in her chest at the thought of King Bradley. He'd started all of this. He'd taken away everyone important in Riza's life, stripped them from her easily with no remorse. First, her mother in an "accident". She was ill, Bradley had said, voice devastated as he emerged from her bedroom. So very ill. There was nothing he could do. Then, her father. Another accident. They'd been out riding together with her father's apprentice and he'd been thrown from his horse. Her best friend didn't return that night either. Bradley had though, distraught and shouting for help, begging anyone and everyone who was available to send help to the gorge.

Her father's body had been there, but Roy's hadn't.

"Riza?" Chris Mustang called to her urgently. She froze in her tracks, pivoting on the balls of her feet to turn and face the woman. Chris had been dubbed the leader of their little resistance and was the previous owner of the estate they were confined to.

Before King Bradley had swooped in and tactically taken out everyone who could oppose him, she'd run this place effortlessly with the help of her mother. Riza's father had been employed as a chemical scientist after marrying her mother. He'd studied the chemical properties that went into the alcohol Chris produced, along with deciding what would work and what wouldn't. Chris' son had been employed as his apprentice shortly after taking an interest in his work.

Despite removing her mother, father, and Chris' son from the equation, Riza was still unsure why Bradley kept Chris alive. However, as she grew older, it wasn't hard to figure out why. Bradley had fawned over her, trying to get her to submit to him, but Chris Mustang was formidable and fought him on every front, never once succumbing to his twisted wishes.

Riza admired Chris and looked up to her so much. Her strength had gotten Riza through the toughest of times – when they were being starved because Bradley forbid the staff to deliver meals to them after Chris swatted away his advances, or during the cold winter nights in the crumbling house they were confined to, when Chris would tell them stories of how great her estate had been before Bradley had tainted it with his destructive army. She would describe how her garden would be so beautiful in summer, the blooms lighting up everyone's lives. The vegetable garden would be swollen with food, able to provide fresh greens for every meal for every member of the staff. Her business was so lucrative and successful that people from all around the country would come to the estate for tours of her brewery.

Now that had all turned ash, thanks to Bradley. His army had stripped it bare, taking what they wanted so that it withered and died without the proper care. As long as their bellies were full, they didn't care.

"Where are you going?" Chris asked, voice hard, as if daring her to take another step.

"I can't just sit around and accept this life anymore," Riza replied, taking another glance at the men about a hundred metres from her. "I'm going to find help."

"You will do no such thing, child," she ordered. "I already lost a son to that man. I won't lose a daughter too."

Riza cringed. It was no secret Chris saw her as one of her own. But she couldn't submit and accept this anymore. She had to fight for those who couldn't. She had to for Chris, who had taken her in and shielded her from Bradley's sick advances instead of kicking her out now that she was an orphan.

"I'm sorry, but I won't."

"Did you hear that old man squeal yesterday?" one of the men suddenly stated loudly, followed by echoing laughter. Riza froze, head craning around to look at them. There was only one old man on the estate. Her stomach dropped. So that's where he'd gotten the bruise on his wrists from. Her grandfather had neglected to reveal to them where they'd come from.

"Yeah," another piped up. "Wouldn't stop fucking yelling about how we better not touch the girl."

"These fuckin' people man," another laughed like what was left of Riza's family's situation was the funniest damn thing in the world. "Ought to have killed them all years ago. But the boss has a soft spot for that old hag and the kid."

Riza bristled, then jumped when she found Chris was right next to her.

"Go," Chris urged her, gaze hard as she stared straight ahead. "If it comes to it, give them hell."

She nodded and slipped into what remained of the wheat fields. Like everything else, thanks to Bradley's men, they were barren and dead. Picking up speed, Riza broke out into a sprint and ran as fast as her legs would carry her, away from the estate for the first time in five years.

* * *

She'd rode for four days before she came across a small town. Her hopes were dashed as she walked through it, guiding her horse, only to find it abandoned. A disturbance to her right had caught her attention. When she saw the blues of Bradley's army, she mounted and took off north, pushing her horse as she was pursued by the men who had helped kill her family.

Now, on day five, she'd found herself in the northern forests, where occasional patches of the ground were dusted in snow. The precipitation that managed to make it through the thick canopy above her was disturbed as the horse walked through, tired after another day of riding. Vowing to stop soon, Riza stroked her horse's neck and promised they'd rest in a while.

She froze when there was a quiet rustle to her right. Above her. Remaining still, she flicked her eyes upwards and into the trees, but it was too dark to see anything. A figure dropped as if from nowhere, a foot aimed for her head. Jerking the reigns, Riza directed the horse away, leaning to the side as an arrow flew past her left.

Riza flipped backwards off her horse and landed effortlessly in a crouch, springing up to launch a counterattack on the person who had just tried to kill her. If they were part of Bradley's forces, then she would have no issue with cutting them down.

They parried her strike and she sidestepped right. Dropping low again, she swept her leg underneath their feet, but they dodged, jumping back a few feet. Charging forward, Riza flicked her knife so it ran down the length of her forearm and angled it for the person's throat. Again, they dodged and ducked underneath her arm, landing a punch to her kidneys. Riza grunted but didn't let it stop her. There was five years-worth of anger and hatred lying inside her. She wouldn't let something like that beat her.

As the person thrust towards her throat, Riza grasped their arm and yanked it, pulling their body close to hers. The person grunted and stumbled, their weight a lot heavier than Riza would have expected. Before she could plant a secure base, she begun to fall backwards, hitting the ground painfully with her opponent's body almost crushing hers. Her hood fell backwards, exposing her face to the night air and she snarled. Beginning to struggle underneath the knee on her chest, she noted the person was frozen in place, staring down at her. The night was too dark, the canopy covering too much of the sky to let the moonlight through, for Riza to see her opponent's face. The hood covering their face shrouded the face in shadow.

"If you're going to kill me, kill me," she hissed, glaring up at the person pinning her to the ground.

" _Riza_?" a voice asked incredulously.

She froze in place, the sound of the voice calling her back to a time in her past. It tugged at a memory in her mind, almost recognising it.

The person backed up, scrambling off her body and Riza instantly sat up, still on her guard. She didn't know why the person who was trying to kill her knew her name. Riza didn't particularly _want_ to know. She just wanted to get out of here –

A hand was placed on top of the person's hood, swiping it back hurriedly. It revealed a face that Riza thought she'd never see again. Long, black locks covered the shocked face underneath the hood. Wide eyes with black irises stared at her, a mouth opening and closing helplessly as the two people stared at each other in disbelief.

"Roy?" Riza whispered, not daring to believe for a second this wasn't a dream. This was too good to be true. This was a dream, she just needed to wake up.

Arms encircled her body as Roy surged forwards, hugging her tightly to her body. Instinctively, Riza's arms returned the gesture, hugging him fiercely.

"Oh my god," he whispered in disbelief, a shocked laugh escaping him. A hand was placed on the back of her head, cradling it against his body. Riza felt her eyes fill with tears. She couldn't believe it… He was alive…

"I thought you were dead," she admitted, her emotions overtaking her body, causing to shake uncontrollably.

"I thought you were too," he whispered, readjusting his grip on her to hold her tighter. "I can't believe it."

Riza pulled back, unable to resist cradling his face in her hands. She brushed the hair out of his face. It was so much longer than before. It now fell over his forehead, brushing past his eyebrows and catching his eyelashes. He looked older now than he had been before. He'd lost some weight, his cheekbones becoming more pronounced. Gone were the "chubby cheeks" she used to tease him as a child.

"You're here," she whispered, face scrunching up slightly as more tears threatened to fall.

Roy nodded, tears filling his own eyes. "I'm here," he confirmed.

They found each other's embrace again. Roy stroked her short hair – she'd cut it shortly after her family had died – running his hands through her short locks.

"I like this look," he murmured into her hair. "You suit short hair."

Riza let out a choked laugh, sniffing and pulling away to look up at him. She wiped her cheeks free of tears and took him in once more.

"What happened?" she asked quietly. "We all thought you _died_."

"I… I got out. Bradley tried to kill me, but I escaped." His gaze turned away from her, avoiding it. Riza pulled away to get a better look at him, and Roy's arms loosened, letting her go free.

"What happened that day?" Riza asked quietly. It was something she'd wondered about for the past five years. "And why didn't you come back?"

Roy flinched at her question.

"Why not take back what's rightfully yours from the man who stole it from you?"

"I thought you were all dead," Roy whispered. "I couldn't return to a place like that. Not with everyone gone."

"Come back with me, then," she pleaded. "We can do it together. Roy, your mother is still alive." His gaze snapped up to hers. "So is my grandfather. Every day is a fight, but we're surviving. We're holding on in the hopes that you'd survived. Plus," she smiled fondly. "Your mother is not one to give up without a fight."

"She's alive?" he whispered in disbelief.

Riza nodded. "Yes. She is. But… Look," she began. "Bradley has taken over her estate. He's destroying not only everything she built there – that _we all_ built – but also the land. He's killing it, taking and taking and _taking_ with no regard for anyone living in it. The place is on lockdown and it has been since they day he took over. People are being _killed_ Roy. It's only a matter of time before we are too."

Riza had made peace with that thought only recently, but finding Roy again, _alive_ , rekindled hope inside her and shoved that thought out of her mind.

"How did you get out then, if people are being killed?" he asked suddenly, as if doubting her words. That stung a little.

"I snuck out to come and find help," she told him. "I want to help you mother and free her and my grandfather from Bradley's influence. We _need_ to stop him."

"I can't."

"What?" she asked incredulously. That answer was unexpected.

"I can't go back," he stated.

"Why not?" she cried. This was ridiculous, of course he could go back. His mother will be thrilled to know he was alive. "You won't help me? Won't help us? Why not?"

"Because I _can't go back there_!" he barked, nostrils flaring as he glared at her for pushing him further than he wanted to go.

"Is everything okay, Roy?" a female voice asked, appearing on his right. She placed a hand on his shoulder, eyeing Riza suspiciously.

Her gaze flicked to the woman and back to Roy, suddenly realising what was going on. That's why he wouldn't leave, wouldn't come back, even though his mother's life depended on it? Even though her life depended on it?

He'd made a life out here and didn't want to leave it behind.

Riza swallowed, suddenly feeling very foolish after her affections, but a spike of anger overrode that.

"Everything is fine, Becca," he reassured her, turning to face her, giving the woman a small smile.

 _Ouch_.

"You know," Riza stated, voice sombre as she took a step back, putting distance between them. Roy watched her, his brow furrowing. "I used to know a boy who would do anything for his family and for those he cared about." Her eyes met his, challenging him. "Who would stick up for those who couldn't do it themselves. It turns out that's no longer the case."

"Riza?" Roy asked, tone confused.

"Goodbye, Roy," she bid him, tone sour as she narrowed her eyes at the man she'd once loved. It appears the five years had changed his priorities, and his mother and friends no longer mattered to him. "I will tell your mother you're alive and well," she added bitterly.

"Riza, wait," he grabbed her wrist and Riza jerked it free angrily, turning in place to meet his furrowed brow with eyes beginning to fill with unshed tears. "I didn't mean to snap. I do care, I _really_ do, but –"

"Not enough to come back to your home?"

"That's unfair," he replied in frustration.

"No, Roy," she rounded on him. "What's unfair was being forced to think my best friend was dead for five years. What's _unfair_ was having to watch your mother grieve for you, when all this time you've been alive." He flinched at that one. "What's _unfair_ ," she growled, lifting a finger to point it at his chest. She had approached him slowly while she made her points, and now she was right in front of him. "Was having to live in fear that I might die, _every day_ because of King Bradley, and not being able to do anything about it because we don't have enough manpower."

"Riza –" Roy choked out. His voice was thick with emotion.

"It was unfair for me to have to live in the shadow of the man who killed both my parents, and who I thought killed you too." Her body had begun to shake uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face. She didn't wipe them away. She didn't try to hide them. Riza left them on show for Roy to see, because then he might truly understand just how awful these past few years had been for her. "If you won't help me, help your _mother_ , then I have nothing more to say to you."

The woman behind Roy looked between them both, eyes narrowed, but Riza didn't stay any longer to try and figure out what was happening. She didn't care anymore. She felt too betrayed. Her chest heaved as she tried to breathe through her tears, finally letting loose everything she'd pent up over the past five years so she didn't show Bradley any weakness.

Riza ignored Roy calling her name behind her. He'd made her choice, so Riza had nothing more to say to them. He "couldn't" go back. Whether that was because he had a new life out here, Riza didn't know. It might be because he simply didn't care anymore. Riza would _never_ have thought he was that kind of person, but apparently, she'd been wrong. Five years can change a person. Apparently, it can change them _a lot_.

Her horse had moseyed off into the trees while she'd fought and Riza mounted it in one swift motion, kicking it into a gallop. She didn't want to turn around and see him again. She didn't want to hear him calling her name.

Not after the things he'd said.

Riza sped off into the northern forests, her tears drying in the wind and her decisions solidifying like Roy's had over the years.

It was time to move on and find some real help. Someone willing to help what was left of her family.

* * *

Riza tried to jerk herself free of the hold on her pinned arms, but it did nothing but jar her shoulder joints painfully. She winced and tried to keep up with the quick march Bradley's men were moving with, but it was difficult with her hands bound and pinned painfully behind her back.

"Move it," the man hissed in her ear, shoving her forward. Of course, this made her stumble again and she turned her head to glare at him. It was a mistake because his arm reared back and he punched her in the face, making Riza see stars. She stumbled a third time, the man not pausing in his march while Riza tried to get her bearings back. Her cheek was in agony, the pain radiating right through her head.

"What is this?" she heard Chris demand from somewhere in front of her. Her head was still spinning so Riza could only see different coloured shapes in front of her.

"One of you managed to escape," the man holding her growled. He shoved Riza forward, letting go. She stumbled again, her head still fuzzy, and fell to her knees on the ground. Her arms were still pinned behind her, so with no way to catch herself, and no depth perception, Riza's face hit the ground painfully.

"Riza!" Chris shouted. There was the sound of footsteps then gentle hands eased her up, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "Are you all right?" Her usually gruff voice was surprisingly gentle. Riza blinked a few times, still trying to clear her vision. It swam before eventually settling on Chris' worried face. Riza nodded, relaxing in Chris' arms for the first time in the last twelve hours.

She'd been found about half a day after leaving _him_ , Bradley's forces too large for her to overcome. Riza had surrendered in exchange for her life, but she knew her punishment would be severe upon returning to Bradley.

The others who'd escaped – or tried to – and were caught, had never been seen again.

"What did they do to you?" Chris asked, voice accusing as she turned her gaze towards Bradley's men.

"Brought her home," the one who'd been escorting her replied, offering nothing more. "Bradley will see to her within the hour."

"You tell him to stay the fuck _away_ ," Chris snarled. Riza noticed the grip around her shoulders tightened.

The man shook his head while the others snickered amongst themselves. Riza was about to surge upwards and kill every last one of them for mocking Chris, but she was restrained gently, a hand squeezing her shoulder as a warning. "That won't happen. Get her cleaned up."

Chris scoffed at the men, then turned her uncharacteristically worried gaze back down to Riza. She helped Riza to her feet, steadying her as she swayed. Her hands were quickly released from their restraints and Riza sighed in relief then hissed in pain as she moved her arms. Blood rushed through the limbs, the sensation painful after being rendered immobile and at an awkward angle for so long.

"Come on," Chris beckoned, keeping her arms around Riza as she guided her back inside the house. They swept passed the guards at the front door angrily, Chris ushering her upstairs and into Riza's bedroom. Chris pressed Riza onto her bed before turning back to go and lock the door.

"What happened?" Chris asked as soon as she took a seat by Riza's bedside. She angled Riza's head upwards so her sore cheek could face the light. It continued to throb and every time she blinked it was painful. Chris tutted at the sight of it.

"They punched me in the face when we got back," Riza muttered, spitting the blood in her mouth out into the empty teacup Chris offered her. "And before, after they found me."

"Where?" Chris asked. Her voice was clipped, but it wasn't directed at Riza.

She turned in place, wincing as she lifted her arms. Slowly, Riza painfully lifted the back of her shirt to show where she'd been beaten before by Bradley's men. Chris huffed as she saw the bruises that had probably already formed on her back and abdomen.

"Stay here. I'll get some ice." Without another word, she was gone from the room. Riza lowered her shirt and lay down on her bed, whimpering when even the soft mattress made her injuries flare up in pain. Once somewhat comfortable, Riza closed her eyes, a tear escaping from her eye.

She felt hopeless.

Riza had left to find help, and found something wonderful instead, only for it to crumble into ash in front of her. A part of her didn't want to tell Chris what she'd found but knew that it was the opposite of what she would want. Plus, she deserved to know her son was alive.

Watching the normally hard and stoic Chris grieve for her son had been harrowing. She had a right to know he was alive… But Riza knew she wouldn't like what he'd become. Her chest still hurt when she thought about it.

Chris slipped back through the door with an extremely worried looking Walter behind her. As her grandfather rushed to her side, Chris locked the door behind them, approaching with two bags of ice.

"Riza? Are you all right?" Walter asked worriedly.

"I'm fine," she replied. "Honestly. They just got a few lucky punches in."

"What were you _thinking_? Going out there without help?" he cried.

"Walter," Chris warned him. "Keep your voice down."

"I went to get help."

Chris placed a bag of ice on Riza's face, who hissed at the shock of the cold. "And did you find it?" Chris asked before Walter could reply.

Riza froze. Now the moment was here, there was a lump in her throat. She couldn't get the words out. She couldn't tell them what she'd saw. If she did, it would make it real.

"I –"

The door to her bedroom was kicked open. Bradley strode inside, face like thunder, with two men behind him.

"You tried to _escape_?" he seethed.

"I _did_ escape," Riza bit back defiantly, despite her stomach tightening and dread consuming her whole entire being.

This was it.

But she sure as shit wasn't going down without a fight. For too long this bastard had been terrorising her. She always let Bradley know how she really felt about him and that wasn't about to stop now.

"Your men were slacking, and I managed to break free." Riza challenged him with her stare, watching as his face turned red in anger.

"Restrain her," he stated, his voice deathly calm.

Although she knew it was coming, her body still tensed and fought against the men grabbing her limbs. They roughly pulled her up off the bed, hurting her still recovering arms further. She hissed in pain and glared at the men, trying to wrench herself free even though it hurt like hell.

Walter protested loudly from beside her, reaching to grab at one of the men. Riza begged him to stop, but of course, the man wasn't going to let his only granddaughter be walked out the room to her death. Riza was glad he was still with her. He'd been overprotective and almost smothering over the years, but Riza had put up with it without complaint because she knew he meant well. She knew how awful it was to lose family members. They were all each other had left.

Chris argued loudly with Bradley, who did nothing but meet Riza's unflinching glare, which she shot his way once she knew Walter was safe and unharmed. But Chris' shouts fell on deaf ears and Riza was escorted from the room with Bradley close behind her.

"Take her to the centre of the courtyard," he barked as they exited the main doors to the estate house. "Time to make an example of you, Miss Hawkeye," he growled in her ear.

"Fuck you," she spat.

Bradley snarled and brushed past his men, causing Riza to stumble in their grasp. One arm was free, and she took the opportunity to tear the other free too. Unsheathing a knife, she rushed at Bradley's back, arm poised to stab it.

For the tiniest second, hope swelled in her chest. Adrenaline pumped through her veins, spurring her on. There was a flash in her mind – a possibility of what their life could be like if she succeeded in taking Bradley down right now.

She'd thought it through before, many times. Especially when she was younger, during the first year of Bradley's siege. At night she would dream of times gone by, thinking about the lovely vegetable gardens that were always ripe with food, the wheat fields that swayed in the breeze where she'd played hide and seek with Roy, and the faint smell of alcohol that would fill the estate grounds as Chris' business became more lucrative.

Most of that became a possibility again as her blade closed the distance towards Bradley's back.

Only to turn into grey ash as he whipped around, grabbing her throat and clamping down hard. Riza's hand flailed in shock. The knife clattered to the stone loudly, piercing the silent scene.

"Bradley!" Chris barked angrily. "Stop this!"

"Get your hands off of her!" Walter shouted.

The pressure increased and Riza tried to gasp for more air.

" _Stop_!" someone shouted, their voice carrying over the courtyard.

Riza felt herself being moved. Her throat was still being crushed by Bradley's hand so her feet couldn't get purchase on the ground. All her brainpower was focussed on trying to breathe, not trying to stand. Riza slipped and the pressure on her neck increased.

Something whizzed past her head and suddenly the pressure was gone.

Choking and heaving for breath, Riza collapsed onto the ground. Her hacking coughs were drowned out by Bradley's men's shouts.

"Riza!" Walter shouted. There were footsteps approaching her hurriedly. Riza threw her hand out to stop him, her battered throat unable to get any words out. Her eyes were wide and pleading with her grandfather to stay back when she saw one of Bradley's men step in to intercept him. In a swift movement, Walter whipped a hidden blade out from underneath his jacket and begun to fight back, the element of surprise allowing him to best the man quickly. Then another came. And another. Riza watched in awe as her grandfather easily bested Bradley's army, one man after the other.

Sitting up, Riza held her throat as she frantically searched the area. Walter was accounted for, but where was Chris?

"Are you okay?" someone asked from behind her. Riza jumped in fright, spinning around. Her abdomen and backed protested as the injured muscles moved, but that was completely forgotten about when she saw Roy behind her. His eyes were concerned, his expression one of worry. He didn't shy away from her gaze. Roy met it head on, awaiting her answer, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"You came back?" she whispered.

Roy nodded, a soft smile gracing his face. "Of course." The hand on her shoulder gave it a quick squeeze. "Sorry if it seemed I wasn't going to. I… I worked through some things and realised how stupid I was being. I'm sorry for hurting you," he added, eyes earnest.

"It's…"

"Mustang! Now is _not_ the time!" the woman from before shouted from behind him. She was currently fighting off one of Bradley's men, her sword piercing through his abdomen brutally. With a grunt, she ripped it free and found her next victim. As Riza recovered from her shock, the sounds of fighting finally reached her.

There was a large group of people clad in black and brown leathers fighting against Bradley's blue army. Riza noticed it was the same way Roy dressed. Had he… Had he brought these people to help them?

"I promise, I _will_ explain everything after this." His tone was solemn and Riza found herself nodding. Taking his offered hand, Riza hopped to her feet and unsheathed a knife from her belt.

Jumping into the fray was easier than Riza thought it would. There was five years of unrestrained anger and pain raging inside of her and what better way to channel it than to take it out on the men who had terrorised her and her family, making them suffer for their own amusement. She cut down solider after soldier, making her way into the centre of the courtyard where Bradley was fighting off the men and woman Roy had arrived with.

"Stop this!" Bradley bellowed, causing everyone to slow to a stop. He stood facing Riza in the centre of the square. Roy was by her side, stance defensive and ready to launch into an attack. " _What_ is that murderer doing here?" he snarled, gaze pointed at Roy.

"What?" Riza asked in confusion.

"You would let a murderer back in here, Miss Hawkeye?" Bradley hissed.

"You're the murderer here, Bradley!" she shouted angrily at him. "You killed my parents!" Riza felt her anger spike when he genuinely looked taken aback by her accusation.

"What?" he asked, flabbergasted.

"You heard me! You killed my parents!"

"I did no such thing, my dear. The person who killed your parents is standing right beside you. You should be careful standing there. He might try to kill you too!"

"Wha –" Riza asked in exasperation, turning to see who was beside her, only to discover Roy's extremely pale face. Dread coiled in her stomach. "Roy?"

" _He_ killed your parents, Miss Hawkeye, not me. Tell them, Mr. Mustang!"

Roy said nothing. He just continued to stare at Bradley looking extremely fearful.

"That's why you didn't want to come back," Riza whispered, realising the truth while that familiar feeling of hurt creeped into her chest.

"No…" he whispered.

"Don't lie to her boy!" Bradley interrupted.

Roy flinched. "No, I came to help. I always wanted to –!"

"You wanted to come back so you could try and kill the daughter too, didn't you? Didn't you?!"

"No!" Roy shouted. "No, _nothing_ like that, I swear, Riza," he replied, his eyes begging her to understand. "It was an accident," he whispered. "I didn't mean to –"

"So, you admit to killing them?" Bradley demanded.

"It was an accident –" Roy stuttered.

"But you still did it! Accident or not, Miss Hawkeye's parents are dead, and its by your hand. You killed her mother by making her overdose on her medicine. Then, you killed her father. You spooked his horse and it threw him, sending him to his death." Bradley's face turned into a sneer. "Then, you ran away, afraid of being caught after you completed your task!"

" **NO!** "

"Get him!" Bradley commanded his men, and they swarmed Roy.

Riza was frozen in front of them, watching as Roy desperately fought them off. She was stuck in the same place, one single thought rushing through her head.

 _Roy killed your parents._

There were too many for Roy. He managed to keep back a few but was quickly overcome. The men restrained him roughly, stretching his arms to the side and keeping him in place while they forced him to his knees, the joints hitting the ground painfully. Those who had arrived with Roy fought to get to him, but Bradley's men formed a barrier around Riza, Roy, and Bradley.

Walter was calling to her, pleading for her to get away from them. Chris was silent, watching the whole exchange with a blank expression. Riza had kept and eye on her throughout the fight, but no one bothered her. She couldn't fight and was unarmed, so no one from the opposition cast her a second glance.

Roy's hair was pulled back roughly while another man put him in a headlock. Riza watched blankly as he was restrained completely. Roy's eyes met hers, desperate and pleading, but she had nothing to give him.

 _Roy killed your parents._

"Finally," Bradley sneered, approaching Roy slowly, like a lion stalking its prey. "This madness can stop." He walked past Riza without a thought, as if forgetting she was even there. Riza didn't even feel present. She was watching this whole scene apart from her body, unable to move, think, or feel. "Time to end this madness."

"Riza," Roy wheezed, pleading with her to just _think_ about this. She felt like she had to stop Bradley… But she still couldn't move.

"You managed to escape me that day, Mr. Mustang, but now, I have you. You will finally pay for your crimes. You murdered two innocent people."

"I didn't!" he cried as best he could, but it came out like a breath. The pressure on his windpipe was too great. The realisation tried to spur Riza into action, to do something to help him, but her body didn't cooperate.

"Now, you're a liar. You are guilty, Mr. Mustang. You killed them. I saw the evidence myself."

The grip on Roy's throat tightened and he whined in pain.

Something kicked in Riza's mind.

Bradley gripped Roy's hair, pulling is back roughly even further than it was. His throat was even more exposed now. Roy grunted.

Another kick in her mind. Her brain was stuttering, trying to start working again.

"Before you go," Bradley added smugly. "I'll let you in on a little secret. It's only fitting you know the truth after all this time." He leaned in close, but Roy's eyes weren't on Bradley.

They were on Riza.

"I killed the bitch's parents," Bradley whispered in Roy's ear, but it sounded like he shouted it across the entire courtyard.

Time stopped around them in this circle. The fighting continued outside, men and women shouting to Roy, trying to break the barrier to get through to them, but to no avail. Riza felt a calm wash over her, but she couldn't identify why. Her mouth moved by itself, independent of her brain as it uttered one single sentence.

"You killed my parents, Bradley?"

It seemed to echo across the courtyard. Riza didn't know if she'd spoken it, whispered it, or screamed it. All she knew was that the fighting slowed outside of their bubble, Bradley's own men looking in on the scene before them.

Riza's fists clenched by her side as they begun to shake uncontrollably. Her whole body begun to follow suit. Before he'd spun around, Riza had two knives embedded in Bradley's back. He gasped in pain, staggering to the side. Riza watched with a cold gaze as he stumbled before falling to his feet.

Movement from her right caught her eye. The man holding Roy in a headlock tightened his grip while another lifted a knife towards his throat. Roy's eyes widened, finding hers instantly. He watched her with tear filled eyes, relief on his face, even as his body tensed in anticipation of the blow that would end his life.

His eyes had sought out hers so she was the last thing he would look at before he died.

Riza flicked her wrist and sent a throwing knife into the knife-wielder's arm. He screamed in pain, dropping it. Another sliced through the chest of the man holding Roy in a headlock. Riza launched into an attack, ripping the other men off Roy and cutting her way through them all. The soldiers surrounding them looked at Bradley's unmoving body on the ground, took one look at each other, then fled the courtyard. Riza tried to catch those she could, fuelled entirely by her anger and hatred from the last five years, but a few managed to escape. Roy's men rounded up those who surrendered and the ones Riza captured.

The battle finally over, bowed at the waist, Riza placed her hands on her knees, bracing herself as she got her breath back.

Some time had passed since she'd killed Bradley. She had no idea how much though. When she looked up, she found Roy standing a few feet from her, just watching. Riza straightened and marched over, throwing her arms around her best friend's neck.

Roy's arms wrapped around her back, squeezing her tightly while he buried his face in the crook of her neck. Her bruises smarted on her back as Roy's hands covered them, but she didn't care. Not in this moment.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "For everything."

Riza hushed him, holding him even tighter as her tears begun to fall.

It was over.

Bradley was dead. His army was disbanded and gone.

Roy was alive and he was back.

"I thought I killed them," he admitted, chest heaving underneath hers. "It was an accident," he stuttered, voice thick with emotion. "I didn't mean it. I –"

"You didn't kill them, Bradley did," Riza reminded him.

"But I thought I _did_ ," Roy stressed. "For five years I thought I'd murdered two people. I thought I'd killed _your_ parents."

For five years he had to carry that with him.

Riza lifted a hand to his neck, curling her fingers around it, the tips of her fingers slipping into his hair. "It's all right. You _didn't_. Remember that."

"Roy?" Chris asked in wonder. Riza regrettably pulled away from him, but she wouldn't keep Chris from this moment. However, one of Roy's arms remained circled around her back, gripping her waist tightly.

"Mother?" he choked out.

Riza eased out of his grasp with a gentle smile, ushering him forward. Mother and son came together and begun to cry, finally reunited after thinking the other was dead for half a decade.

* * *

Riza stirred as the door to her bedroom opened quietly. She turned her head in her drowsiness, facing towards the sound on instinct before sighing. The muscles in her neck smarted as she moved, but not enough to restrain the movement too much. It still hurt like hell to talk, a day on from the fight with Bradley.

Her eyes opened to see Roy standing by the closed door, his eyes watching her sadly.

She hadn't seen him since yesterday.

"Roy," she greeted with a sigh. She still couldn't believe he was alive. "What's wrong?" she asked suddenly, noticing his pained look.

"I…"

"Come here," she urged, voice still scratchy. She eased herself up in her bed, wincing as the pillows put pressure on the bruises on her back. He perched on the chair by her bedside, exhaling as he did so. He met her gaze again and Riza could see how haunted he looked.

His brow furrowed. "Your face…" he murmured, placing a hand gently over her injured cheek. It was swollen from when one of Bradley's men had punched her yesterday.

Riza leaned into his touch. "I'm all right."

"It doesn't look all right," Roy stated.

"You can thank Bradley's men for that." Roy flinched, dropping his gaze, head bowing slightly, and Riza felt dread coil in her stomach. "That wasn't – I didn't mean to –"

"I thought you were all dead," Roy whispered. "Bradley told me I'd killed all of you. I'd been working with chemicals that morning – a procedure I'd done hundreds of times before – but a messenger approached, telling us there had been a chemical gas leak and everyone in the house was dead." Roy swallowed, obviously still pained. Riza gripped his hand fiercely, reminding him that she was right there. Her chest was pained when she remembered he'd had to live with this guilt for five years. "Your father, so lost in his grief, wasn't watching where he was going and was thrown from his horse. Bradley told me it was my fault Berthold was dead. I'd caused it. He told me to run, far away, and never to come back. Not unless I wanted to be found out.

"The reason I ran –" he huffed a laugh, wiping tears away from his eyes. Riza squeezed his hand again, but said nothing, allowing Roy to let it all out. It was obviously much needed. "I was such a coward. The reason I ran was because I couldn't face what I'd done to my family, to my mother, to _you_." When he lifted his head, his eyes were shining with tears. "I thought I'd killed my mother and the woman I loved. I had already killed your parents. How could I return when you asked me to, after finding me?" he whispered.

Riza's heart thudded in her chest.

"I exiled myself and was found by the people of the forest villages. Their society was tough, their way of life hard, but it was what I needed after what I thought I'd done. It took my mind off everything. It was completely numb already, so it wasn't hard."

That's where his friends had come from. He'd rounded them all up to come and help fight Bradley.

"Roy," Riza whispered, crying with him. "I had no idea. Bradley told us my mother's death was due to natural causes, that my father had died by accident. He lied, _he_ killed them, but he never told us it was you."

His head bowed. "I'm sorry… for not returning. I was so scared," he admitted in a whisper. "So, scared of what I would face when I returned. Afraid of your reaction when you found out the truth, even if it was an accident."

He had witnessed his worst fear come to life when Bradley had revealed Roy's "secret".

Of course, Riza had no idea.

"I couldn't come back. Not after that. I didn't deserve to. Then I heard you'd been captured by our scouts and I had to. I might not deserve you, Riza, but I wouldn't let you die."

Riza cupped his jaw, lifting his gaze so he was looking at her again, and not looking down at the bedsheet with a bowed head.

"You are _not_ a murderer. You didn't kill my parents. I don't blame you for not coming back, especially after learning the truth. I understand that level of fear. But _please_ , don't beat yourself up about this. You were a victim of Bradley too. We all were."

She drew his face to hers, bringing their lips together. Roy sighed quietly against her, bringing a hand to her neck, locking her in place gently.

"I forgive you," she whispered after they broke apart. "One hundred percent. And I don't blame you for anything."

Roy lifted his forehead from leaning against hers, pressing a kiss to it, his face scrunching up in emotion. "Thank you, Riza. You're too good to me," he chuckled lightly.

She brushed the tears from his face, giving him a quick kiss. She moved over in the bed, inviting him in. Roy lay on top of her sheet, snaking an arm underneath her neck so Riza could rest her head on his shoulders. Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, Roy whispered for her to get some more rest. He promised he would be right there when she woke up. He vowed he wasn't going anywhere.

Since finding him alive again, that's all she'd ever wanted, even when her brain told her to banish that thought, that he'd betrayed her.

She just wanted her best friend and the man she loved by her side once again.


	30. kidnapped

**"Can I have #1 and #73 for Royai from your prompt list? I know its a weird mash-up, but it would be so much fun to see what you come up with…" - yuripliscatsky**

 **i saw this and an idea instantly popped into my head sdkjfdjks so thank you for that! i also didn't expect to get any asks after rbing that list so also, thanks!**

 **i went kinda crack with it and i hope it comes across well also i changed the last part of the prompt just slightly to make it fit the situation bc it was difficult to try and fit it in :')**

 **thank you for this one! i had a lot of fun with it uwu**

* * *

 _ **"kidnapped?" / "spread your legs, be free"**_

Roy groaned as his head rolled painfully only to strike something incredibly hard. His eyes opened groggily to find himself staring at a concrete wall. His training kicked in and he stilled, trying to take in as much of his surroundings as possible without giving away the fact he was awake.

His hands were bound behind his back by a thick rope. His hands were covered by a familiar cloth, so he noticed he still had his gloves on. He smirked to himself. _Idiots._

The next thing he took stock of was he was on his left side and his head had collided with the wall in front of him. His fingers twitched so see if there was anything behind him, but he could only feel air. The same went for his feet.

Taking a moment to listen, he discerned no walking or voices nearby. There was the sound of breathing coming from behind him though, so he continued to pretend until he could tell who it was.

Roy couldn't tell how long he waited, but eventually the breathing changed and someone groaned.

A woman, more noticeably. It appeared they'd suffered the same fate he had.

"Ah," the woman muttered in pain and Roy's stomach dropped when he recognised the voice.

"Lieutenant?" he asked quietly, and the breathing stopped all together. "It's Mustang. You're behind me."

There was no reply as she no doubt ran her own assessment, similar to his. Finally satisfied, she spoke.

"Sir? What's happening?"

"I don't know, but I assume we've been kidnapped."

" _Kidnapped_? Are you for real?"

"What?" he spluttered. Why would he lie?

"Kidnapped by who?"

"I don't know. I only woke up a short while ago."

Hawkeye huffed to herself and Roy heard her move. Deciding himself that it was safe, he too sat up -

Only for his head to collide with the ceiling.

"Mother _fu_ -!"

Hawkeye shushed him violently. "Quiet!"

"Quiet?" he exclaimed as his body rocked as a reaction to the sudden pain. "That hurt like a _bitch._ I can't be quiet right now!"

"So help me god, if you don't shut your hole I will kick you," she hissed, her face suddenly very close to his. Her breath caressed his face and Roy shivered at the thought of the two of them being pressed together in this cell -

 _Not the time, Roy!_

He did as he was told and groaned quietly to himself, trying to limit the amount he was rocking back and forth as the sharp pain turned to a dull ache.

"Okay, we're good," Hawkeye announced quietly.

Roy gasped loudly, eyes popping open. "Oh my god, my head!"

"Okay, where are we?" Hawkeye asked, ignoring him and looking around the _very_ tight space. Roy shifted so he could get more comfortable and he bumped into her, knocking the Lieutenant off balance and she fell back and bumped her head against the wall.

"Really?" she exclaimed in irritation, her expression pained.

"Sorry! There's not a lot of room in here in case you hadn't noticed," Roy grumbled. "I'm trying to get comfortable. I've got a bony ass."

"Well you're a pain in my ass and no amount of trying is going to get rid of _you_ , so shut up and _deal with it_." Roy frowned at her. She was irritable today. "Let's just figure this out, please, before anything else goes wrong."

They spent about half an hour strategizing. Roy had easily burned the rope of their wrists and ankles, so they now sat cross legged facing each other, shoulder hunched and head at an odd angle to avoid hitting it against the ceiling.

There was no window to speak of in the room, just a door that ran the height of the room. The walls were concrete all around, the same with the ceiling and the floor. Roy was sure if the room was upside down, he wouldn't be able to tell which way was the correct way up.

"Through there?" Roy asked, pointing at a vent behind Riza. It would be tight - _very_ tight - but he was sure they'd be able to make it.

"Can you melt the metal so we can get through?"

She rolled her eyes at his cocky grin and just shuffled out of the way. "Can I melt the metal?" he muttered to himself, scoffing, as he moved towards it.

Two minutes later, they were through.

"Ladies first," Hawkeye gestured, motioning for him to enter first. Roy huffed.

"Age before beauty," he muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"That's what I thought."

"Hey, can you give me a nudge?" Roy asked. His shoulders were almost through, but he'd need a little push to get him all the way. The metal was already beginning to dig uncomfortably into his skin.

What he didn't expect was Riza to forcefully shove him through the gap. By literally kicking his ass.

"A nudge! A nudge, not a karate kick!"

"Get _moving_ , Mustang."

"I can't, I'm still stuck."

"Come out then," she sighed. "I'll go first."

Roy did as he was told, but an idea occurred to him and before the Lieutenant could move, he tried once more going feet first. He made it in no problem, which he was grateful for. Not that Roy thought she would, but he didn't need Hawkeye to shove him in by his head. She followed suit and the pair were shimmying through the ventilation system. They passed by gratings and vents but saw no one. When they approached a rather promising looking door – one that screamed "exit" at them – they paused. Roy craned his neck to look at Hawkeye, who nodded. The space was tight, but they could make it. Roy shuffled to allow her to go first, as she requested. Just as Hawkeye was about to open the grate, she froze as she and Roy both begun to hear footsteps and muffled voices.

Roy's head snapped up to hers, eyes wide as he realised that in this position, Hawkeye could be seen. He glanced down and his stomach dropped when he realised there wasn't enough room in the rest of the vent by his feet for him to shuffle down. Moving back the way they'd come would make too much noise. The metal they were lying on now was solid, whereas the stuff they'd moved over before felt flimsy and every movement felt like a gunshot. A rushed escape back up there would give their position away.

"Shit," Roy stated, panicking.

"Move," Hawkeye commanded.

"What?!"

" _Move_."

Her legs were suddenly down by his sides, and wrapped around his torso, crushing his arms against his chest. There was a strong leg by his ear and in any other circumstance Roy would be _loving_ this, however the mixture of fear and desire inside him made a very confusing cocktail of emotion.

The Lieutenant's legs had a grip on him so tight he squeaked.

"Lieutenant," he choked out as her thighs begun to crush him. Roy supposed he deserved this. No, he knew he did.

The grip on him tightened.

Little did Roy know it was to try and make herself less conspicuous and was not some kind of punishment for him.

"Shh, they're coming."

"Jesus Christ, woman," he exclaimed, pained. "You could crush a watermelon with those legs." Again, they tightened on him.

"Don't tempt me," the Lieutenant muttered. He could hear the edge in her voice.

"Riza -"

"Shut up," she hissed as they heard footsteps approaching. As Roy lay there, partially mortified, partially turned on, he thought about how his life had reached this point; lying in an air vent trying to escape from being kidnapped with the thighs of his Lieutenant gripping his upper arms and crushing him so they could both fit in the space.

Lucky was one word he'd use. The other… Well, Riza had a very good grip on him.

The men had passed, and Hawkeye still hadn't let go.

"Lieutenant, you can let go now," he whispered, pained.

She didn't.

"Lieutenant. Lieutenant –"

"Shh."

"Please open your legs."

" _Excuse_ me?"

"Hawkeye, please," he gasped in pain.

"What –"

"You know what I mean! Open them. Move them. Spread your legs," he begged, not ashamed to do so anymore. "Be free!" he urged, pushing the vent open with all his might and the best he could in the situation.

"Do you really think you're in any kind of situation to be making comments like that?"

" _Riza_!"

The pressure on him loosened suddenly and he gasped in relief and pain.

"Oh, thank god," he babbled.

"Shut up," Riza barked quietly. "Stop being such a baby."

"My whole life flashed before my eyes." Riza snorted. "I'll admit that would've been a beautiful way to go." The Lieutenant exited the vent and didn't appreciate his joke and if looks could kill Roy would've drop down dead in that instant.

"I will wrap you up in these legs again if you continue to act like an idiot."

"Noted."

He shimmied out of the tight gap and dropped down into a white hallway. Taking stock, he noticed it was empty and there was a corner not ten pages away from them.

"I thought you would've been very used to getting yourself out of tight spaces like that, sir," the Lieutenant murmured as she continued to walk ahead, completely nonplussed by her comment. "I'm surprised you weren't able to smooth talk or slide your way out of my grip in there. It appears the rumours as false," she shrugged.

Riza rounded the corner, leaving Roy standing with his mouth hanging open in the hallway.

"Wait, what rumours?"


	31. riza dates

**AN:** **yooooo ok so this is one i've wanted to post for AGES but completely forgot so rip me and also congrats to me for finally getting it out there**

 **i love this idea and tbh its one of my faves of my recent oneshots**

* * *

"What?" Roy asked, disbelief colouring his tone. Dread and fear rushed through his body, but he was too much shock to let it show on his face.

"I've got a boyfriend," she smiled. He knew she was trying to hide just how happy she was, Roy could see it all over her face. He'd known her for long enough to be able to tell. Plus, the excitement was clear in her tone.

Catalina looked as shocked as he felt but recovered quickly. She congratulated her friend happily, and the others joined her. Roy had yet to move from his frozen position in the chair and he knew Riza had noticed. He remained in place, still, saying nothing, and just staring at his old friend.

A whirlwind of emotions flew through is mind. Not one stood out, leaving him feeling numb and shocked. All he knew was Riza Hawkeye was dating someone.

And it wasn't him.

A sharp elbow to his side jolted him back to the present. Havoc shot him a pointed look.

"That's great, Riza," he offered with a smile. They all knew it wasn't genuine, but Riza didn't seem to notice. She was too lost in her happiness to notice him now.

And rightly so, she should be happy. God knows she'd had a tough childhood. Her life hadn't exactly been a forgiving one, yet she had persevered and pulled through stronger than ever.

Roy had always planned that her happiness in her later years would be because of him. Throughout their lives he had only brought her sorrow and pain. He truly didn't deserve her, however, there was always a sliver of hope residing within him that something may happen.

Now it had crumbled to dust.

"Riza, I had no idea. When… When did this happen?" Catalina demanded, looking slightly hurt.

They _all_ had no idea. Least of all, Roy.

But why would he know? She was just his subordinate, nothing more.

No matter how much he'd hoped that would change.

He'd loved her for years and yet he hadn't been able to figure this out, pick up the signs?

She still never left the office early, always waiting for him to finish his paperwork. He'd been a notorious procrastinator in his younger years but now, as a General, he'd buckled down and motivated himself to push forward. After all, the sooner he hit Fuhrer, the sooner he could admit to Riza how he'd felt for years.

She'd put up with his crap for too long. He was too slow. That's how this happened.

"A couple of months ago," she admitted.

" _Months_?"

 _Months_.

Riza nodded. "Yes. We've been seeing each other for a few months. We were in the academy together and have kept in touch ever since. I met him in the hospital again while returning for check-ups last year. He asked me out of a coffee to catch up, we got to talking and now… Here we are," she beamed.

She'd been returning for check-ups on her neck? Was everything okay?

And… Had he been reading the signs wrong for all these years?

It was too late to ask her now.

"What's his name?" Catalina demanded. She was leaning forward in her chair, desperate to drink in as many details as possible. She was in the academy with Riza, so was Havoc – who Roy also noted was suddenly very interested in who this mystery man was – so of course they would want to know who it was.

"Do you remember Eric Larsson?"

"The tall, blonde, hunk we used to obsess over," Catalina practically slavered. "Oh, Riza, you lucky thing!"

"Hey," Havoc protested with a frown.

"Sorry, honey, but this guy was something else."

"I know. I was _there_ , in case you had forgotten."

"Eric Larsson," Catalina repeated, her tone taking on a dreamy quality as she stared into space with a happy smile. Havoc just grumbled to himself. "You finally landed him, huh? Well, luck you!"

Breda shot a quick look at Roy, who pretended not to notice. It was no secret with the men how he felt about Hawkeye. Not now anyway. He'd been told it was blatantly obvious how he felt about Riza, but clearly it wasn't obvious enough.

* * *

"Sir, I'm going out to the deli on 5th Street for lunch. Would you like anything brought in?" Hawkeye asked, poking her head through the door to his office.

"No, thank you, Captain."

"Okay. Enjoy your lunch, sir." The closed behind her and Roy dropped his pen, brooding. Riza had only just recently begun to leave HQ for lunch by herself, and Roy supposed now he knew why. All these little things, these little changes he'd noticed, were all beginning to add up.

Deciding not to dwell on it too much, lest his mood go into decline once more, Roy turned in his chair, overlooking the courtyard. He was sulking already, and everyone knew it.

Riza was well within her right to date and marry whoever she wanted. She owed Roy absolutely nothing. Even if she thought she did, he would dismiss it. He'd brought her too much sorrow in her life.

But it didn't mean he had to like the fact that she was with someone else.

Movement caught his eye and he looked, seeing Riza hurrying out from the entrance to HQ. A man with sandy blonde hair was waiting for her, grinning. He extended his arm, offering Riza his hand. She took it and kissed him before they both fell into step together. Roy felt his chest tighten, his stomach ball up uncomfortably.

He turned back around in his chair. The movement was more violent than intended. Storming of the empty office he left to go the mess hall to join the rest of his team.

He didn't need another lunch break sitting alone in his office.

* * *

He kissed her.

It was the dumbest idea. It was the _stupidest_ idea. She was dating _someone_ _else_ and he had the bright idea to kiss her.

He always had been a dumbass.

But, for the briefest moment, she melted against him. She sighed softly – almost moaning in his mouth – her lips moving against his, and for one moment in his life, Roy was happy. _Truly_ happy.

They were out at Christmas' new bar, enjoying the grand opening. It was Friday and Roy needed the night to drown his sorrows after the week he'd had. Riza had left rather quickly and he – in his infinite wisdom – followed her to the stock room through the back. It was dark, her voice was quiet, and she sounded upset, but he didn't know what about.

So, he seized the opportunity and –

He kissed her.

Riza shoved him off her.

" _What_ are you doing?" she growled angrily, fire blazing in her eyes.

"I –"

"You had your chance," There was a hint of wetness in her eyes. "You had it and you blew it," she seethed. "Don't come running to me _now_ only because you can't have something you want."

"Riza, I'm sorry –"

"No, you're not," she shook her head, hugging her arms close to her as her fire died down, put out by the water falling from her eyes. "You couldn't possibly be. If you were, you would have asked me years ago. But you didn't. I'm tired, Roy." She met his gaze and her tears begun to fall. "I'm tired of waiting for you."

He wanted to reach out and hug her, comfort her, but that wasn't his job anymore. She had someone else to do it, and Riza wouldn't want Roy to do it either. He was the reason she needed comforting in the first place.

"Please, just –"

She shook her head. "No."

Riza turned on her heel and left the stock room, leaving Roy in the dim light to think about how he'd made the biggest mistake of his life.

He was unsure of how much time had passed. It stretched on for eternity before him, his future laid out before his eyes.

Cold, empty, and without Riza by his side.

"Mustang?" he heard Havoc call into the room. "You still in here?" He sounded pissed.

"Over here," he replied, voice thick.

"What the hell are you doing, man?" he asked. He _was_ pissed. "We saw Riza leave in a hurry. What did you do?"

"I…"

" _Roy_."

"I kissed her," he whispered sadly.

Havoc blinked in surprise. "You _what_?"

"I kissed her."

" _Why_?"

"I… I have no idea." He was an idiot, that's why.

"You don't get to toy with her like that, Mustang," Havoc growled. "She's been waiting for years for your sorry ass and when you can't have her, you go and do something like that? Think how that must make her feel!"

"Like shit?" he asked, his on eyes flashing at Havoc. He knew exactly how it felt because he felt the same way too.

 _But the world doesn't revolve around you, Roy boy. You know this. So, why push her to a point like that? It's cruel and unfair. She's happy and you're trying to blow it for your own personal gain._

 _Bastard._

"Come on," he barked, grabbing his upper arm. "You're going to apologise to her."

"Havoc –" he began, feeling very tired.

"Shut the fuck up," he hissed as they stepped into Christmas' bar. One look at the two and the Madame knew exactly what had happened. Nothing got passed her, especially not in her own bar. She frowned at him, pursing her lips. Oh boy, she wasn't happy. "You're fixing this because you owe Riza that much."

"What the hell did you do, Roy boy?" the Madame demanded as soon as they were outside in the cool night air. "Riza left here like a bat outta hell."

"He kissed her," Havoc replied for him, tone sour.

"You don't get to play with her like that –"

"Can you save it?" Roy asked. "Havoc has already given me that lecture and I've already told myself that in my head."

"Cut the attitude, Roy," Christmas barked. "You will hear it a third time and you will hear it from _me_. That poor girl has waited for you to make a move or years. Granted, you had laws that prevented you both, but there was nothing against telling her. You could've done that, but you _didn't_."

"I told her!" he shouted in the quiet night. The other two stood quietly as they watched him, the outburst unexpected. "She knows how I feel. Always has. It's never changed."

"When?"

Roy paused, unsure of whether he should tell them or not. Havoc was unaware of his time in the Hawkeye household. It was an automatic reaction to hide that information, but this was Havoc. And, the Madame obviously already knew.

Roy told himself " _fuck it_ ". At this point, it didn't matter anymore.

"When we were kids," he admitted.

"Kids?" Havoc asked, confused.

"Teenagers. I studied under her father. I left for the military and left her behind – the second biggest regret of my life."

"What's the first?" the Madame asked carefully.

Roy took a deep breath, finally admitting how he felt.

"Not telling Riza I still feel the same way now."

"Why didn't you?"

"I put it off. We had time. Silly, because life has taught me that everything can be ripped from me just like that." He snapped his fingers to demonstrate. "I got complacent because the threat was gone after the Promised Day." He turned his gaze up to sky, gazing at the stars. "You know what? The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes after the Promised Day was her," he stated wistfully. "Doctor Marco asked me to look at him, but I couldn't. I lied and said I couldn't see, but all I saw was Riza." Marco had asked him to close his eyes again while he used alkahestry to search the sockets to check the nerves were all connected. When Roy opened them again, he told the truth. He could see again, and it was beautiful, staring at Riza who was looking on anxiously. "I didn't want it to be him. I wanted it to be her."

"Roy?" A familiar voice called to him uncertainly. His eyes closed. _Damn it_. He had no idea she'd been listening.

Roy placed his hands in his pockets, half turning away from the three people staring at him. The Madame with a knowing, satisfied, look on her face, Havoc looking very surprised, and Riza. She was staring at him with an odd look on her face, like she didn't quite believe his words and wanted him to tell her it was true.

Or that it wasn't true.

He wouldn't. He wouldn't hurt her again.

His back straightened and he schooled his features into a mask. "Captain Hawkeye," he greeted formally, removing himself emotionally from the conversation as Havoc and Christmas looked between them both. "I apologise for my behaviour. It was inappropriate and I do, honestly, regret my actions." _Regretted not doing it sooner_. _Regretted how it made you feel_. "I understand if you no longer wish to work with me. On Monday there will be a stack of transfer papers on your desk."

"Mustang –" Havoc interrupted, realising this was not going in the direction he anticipated.

"The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable in your place of work. You can decide what you wish to do with them. Goodnight."

He turned and walked away, ignoring the Madame calling out his name.

Never in his life had he felt so lonely.

* * *

He'd lost everything. The love of his life, his soulmate. Riza must have felt the same way at some point. She'd been "waiting for him" after all. And he'd blown it, taken too long, so she had sought out someone else to comfort her, love her. He _wished_ it could be him, but it wasn't meant to be. He didn't believe in fate. Fate wouldn't have given them the life they'd had, but he and Riza obviously just weren't meant to be together in that way.

" _I'd follow you into hell if you asked me to_ ". Well, this was hell all right, and he was here alone. He'd caused this, it wasn't her fault, but this was where he belonged.

Alone.

No one came after him. The Madame had called his name, but she couldn't leave the bar unattended. Plus, he's been an idiot and wouldn't be surprised his foster mother took Riza's side on this. The Madame had always liked Riza.

Havoc had known Riza longer, they'd been in the Academy together, so Roy knew his loyalties lay with her. Plus, the whole team was aware of the shit he'd put Riza through. If Roy was them, he'd pick Riza over their CO as well.

His apartment was cold and uninviting when he entered. It was times like this he wished he had a dog. Someone to greet him when he came home. At the thought, an image of Hayate popped into his head and Roy brushed it aside. That reminded him of Riza.

Sitting on his bed, Roy stared into space as he ran over the events of the night in his head.

 _Why_ did he kiss her?

 _Because you wanted to know what it felt like one last time_.

They'd been together as teenagers. They'd slept together. That night of her father's funeral Roy had whispered his promises and declarations of love against her skin. They still stood true to this day.

He wondered if Riza remembered any of them.

She'd been pissed when he'd left her again. Roy knew that. Perhaps that's why she had ignored his words.

All through her life he had let her down and hurt her. She was wise to find someone else and leave him behind.

* * *

Monday morning came and Roy entered the office looking like his usual self – which nowadays looked brooding and miserable – holding his breath to see if there would be signed transfer forms on his desk or not.

His stomach dropped when he saw them sitting there. He closed the inner doors to his office, blocking out the rest of the team who looked on with their familiar looks of concern.

Dread prickled over his skin as he rounded the desk.

They were unsigned.

He let out a breath of shocked relief.

 _Selfish bastard_.

The knock on his door drew him out of surprise. He squashed down the hope. What he'd done was inexcusable and didn't warrant hope. _Riza is happy. Without you. Remember that_.

"Good morning Captain," he greeted professionally despite the knot in his stomach.

 _She didn't sign them._

"Good morning, sir. Could I request a minute of your time?"

"Of course. Take a seat," he gestured towards the chair in front of his desk. The doors closed quietly behind her.

Riza took a deep breath as she composed herself. Her hands were folded in her lap, her posture perfect. The way she was holding herself, it was controlled.

"I was wondering if we could talk. Privately, after work." There was a fire in her eyes that showed she was pissed. Roy sighed. He had a lot of work to do and was unsure why she was dragging this out to be longer and more painful than it needed to be. She could have signed the transfer papers and be done with him. She could have moved on with her life.

"If you wish," he replied carefully. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but now he wanted to know _why_ she was dragging this out and why she hadn't signed those papers. He had a rough idea but wanted to hear it from Riza herself.

"My place? After work?"

So, it really was to be private. Probably to avoid a public shouting match.

"I don't think that's wise, Captain, given your new social circumstances." Her jaw locked.

"I don't have a problem with it, sir," she replied. Roy could almost hear the hint of sourness in her tone. "It's my apartment, after all. Not Eric's."

"Of course. I apologise for the assumption. Would you like a ride home?"

"That would be lovely, sir. Thank you."

"No problem, Captain. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"That will be all, sir." She vacated the seat and saluted, not quite meeting him in the eye.

She was pissed.

Probably about the transfer papers.

Whoops.

Too bad he couldn't really bring himself to care at this point.

* * *

" _Transfer papers_?" Riza stressed as soon as they were in the comfort of her own home. "Really?"

"I gave you the opportunity to get out, should you want it," Roy explained, taking a seat on an armchair by the fire. Hayate hopped up on his lap and breathed in his face. Well, at least someone in this house was happy to see him. "How I acted was inappropriate and I would have understood if you didn't feel comfortable working with me anymore."

Riza blinked at him, seemingly surprised by his thoughtfulness. Then the hard tone was back. "Regardless," she stated, entering her bedroom to get changed. He banished the thought of her undressing from his mind. God, she had no idea the affect she had on him. "When I signed up to work with you, I made a promise and I intend to follow it through to the bitter end. Don't assume that I would brush you – _or_ what I did in Ishval – off like that just because of your idiotic actions." She fell quiet and Roy heard the sound of fabric rustling.

She was right, as always.

Roy turned his attention to the room to try and distract himself from Riza undressing and wished he hadn't. There was a tie neatly folded on the coffee table, a suit jacket draped over the chair by the table.

Eric's.

There was a photo of them both. They were smiling and happy. Roy looked away. Then, he noticed another photo on the coffee table. It was of him. And Riza. They were young. This was taken at her house when he'd been a student. They were grinning, an arm around each other's shoulders. Roy remembered this. Mr. Carson from the farm next door had taken it. He felt a pressure building his throat as he saw that photo. He hadn't seen or even thought about that photo in years.

And here it was, sitting proudly on Riza's coffee table next to a photo of her and her partner.

"I've always loved you, Roy, but I'm happy with Eric," she whispered.

His head snapped around to face her as she entered the room again. She was a vision in grey sweatpants and a hoodie from the Academy.

The revelation confirmed his thoughts and he nodded, offering her a sad smile. "I understand."

"I… I wanted it to be you but… Eric has opened me up to other things. And it's nice… To be loved by someone who doesn't know how much of a monster I truly am."

Roy nodded, knowing the feeling. Even now, they were still haunted. It was expected, but it didn't make it any easier.

"You are wonderful, Riza. Don't ever forget that. And I would never take that happiness away from you. I just… I wanted to tell you how I felt. And I ended up showing you instead."

Riza nodded, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink as she thought back to the kiss. Roy shivered minutely as he remembered her moan, her lips moving against his.

"Can… Can I admit something that you might hate me for?"

"I could never hate you, Roy," she smiled softly.

Hesitantly, he stepped closer and grasped her fingers lightly in his. It felt so right to have them both entwined together.

"In that stock room I was overcome by the thought that I would never get the opportunity to do it again. The last time I kissed you I was eighteen years old – over fifteen years ago – and I wanted to do it one more time. Just in case I never could again."

Riza was silent and offered him no other comment. He didn't expect any either.

"It was dumb, it was inappropriate, it was selfish. I know that. But… I know "I couldn't help myself" doesn't justify it, but it's true. I apologise for that, but you know I've always been an arrogant idiot," he added, smiling sadly.

The corner of her mouth quirked up into a genuine smile.

"May I?" he asked, opening his arms.

Riza nodded and stepped forward into his embrace, holding him tighter than he thought she would. Roy responded in kind, holder her tight against him while a piece of his heart shattered at the acceptance that this would be the last time he'd ever hold her like this.

They had spent fifteen years already hiding how they felt about each other. What was the rest of their lives at this point?

It would be easy. It wouldn't crush him. It wouldn't shatter his heart in two to see Riza marry Eric. Not at all.

"I will _always_ love you, Roy. Don't forget that."

He chuckled to himself. It was fitting, really.

"And I, you."

He kissed the top of her head, giving her one more squeeze before he let go, driving the final nail in the coffin that was their personal relationship.

All those years together… Well, at least he'd have them to look back on fondly. He'd been loved by Riza Hawkeye all this time, and he had loved her in return. Even without being able to show it or proclaim it to the world, it had been enough. More than he'd ever deserved.

"Anyway, I should get going," Roy announced, stepping away to put distance between them, both physically and emotionally. "Thank you for giving me the opportunity to explain myself. I really do appreciate that."

"Of course," she stated. Roy had already turned away to pick up his jacket, but he noticed the hitch in her voice. He ignored it. He had to, because if he turned around, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from drawing her to him and holding her close, never letting go.

"Goodbye Captain. I will see you tomorrow."

"Goodbye, Roy."

He ignored the emotion in her voice, her wet eyes, and smiled as he turned away a final time. Roy nodded to himself as he stood on the landing, Riza's apartment door closed firmly behind him.

So that was it.

It was done.

He would hold onto the hope that things might not work out in the end for them both, but he would never actively look forward to that point. After all, she was happy with Eric. He wouldn't take that away from Riza. However, he promised himself that if the opportunity did present itself, he wouldn't waste it again.

At least they could still work together. At least he still had that. He would still be able to see her, which was all he asked for. They wouldn't be moving away. Riza had made it clear she still had a job to do while by his side. Roy had until he was Fuhrer then she would be gone. Well, that's what he theorised. Her job would be done, so why would she stick around? _Their_ job would be done. Roy would make the changes necessary then be executed for his crimes. That was how things were supposed to go, and that's what he had resigned himself to years ago. He didn't deserve the happiness he would receive from being with Riza. Not after Ishval.

It was fitting that she would find someone else. After all, he was the biggest monster of them all, and deserved nothing.

Perhaps it was better he would never get the chance to find happiness with Riza. He would always love her, but getting the chance to be loved by her, to hold her, to kiss her… It would make his judgement day even worse. He would die aching for more time with the woman he had loved since he was a teenager. This way, he would die wondering what could have happened between them, but with the knowledge that he'd atoned for his sins and not enjoyed himself like he longed to after robbing thousands of their lives.

There would be nothing dragging his focus away from his judgement day. That was the endgame. Always had been, always will be.

Shoving his hands deep in his pockets, Roy turned and walked down the hallway and out of Riza's personal life.


	32. harmless prank

**AN: If you're taking prompts from the prompt list could you do Prompt 29 with ed, al, riza, and roy where ed plays a harmless prank on roy but it backfires and he has to fix it?" - anon**

 **little bit of royai, little bit or parental royai, little bit of you makes me your man**

* * *

 _ **harmless prank gone wrong**_

"Ha!" Ed shouted, startling Mustang as he walked through the door to his office. Behind him, Hawkeye was already drawing her weapon, a hand placed on Mustang's shoulder to drag him out the way of this unknown harm. But Ed was too fast. He grabbed the rope, tugging it sharply. The pail that rested above the door fell, sloshing water everywhere. Some of it hit the Colonel – thanks to Hawkeye dragging him back – but Ed whooped in success regardless.

The pail fell to the floor, sounding like a gunshot going off as it hit.

"Brother!" Alphonse cried from behind them, anxiously shifting from foot to foot, his armour clanking as he moved. "What are you doing?"

"I got you!" Ed proclaimed, grinning wildly, but his smile faltered when he saw the look of pure terror on Mustang's face. Even Hawkeye looked stricken. Why… Why did they look so terrified? It truly was a glorious sight to see Mustang drenched in water, but something didn't sit well with Edward at all. The mood in the room had shifted and he got the feeling he'd just made a huge mistake.

No, he _knew_ he had.

The pail finally rolled to a stop, coming to rest by Mustang's feet. He glanced down, eyes flicking up dangerously to face Edward once more – whose grin finally dropped.

"Clean this up," Mustang growled, storming off without another word.

Edward stared after him, mouth open in shock. Why… Why was he so scared? Was he really _that_ terrified of the water? Ed laughed to himself in disbelief.

"… It was just a harmless prank!" Ed called after him. "Sheesh, way to get worked up about nothing!"

"This wasn't funny, Edward," Hawkeye scolded him, and he was taken aback by her glare. He felt incredibly small all of a sudden. Hawkeye wasn't happy with him… That uncomfortable feeling increased tenfold. What… What had he done?

The Lieutenant turned and followed her superior, booted feet hitting the floor quickly as she hurried after him.

"Brother!" Alphonse hissed, entering the room and hurrying up to him. "You can't do that to people!"

"Why not?" Ed scoffed. "He's done _more_ than enough to deserve it."

"Like what?" Alphonse cried. "Given us an opportunity to get our bodies back? Given us more freedom than any other superior would to continue our search? Given us _nothing but support_ from himself and his team?!" The room was silent as Alphonse finished his tirade. Edward stood there, stunned. Because, of course, he was right. Not that Ed would admit it. The Colonel was still a bastard that deserved everything he got.

He scoffed. "Al –"

"What were you thinking, also? You can't do that to soldiers!"

"Why not?" Edward demanded.

" _Think about it_ ," Al stressed. "Think of his age." He was an old bastard, that's all Edward needed to know. "Think of all the major military incidents in recent years."

Major military incidents? Nothing too major had happened –

Ishval.

Edward was only young when it happened but… The Colonel might have been old enough… Had he served there?

"Oh good, you've used your head for once," Al snapped as realisation dawned on Ed.

"What has that got to do with anything? So what if he was in Ishval?"

"Shell shock, ever heard of it? PTSD? There's a reason people say not to frighten or startle soldiers who've served in war like you just did."

Edward felt his stomach tighten. Dread coiled in it, the gravity of his actions settling on his shoulders. This was bad. Mustang and Hawkeye's terrified faces flashed into his head. Seeing that fear…

Oh… no.

He'd messed up.

Edward took a seat on the couch in Mustang's office, suddenly feeling very heavy and miniscule.

" _This wasn't funny, Edward_."

Hawkeye's voice rang through his head.

He'd messed up big time.

* * *

"Sir?" Roy heard Hawkeye called to him. His grip on the porcelain tightened, eyes closing. His head was already bowed, shoulders hunched, hiding from his reflection.

Even to this day it was still hard to look at himself in the mirror.

"This is the men's room, Hawkeye," he replied weakly. He tried to make his voice stronger, but it didn't work. Not after that flashback. His knuckles were still white as he gripped the sink's edge. If he gripped it hard enough, he could _just_ keep the panic and his demons at bay.

He knew Edward didn't intend to cause this kind of reaction. It was harmless, however when that stupid pail had fallen it had been so loud. It had echoed like the gunshots did in Ishval, the sounds bouncing off the buildings in the deserted streets. He'd been transported back there momentarily, and apparently Hawkeye had too. Based on her own reaction, Roy knew she had.

The issue wasn't entirely the sound itself. They'd both heard echoed gunshots after Ishval. It was the surprise that had caught him off guard. The shock had left him disorientated, too confused to remember where he was. Couple that with that sound of that pail hitting the ground, it had unfortunately taken him back there.

"I'm well aware of that, sir, but this is more important." He sighed. Turning, Roy rested against the sink, crossing his arms. "Are you all right?"

"Will I ever be?" he retorted, smiling sadly at her.

Hawkeye reached out and gripped his hand tightly, giving it a squeeze. Roy let her gently but firmly remove it from his chest, their hands swinging in front of them, still joined. "I know.

"He didn't mean it," Hawkeye stated softly.

"I know he didn't," Roy sighed. "I thought I had a better handle on it than I did."

"So did I," she admitted, giving his hand another squeeze. Silence filled the room as they stared, lost in their own thoughts and memories of their time there. In order not to startle him, Hawkeye spoke softly, giving his hand a gentle tug to get his attention. "Shall we?"

"Yeah," Roy sighed. "Let's put him out of his misery. Although, I don't think he'll give a shit about my reaction. I heard your tone. Scary stuff, Hawkeye."

"It was warranted, sir," she replied sternly. Roy chuckled. "What's so funny, sir?"

"Nothing," he smiled. _You're acting like their mother_. "Let's go."

Edward jumped up from his chair when they entered the office. He looked anxious, wringing his hands together. His clothes looked damp, patches of water covering his coat. The carpet at the door was sodden, but nowhere near the puddle it had been when they left. That damned pail was nowhere to be seen.

"Colonel?" Edward's voice was nervous. "Hawkeye? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to –"

"It's all right, Edward," Roy reassured him. After all, he was only fifteen. What did fifteen-year-olds really know about the world of war? Although he grew up in the east and was affected by Ishval – their childhood friend's parents had died in the war – and had no doubt grown up hearing about the impact of it, they didn't _really_ know what had happened. No one did, unless they were there. "Thank you for cleaning up the water."

"I didn't mean to startle you and Hawkeye, I only meant to play a dumb prank."

"It's okay –"

"It's _not_ okay!" he cried. Roy was taken aback by the ferocity of his claim. Ed's fists were clenched by his sides, his eyes cast downwards. "It's not okay," he repeated, voice calmer than before. "I didn't realise… I didn't realise you'd both fought in the war." His gaze lifted, expression determined. "I… I only heard snippets when we were younger. I know it was… bad. But I didn't think and for that, I'm sorry."

"Thank you, Edward," Roy stated, his gratitude sincere. Although, his stomach did tighten. What would he think of them once he found out the truth, their real part in the Ishvalan war? Still, Roy was grateful. It made him oddly proud that the young man who berated him, called him a bastard on a daily basis, could open himself up like this and acknowledge when he was wrong, and apologise to a man he supposedly hated.

He was growing up.

"Um, yeah. I'll… go get more rags for the water –"

"Leave it, Edward," Hawkeye commanded softly with her winning smile. "Honestly, it's fine. I'm sure you have more important things to do, like researching how to reach your goal."

Edward looked between them both, before turning to face Alphonse. "Yeah… Right. Okay." He sheepishly left the room, his brother following dutifully behind.

Roy smiled as he lifted his pen and begun to work, overhearing a part of the conversation between the two brothers.

"Well done, brother. I'm proud of you." Then, the sound of metal hitting metal, followed by a loud protest from Edward. "Now, no more stupid pranks! You're fifteen years old," Alphonse scolded. "Act like it!"

"Al!"

Hawkeye chuckled as she closed the door behind them, returning to her own desk. What she didn't notice, was how Roy held his pen slightly tighter than usual, taking even and calculated breaths as he tried to regain control of his emotions and his demons. What Roy didn't notice was how she briefly closed her eyes by the door once it was closed, taking a moment to compose herself before walking stiffly back to her desk.

Because even though Edward had apologised, the things that haunted them would never go away. They weren't invincible just because they'd survived the war. They knew that. But they were here and tasked with righting the wrongs they'd caused. Nothing they ever do will bring back the people they'd murdered, but that was why the endgame was to be tried for their crimes. They were willing to die once every part of Roy's plan was set in motion. It was only right after what they did.

But that wouldn't happen until after the boys were safe, happy, and back in their own bodies. Both officers knew they wouldn't get the freedom they have now with other commanding officers. Plus, they had to protect their secret

However, along with this fierce protectiveness, came another emotion. They cared for the boys. Riza often thought of them as her own, but that was when she let her guard down and the thought popped into her head. She would scold herself, telling herself she didn't deserve to think like that after Ishval.

Roy was just as protective of them. Every time a General would pass by, enquiring about the youngest State Alchemist they military had ever employed, Roy would charm his way into fabricating a lie, stating that Edward was off on military business, not running around the country searching for a Philosopher's Stone. He couldn't tell them the truth because that was a personal errand – it wasn't military business. Also, the stone may not even exist – so it would be seen as a waste of military time. Roy felt – and knew – he had to shield them from the top brass. Especially Alphonse. They would want to test him, maybe even punish them both for what they performed. Roy wouldn't let that happen so long as there was breath in his body.

Both quietly returning to their work, they lost themselves in their thoughts. There was one which dominated both their mind. They both dreaded the day the boys would find out the truth. Not for their sake, but for Edward and Alphonse's.


	33. secret relationship

**AN: I absolutely love your one shots and if you have time, I'd love to see your take on #36 (secret relationship) and #25 (caught in the act) from the prompt list for royai - anon**

 **hehehe i loved this one for obvious reasons ;D**

* * *

 _ **secret relationship / caught in the act**_

Riza's entire being felt feverish as her hands roamed over Roy's body underneath his uniform. She could feel his hard muscles through his shirt, begging to be touched by her. She wanted to, so badly. This tension between them had been building all morning. It was unfair how he'd sat there in his shirt because it was too warm in the office today with the air conditioning unit being on the blink. She'd noticed it numerous times, how his shirt would stick to his sweating body, clinging to his muscles. He'd caught her staring, of course, and now it was their lunch break and they were hiding in a storage room in Central HQ, desperate to tea the clothes of each other and relieve this tension and heat between them.

Roy's lips crushed against hers, moving with such a hunger it made her whimper. That seemed to excite him more because he pawed at the waistband of her trousers, trying to grasp her shirt and lift it out of its restraint. The moment his hands were on her skin Riza was lost.

The tension was building incredibly fast. She needed a release from it. It had been too long since their last hook-up and Riza was desperate.

"Roy," she whispered breathlessly. He grunted in response, groping for the button of her trousers, apparently just as desperate as she was. He found his treasure and flicked his fingers to release it –

Just in time for the door to the storage room to burst open.

"Oh my god!" They heard Maes Hughes exclaim and laugh.

They both froze in place, staring at the man who had caught them in the act. Riza felt herself turning the deepest shade of red.

"Hu – Hughes –" Roy managed to stutter. _Shit. Shit!_ This wasn't good. This wasn't good _at all_ –

"Oh my god," Hughes repeated. "I can't believe you two were –"

" _ **Hughes!**_ " Roy shouted and Riza cringed at the volume, burying her face in his chest. She wanted to bury herself in there for eternity to save herself from dealing with the humiliation of being caught in this situation. Thankfully, they weren't in any kind of scandalous state of undress. Her jacket was hanging off one shoulder, shirt untucked, while Roy's jacket was discarded in a heap on the floor.

Hughes, however, seemed to think this was the funniest damn thing he'd seen in a decade and cackled away to himself as he closed the door to the storage room behind him. _Why_ he thought this was an invite for him to come in, Riza didn't know. She'd yet to remove her face from being buried in Roy's chest. Her stomach flipped pleasantly when she realised that his arms were around her shoulders securely, as if shielding her from Hughes. She was touched.

"I knew it," he grinned, a gleam in his eye. He looked far too pleased with himself, unbothered by the fact the two people he'd caught in the act thought it was anything but funny. "You're both certainly becoming bold," he remarked, a snort leaving him. "Was the conversation over the cafeteria pasta getting _too heated_ for you both?"

" _Hughes_ ," Roy snarled in warning, but he just guffawed. "This is… a secret."

"Obviously," Hughes snorted. "And _relax_ ," he stressed his grin returning. "Think yourself lucky it was me who found you," he winked.

"This isn't helping," Roy hissed.

"Helping what?" Hughes rolled his eyes. "So, you got caught doing the dirty at work by your best friend, big deal."

"Hughes –"

"At least put a sock on the door next time or something."

" _Hughes_."

"It's not uncommon, believe it or not. There was one time," he snickered to himself, voice dropping to a more conspiratorial tone. "That Gracia and I did it –"

" _Hughes_!"

" _What_?" he cried in exasperation.

"Shut. Up." Roy emphasised. Riza, on the other hand, had moved away from Roy but had yet to say a word, opting to keep her eyes on the floor while wishing it would swallow her up whole. "I don't want to hear about you and your wife banging." Riza cringed.

Not only had they been careless, but they'd been caught. Hughes was right, they _were_ lucky that he'd found them, and it hadn't been someone else or a member of the senior staff. Riza's face paled at the possibility and what it would mean for them.

They had to stop.

"Oh, stop being such a baby. And hurry up and make yourselves presentable."

 _Oh god. What a mess._

Once they were ready, Hughes opened the door and sauntered out without a care in the world.

"Where are you going?" Roy asked suspiciously.

"I got what I came for," he replied, picking up a box of pens he'd swiped from the shelf next to them.

That's why they'd gotten caught.

Hughes needed a box of pens.

"Time to get back to work," he added, snickering to himself. "That means you two as well. No funny business." He waggled his finger at them both, like a mother would as she scolded her child.

"Yes, _thank you_ ," Roy replied.

Hughes turned and waved over his shoulder. "I don't care where you get your kicks. Each to their own," he stated – _loudly_ – as he walked away down the empty hallway. "But might I suggest washing your face before returning to the office, Mustang."

His eyes widened, a hand flying to it. Riza couldn't help herself, she giggled quietly to herself. His lips – swollen after being kissed (and just _begging_ her to continue what she'd started) – were smeared with lipstick, some of which had moved up to his cheek. Riza had giggled because she thought he looked adorable in his panic with his hair sticking up after she'd run her hands through it and his face flushed after their discovery.

"Here," she offered quietly, wiping away her lipstick. It wasn't bright red, nor did it stand out in anyway from her natural lip colour, but sometimes it was nice to dress up, and today was one of those days.

"Thank you," he murmured. "I can't believe it," he whispered, grasping her shoulders and steering her hurriedly towards the bathrooms.

"That was close."

" _Too_ close."

"We need to stop being so careless."

"I agree," Roy nodded. They arrived outside the ladies' room, but Roy had yet to remove his hand from her lower back. It sat just underneath her jacket, his hand warm through her shirt, igniting the fire that had been doused in an instant when Maes burst through the door to their hideaway. Every so often as they'd walked, his thumb had caressed her, but Riza wasn't sure if it was intentional or not. Either way, she enjoyed it. A lot. It left her begging for more, but after _that_ incident, she didn't intend to be doing that again any time soon.

"Shall we pick this back up tonight?" Riza whispered. "My place. Seven?"

Roy blinked at her in surprise, then broke out into a grin. "Gladly."


	34. quick painless death

**AN:** " **what do you want?" "a quick, painless death" – ohdarnitripped**

* * *

"I can't believe I did that," Roy muttered quietly to himself as he almost begun to rock backwards and forwards in place.

"I didn't quite catch that, Roy. What do you want?" Chris Mustang called through to him form the kitchen.

"A quick, painless death," he quipped, burying his face in his hands.

"For _dinner_ ," she stressed. "And I'm fresh out of those," she added, still searching through the kitchen cupboard. "Will pasta do instead? Or, better yet, will talking to Riza solve your problem?"

Roy froze in place. "What?" he squeaked.

His aunt rounded the corner, followed by none other than Riza Hawkeye. He must have looked stricken, sitting in place on the couch. God, he felt like a teenager again. He was twenty-two years old but when he was around _her_ , all common sense and ability to speak coherently went out the window.

Obviously, Riza held that much power over him, and he was so smitten that he couldn't even behave like a normal human being around her.

"I'll leave you two alone," she announced, but Roy caught her eye. Her eyebrows waggled and she chuckled to herself as she watched Roy's face go bright pink.

"Roy? Are you all right?" she asked, approaching him. He couldn't help himself scooting to the other end of the couch, putting some distance between them. "You left so suddenly and didn't look very well, so I just wanted to see if you were okay."

"Yep. Fine," he replied, voice strained. It was torture to be so close to her. Not when he wanted to wrap his arms around her, kiss her lips, and run his fingers through her hair.

"I didn't want to stay at the dance if you weren't there," she added casually – as if it was nothing in the world. "You know how boring they can get and it's not worth staying without you." To Roy it meant everything. However, just because it meant a lot to him, didn't mean that he knew how to deal with it like a normal human.

He was a wreck.

His mind and heart were yelling at him to try and kiss her again but that was what got him into this mess in the first place.

They had been attending the Central Alchemist's Ball that night. Roy had learned alchemy from her father, so she was there by extension of Berthold Hawkeye. Roy had always liked Riza and they were very close friends. They were both old enough to drink alcohol now, so Roy had decided to treat Riza to her first legal drink. One thing led to another and he was tipsier than he thought. They'd shared a quiet moment away from everyone… And Roy had tried to kiss her. Riza wasn't entirely aware of what had almost happened. Roy had found himself inching closer, his body moving on its own, then when she turned around, he'd reeled back like he'd been slapped, the dawning realisation of what he'd almost done sobering him in an instant.

He'd tried to kiss his best friend.

The girl he'd been in love with for what felt like years, but he'd only realised it a couple of months ago. He was twenty-two, he should be able to deal with a situation like this properly, but he hadn't been in many. He hadn't been in _any_ situation like this. He hadn't dated anyone before because he knew he really liked Riza.

Roy left quickly the ball after that, calling Chris to come and pick him up _now_. His aunt had taken one look at his flustered self, saw who was standing behind him, confused, as he waited for his ride, and chuckled to herself. It infuriated him to know she could read him so easily. The teasing that came along with it didn't help.

"Are you _sure_ you're okay?"

"Yeah!"

"You're sweating."

"That's… Uh… Because of the suit," he offered lamely.

Riza scrutinised him.

"The suit?" she questioned dubiously.

Roy nodded vigorously. "Yep. It's really hot in here," he laughed nervously, pulling at the collar. It _was_ hot in here. Was that just him?

"Okay," she dragged out, clearly not buying it. "If you're sure you're all right…"

"I am, don't worry," he grinned, forcing it out.

Riza stood to leave and Roy felt himself relax slightly. He would only be able to fully relax when she was out of the house and he could finally figure out what the _hell_ his brain was doing to him and sort out all these feelings rushing through his mind and his heart. Roy rose from his chair and begun to see her out.

"Oh, wait, there was something Chris wanted me to tell you," she added, turning back around.

Before Roy could react, her lips were pressed against his. He remained stuck in place, his brain frozen as it stuttered and tried to process what was happening right now. Was he imagining this? Was he dreaming? It felt like he was dreaming. His face flushed both at the feeling of Riza's soft lips on his and the surprised squeak that left him.

He'd always wondered what it would be like to kiss her lips. They always looked so soft…

Riza pulled away with a soft smile, eyes twinkling with mischief and amusement as she took in his reaction.

"That was all," she grinned. "Goodnight, Roy." She chuckled as he remained frozen. She exited the back door to their home with a spring in her step.

"Riza, wait!" he called once his brain finally caught up. His lips tingled and he found he liked it. Very much.

"Yes, Roy?" she asked innocently.

His hand lifted to cup her cheek and he closed the distance between them again. This time _she_ squeaked as Roy ran his tongue over her bottom lip. Under his hand he felt her simper at the sensation, and he grinned.

"Payback is a bitch," he murmured with a grin once they'd broke apart, their foreheads now pressed together.

"Not a bitch," Riza corrected him. "It was wonderful." Their eyes met and they grinned, coming together once more. Roy ignored Chris' scoff from behind him, muttering about how the kids were letting all the heat out the house. The door closed quietly behind them, but they remained there in their own bubble for a few minutes longer.


	35. pretty little psycho

**AN: "Do you mind doing 23 for me from the prompt list? I need a good laugh after writing my own depressive crap. :)" – snowdog49**

* * *

 _ **"i want your pretty little psycho"**_

Roy tugged his wrists against the restraints, testing whether they would break free from the rope binding them or not. No such luck. He'd expected less, if Roy was being perfectly honest.

This entire situation was a farce, but it was entertaining. The only downside was being stuck here with Edward Elric and having to listen to his incessant rambling. Roy had rolled his eyes more times in this last hour than he had in his entire life.

The boy was a nightmare.

However, it kept their kidnapper busy. Well, "kidnapper". The man was a two-bit criminal and completely hopeless. Their bonds were tight – the only professional part of this operation – but he hadn't removed Roy's ignition gloves. One brush of his fingers and he'd be free. This was entertaining though, listening to Edward antagonise the man. Their kidnapper had no idea how to react, being only able to stutter in disbelief.

It was like they'd been kidnapped by a bumbling teenager.

How embarrassing.

But Edward couldn't make fun of Roy for this one because it was Edward's fault they were in this mess in the first place. Tell him that though, and Roy would have to face a third rant – in which their kidnapper just looked between them both, totally lost as to why this teenager was screaming indignantly at an adult – so he opted to keep his mouth shut.

Chloroform was a bitch, even a weak dose like the one they'd been given. Not unexpected after watching this hopeless and terrible excuse for a kidnapper for the last hour.

"Why are we even here?" Edward growled in anger, struggling against his restraints. The stranger's attention was off Roy for the moment, so he brushed his fingers together, turning his rope to ash.

"Why don't you ask him," the man stated, jerking his head towards Roy.

"That dumbass doesn't know a thing," Edward snorted.

Roy turned his head and frowned at his subordinate. "Fullmetal," he stated disapprovingly. Edward just shrugged, that shit-eating grin on his face as a response.

"You guys are weird," the man stated after a moment of silence, gaze switching the two of them.

"Coming from the man who's kidnapped two people," Roy stated, barking a laugh. He couldn't help it. The amusement bubbled up in his chest and the laugh was inevitable. This day was becoming more surreal but the minute.

"There was a reason for this," he glared.

"What is it then?" Edward asked in exasperation. "Come on, you've beaten around the bush for the last hour and if I'm being taken against my will, I want to know what for!"

The man straightened his spine. "You have something I want."

"I highly doubt that," Roy interjected, but he ignored him.

"And by bringing you two here, that person will come."

"Who?" Edward asked, still lost, but from the way he was looking at Roy and from that awful gleam in his eye, Roy felt his stomach sink. He had an inkling as to who this person was referring to.

"I want your pretty little psycho," the man stated, eyes sharp as he bent at the waist, coming face-to-face with Roy. It was the most self-assured he'd looked since they'd been tied up an hour ago.

Well, it was an accurate description of Hawkeye. She'd gone apeshit when she saw them being dragged away, unconscious (after another of Edward's bright ideas, Roy might add), and bundled into a van to be kidnapped. The last thing Roy saw before that door closed was Hawkeye running at full speed towards them, a face like thunder, as she pursued this man.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PSYCHOPATH?" Edward suddenly shrieked in anger, launching himself at the man, ripping his wrists through the rope with his anger alone.

Ah well, not so professional after all. Well, one can't win them all.

"Fullmetal, he wasn't talking about you – never mind," Roy muttered before he sighed, facepalming and shaking his head as Edward laid into the guy, his automail arm packing more of a punch than he thought it would.

Just then, the door behind them opened and Hawkeye entered through it, weapon raised, with Havoc and Breda behind her. The "psycho" in question watched Edward for a moment, bewildered at the sudden anger, then lowered her weapon and approached her superior. "That was… an unexpected greeting."

"I honestly don't know how to react to it." Roy stopped hiding his other not-bound hand and stood from his chair. "I've been dealing with it for the last hour."

"Wait… Your hands weren't bound?" she asked, confused.

Roy shook his head. "I got myself out of them about ten minutes ago."

"If you could get yourself out of this, why didn't you do it sooner?" she frowned disapprovingly.

Roy shrugged. "It was too entertaining."

"You were kidnapped," she stressed.

"Oh boy, this wasn't a kidnapping. If there had been food, it would have been dinner and a show."

"Should we stop him?" Hawkeye asked quietly, leaning in towards Roy. The scent of her perfume was light but when it hit him, he faltered, savouring it. It made his stomach flip in response and he couldn't help but grin.

"Nah. Let him have at it. The poor kid needs to let off a little steam after that last hour. Plus, he called you a "pretty little psycho"." Roy shuddered at that look he'd seen in their kidnapper's eyes. It made his skin crawl. "I'd say he deserves it."

Hawkeye raised an eyebrow but moved to stop Edward regardless. She levelled her weapon at the criminal – joining Havoc and Breda – as the man whimpered feebly on the floor. When he spied Hawkeye, he stopped, and his mouth fell open in shock.

"Oh my god," he whispered reverently. Roy felt his fingers twitch, wanting to curl up into a fist.

"Let's go," Hawkeye stated, placing cuffs on his wrists before he could move. She hauled him to his feet, keeping an arm on the crook of his elbow as she guided him towards the door. "You and I need to have a little chat."

"It will just be me and you?" the man asked in wonder.

Roy clenched his fists by his side and counted to ten.

"Oh yeah," she replied, sarcasm dripping from her tone. Roy smirked as she caught his eye in passing and rolled her eyes. "I'll escort you all the way to your destination."

The poor guy was too smitten to realise she meant jail.

Roy was half tempted to turn him to ash right there but restrained himself. He had handcuffs on, after all. What more could the guy do to her?

"Really?" the man asked, face brightening up.

"Uh hu. It will just be you and me, pal. It's too bad there's no table service on the way to jail. I feel like I should pay you back for the "psycho" comment." Their kidnapper stiffened and Roy chuckled from behind them. Hawkeye shrugged. "No matter. We'll still have plenty to discuss in the interrogation room."

Roy chuckled once more.

That's my girl.


	36. body swapped for a day

**AN: a tumblr request from worldeater337**

* * *

 _ **body-swapped for a day**_

Roy woke up slowly. His brow furrowed when he didn't recognise the ceiling above him. Movement against his side is what caught his attention next. Looking down, he saw a ball of black fur curled up against his body.

He paled.

Had… Had he slept here last night? Had he done something with Hawkeye? Why couldn't he remember it?

Roy shot up in bed, gaze scanning the room. Hayate jumped in fright, grumbling after being roughly awoken from his sleep. After a yawn he settled against Roy once more, sighing in contentment as he tried to fall back into his slumber. Roy felt the pup's heat against his thigh.

Oh… _Oh_ …

He wasn't wearing shorts. Well, not _his_ shorts. Not the ones he remembered putting on yesterday evening. These ones were faded blue and short. _Very_ short. A lot of skin disappeared underneath the duvet cover.

Not his skin.

Roy lifted his hands, not seeing his own. There were different scars, rough callouses on the palms, and different fingernails. His hands were suddenly very feminine.

Almost fearfully, he looked down at his chest.

Roy paled. Again.

Scrambling through the apartment – that was _not_ his own – to the phone, he dialled his home number. A groggy voice greeted him and with a jolt, Roy realised it as his _own_ voice.

"Hello?"

"…Hawkeye?" he asked cautiously.

"Who is this?" she – no, he – asked.

"It's… Mustang."

"What?" There was a yawn before she spoke again.

Roy knew the feeling. He was already tired of trying to keep up with the changes in pronouns and trying to wrap his head around who was talking. In his head, it was his own voice, but when he opened his mouth, it was Hawkeye's. Through this phone, he heard his own again, and that was throwing him off big time as he tried to coax himself(?) awake.

And, not to mention the fact that his head was beginning to hurt as he continued to process what the hell was happening.

 _Why_ was he in Riza Hawkeye's body?! Riddle him that, universe.

"Hawkeye, look at yourself."

"I'm tired and have no idea what you're talking about," she mumbled sleepily. It was such a characteristically _Roy_ response that his body jolted after hearing it. This was far too weird.

"Hawkeye, wake up."

"It's a Saturday," she stated petulantly. "No."

"It's not a Saturday," he replied, resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. "It's a Friday."

Judging by the fact that he'd woken up at six am on the dot and felt well rested, Roy theorised that being in Hawkeye's body came with all her habits. Therefore, the same would apply to her in his body.

"In my head it's a Saturday."

"That's not how the world works," he stated. This time he did pinch the bridge of his nose. It was incredibly odd addressing her like this. It was so out of character – both for Hawkeye's responses and his reaction to Hawkeye's (his body's?) words. The "all the same habits" theory was beginning to look a lot more likely as he tried to reason with her in his petulant-when-tired body. "Get out of bed and look at yourself in the mirror."

There was a loud sigh. " _Fine_. If I do, will you let me sleep?"

"Yes." That was all he needed.

There was the sound of movement, a sharp intake of breath, then silence.

" _See_?" Roy urged.

"Uh…" she replied eloquently. "What… What's happening here, sir?" It was odd to be called sir by his own voice.

"I don't know. I woke up in your body this morning."

"You're in _my_ body?" she asked incredulously.

Roy nodded. "Yes."

There was a pause and after she spoke Roy could imagine her narrowing her eyes. "Don't try any funny business."

"What?" Those were not the first words he expected her to say.

"You heard me," she accused. "Don't even try it. If you do, I will _know_."

"Hawkeye, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind!" he exclaimed. "I was more thinking " _holy shit, what is happening_?" rather than having a peek at anything."

She hummed, the noise indicating that she didn't quite believe him. "I know what you're like."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, indignant.

Hawkeye sighed in exasperation. "Nothing. Look, let's just… get through the morning, right now, and get to work. Once we're there, we'll pretend everything is fine. Until we can figure out what the hell has happened."

"Okay." Roy let out an exhale, glad for some kind of plan to be in place. At the thought of having a goal, her thinly veiled insult was forgotten. Despite the jabs, it felt good to know that he wasn't alone in this bizarre new venture the universe had decided to through upon them. "Sounds like a plan."

She bid him farewell, hanging up the phone.

Roy put the phone back and considered his next problem.

He needed to pee. And shower.

* * *

"How are you doing?" Roy asked as he met Hawkeye by the entrance to HQ.

"Not freaking out, if that's what you're asking." Roy detected the clear sarcasm in her tone.

"Good. Because I'm definitely not either."

Hawkeye turned her head and gave him a quick smile. It was meant as a comfort, but it was decidedly unsettling to see him do it to himself.

"It's like I'm currently having an out of body experience."

"It's so surreal. How did this even happen? Alchemy?"

Hawkeye shook her head, shrugging her shoulders helplessly. "I have no idea."

"How… How was your morning?" he asked awkwardly. "Um, I… I didn't… _look_ at anything while showering." He noticed her cheeks turning pink as she cast him a sidelong glance.

"I… I didn't either, sir."

They were both adults and old friends, but this was so far beyond the realm of anything that should be considered normal, that they were both awkward and unsure how to act. Peeing had been an interesting affair for him that morning and he almost felt mortified for Hawkeye as he thought about what she would need to do for him.

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"Me too, sir."

"Not to mention the fact that you can't call me sir right now, but I _do_ think we're far beyond the formalities and use of last names right now," Roy stated with a nervous laugh.

She nodded. "You're right, but I can't help it. Old habits. But it _would_ be strange for me to call _you_ sir in this body. That wouldn't work." She sighed in frustration then her voice lowered as they turned into a particularly busy corridor. "Let's just take it a step at a time and work it out on our lunch break, if we can." Roy nodded in agreement.

"Hey, boss," Havoc greeted casually as they entered the room. They both blinked at him, causing Havoc to look up from his breakfast burrito and frown.

"Hey, Havoc," Roy blurted out, forgetting that he wasn't technically their boss today.

Havoc gave him an odd look, before greeting him too. "Hey, Hawkeye."

One glance at Hawkeye told him she'd come to the same conclusion he had.

They'd have to play the other's role in the team for the time being.

That was easier said than done. Roy began to panic slightly when he realised he'd have to do Hawkeye's work for the day. He didn't really know what it was _exactly_ that she did – as in what reports she worked on and what she specialised in – because he barely had time for his _own_ paperwork, never mind the rest of the team's.

This could be bad.

However, after the greetings, Roy followed the new General Mustang into his inner office and closed the door.

"What are we going to do?" he whispered urgently. He froze when he noticed the smirk on her face. "What?"

"So, I get to play the role of the great General Mustang today, don't I? And you'll be working on my tasks. Interesting. _Very_ interesting." Roy paled. He didn't like the sound of this.

* * *

"I must say," Riza stated lowly, her breath tickling his ear. Roy shivered inside Riza's body, but with a jolt realise just how responsive her body was to his voice. "Being in your shoes today was really rather eye opening."

 _Oh my god, this is embarrassing_ , he thought as he felt his skin heat up.

But… Then he smiled widely. This… This could be used to his advantage later. A method of payback for all she'd put him through today. She'd been far too satisfied watching him try to struggle and fill her role. Riza, for her part, simply had a day off today. She'd put her feet up in a very characteristic way of the General and watched as he'd floundered helplessly. Roy supposed it was his own fault. One day wouldn't pay back for the years she'd been subjected to it, so Roy knew he deserved it.

Payback was a bitch, as they say.

"You sat on your butt and did nothing all day."

"Exactly. So, I played the role of you perfectly," she smirked, eyes dancing with amusement.

"Oh, ha ha," he stated, not laughing in the slightest.

"Maybe today was a lesson about how difficult and stressful my job can be when a certain _someone_ sits on his butt all day?"

"All right, point taken," he grumbled. "But remember, payback is a bitch, Riza."

After what they'd both been through today, they were _so_ far passed the use of honorifics and surnames.

She smirked. "I know. And this is only the beginning. I've had to put up with workdays like that for the past fifteen years. There's a lot to pay back to you," she grinned.

Roy hummed in consideration. "Well, let's cross that bridge when we come to it. If we wake up the same tomorrow, then I'll accept my fate." He couldn't help his amused smile.

"Good," she stated, sticking her tongue out playfully at him as she left the empty office. Roy was left staring after her, mouth parted in his surprise.

As soon as Roy woke the next morning he shot up in bed, patting his body down. He exhaled in relief as he found a flat, hard chest. He kicked the sheet off to find his own legs, brought his hands up to see his own hands, and flopped back in his bed, eyes closing as he tried to calm his racing heart. He was back.

Oh, thank God. Not that he didn't enjoy being in Hawkeye's body (he did a little bit), but it meant that he wouldn't have another day fraught with paperwork and trying to keep the whole team in line.

Maybe he should stop off at her favourite bakery on the way to work to buy her breakfast as a thank you and as an apology for slacking the last fifteen years, now that he knew what it felt like...


	37. team mustang make a discovery

**AN: a ao3 request from** **Sonia Zini Rmida**

* * *

 _ **team mustang make a discovery**_

"There must be something between them though, right?" Havoc asked quietly, eyeing the Colonel and the Lieutenant who stood across the park from them.

"There _must_ be," Breda stressed. "They're so close. There has to be a past."

"I don't know but I don't really feel comfortable spying on them like this," Fuery stated nervously.

"We're not _spying_ ," Havoc explained. "We're… observing."

"This is spying," Falman insisted.

Havoc scoffed, turning to face his comrade. "Shh. We're observing and taking note of their behaviour. This is a study. Not spying."

"It's spying," Fuery agreed with Falman.

"Both of you shut it," Havoc hushed. "You both want to know what the deal is with them as much as Breda and I do."

"There are other ways to do it than this," Fuery piped up.

"Let's just ask them," Falman offered as a solution.

"There's no way that's going to happen," Breda scoffed.

"Yeah. They're both so tight lipped they're never going to tell us."

"You never know, they might –"

"Shut up!" Havoc hissed, backing up further into the bushes. "They're coming this way!"

The four of them backed up, letting the leaves cover their faces.

"… do that, Lieutenant?" they heard Mustang ask.

"Of course, sir. I'll see to it right away."

"Thank you. Sit with me for a minute?"

Fuery squeaked nervously because they were going to sit on the bench that was right in front of them. Breda turned and told him to be quiet rather hurriedly.

"It's nice to take a break. Especially after this week."

"Yes, sir. But, we did it."

"We did. Another person helped," he remarked. "Did you ever think it would take this long to actually start helping people?"

"We've been helping people in this position for years, sir," Hawkeye told him as the rest of the gang shared a mildly confused look.

"Yeah, but not without an underlying motive in it. Or because we needed to do it in order to save face. It was nice to help someone off my own back."

"You helped the Elric brothers off your own back," Hawkeye reminded him.

"Only because recruiting Edward at such a young age would make me look better," he scoffed. The team shared a sympathetic look. They were no stranger to Mustang's plight.

"Regardless, you protected them and pushed them towards their goal. Alphonse wasn't part of the military and you still helped him."

"I guess," Mustang agreed with a sigh.

"To answer you question," Hawkeye stated after a pause. "No. When I joined, I wanted to do more. I didn't expect to be shipped to Ishval at only eighteen."

"And you have me to thank for that," he grumbled.

"I made _my own_ choice, sir," she reminded him vehemently.

"Through my influence."

Hawkeye sighed. Again, the team looked at one another, completely confused. They knew each other before Ishval? They were all under the impression they'd met in the war.

"Sir, how many times do I have to tell you? You left to join the military to help people and to use alchemy for good. I gave you my father's alchemy with the wish that you could do it." Havoc shot Breda a sharp look. _Her father?_

"What?" Fuery whispered. Breda motioned for him to be quiet again.

"I joined because my father died, and I had no way to support myself. I was alone and with no money."

"Sorry about that," Mustang mumbled sadly.

"It's not your fault. I wouldn't have expected you to remain by my side. You are your own person with your own dreams, and you had to follow them. I would feel eternally guilty if I did keep you by my side in that old dilapidated house."

"They _lived_ together?" Falman whispered.

"I wanted to though. You know that, right?" Mustang revealed. "If I could change one thing I would never have left and married you on the spot."

" _Married_?" Breda muttered quietly, mouth falling slack in shock.

"That would have been selfish, sir," she reminded him, voice soft, but amused.

"I know," he sighed wistfully. "It still doesn't mean it's not the truth."

"I know," Hawkeye admitted quietly.

The two fell silent and the team waited with bated breath to see what else would be revealed to them.

"We each made out choices and now we have to live with the consequences," Hawkeye stated.

"I know. Do you… feel like you made the right decision giving me your father's research?"

"Roy –"

"Riza, please."

"We've talked about this –"

"Answer it. Please?" he begged quietly.

"At first, no." There was a heavy sigh from Mustang. Havoc swallowed, shooting the rest of them a nervous look. Now, listening in _definitely_ felt like a bad idea. This was some touchy territory that they clearly weren't meant to hear, but they were stuck. "When I arrived in Ishval and heard of the destruction I was angry. _So_ angry. Then I was given the order to murder innocents. After we first met in the desert, I begun to realise what was going on. After I saw your face and how broken you were, I begun to realise that you were just as stuck as I was. And if you didn't do what you were told, we would have been demoted and stuck in the same position as Armstrong, and you'd never be able to prevent another Ishval from happening again.

"There is no one else on this earth that I trust as much as you," she revealed softly. Fuery poked his head up further, seeing Hawkeye reach over and grip Mustang's hand tightly. He was sitting, shoulders hunched, and head bowed. "I trusted you to make the right decisions with it, for the greater good. Now, that's what we're working towards, and you gave me permission to keep you on track. You gave me control over my burden by giving me that right." She moved closer to him on the bench, placing her arm around his shoulders. "That meant more to me than you could ever know."

"Of course, I –" Mustang coughed, clearing his throat. "I still can't believe he tattooed the array on your back."

Each member of the team balked, horrified. Hawkeye's father had _tattooed_ his research _on_ her? And Mustang had gained it from Hawkeye, he hadn't discovered it himself?

Today was full of surprises.

"Neither can I, looking back, but he was an old man and he was desperate. We both were. He was paranoid and needed somewhere safe to store it and I craved his attention and affection."

"It still didn't make it _right_ –"

"No," Hawkeye readily admitted. "But I agreed to it. I shouldered it because I knew that ultimately, I would be giving it to you." She chuckled quietly to herself. "I took it because it was the safest way. I guess his paranoia rubbed off on me."

Mustang sighed, straightening his spine as Hawkeye rubbed his back in soothing circles.

"Come on, let's get back to the office," she urged softly. "Who knows what mischief the team have gotten up to in our absence?"

"I'm sorry, for everything I put you through," he murmured.

" _Roy_ ," Hawkeye stressed.

"Please, just let me say it," he pleaded. "It would make me feel better if I did."

"Okay," she allowed. "I accept your apology. And you are forgiven. Wholeheartedly."

"Thank you, Riza."

What surprised them the most was Hawkeye leant her head against Mustang's shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head. Each member of the team's mouth fell open in shock as they watched both heads lift and gaze at each other. They fell open even further when Mustang leaned forward, kissing Hawkeye on the lips.

In broad daylight.

In a public place.

In front of _them_.

Not that they were aware of that, of course.

"I love you," he whispered. "You're my strength and I don't know what I would do without you."

"You would be fine," she smiled. "Nowhere near as successful," she quipped with a grin. "But you would be okay."

"No, I don't think I would," he assured her with a chuckle.

"Whatever you say, sir." She stood, offering him his hand. "And I love you too. Thank you for helping me all those years ago. It meant so much, your friendship."

He kissed her again and the two left the park walking side by side rather than Hawkeye walking one step behind him.

All the team could do was stare after them, too shocked after what they'd witnessed.

"Holy shit," Havoc stated.

"I know," Breda muttered in disbelief.

"Holy _shit_ ," Havoc repeated.

"We've established that, Havoc," Falman stated.

"Did you _hear_ that?" Havoc exclaimed.

"I was standing right behind you," Falman reminded him.

"They lived together when they were younger? That's… Wow. I knew they had a history but that's a lot," Breda stated.

"It explained why they're so close," Fuery piped up.

"It really does," Breda agreed.

When Havoc suggested this idea, he didn't _dream_ they would discover this gem of information. It did, however, allow them to understand the Colonel and the Lieutenant a little better.

"Well, at least now we have our answer about their history," Falman stated matter-of-factly.

Breda laughed quietly. "That solves that mystery."

"They really do love each other, huh?" Fuery looked around at the other members of the team, awaiting their reaction.

"They really do," Havoc agreed, rubbing the back of his neck. "This… was a lot to take in."

"I still don't think we should have spied on them though," Fuery repeated.

"Oh, enough with the worry, Fuery," Havoc dismissed, taking a cigarette from behind his ear. "What are they going to do?"

"Wait… We're supposed to be in the office right now," Falman reminded them. "They're going to get back before us and we're going to have to explain where we were."

Each of them froze, sharing a look. Then, as one, they burst into action, sprinting to the car in the opposite direction of the Colonel and the Lieutenant.

"Do you think they know _we_ knew they were listening?" Hawkeye asked Mustang quietly as they walked slowly to the car.

Mustang chuckled, grasping her hand tightly in his. "No idea. But it saved us having that awkward conversation with them. Sorry it got a little heavy there. It wasn't for their benefit, and I… I meant what I said."

"I know you did," Hawkeye assured him. "I'm surprised you went so deep with it."

"In the moment it just happened," he admitted. "Everything came rushing back and I couldn't help myself. I… Thank you, for your never-ending support." He squeezed her hand, turning his head to smile softly at her.

"Of course, sir. Anytime."


	38. team mustang to the rescue

**AN: a tumblr ask from anon**

 **team mustang bonding is the good kush i love them sm ;;;**

* * *

 ** _team mustang to the rescue_**

"I'm afraid I won't be coming in today, sir. I'm feeling under the weather today."

There was a pause on the other side of the line as the Colonel digested her words. "Not coming in?" he echoed and Riza sighed. True, it was unusual for her to take a sick day. She hadn't had one in over three years, but she was only human. She was entitled to them if she didn't feel physically able to go to work.

"That's correct, sir," she replied, schooling her voice so that it didn't show her slight irritation at having to repeat herself. With a jolt she realised this wasn't her usual behaviour. Damn. This stupid thing was really getting to her. Riza sighed quietly to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose to try and stave off the headache.

"Are you okay?" he asked suddenly and lowly into her ear, the sound of his voice sending a shiver down her neck and spine while causing gooseflesh to erupt over her scalp. Riza jumped at the unexpected question. But, of course, she'd sighed audibly, and he'd been able to pick up on it. He always had been skilled at that.

"Fine, sir," she'd replied carefully, ensuring no further emotion translated into her tone.

She just wanted to be left alone today.

"All right, Lieutenant. Take all the time you need."

"Thank you, sir. Good day."

After hanging up the phone Riza sighed louder into quiet apartment. Hayate watched her with inquisitive eyes, head cocking as if to ask what was wrong. Feeling that headache creeping up on her faster Riza climbed back into bed and tried to sleep and rid herself of the bothersome pain.

Plus, if she was asleep, she wouldn't remember why she had to take a day off in the first place.

Two days ago, at work they'd been reviewing a new case to work on. It was to look into a gentleman – read: _bastard_ – who had verbally abused his wife to the point that she left him, however the small child had been left in his care because his wife was no longer living. She'd passed away a few weeks after leaving him. Suicide. Neighbours had made complaints that they'd heard yelling, screams, and crying coming from inside the apartment, so the military was brought in to investigate and apprehend the man, while ensuring the child was safe.

Riza had read the case file with calculated interest, like always, taking in every noteworthy piece of information inside, however when she came across the detail that a child had been left in an abusive man's care, that was when she was drawn up short very abruptly. So much so that she dropped the file during their team meeting, the paper falling out the binding and splaying across the floor. The whole team had turned to look at her, concern and surprise on their faces. Abruptly, Riza stood and excused herself, claiming she needed to use the bathroom.

Instead, she'd hurried outside into the fresh air, gulping down the oxygen as she was transported back to her childhood home, remembering the loss of her mother and the abuse her father had put her through simply because she'd been born. Her mother died from injuries sustained in childbirth. It wasn't Riza's fault. But Berthold Hawkeye blamed it on her entirely and made sure he screamed it in her face almost every night before she went to bed. That was before she became invisible to him.

She'd been truly terrified and had never felt so alone. If the report was anything to go by then she knew _exactly_ what this child was going through and Riza wouldn't subject the little girl to that. She'd joined the military to help people like this little girl, to protect her from her father. Riza wasn't going to let this happen to another child, not while she could do something about it.

"Hawkeye?" the Colonel called cautiously as he approached. She straightened suddenly and stiffened, ashamed at the show of weakness. "Listen, if this case is too much –"

"I'm fine," she barked, harsher than was necessary.

"Hawkeye –"

"I'm fine, sir. It just caught me off guard, that's all," she explained, determination on her face as she turned to face him. She almost faltered when she saw the concern and worry in his face.

"I knew this case would hit hard. I wanted to warn you about it, but Grumman called me away to a meeting and you'd already started without me. I'm sorry –"

"Sir, with all due respect, this can wait until another time. A little girl's life is at stake here and I don't want to waste any more time than I already have."

Mustang regarded her for a moment before he nodded in agreement. "Understood, Lieutenant."

They helped the girl. They took her away from her verbally abusive father. She'd been mute, terrified, and was shaking when Riza escorted her outside the apartment while the team dealt with her father.

"I went through something very similar to you growing up," Riza whispered, as if afraid anyone would overhear them. "I know what you're going through. The military will put you with a temporary family until we can find and contact your own," Riza explained to her in the hopes to alleviate the terrifying uncertainty she must be feeling. She rubbed the girl's upper arms as she did so to try and get some heat in her. She was shaking uncontrollably. "We will arrest your father for the crimes he's committed and for jeopardising your safety. You will be free of him, I promise. He can't hurt you anymore."

The girl looked up at Riza, her tear stained face and wide eyes gazing earnestly up at the soldier. "Th – Thank you," she whispered, her voice wobbling as she spoke.

Riza smiled at her, wrapping her in the blanket they stored in Mustang's car and taking a seat next to her, holding the girl tightly against her side as a show of comfort.

Her initial outburst had been embarrassing. Couple that with the stress and emotional exhaustion she'd experience from this case, Riza needed a day off.

Two hours later she awoke with a dozing Hayate curled up against her side in the bed. Normally she wouldn't allow him up on the bed, but she needed the extra comfort today. Instead of rising she lay there, staring up at the ceiling, reviewing all that had happened yesterday and prayed the little girl managed to find some peace finally.

She made a mental note to visit her as soon as possible.

A knock on her apartment door dragged her attention out of her thoughts. Tying her housecoat around her, Riza opened her apartment door and – to her astonishment – found the whole team outside her door.

"Hey, Hawkeye," Havoc greeted her with a grin. He shoved something forward into her arms. She was too shocked to realise it was a bouquet of flowers. "The boss said you were feeling under the weather, so we thought we'd come by and check up on you."

"Here," Fuery smiled, offering her another bouquet of flowers.

Riza blinked at the four of them, bewildered. "What –"

"It's no fun on lunch break when you are off sick, so we thought we'd bring lunch to you." Breda pulled out a brown paper bag from behind his back with a flourish, the smell hitting Riza's nostrils and making her stomach rumble. She hadn't eaten since yesterday's lunch, too caught up in the case to think about food.

"I also picked up some pastries from that bakery you like," Falman informed her, showing off a white box of treats. "I thought you'd enjoy them."

Havoc entered first, Riza stepping out the way to avoid him walking into her. The rest followed, making their way into her apartment.

"What...? Why are you here?" she asked, still confused.

"Like I said, the boss said you weren't feeling well," Havoc repeated.

"So, we thought we'd stop by to try and cheer you up," Fuery added.

"The case yesterday was a hard one," Falman mused, laying his bag of treats on her kitchen table while the rest of the boys took a chair. "I found it difficult myself, but it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Yeah, it wasn't nice," Havoc added, voice turning melancholy. "Poor little thing."

"We got her out of there though, remember that," Breda interjected. "Hawkeye talked her down and she was much calmer when we left the building after dealing with her father."

"You're right. And Mustang was right, you were the perfect person for that job, Hawkeye," Fuery grinned.

Speaking of… If the rest of them were here…

"He said that?" Riza asked, curious.

Breda nodded. "Yeah. And you were perfect."

"Thank you," she replied, feeling her cheeks heating up. "Is he… here?" she asked cautiously.

Havoc snorted. "This was his idea."

Sure enough, Mustang walked through the door of her apartment with a soft smile on his face just for her. "Sorry, guys," he called out. "I was just parking the car. Some people just can't park," he grumbled, closing the door behind him, but stopping so he stayed out of view of the boys. Riza stepped forward, shielding herself from their eyes too.

"You did this?"

"I was worried about you. And I know how happy it makes you when we're all together. So, I thought, why not bring lunch to you? It could do the world of good."

"I… Thank you," she breathed, touched he would be so kind about all of this – that they _all_ would be so kind to her. These were the only people who ever had been, but even still, after her childhood it was still a shock when it happened.

"Don't mention it," he murmured, face softening.

Riza pecked his cheek, her own smile spreading across her face. "This means the world to me," she whispered.

Roy gently grasped her fingers in his, entwining them tightly. "I'm glad I could do that for you. Come on, let's eat."

With another quick kiss, the two entered the kitchen where the boys were already fighting over who would get what pastry.

"Yo, Hawkeye, what one do you want?" Havoc called.

"I got all your favourites, so you pick first," Falman explained further.

"Yeah, then Breda and Havoc can fight over the rest," Fuery snickered.

"We're adults, Fuery. We don't fight over pastries."

"You just did," Falman muttered, placing one on each plate, presenting them to Riza with a flourish. "Anyway, it's the ladies' choice."

Four sets of eyes set upon her expectantly, waiting for her to choose which pastry she would like to indulge herself in today. They'd gone through all this trouble and effort to try and cheer her up and Riza had to admit, it had worked wonderfully.

She loved her team, she thought while a happy tear came to her eye.


	39. modern warfare

**AN:** " **could you put that in a memo and entitle it SHIT I ALREADY KNOW" – snowdog49**

 **mustang takes the paintball game very seriously while hawkeye and havoc see it as an opportunity to tease their commanding officer**

 **part 3 to chapters 31 and 32**

* * *

"Remember the first one?" Havoc whispered conspiratorially to his teammate beside him, who proceeded to snort at Mustang's expense.

"How could I forget?" Hawkeye asked.

"Remember me!" Havoc mocked. "As I was!"

"If we survive this," Mustang uttered through clenched teeth. "I'm gonna kill both you. Slowly."

Havoc cackled in response while Hawkeye laughed quietly, picking off another soldier who thought they'd be sneaky and try flank them from behind. Neon green paint splattered on his chest and Hawkeye watched as his shoulders slumped and the man grumbled behind his helmet, leaving the room in defeat.

"You wanted this assignment," Hawkeye reminded him, eyes scanning the towers of tyres in front of them in case anyone would try and jump out and surprise them. To try and mix things up, Grumman's annual paintball game had been tweaked this year. Each larger team was broken into two and would face off against the others, both trying to earn points for the large team's overall tally.

This time, Mustang's team had to guard the prize, and the team consisted of him, Hawkeye, and Havoc. Breda, Falman, and Fuery were facing off against the other half of Hughes' team.

So, they were stuck in this cramped square marked out on the floor with tape, guarding the "prize" – a burlap sack with nothing in it. The military would splash out for a full paintball course for team building, but the glamourous "prize" was a ratty, threadbare, sack. Apparently, they were only partly willing. Nothing but the best for Amestrian soldiers.

In his boredom, Havoc had decided to begin tormenting their poor commanding officer. It was an exercise in seeing just how far he could push his CO and after the fiasco of the first year's match – Mustang running off on his own to play the hero – Havoc was more than ready to get him back. Hawkeye, saw the benefits of some friendly payback, and couldn't help but laugh at Havoc's jokes.

It was safe to say – at about thirty minutes in – their teasing was grating on Mustang's nerves.

"If you did kill us," Havoc proposed his thought. "Who would do your paperwork for you? We all _know_ Hawkeye saves your ass on that almost every day. If she's dead, who's gonna do it? Because I sure as shit am _not_ going to. Not only that, but who would be your wingman? You would never get a girl without your best wingman Jean by your side."

This time both Mustang and Hawkeye snorted. Havoc frowned.

"He's right though, sir. Just how _would_ you cope if I wasn't there, I wonder?" she grinned.

"I'd be just fine, thank you very much," he muttered sullenly. Mustang lifted his paintball gun and fired quickly, disabling another soldier. By his count, there were only two left in the game. Two more chances they could sneak up on them and get the prize.

"Hm," Havoc considered, cocking his head. "I don't think so. I think you'd fall apart."

"Shut it, Havoc," he bit out.

"No seriously, I genuinely do. What do you think, Hawkeye?"

She shrugged. "I don't think he'd last a _day_." She fired, taking out another. One left.

"Oh, a day is generous. Try and hour."

"Havoc," Mustang barked, interrupting them. "Watch that corner and let me know if anyone comes around it –"

Just as he finished his sentence, a man spun around the wall of tyres and fired, narrowly missing Mustang's head. The retaliation put the faceless soldier out the game as Mustang's neon yellow paint splattered across the vest on his chest.

The courtyard was silent as the soldier walked away, defeated.

"Hey, Mustang?" Havoc asked and hid his grin when he noticed the vein popping out of his forehead in anger.

"What, Havoc?" he asked through grit teeth.

"There was a guy coming around those tyres."

"Great. Great! That's great Havoc, thanks for letting me know!" he raged as Havoc cackled at how much he'd wound the great Colonel Mustang up. He was oddly proud that he was irritating enough to get his commanding officer to snap. "Could you put that in a memo and entitle it SHIT I ALREADY KNOW."

"Will do, boss. Do you want that right now? Or do you want it tomorrow morning?"

"Gah!" Mustang stood and stormed off as Hawkeye chuckled behind him.

"Seriously, do you want it now? I can just ask Grumman to give me a pass and I can go and get it –"

Mustang spun in place, seething, but Havoc just grinned, aggravating him further.

"Shut up," Mustang spat, pointing a finger at his Second Lieutenant.

"Can do, boss," he quipped, giving him a mock salute.

Their CO stomped away. The game was won but he was irritated to the max. He needed a break from their stupid teasing.

Of course, Hawkeye followed him with a satisfied smirk on her face.

"What do you want?" he asked sullenly. He plonked himself down on a bench, crossing his arm over his chest petulantly.

"You know we both say it with love," she smiled, taking a seat next to him.

He muttered something under breath and Hawkeye chuckled in response.

"I would say justice has been served," she told him softly, placing a hand on his knee and giving it a squeeze. "That's what you get for the first year," she added, eyes sparkling in amusement. Despite how irritating she'd been, Roy couldn't help his expression softening when he saw just how beautiful she looked when she smiled like that.

"I suppose I deserved it."

"Suppose?" Riza echoed, the amusement still lighting up her face.

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. Riza placed a kiss against his cheek before rising.

"Come on, grumpy pants. Let's go see how the rest got on." She extended her hand to him. Mustang took it eagerly, not letting go once he was standing. Grasping the gun, he'd discarded at the side of the bench, he lifted their joined hands to his lips, kissing the back of her hand.

"I suppose I can always count on you to hold me accountable for my actions then?"

"Always, sir."

"Good. I made a good choice then, entrusting my life to you."


	40. unconscious discovery

**AN:** " **Hey! Idk if you're taking requests atm but if you are, is there any way you'd be able to do a royai fic where Riza finds Roy unconscious and bloody? I'm in need of some hurt/comfort Royai huhu" - Anon**

 **apologies for the lack of world building but tbh i just wanted some hurt/comfort royai**

* * *

Riza entered the store the Colonel had gone on ahead to search. The crime scene tape fluttered as she lifted it over her head. The place was eerily silent, so she placed one hand on the gun at her hip as a precaution.

"Sir?" she called into the store, but there was no answer. Brow furrowing, she continued her search at a slower pace, the hair on the back of her neck standing on end. Something wasn't right here, but she didn't know what. He should be in the store. Why wasn't he answering her?

Instinctively she ducked when a gunshot rang out. Her heart stopped for a second, stomach dropping. Another rang out, the bullet hitting the wood of the empty display case she was hiding behind. Riza dove behind another, rolling to a stop at the back of the room. Her spine ramrod straight and pressed against the wood, she strained her ears to listen for any movements.

However, she was stopped short when she saw a black mop of hair on the floor, the face turned away from her.

Her stomach dropped even further, right past her toes.

Another shot rang out and she rolled into the back room where her superior officer was lying prone, a large red puddle of blood underneath him as it oozed out of his leg.

"Sir?!" she whispered frantically, shaking his shoulder for a response. There was none. "Shit." She checked his pulse. It was there, but it was weak. Rolling him over carefully she made sure not to jostle his injured leg too much, she kept an eye out for any other injuries. Not seeing anything, she let out a little sigh of relief. However, it was short lived as another shot rang out.

"Havoc!" she hissed into the earpiece.

"We're already on our way!" he shouted in her ear. "We heard the shots."

"The Colonel is down," she swallowed.

"Shit," he muttered. "Okay, we'll take care of the shooters. Stay inside! Keep under cover. We'll be in as soon as we can."

"Thank you, Havoc," she breathed in relief. The adrenaline from earlier was beginning to wear off and her limbs were shaking as she placed her hands over the Colonel's wound, putting pressure on it. Despite the continued gunfire outside she felt slightly better that the team was behind her and on their way.

"Sir? Can you hear me?" she asked him, one hand running over his body to try and discern if there were any other wounds she needed to take care of. The back room of the store was shielded from the door to outside, so she felt relatively safe enough to check him over. Her senses were still on high alert as the team engaged with whoever was trying to kill them and she heard it in her ear. Havoc's voice came through as he took charge, barking orders to the rest of them.

"Sir!" she called slightly louder after no response.

He groaned and Riza had never heard a better sound.

"Sir? Are you with me?" she asked, grabbing a jacket she'd found hanging on a hook in the back room and tying it around his leg. "Sir?"

"Hawk…" he groaned.

"It's me, sir," she replied, letting out another sigh of relief when she received a response. It wasn't entirely coherent, but it was something and she would take what she could get right now.

"My leg –"

"I know, sir. I know. I'm working on it right now." Even to Riza, her voice was strained. Havoc was still shouting in her ear and the gunshots were still ringing outside. Her concern was torn between her teammates and her command officer who was bleeding out in front of her. How long had he been down? How long had he been unconscious? He'd left for lunch and said he'd meet them at the store after it for the investigation. Hawkeye had gone ahead of the rest of them to scope it out beforehand, but Mustang was already here. Bile rose in her throat at the thought that he'd been here for a while.

So, it was up to her to help him. The rest were stuck outside fighting off whoever had hurt Mustang so she had a job to do in here.

"Hawkeye," he rasped, his bleary eyes focussing long enough on her face. She cringed involuntarily as a shot went off, a lout louder than before. It _ping_ ed off the floor outside the door they were in.

"Sorry, sir," she muttered as she grasped his shoulders, moving him out of view from the door. He cried out in pain and Riza bit her lip, continuing to move him because if she didn't, they could shoot him in the head. "I'm sorry," she whispered after slowly lowering his shoulders. "I had to move you out the way of the door."

He was panting, face screwed up in pain. "It's… It's okay," he choked out, eyes widening as no doubt a wave of pain crashed over him. "What's… the situation?"

"The team are outside. No idea how many assailants. They shot at me after I was inside."

"It was a trap," he murmured before gritting his teeth in pain. "They shot my leg then knocked me unconscious."

"I should have been here…"

"It's all right," he assured her, his hand flailing above his torso as it tried to grasp onto her. She took her hand gently in his but was surprised by the amount of force he applied to his grip. She drew her own strength from it, composing herself and calming her racing heart. _He's conscious and able to talk. Focus on that. Keep him talking._ "There was no way of knowing. Let's focus on the now."

"Okay. Can you stand?"

"Maybe." She managed to get him into a sitting position but as soon as Mustang tried to stand, he bit his lip harshly and whined in pain. When she lowered him back down to the floor he was panting again.

"Let's not do that again," Riza stated.

"No, I can do it –"

"Sir, no."

"Hawkeye, we need to –"

" _Roy_." That stopped his struggling. She rarely used his first name and she used the element of surprise to quieten him. "We're not going anywhere. We'll wait for the rest of them."

"I won't sit here while they risk their lives –" He gasped in pain again and Riza grabbed his shoulders, moving in front of him, wary of his injured leg, so that she was in his field of view.

"Roy, _please_ ," she begged him, gaze searching and pleading. His eyes looked right back at her, no doubt picking up on her strained and desperate mood.

"All right," he agreed, sagging back against the wall. "We'll wait."

"Thank you," she whispered, giving his shoulders a squeeze.

"What's the report?" he asked, wincing.

"Havoc states there was five shooters. They've taken down two. Working on the other three but they can't get in until they're all gone. Havoc tried to break through but was pushed back instantly."

"Tell him not to be stupid," Mustang ordered, but his voice was growing weaker. It didn't hold the same amount of authority as it normally did. He was fading and the realisation almost sent Riza into a panic.

"I will. Jut rest, please. They're working on it."

"All right," he agreed, his words slightly slurred. Leaning his head back, Mustang let it rest against the wall again, his eyes closing as the fight left him. Riza moved to his side, leaning her body against his. Together, they waited until they could be freed from the store.

"Riza?" he mumbled. She could feel the vibration of his words though his shoulder. She'd leant her head against it after grasping his hand tightly in hers. Both hands now rested on his uninjured leg between them.

"Yes?"

"I never asked, are you all right?" he continued to mumble, his eyes closed. "You said they… shot at you."

Riza straightened abruptly, searching his face but it was slack, eyes closed. "I'm fine, Roy."

"Good. Good…"

"Don't worry about me. Just rest," she whispered, brushing his hair off his face. "I've got you." He nodded and mumbled something incoherent. "I'll keep watch, Roy. You rest." She swallowed the lump in her throat, not wanting to let him go just yet, but he was struggling. The wound was tied up and had pressure on it but with the limited supplies there was nothing she could do but listen to Havoc's reassurances and wait.

"Wake me up when it's my turn to watch," he muttered, head lolling to the side.

Riza smiled, tears collecting in the corner of her eyes. "I will, Roy," she promised. Riza lifted his head, rolling it towards her side and placing it on her shoulder so he was more comfortable. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, drawing his body close so he could lean against her. Closing her eyes, she blocked out the gunfire and a tear escaped as she lay her head against the top of his. "I'll wake you up. But rest now."

"Perfect… So glad you're here…" he trailed off, his head going slack against her shoulder. Another tear escaped her as he fell unconscious. Then, she prayed. She prayed for the team's quick work so they could get him out of here. He wouldn't die. Riza refused to believe that. She couldn't. But they needed to be quick. They needed to work quicker. Time was running out, no matter how much Riza didn't want to admit it.

Turning her head, she kissed the top of his head and gave his shoulder a squeeze.

"I'm right here," she whispered.

Havoc burst into the room and shouted behind him, beckoning someone towards them. He turned, face grim, when he saw the state of them both. Mustang, bleeding and unconscious, and Hawkeye, with tears on her cheeks, cradling his body protectively against hers as she waited for the rest of them.

The paramedics took Roy away from her, but Riza was right behind him, like always.

Mustang smiled to himself in his hospital bed when Havoc revealed how attentive she'd been and how she'd never left his side. And when she'd entered the room, eyes wide and desperate to see he was okay, Roy gave her the biggest smile, so happy he got to live another day to see Riza Hawkeye look at him like he was her whole world. Roy could sympathise because that's how he felt about her too.


	41. roy's paranoia

**AN: To add to your Royai collection: What about Roy getting paranoid and panicky every time Riza as much as coughs because it reminds him of her father's mysterious illness? Let alone when she even has to call in sick?" - Anon**

* * *

It was an irrational fear, but a fear none the less. Every cough set off a reaction inside of his paranoid mind. It took Roy back to the Hawkeye childhood home, watching as his mentor and teacher slowly died from whatever illness was eating away at him. His hacking cough would echo through the halls of the home and to this day, Roy could still hear it.

Only, this was worse. So much worse.

He heard it in Riza's coughs, whether they were gentle to clear her throat, or a body jerking as the result of a cold. The latter was always the worst one. Fear would consume him. His mind would tell him that she'd die like her father would, leaving him behind. They never did find out if the illness was genetic or not. Roy hoped and prayed it wasn't.

He couldn't lose her. Not like that. He couldn't watch the woman he loved lose herself bit by bit, watching her cough up blood and have it dribble down her chin -

Roy gave himself a mental shake. They were at the office. There was no time for nightmares here.

Those kind of dreams visited him often. And when she called in sick - although that was a rarity in itself - his mind ran a mile a minute trying to rationalise that she was _fine_. It was just a common cold or the flu. There was no horrifying, mysterious illness waiting to claim her life after he hung up the phone.

It took a lot sometimes.

So yes, an irrational fear, but it incited panic, so Roy would give it the title it deserved. They'd been through so much already that even the slightest thing would set him off nowadays.

As a result, he would sit in his office chair and listen intently, his mind focussed on any change in her coughing every time it occurred. It was extreme. It was paranoid. But he still remembered his Master's condition deteriorating, still remembered the smell of blood as Roy held his failing body in his arms.

He would give _anything_ for that not to happen to her.


	42. flashbacks

**AN:** **"riza is in the hospital but has flasbacks to the tattoo when she sees the doctors ate gonna use needles" – anon**

* * *

Ishval was cold and unforgiving and that was the same for the medical staff who patched up the wounded on the front lines. Their job was efficiency - keep as many soldiers alive as possible but do the job as quick as possible. There was no care, no bedside manner, just a quick fix for something that needed long-term care. The higher ups didn't care. They just needed their pawns to be back up on their feet quickly so they could be gun fodder again. It didn't matter if that would make things worse for the patient in the long run. As long as they were hitting targets and the Fuhrer was happy with the progress, that's all that mattered.

Riza was lain - none too gently - on her back upon a wooden cot. She hissed in pain, scrunching up her eyes. Agony flared in her right side where she'd been stabbed by an Ishvalan. When it happened, she wished her comrades hadn't come to help her. She wished the man _had_ killed her. If he had, it would've gotten her out of this nightmare.

Hands removed her military jacket and tore at the shirt underneath to give them access to the wound. Hot air washed over the gash as the desert winds blew through the medical tent and Riza gasped, her mind imaging thousands of tiny bits of sand being trapped inside the wound.

Voices spoke above her, shadows moved as they prepared to quickly patch her up. Something glinted in the sunlight that had _just_ managed to poke through the tent door in that moment.

A needle.

Her breathing quickened, taking her back to her childhood home as her father's weight held her down on his desk. The tattoo needle bit into her skin, making it feel like there were a thousand tiny knives stabbing her all at once. A familiar feeling of loneliness, helplessness, and despair washed over Riza on that cot in Ishval. Her chest heaved as she began to panic. She tried to shuffle away from the offending instrument. The voices picked up in volume and hands began to restrain her. Just like her father's hands had done.

Tears began to escape. She no longer knew where she was. Riza had often thought Ishval reminded her of her home in her hellish childhood. The only light in that darkness she'd had was Roy, but he'd left her. Because he'd left, her father had turned Riza into his notebook so that she could pass his work onto Roy - probably the only person Berthold Hawkeye cared about in his later life.

 _I just want Roy_ , she'd wished in her mind, whimpers leaving her as the pressure on her shoulders increased. Pain stabbed her side and she let out a yell. She began to struggle, thinking that _this time_ she wouldn't let her father win.

He was too strong. The pain flared again as he continued to work on that damned tattoo and Riza thrashed, managing to slip out the hold on her shoulders. She tried to escape, trying to roll off her father's desk.

Something pricked her neck and her body instantly grew limp. A tear escaped, rolling down her cheek. Once more, Riza hadn't been able to escape Berthold's hold on her. She slipped away as more tears fell down her face.

* * *

Riza's eyes flew open and were met with darkness. Beige material fluttered over her head, bringing the smell of the desert with it. That was strange. The last thing she remembered was being in her father's office -

There were shouts in the distance, followed by gunfire.

Right. She was in Ishval. She wasn't in her father's office. That had been a weird fever dream.

Sighing heavily, Riza brought a hand to her face to cover it. Her body threatened to shake as her emotions started to overwhelm her.

Once more, she wished the Ishvalan had killed her yesterday.

"Hey," a quiet voice greeted.

Her eyes flew open underneath her hand. Removing it and looking down the cot she spied Major Mustang offering her a relieved smile. She swallowed thickly and lowered her hand, nodding in greeting. "Sir."

"How are you feeling?"

This was the first time she'd properly spoken to him after their initial meeting. After that moment a small part of her no longer felt so alone in this war zone, however that had been a week ago and their paths had never crossed since. She'd heard rumors of him being sent to the front lines and heard the higher ups praising him, talking about how pleased they were with the work he was doing.

They were pleased with how many people he was killing. The thought almost made her sick.

"Fine," she replied, cringing internally at the sound of her own voice. It was hoarse, betraying how she really felt, which was not good at all.

"Riza -"

"I'm fine, sir," she cut him off quickly. "Just a misstep."

Major Mustang sighed and stood from the chair by the foot of her bed. He lifted it, moving it to beside her head.

"You don't make missteps," he replied softly.

"How would you know?" It held more bite to it than she would have liked, but it was true.

"Because I watched you grow up shooting and I watched you wrestle an injured deer expertly so we could have it for dinner that night." He reached out for her hand hesitantly but grasped her fingers in his. "You don't make missteps in a fight."

How could she tell him that a brief thought had crossed her mind yesterday? That if she was just to hesitate a moment longer the Ishvalan would remove her from this hell and she'd no longer be in so much pain and suffering?

Tears threatened to spill over. She didn't deserve an escape like that, and apparently the universe didn't think so either. It brought her back to earth with a rough bump in the form of a burning wound in her side. She couldn't leave yet. She still had to pay for all the innocent lives she'd taken in this war.

A tear finally spilled down her cheek.

"They told me what happened in the triage room." His eyes met hers with concern, his thumb stroking the back of her hand. "What happened, Riza?"

She broke.

"I was back there," she whispered, body beginning to shake. "When I saw the needle, I was back with _him_ -" Her chest was heaving now with breaths as she tried and failed to hold it all in.

"It's okay, I understand." Mustang removed his hand from hers and she opened her mouth to protest in a moment of weakness. What shocked her more was he climbed into the cot next to her. It really wasn't big enough for two people, but Roy managed to make himself fit. "Say no more." His arms wrapped around her.

"But what about -?"

"It's all right," he reassured her, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Hughes is outside standing guard. He figured you needed this. Figured we _both_ needed this." She froze. "Get some rest, Riza," he murmured into her hair, then he chuckled, the sound reverberating through his chest in which her head was pressed up against. "That's an order."

Another few tears fell down her cheeks, but she nodded, burrowing herself deeper into his chest.

In a rare moment of weakness - one she _really_ didn't deserve - yes, Riza found she really did need this. After a lifetime of feeling abandoned and feeling helpless, she needed to be cared for. It was a reminder of why she couldn't give up just yet. She still had work to do to redeem herself and pay for her sins.


	43. double proposal

**AN:** " **I saw a really cute video and wondered if it could be made into a Royai oneshot. One girl proposed to her girlfriend who proceeded to freak out because they were also planning on proposing and pulled out the ring. Could be after the promise day, after Roy becomes Fuhrer or really whatever. I trust you. I am absolutely obsessed with your writing!" – Anon**

* * *

Roy's hands were sweating as he and his date for the night walked towards the fancy restaurant he'd picked out for them. He hoped and prayed she wouldn't feel the sweat on his palms as they walked hand in hand, but Roy couldn't be sure. He couldn't ask her about it, so opted to loosely grasp her hand, but kept a tight hold on her fingers instead.

The door to the exquisitely decorated establishment opened for them. A man dressed in a sharp suit greeted them with a kind smile, welcoming them inside. The place was beautiful - high ceilings, chandeliers, and gold tastefully littered over everything. If the most beautiful woman in the world wasn't by his side, Roy would have been able to appreciate it more. However, nothing would ever hold a candle to her.

"Good evening, Fuhrer, sir. We have the table ready as you requested. Right this way."

His security staff had opted to book out the place entirely so he could enjoy his dinner in peace. He'd changed a lot of things in this country already - all for the better - and the people loved him for it. It wouldn't do having rubberneckers while he was trying to enjoy a nice meal with a beautiful lady.

"This is very fancy," she whispered, looking around in awe.

"Only the best for you," he replied, one corner of his mouth quirking upwards in a grin.

"Over here, sir," the man offered, showing them a table that had been set beautifully. It was surrounded by others similarly decorated, but Roy paid no attention to it.

Once left in peace, they ordered their food. Roy took one glance at the menu and ordered the first thing he saw, not particularly caring what it was. He had more important things to do tonight.

"So, Roy," Riza stated, smiling at him over the rim of her wine glass. "What's the big occasion?"

Roy swallowed, drinking in the beauty of her. Hair tumbled down her back and fell over her shoulders in loose curls - apparently he had Catalina to thank for that, and thank her, he would. He'd never seen Riza with curled hair before and it was an amazing sight. He'd mourned the loss of her long hair after the Promised Day, but over time it had grown back. The dress she had on was a midnight blue and hugged her figure perfectly. She was a vision that he felt unworthy of, but, given the chance, he'd try and prove that worth from here on out.

"Can't I just treat you to a nice meal?"

Riza snorted. "This is much grander than "just dinner"." She placed her wine glass down on the table, elegantly folding her forearms and resting them on the table. "So, tell me. What's the big occasion?"

She always could see right through him.

"Does actually having time to spend with my girlfriend outside of work count as an occasion?" he joked.

Riza chuckled. "With your schedule, yes, I suppose it does."

Dinner went by quickly and while Roy would have liked to sit and enjoy it - especially since he'd hardly seen Riza these past two weeks - he was too nervous for what he had planned after it to fully relax and enjoy her company.

"Roy?" Riza asked, voice soft. She broke the comfortable silence that had enveloped them after their dessert, both parties leaning back in their chairs as they began to digest their wonderful meal. He shot her a questioning gaze when she stood. What really surprised him, rendering him completely mute and stunned, was that she got down on one knee and smiled up at him.

Wait… _What?_

"Roy, we've known each other for so long -"

"Wait, wait, wait," he flapped after recovering from his shock, surging up from his chair and joining her there on the floor. He fumbled in his trouser pocket, pulling out a small, black velvet box.

"You've got one too?" Riza blinked at it, surprised.

"Yes! That was the whole point of tonight."

"I… That was my plan for tonight too!"

They both stared at each other for a second, then both grinned simultaneously. They embraced on their knees, the kiss loving, but intense, as they both already knew the answer to the question they were going to pose to each other.

Riza pulled away, cupping his jaw as she stared into his eyes. "Yes," she breathed.

"Yes," he murmured, kissing her again as they agreed to marry each other.

Not the most conventional proposal, but they'd never been in the most conventional relationship.

After crying happily and another round of kissing, they both stood and Roy grasped her hand, tugging her over to his chair. He gently but firmly pulled Riza onto his lap while she laughed quietly.

"Wow."

"I know," she giggled against him, resting her head on his shoulder while Roy hugged her tightly against him. His cheek rested atop her head while his hands rubbed up and down her side.

"Who would have thought we'd both have the same plan for tonight?"

"Well." Riza lifted her head so she could look at him. "We always did have a funny way of being on the same page about everything."

"I think we've known each other too long."

Riza hummed in agreement, placing her head back on his shoulder. "I wouldn't change that fact."

"No," Roy agreed. "Never."

They both held each other in silence - Riza gripping the lapels of his tux jacket, another hand on his bicep, while Roy clasped his hands together around her, rocking them both backwards and forwards.

"Where's the ring?" he asked quietly, not wanting to break the spell they'd fallen into. "Did you have one?"

Riza nodded. She stood from his lap and approached the chair that her bag was hanging on. She rummaged through it and pulled out a small black box. Roy's heart thudded in his chest. Riza took up her place on his lap again. Roy gripped her waist tightly, hoisting her further up so she could be more comfortable. She opened the box and there was a stunning wedding band inside. The colour looked black in the dim lighting of the restaurant.

"It's black," she revealed. "It reminded me of your eyes," she added softly, shooting him a shy smile.

Roy kissed her again after regrettably removing one hand from around her waist. It was worth it though to hear her sigh against him as he cupped her cheek gently.

"Why did you get one?" he chuckled.

Riza shrugged, resting her forehead against his. "You've been really busy lately and I was ready - well, we were both more than ready - to move onto the next step. I figured I would take some of the pressure off and do it."

He laughed. After shaking his head fondly, he met her gaze, adoration pouring out his own. "Always looking out for me," he murmured to himself with a happy grin.

"Of course, sir," she quipped. He chuckled, hugging her body against his. Riza placed her head back on his shoulder and sighed happily.

Roy held out his hand flat in front of them both. When Riza looked at him questioningly, he gestured with his head towards the box. "Put it on," he commanded gently.

"But… We're not married yet."

"I don't care." He chuckled again. "Some might say we have been for years."

"But people will talk -"

"Riza," he soothed her. "I don't care what they talk about. All I care about is professing my love to you." She blushed and slipped the ring on his finger without another word. "With my work schedule it will be months, maybe even a year before we can do it officially. That's too long for me," he jested, nudging her with his shoulder.

"You've already waited almost two decades," she giggled. "What's another year?"

"Far, _far_ too long," he whispered in her ear, nuzzling her neck with his nose.

Riza laughed against him as he tickled her gently, and Roy broke out into a grin.

He was the happiest man alive.


	44. roy's death

**AN: "Hey! So i know we kinda saw this already when Riza thought Lust killed Roy, but I was wondering if we could get a fic where Riza finds out Roy is dead? I'll leave it up to you who finds him, how he dies etc etc I'm just in the mood for some sad Royai and your Royai fics give me life" - Anon**

 **WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH**

* * *

"I'm so sorry, Hawkeye," Havoc choked, tears falling down his face.

Her brain couldn't comprehend what was being said. She heard the words, but it just wasn't going into her brain, so she couldn't understand it. It was impossible. There was no _way_ it could be true. A part of her was becoming incredibly angry towards Havoc that he would even make something like this up.

"They – They did all they could, but the internal bleeding was too great. They couldn't save him," Havoc continued, his voice barely above a whisper as he cried, relaying the situation to her.

But… They'd just gotten back from the lab yesterday. He'd cauterised the wound. He was all right.

To think, she'd lost him _twice_ in such a short space of time –

Havoc grasped her elbow as she stumbled and continued to support her as they entered the Colonel's hospital room. The cut on his cheek had been bandaged up. The array on his hand was bandaged also, however some blood had been seeping through it. Her eyes focussed on the edge of the circle she could see in blood, and thought back to the time he'd dissected the tattoo on her back, how he'd talked her through the process of coming up with that array, and how it would all work.

It had been nice to hear that her pain and suffering at her father's hand hadn't completely been for nought. Despite his horror, Roy had been excited to begin working on studying the flame alchemy she'd offered him. Riza was excited too, but only because it granted them more time to spend together. She would be bare from the waist up, lying face down on her bed or her couch, as his hands ghosted over her flesh while Roy studied the ink, taking notes and sketching it in his notebook. She shivered whenever he made contact with her skin, but Roy had been too engrossed in his work that Riza didn't think he'd ever noticed. When his breath had skated over her back as he leaned in close to get a better look, she'd shift unintentionally in response, burying her head in between her arms in embarrassment.

It wasn't until the night he finished it – and successfully applied the knowledge to create fire with an alchemic array – that he told her he _had_ noticed. Every shiver, every reaction to him she'd ever had while he studied, he noticed it. And that night, as they lay together in bed, Roy whispered how much he loved her. She'd gazed into his eyes, finally feeling happy.

Those black, yet loving, eyes that she would never set her sights on again.

Her mind was torturing her. How long would it be until she forgot what his voice sounded like? How long would it be before his face started to fade from her memory? How long would it be until she forgot that familiar scent of ash and burning that seemed to cling to him no matter how much aftershave he applied?

Her chest heaved in one rapid motion, the sound coming out like a wheeze. Her breaths were picking up in speed as the gravity of her situation finally hit her. Havoc placed a hand on her shoulder and said something, but Riza couldn't understand what the words meant. All she knew was that the man she'd loved for most of her life was lying before her.

Dead.

"Sir?" she called quietly to him through her sobs, reaching out to grasp his hand.

She pulled away in horror when she felt how cold his hands were.

Her sobs became louder, filling the hospital room that was now missing the machine that had held the steady heartbeat of Roy Mustang. When he'd been brought in yesterday, they'd said it was being connected just as a precaution. He would be fine, they said. He'd be right as rain in a few days, they'd said.

Those false promises had all turned to ash.

They'd needed the machine for another patient, Havoc had murmured. The doctors had taken away the one machine that allowed Riza to hear the heartbeat of the man she loved. The heart that Roy once vowed belonged to her, and always would.

Now she'd never hear it again, and that silence was killing her.

"He can't be gone," she whispered. "He just can't be."

"Hawkeye –"

"He was fine!" she cried, sobs becoming uncontrollable. "What happened?" she demanded, staring up her friend, no doubt looking desolate. Her heart broke when she saw Havoc's tears again, realising that this was her reality now. This was no dream. Roy Mustang was dead and there was nothing she could do to change that.

He wouldn't he walking through the door to save the day like he had the day before. He was lying cold and still in a hospital bed a few centimetres from her.

"There was too much internal bleeding," Havoc explained. "It was too late."

"But… But he cauterised it! He was fine!"

"Riza –"

"No, he was all right! What happened?" she cried desperately, looking to Havoc for her answers, but of course, he had none to give. " _What happened to him_?"

Havoc bundled her up in his arms and Riza clutched at the front of his jacket, sobbing loudly.

"Riza, I'm so sorry," he murmured into her hair, wetting it with his tears. "I'm _so_ sorry." That phrase was repeated to her over and over again as they cried together. Havoc placed a kiss to the top of her head and hugged her tighter, holding her while she fell apart. Déjà vu hit Riza, her mind jerking her back to the day before where she thought he'd been taken from her.

Now he had.

And he wasn't walking through a door to see her again.


	45. holy ground

**AN: "** **Can I ask for a fic where Roy ask Riza why did she really followed him and she gives him the same answer as before but then, she suddenly said "I've got nowhere else to go" - anon**

 **inspired by "** _ **holy ground**_ **" by within temptation**

 **i've always wanted to do a fic with this song (bc it's perfect for riza's feelings upon arriving in ishval i feel) so ty anon!** **and i'm sorry : )**

* * *

 _ **you got inside my head, i want you out**_

 _ **cause i've been betrayed on holy ground**_

The Ishval sands were whipped up into the air by the bitter wind. Funny, how a place so blisteringly hot could be so bitterly cold during the night. Roy knew how deserts worked, he knew it was because there was nothing to hold the heat, but in Ishval, he'd believe that contrast was done on purpose - a punishment for the atrocities he'd caused here.

Another punishment to add to his already long list.

The current one he faced, was meeting with Riza Hawkeye again. She was livid - and rightly so. He'd taken what he wanted from her and left to join the military, only to use her precious gift to murder and destroy.

No wonder she was glaring at him, so angry she was unable to speak straight.

Riza could never handle anger well. Growing up she'd cried when she got too angry. Not that it happened often, but Roy had spent a few nights offering her comfort while she spat out half sentences about how much she _despised_ her father and now unfair her life had been.

Now she was older, it had manifested into something different, after Roy had put the icing on the cake with what he'd done here in the desert. Her anger was palpable, years of it being built up and unleashed in broken waves. Her fury was terrifying, and Roy wished he wasn't on the receiving end of it, but after what he'd done, he wasn't permitted a request like that. Riza Hawkeye had every right to aim her wrath his way.

Her glare pierced through his very soul.

" _Why_?"

He had no good answer to give her.

"I told you I had a dream to get to the top -"

"And that means doing _this_?" she hissed, gesturing wildly to the door of his tent. " _Murdering innocents_?"

The wild flailing of her arm was the only signal she gave that her anger wasn't as tightly reigned in as she'd probably like it to be. Being a creature of maintaining control, Riza's was slowly slipping.

Roy didn't blame her. He couldn't. In her shoes, he'd be furious as well.

But, he couldn't forget that she was here too.

"If you'd heard what happened on the radio," Roy challenged. "If you're this angry with what I'm doing, then why follow me out here?" Her only answer was a silent glare. "Why come to Ishval in the first place?!"

They'd had this conversation before. Her answer had always been to support his dream. But… Why come -?

"This has nothing to do with you!" she exploded suddenly. "Not everything does!" Roy froze. Riza raised a finger to point it in his direction. "I just wanted to do good in this world, but not only have _you_ lied to me, but the military has too." She glared at him, chest heaving as she breathed heavily, betrayal flooding her expression. Her eyes were becoming wet, a reminder of their time as kids. However, this time, Roy wouldn't be the one to comfort her. He'd given up that right after discarding her by the wayside to chase a dream with everything she'd given him. _No, everything he'd_ _ **stolen**_ _from her._ "It's not about following you. Not anymore. Not after what you've done. I've simply got nowhere else to go."

Roy was rendered mute, and that was probably for the best. He didn't think he could form a sentence if he tried anyway. Nothing he could say would fix this or make it better. There was a crushing weight on his chest which restricted his breathing. It was a combination of pain from her confession and the final realisation that he'd fucked up big time. There'd always been a small sliver of hope that once Riza has realised what was happening here, she'd understand why he was doing what he was doing, but no. She only saw him for the selfish bastard he truly was.

Riza paused before she left his tent, but never turned to face him. "I had nowhere else to go," she whispered. "So I came here. Now, I'll follow you, sir, but only to make sure you don't fuck anything else up this badly in the future."

A cold wind whipped inside his tent, bringing the biting air with it.

" _I'll_ be the one to watch over you, sir. And I'll be the one to kill you if you overstep this line again."

The wind sucked away his breath.

"After all, a monster needs to be put down before it can harm anything else."

His tent was now empty.


	46. lust roy

**AN: "Hey, idk if you're taking requests but would 8 be able to request a Royai fic in which Roy is temporarily host to lust somehow and he attempts to kill Riza, when he comes round he feels awful for what he tried doing? If not feel free to ignore this honey bun** **" - anon**

 **WARNING: graphic descriptions of violence**

* * *

"Sir." Lust scoffed at her choked pleading. His hand twisted in that pesky Lieutenant's stomach, enjoying the feeling of bone and sinew crushing and tearing with his claws. There wasn't much Lust remembered from before his new form, but there was a hatred deep inside of him for this woman. Father had partly filled him in on what had transpired before he'd achieved his new form, however Lust had been marvelling too much at his new abilities to care.

"Roy." That broken whisper made her stop. Lust's body jerked unexpectedly as a force in his mind pounded against its restraints. Scowling, Lust recognised the Colonel's consciousness. Lust had stolen his body but it was _his_ now and no insignificant human was going to take it away from him.

Lust twisted his hand again, tearing it out of her stomach. He watched coldly as blood spattered on the floor and the Lieutenant's body fell, landing hard and awkwardly. One arm was bent at an odd angle. There was a gaping hole in her stomach from her wound. Clutching her hands to it, the Lieutenant met Lust's eyes, her own wide as blood trickled out of the corner of her mouth and down her neck.

"Roy… I'm sorry…" she whispered.

Lust stared into her eyes with a wolfish grin, right as the light faded from them –

Roy jerked upright in bed, panting. A yell was pulled from deep inside of him as his brain tried to distinguish between what was a dream and what was reality. He was in darkness. His limbs were trapped and barely moved as he panicked and tried to escape the terror of what he'd just seen.

His eyes adjusted to the darkness and his breathing and heart rate began to slow. He was in his bedroom. He was safe, but what about her? That nightmare had shaken him to his core. He could still feel her blood coating his hands. Looking down, he scanned his hands as he turned them over, finding no marks or discolouration in the dim light.

"Roy?" His head jerked to the left. Riza's tired and confused voice from beside him in the bed made his heart rate kick back up again.

 _He'd killed her_.

Pushing himself violently out of bed, Roy stumbled for the bathroom in the darkness and unintentionally slammed the door closed in his haste. His vomit hit the porcelain of the toilet with a wet _slap_ and Roy hoped and _prayed_ that he didn't miss.

Fumbling for the light switch once he was done, he pulled the cord and blanched as the white light blinded him. His eyes met the ones in his reflection. He looked awful. Sweat drenched his pale skin, mouth slick with bile. His hair was plastered to his forehead at the front but stuck up messily in the back. The purple bags underneath his eyes seemed darker in the harsh light, the tired lines underneath them spelling out the truth of how tired he was.

Riza had been apart from him all week. Returning to work after the Promised Day was… difficult. The team had been questioned by Grumman about all that had transpired during the coup along with everything they knew about the homunculi so the Fuhrer could put it in an official report. Riza's meetings went on for longer as she was Bradley's assistant. Also, technically she was still the Fuhrer's assistant when she returned to work, so in order to process her report quickly, she'd been working with Grumman all week. Returning to her own apartment made more sense because it was closer to HQ, and Roy wouldn't deny her that. She was still recovering after all, and while she'd _definitely_ returned to work earlier than she should of - Roy was convinced of that - she still exhausted herself easily. He wouldn't ask her to go through the extra travel.

Despite them being apart, the new Fuhrer reassured Roy the team would return to his side, should they request it, however, that would come in time. Fuhrer Grumman wanted to avoid even more unrest within the military, so opted to let some time pass before suddenly moving staff around. Everyone's trust in the military was shaken - even the soldiers. Rumours of staff being moved would unsettle them even more at this time, and Grumman needed the front of stability and trust in order to win the people's favour.

Although Roy understood Grumman's seasonings, after seeing Riza almost die before his eyes and being powerless to stop it, this week had been incredibly difficult. In the month they'd had off from work they'd barely been apart. They stayed at his apartment and didn't venture far. They had no reason to while they were still recovering.

Nights apart meant nightmares plagued him. They ranged from different horrors, and tonight's was a reminder of the time Lust had almost killed her. Only this time, _he_ was the homunculus. At the time Roy hadn't been too sure what he'd walked in on, however Alphonse had told him all that happened during that conversation with Lust. The young alchemist had been worried for Riza, and Roy didn't blame him. Bless him, Alphonse had quietly asked if Roy could keep a close eye on her after the incident.

He still remembered the dulling of her eyes…

There was a quiet knock at the bathroom door as he swallowed another bout of vomit. "Roy?" Riza called softly to him. She still sounded tired. It would be unfair of him to pretend he was fine. They were both so past beyond that at this point. She'd seen him multiple times at his absolute worst and they shared everything. Insisting he was all right would be an insult to her. However he didn't even want to remember the dream, never mind admit it out loud. "Are you all right?" Her concern broke through the sleep in her voice.

"Just… Give me a minute?" he asked, cringing at the sound of his voice. It sounded so hoarse. Staring at the bathroom door, he silently pleaded in his head that she would grant him this. Riza wasn't one to pester, however he just needed a few moments to himself.

"Of course," she yawned.

"Go back to bed. I'll be out in a bit."

There was a brief pause then the sound of footsteps away from him. Letting out a quiet sigh at the opportunity to compose himself, Roy turned back to face his reflection in the mirror. There was a small hope that she'd be asleep before he returned, but Roy knew wishing that would be futile. She'd sit awake in bed all night waiting for him to make sure he was all right.

 _Monster. You don't deserve her._

Well that was something he would admit out loud to anyone. It was a nightmare but it was so vivid. He'd been there. He'd _killed_ her. It had been so real. Roy clenched his hands into fists, swallowing hard. There was nothing on them, but he couldn't leave that room without washing his hands. For Riza's sake, he brushed his teeth.

"What was it this time?" she asked quietly after he'd turned and closed the bathroom door. The room was still in darkness. She hadn't turned on any lights and to be honest, Roy preferred that. He couldn't look into the eyes of the woman he loved, remembering how he'd killed her. Roy didn't think he'd be able to look into her eyes again after that particular nightmare.

"Nightmare." Riza sighed at his vagueness. "Sorry." He admitted defeat. He still couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. It was still raw. "I just –"

"Roy," she called softly. "Come here." He was still standing by the door. She urged him again, sitting up in bed. Tentatively, he approached, watching as her dark form rose onto her knees. Her arms opened and although Roy wanted to run to them for comfort, he couldn't.

 _He'd killed her_.

He couldn't touch her after that.

Riza's arms dropped when he stopped just out of reach. Nobody moved and Roy didn't even breath, anticipating her next move.

Slowly, like she was approaching a spooked animal, Riza moved to the edge of the bed on her knees. Her hands found his shoulders, putting gentle pressure on them. Roy stiffened, so she stopped. Finally feeling him relax underneath her touch, her hands slid around the back of his neck. His breathing deepened as he felt his emotions build up within him. Gently, she pulled him against her and Roy's walls broke. The tears began to fall as his arms wrapped tightly around her. He didn't deserve to hold her but all his life he had taken more than he deserved to – lives, futures, children from their parents, and happiness from being with Riza – that now it was an incredibly bad habit. He was selfish. He was a monster. He didn't deserve the comfort.

Riza ran a hand through his hair and hushed him gently as he cried. His face was buried in the crook of her neck, tears wetting her pyjama top.

 _Stop. You don't deserve this –_

"It's okay," she soothed. "Whatever it was, it was just a dream. You're okay. _I'm_ okay." She'd always been very good at reading him. "What was it?" she asked after a moment's pause. The question was quiet and soft, so not to spook him.

"I…" Roy took a deep breath, reigning in his emotions so he could formulate some kind of response. "I was Lust… and you –"

"It's okay," she interrupted him. "I can gather the rest."

"I'm sorry," he choked out. Roy's face buried deeper into the crook of her neck. "I'm so _sorry_."

"Roy, you did nothing wrong. I'm right here. Look." Hands guided his head off of her. His face remained trapped between her hands, her thumbs stroking his cheeks as she smiled at him softly in the moonlight. "I'm alive. I'm healthy. I'm fine."

A deep breath escaped past his lips, followed by another. A gentle nod was all it took for Riza to lean forward and kiss his cheek, before straightening and holding his head against her chest. Her heart thumped loudly underneath his ear.

"See?" she whispered. "I'm alive."

Arms wrapped around her waist tightly. "I just feel so horrible –"

"That's what nightmares do. But you did _nothing_. I'm alive."

Roy pulled away, this time with his hands cradling her cheeks gently. He pulled her in for a kiss, his face scrunching up as she wrapped her arms around his neck. After pulling away, he pecked her again then pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you," he whispered.

She smiled. "That's what I'm here for."

No matter how much she reassured him it was okay, Roy still didn't feel like he deserved to hold her. However, as always she'd calmed him down and gotten him to open up. The panic and terror had left him for now, but that nightmare would stay with him for a long time to come. That feeling of guilt at what he'd done in his dream would stay for even longer.


	47. ed and al mess up

**AN: "Ed and/or Al mess up and hurt Roy and/or Riza on a mission" - anon**

 **mica (caesurables) did an amazing piece of art for this fic! thank you!**

* * *

"Sir, it's fine -"

"It's _not_."

" _Sir_ -"

"Get Fullmetal in here!" Mustang hollered to whoever was outside his office. Riza sighed, pressing the ice pack harder against her smarting cheek. It was a mistake. The boys were only human - _and_ were barely in their twenties. They could make mistakes in situations like this. Apparently, _someone_ didn't see it the same way and was working himself up over nothing.

"You're being unreasonable."

Mustang ignored her, continuing to pace in his office. Irritation began to blossom inside her at being ignored. He was overreacting, pure and simple - something he'd begun to do frequently recently, and it grated on her nerves no end.

Edward walked into the room defiantly. It was just like he'd done in his younger years, so much so that Riza was hit with déjà vu, except this time, Edward hadn't really done anything wrong. He'd done nothing to intentionally to hurt her.

It was a simple mistake. The guy had swung and missed Edward as he ducked, catching Riza's cheek instead with his fist. For god's sake, when a fist comes flying, it's instinct to dodge. Unfortunately for Riza, she'd bumped into Edward's back after entering the room hurriedly while not fully paying attention right after discovering the shady operation their target was running. Right as Ed ducked, the fist connected with her face. A stupid mistake on her part, but she was only human too. Riza took the guy down without hesitation and guarded the boys just as instructed. There shouldn't be any drama about her simply doing her job, but _somebody_ was insisting on it.

"That's not my name anymore, General," Edward stated as he entered the room with narrowed eyes.

"Cut the shit -"

"No," Edward quickly interrupted. " _You_ cut the shit. Hawkeye explained what happened -" He turned to face her. His expression held regret. "And I'm really sorry about what happened Hawkeye." She waved him off.

"It's all right Edward," she replied sincerely, waving off his apology.

"It was an accident," Edward continued, turning his ire back towards Mustang. "You're acting as though I did it on purpose."

"How do I know you didn't?" Mustang demanded.

Before Edward could reply angrily, Riza cut in. "General," she barked, her tone telling him to stand down _right now_. Being worried about what happened, sure, she could allow that. Being irritated, maybe, if it was warranted, which it wasn't in this case. Throwing baseless accusations at a twenty-year-old for acting on basic human instinct and dodging a fist coming flying at their face? She wouldn't stand for it.

The tension in the room was palpable. Edward and Mustang glared at each other. Riza rolled her eyes at the General's behaviour and stood from her chair.

"Edward." He glanced her way, breaking the staring contest as she addressed him. "Go home," she ordered gently, a smile on her face. "You and _I_ will discuss the next step tomorrow." Edward's gaze flicked back towards Mustang whose frown had deepened. "Tell Alphonse not to worry about today and I'll be in touch soon."

Edward straightened in place, electing to ignore the General and his grossly unprofessional behaviour. "Right. Will do, Hawkeye."

"Tell Winry I said hello," she smiled. "And the kids."

Edward grinned at the mention of them and nodded. "I will! See you, Hawkeye."

"What -?" Mustang asked in disbelief, unable to comprehend that she'd just dismissed Edward.

" _You_ ," she stated, voice hard and tone holding none of the softness she'd shown towards Edward. Riza shoved the ice pack into his chest - quite hard - waiting for his hands to raise automatically to grab it. "I'll speak to you about what happened once you've calmed down."

She turned and left the office, retrieving her jacket from the back of the chair she'd occupied while the General had paced angrily. There was no word of protest from behind her, which she was thankful for, because all she wanted to do was go home and have a nice, relaxing bath.

* * *

"I'm sorry," a voice spoke into their bedroom. Riza closed her book calmly and placed it in on her lap. Looking expectantly at the door, she watched as Roy stood in the dark doorway with his hands shoved into his pockets.

"I don't think it's me you should be apologising to."

Roy sighed and nodded, stepping into the dimly lit room. He'd taken off his uniform and changed into sweatpants and a grey t-shirt.

"Have you calmed down?" Riza half demanded. She wouldn't talk to him while he ranted and raved about her "safety", when all he was _really_ doing was flapping.

Roy sighed again. "Yeah. Sorry." He perched on the edge of the bed, placing a hand gently atop the duvet covering her thigh. His eyes were cast down, showing his regret for his rash actions. "I already spoke to the boys. That's why I'm so late home."

She'd begun to grow concerned when it hit six o'clock and he hadn't returned from the office. A quick call to Havoc revealed that Roy had just left to go and speak to the Elric brothers about what had happened today. They must have discussed _a lot_ because it was now past nine o'clock.

"I'm more than capable of taking care of myself -"

"I know," he replied quickly. His hand shifted off the duvet, fingers threading through hers atop her lap. "I know. I just... I just get so worked up nowadays. You're carrying a _child_ Riza. A little baby." Instinctively she placed her hand over her stomach. "You can take care of yourself, but they can't."

Riza briefly paused, but a smile broke out over her face as she made her decision. "He."

"What?" Roy asked, brow furrowing.

" _He_ can't take care of himself," she grinned.

She'd just found out that morning after going for her scan. Once she'd returned to the office, she'd been shipped out on duty with Edward and Alphonse as their protection. Roy had been stuck in a mandatory meeting and was devastated about not being able to accompany her to the appointment, but with all that happened that afternoon, they'd both forgotten that today was the day they'd find out the sex of their child.

"We're…" His jaw slackened, eyes widening into saucers. "We're having a _boy_?" he asked, voice full of wonder and shaking as his emotions overtook him. Even with all his unnecessary flapping and fussing, it was worth putting up with it in the end, because it just showed how much he cared. Growing up Riza had never experienced anyone caring about her welfare so much like this, so she had no time for it. It was irritating. However, seeing the tears collecting in Roy's eyes after hearing the news, she decided it was definitely worth it. She had a lot to learn herself, starting with learning to be patient with him.

Riza nodded, running a hand through Roy's hair. He didn't seem to notice. His entire attention was on her stomach where their child was growing. Both hands covered her, stroking her skin lovingly and sending shivers down her spine.

"Yes," she confirmed, voice barely above a whisper. She kept it low because it seemed as though anything louder would startle Roy from his perfect moment. She'd never take that away from him.

"We're having a boy," he repeated. He took a shaky breath and Riza felt a fear drop onto her pyjama top. She chuckled and ran her hands through his hair again.

"We are."


	48. pregnant kidnapping

**AN: Hi I love your writing! Can you do a royai one shot where they're both married while still in the military (not a secret) and Riza is pregnant but gets kidnapped and Roy has to save her? – TrueGreek on ffnet**

* * *

"Sir?" Havoc eyed his superior carefully to gauge his reaction. Roy was watching him do it out the corner of his eye. His eye twitched. Havoc had broken through the fury in his mind, letting it loose and letting it show on the outside. Roy nodded, giving him permission to speak. "Sir, we've got the all clear. On your signal," Havoc murmured.

There was no "boss" or "chief" today. Only "sir". Only business. Each one of his men had a stake in this case, Roy with the biggest one of all. Efficiency had been through the roof. They'd tracked down their target within twenty-four hours – a new record. Riza would be proud of them –

"Do it," Roy barked.

On cue and without hesitation, Breda and Havoc stormed the building first, weapons raised. Six Military Police Officers followed them, storming the warehouse to try and find their target. Roy hung back like he'd promised Havoc – probably because the blonde was worried Roy would go in there and barbeque everyone. He was _so_ tempted to… But someone, long ago, had told him not to go down that path. He'd entrusted that person with the right to shoot to kill him if he was ever blinded by hatred and revenge. She…

She was in that building right now, her fate unknown.

Unable to wait any longer, Roy pressed forward with gritted teeth. His wife was in there with his unborn child. He'd given Havoc a minute, like he'd promised. He couldn't sit back and wait any longer. Black overcoat billowing out in the breeze, Roy didn't hold back his fury as he threw open the door to the warehouse.

There were shouts and gunfire in the main room. Head whipping to the right, he snapped and sent a blast of flame heading straight for a man that tried to catch him off guard. Another snap sent the one to his left cowering in fear.

"Sir!" Breda shouted. Glancing up, Roy spotted him on a catwalk, heading towards an office. There was a set of stairs to his left, and Roy made a beeline, his walk purposeful, knocking back anyone who dared get into his path.

By the time he'd arrived, Riza and Breda already had control of the situation. They had their guns levelled at who Roy supposed was the leader. He was on his knees, hands behind his back, looking positively terrified. The culprits face paled even further when Roy's furious gaze settled on him.

"Name," Roy barked.

"Evans, sir," Riza answered for him. Roy's gaze flicked over to her, taking stock of her state of being. She looked relatively unharmed but pissed. "John Evans. Tried to use me as a bargaining chip for the military."

Roy turned his gaze back to Evans. "You kidnapped one of my officers."

"So?" he sneered, the panic leaving him. He'd hit a bold streak, and that sparked up irritation inside Roy. "You're all useless dogs," he growled, spitting on the ground. "What does it matter if one goes missing?"

Roy walked slowly up to the man. He had to, otherwise he'd snap and burn his tongue out of his mouth to get him to shut up. "You kidnapped one of the most prolific officers in the military. She's my Captain." Roy stooped low, becoming eye level with the man, who lost his confident sneer. "Not only that, she's my _wife_." Evan's face paled even further. "So, it does matter to me that she went missing." Straightening, he jerked his head, signalling to Breda to move him out. Grasping him roughly, the ginger man left with their culprit.

Once out of sight, Roy whirled around to face Riza. She looked tired. There were a few scratches on her arms, but there didn't seem to be anything major. Closing the distance, Roy wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders. Riza's hands gripped him back, and it was a comfort to him.

"Are you all right?" Roy murmured quietly.

"I'm fine," Riza reassured him. "Just a couple of scratches."

"Promise?" he asked. Pulling away, Roy looked into her eyes, scrutinising her gaze. She was notorious for holding things back about her wellbeing from him.

Riza smiled at him, running her hands through his hair fondly. "I'm fine. Truly."

"I want you to go to the hospital," Roy ventured, half expecting her to put up a fight.

"I want to as well. Just to check on the little one."

Roy's stomach tightened. "Is that because something is wrong?" he asked worriedly.

Shaking her head, Riza smiled at him. She pecked his cheek, and Roy found himself wanting her lips to return to his skin. "No. I felt him kicking quite vigorously throughout it. I think he could sense the anger and the stress. I just want to make sure he's okay."

Roy bundled her back up in his arms. "Good," he mumbled, letting out a sigh. "Good."

"They might keep me in overnight to do tests, but honestly," she stressed with a small smile, pulling back. "I'm fine. _We're_ fine, Roy. I wasn't knocked unconscious." She snorted. "They tried to, but I didn't give them the chance. The first man I flattened in two moves, then another tried. After that, I think they got the message."

Roy felt a smile spread across his face. "That sounds about right."

"They couldn't have hurt me when they tried. I was a bargaining chip, that's all. They couldn't have a dead chip, or they'd be up shit creek without a paddle."

A light snort left him in amusement. His head dipped and he pressed his lips against hers, hard. He could have lost her. No, not only her, but his unborn child as well. Today could have been it. There was no way of knowing what he'd walk in on when he entered this office. It caused reality to come crashing back down on him, and he vowed to put through the papers for her to go on maternity leave. It wasn't safe for her now, and Riza would probably hate him for it, but there wasn't just her to think about now, there was the little one too. They had to protect him.

Riza's hands rose up to tangle in his hair. Her hands snaked lower and caressed his cheeks during the kiss, making his love for her burst forth. She knew every way to calm him down and stop his mind from going off on its own, worrying about anything and everything in their lives.

"I'll take that request for maternity leave now, sir," she whispered. Roy blinked at her, certainly _not_ expecting that. "I have someone else to look out for now. You have your alchemy and a good team behind you. He has nothing."

"No," Roy murmured, rubbing his nose against hers, making her giggle. Her. _Riza Mustang_. Giggle. He smirked at the sound, proud he'd been the one to bring it out of her. "He has you, the best and most badass mother in the world." He grinned as she laughed properly, her cheeks turning slightly pink at the compliment.

"Just so you know," she murmured as they walked hand in hand out of the warehouse while the Military Police swept the area. "If I hadn't been kidnapped, I would be right by your side, probably until I went into labour. You know that, right?"

Roy smirked, nodding. "I know," he replied, lifting their joined hands to kiss the back of hers. "Don't worry, you wouldn't have let me forget it," he smirked at the playful look in her eyes.


	49. stubborn riza

**"can you write a fic where riza isn't feeling well but she's too stubborn to go home and it unintentionally jeopardizes the mission she's on with roy? and hes like rly concerned for her? btw I love all of your royai fics ahhh" - anon**

* * *

The Colonel gave Riza a sideways look, his brow furrowing, accompanied with a concerned look on his face. "Are you all right?"

"Of course, sir. Why?"

Another pause and scrutinising look. "I thought –" Pause. He shook his head. "Nothing. Let's go." Riza nodded, shouldering her rifle and ignoring the pain in her leg as she stepped forward. It took an extreme amount of control but she managed to walk without a limp.

It was a stupid mistake. They'd been hunting these criminals for months and she'd been charged with searching a warehouse for evidence. One of the men was there and had gotten the drop on her, wielding a knife. It was a messy struggle, but she'd come out on top. Unfortunately, she ended up gaining a wound – a large gash on her leg. Superficial, but stung like nothing else and every time she took a step Riza thought she could feel every muscle around the wound straining. She was alone and had no time to wait, so her leg received a quick patch job. When she had a minute, Riza slipped away from the soldiers securing the assailant and changed her trousers to hide the tear in the fabric and her blood. Everyone was none the wiser.

The drive to the next warehouse – where their main suspect was holed up according to the assailant Riza had captured – was quiet but terse. Tensions were high. A lot was riding on this. It was Havoc's first mission back in the field after regaining his ability to walk and it was the Colonel's first field mission since regaining his sight. If all went well, they'd both be signed off.

Riza would make sure that happened. She was fine and this wound wouldn't stop her from the majority of the team reuniting.

The Colonel glanced at her from the driver's seat, which Riza promptly ignored. He thought there was something wrong with her, but she was _fine_. There was nothing to worry about. She ignored the sweat that had broken out over her skin.

* * *

Gun levelled, Riza eyed the doorway she was watching. No one had come and gone in the last five minutes – the time the Colonel, Fuery, and Breda entered the warehouse. Havoc was in the building next to her but was situated higher to get a better vantage point of the only other entrance to the warehouse.

Movement from the left caught her eye. Two masked figures approached the warehouse from behind a shipping container, guns drawn. Riza trained her rifle on them, however they sprinted and ducked behind another container before she could even aim properly. If she let off a shot wildly and missed, it would alert the men and those inside that they were here.

 _Shit!_ She needed to get down there and help them.

Leaving the sniper, she grabbed her white jacket and ran for the stairs. Taking two or three at a time, she winced every time she landed, eventually having to stop and grit her teeth against the pain. Although numbness had set in before, her leg was on fire now. Pushing off the wall, she continued her hurried descent at a more manageable pace. Sweat poured off her at an alarming rate.

Riza was limping as she ran as fast as she could across the street. Havoc could no doubt see her by now but there wasn't much else she could do about that. Time was of the essence. She needed to get in there and provide back up. The Colonel had no idea what was sneaking up on him and it was her priority to protect him.

The door barely let out a squeak as she opened it. Struggling, she made her way quietly into the building, maintaining cover behind wooden boxes and metal shelving. The initial hallway led to a catwalk, on which Riza could oversee the entire main room.

"Colonel Mustang," a voice called into the room, tone cold and disgusted. Peering over the boxes, Riza scanned the area below to try and find them. _There!_ To her right on the opposite side of the building she spotted Breda down below. There was no way she'd be able to gain his attention without drawing attention to herself as well. If the men looked up, they'd spot her. "We know you're here. Come out now, and we won't kill you." Riza scoffed. _What a great line. Not._

Silence was his answer and Riza crept further along the catwalk. She was entirely hidden by wooden panels that ran the length of the railings. It meant she had to crouch walk, which was hell on her leg, but she pushed forward. The panelling stopped just above her teammates. Peering down she saw the tops of their heads. Mustang was signalling to Breda and Fuery something, but she couldn't make out what.

Movement around the corner of the catwalk caught her eye. A man stood up silently, training a weapon on Mustang's head.

Riza's heart rose into her throat.

The man wasn't hidden but there was no way they'd be able to see him from this angle.

Riza rolled out from behind her hiding place and rose into a sprint, her leg screaming in protest. It felt like her blood was boiling underneath the skin. She charged at the man, the metal of the catwalk signalling her presence as her boots hit it heavily. Riza tackled him right before a gunshot sounded. It pinged off something metal somewhere, but Riza didn't care. It didn't hit the Colonel or her teammates and that's all that mattered.

There was a burst of movement below her as Riza struggled with her assailant. "Hawkeye!" The Colonel called, then there was nothing more but shouts. Riza was too focussed to make out anything else.

The man managed to land a kick to her injured leg before landing another to her stomach. She cried out but it was cut off as an arm snaked around her neck.

"We have your woman!" the man yelled loudly in her ear, tightening his grip on her neck. Riza gasped, clawing at his arm to try and shift it, but it was no use. Her breaths came out choked as not enough oxygen was reaching her lungs. Despite the lack of oxygen, Riza felt she might pass out from the pain in her leg. It was agony.

Another well placed kick to her injured leg and she was done for. The man had hit it to try and force her to the ground, but that was enough. She was gone. Riza blacked out, feeling the heat of flames and hearing someone screaming her name.

* * *

Roy Mustang had never felt fury like this before. He saw his Lieutenant crumple to the ground in that _bastard's_ arms and he lost it. His flames took no prisoners as he effortlessly blazed his way through the criminals. Screams erupted throughout the warehouse. The fire wouldn't kill them. Yet. Just enough to stop them and pay for what they'd done to her.

"Boss!" Breda yelled, roughly grabbing his shoulder and turning Roy to face him. "Stop!" Roy's head jerked up, meeting the eyes of the man who was trying to stop him from hurting the people who had ki -

He couldn't even think the rest of that sentence. That wasn't true. It couldn't be.

"Get upstairs. Get to her!" Breda yelled at him, lifting his weapon as he let go of Roy's shoulder to apprehend the criminals.

Riza.

 _Right_.

Roy took the stairs up to the catwalk two at a time, blood pumping in his ears and his heart in his throat.

 _Please. Please. Please._

She was lying on her side on the metal floor. Her short hair was wet with sweat at the ends. Her fringe was plastered to her forehead, which was pale and clammy. Her face was pure white. She looked ill. _Really_ ill. Turning her gently, Roy's hands shook as he lifted her chin to see if she was breathing. His own had stopped as he waited for confirmation.

It was there. Air tickled his cheek.

Roy let out a sigh of relief, feeling his body shake with it. He felt weak, to the point where he couldn't even remain upright. He landed awkwardly but ended up sitting on the floor.

"Sir! Status?" Fuery's strained voice called up to him.

"Alive." _Alive._ He thought she'd died. Her body fell and Roy felt his whole world fall with her. "But needs medical attention." Checking her body over, he noticed nothing out of the ordinary, but it didn't explain her pale complexion or the excessive sweat. As his hands swept over her leg, there was a crumpling sound. Lifting the trouser leg, Roy paled when he saw the bandage that had blood seeping through it. _There's so much._ " _Now_."

"Get her outside. We've got in here handled," Breda reassured him. Roy scooped Riza into his arms and ran out the door. The military police had their weapons raised to fire as soon as he exited, but Havoc barked at them to lower their guns.

"The men are apprehended inside," Roy barked and the MPs didn't waste another second. They descended on the warehouse, leaving Roy outside with Havoc and the paramedics.

"I saw her limping across the street," Havoc explained as they hurried over to the medics. I didn't think it was this bad." He looked as shocked and as grim as Roy felt.

"She never mentioned it," Roy told him after handing Riza over. She was bundled into the back of an ambulance, the doors closing. Roy winced at the sound, hoping the finality he felt wasn't an indication of what was to come. He couldn't… He couldn't deal with that happening. He'd already had to face that reality on the Promised Day. He wasn't strong enough to do it again.

Roy _thought_ there was something off with her before they came here. He was sure he'd seen her limp, but then she reassured him she was fine, and there was no hint of it before they parted. He should have known she would hide it. _Now look what has happened, Riza._

* * *

Sepsis.

The blade she'd been struck with had been dirty and her wound had been infected. The doctor had told her she was lucky that she didn't lose her leg. Her stupidity and stubbornness had almost cost her not only her leg, but her goals and her job. If she _had_ lost it, she wouldn't be able to follow him to the top. Automail took years to recuperate from. Roy would already be there by then.

 _Idiot_.

"Why didn't you say anything?" The Colonel's voice was quiet in the dim hospital room. The bedside lamp was on and nothing else. Moonlight filtered through the window, casting a silver glow on the floor before it was swallowed by the artificial orange glow.

"We had a job to do."

Silence.

Roy sighed, straightening in his chair as Riza looked away and moved her gaze towards the window.

"That stubbornness almost got you killed."

Riza swallowed. She knew that.

"I know," she whispered. "I'm sorry."

She really was. She hadn't meant to worry him like that. Not only had she caused herself further harm, she'd jeopardised the mission. She felt like such a _fool_. Like an amateur.

Riza jumped when Roy's fingers snaked into hers, gripping them tightly.

"This mission was important, yes, but not more important than your life. _Never_ more important than that. I'm sorry if I pushed the priority of this too much."

Riza shook her head. He had pushed it, but she was an adult and had still made this decision herself. She put herself in danger so that the mission would run smoothly. Only it hadn't. It had almost ended in disaster. "You didn't. I had a lot of hopes on this too. This was all on me."

Roy squeezed her hand. "Just… Promise me you'll think of yourself more often. I've almost watched you die twice now." His voice broke. "Please don't make me do it again."

Riza blinked away her tears and nodded. "Sorry."

Rising from his chair, Roy kissed her forehead before pressing his gently against hers. "Sorry for sounding extremely selfish."

Riza chuckled. "It's okay," she whispered. "I was just being stubborn."

Roy snorted gently. "That sounds about right." He pulled away and kissed her forehead again. "I should go," he told her regretfully. "I'm way past visiting time and there's only so much the nurse will take of Havoc's terrible flirting as a distraction."

Riza smiled at his attempt to ease the tension between them. "All right, sir. You better go and save her." He smiled softly at her, but after stealing a third kiss. "And they say chivalry is dead."

When the door closed, Riza took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

 _You stubborn fool_.


	50. when were you going to tell me?

**AN: "Can you write something with "when were you going to tell me?" in it? I saw it in your angst starter list and thought it could be interesting. Also could it be Roy and Riza and, please don't make the ending too angsty, there's only so much I can handle. Love your fics, byyye." - anon**

* * *

"When were you going to tell me?" Roy asked her, his voice hard and gaze cold. It was understandable - she had hidden this vital piece of information from him, but it was for his own good. Everything she did was for his benefit, but he just didn't _get_ that. There was no malicious intent. There was no spite. Riza just wanted to keep him focussed so he wouldn't end up being killed because he was too distracted. That was an entirely likely situation. The man attracted danger wherever he went with his obnoxious need to prove himself to be the best in the room.

But still… with Roy looking at her like he was now… He felt betrayed by her. Riza saw it in his eyes. There was doubt there too - and that hurt the most. She'd _never_ wanted to give Roy a reason to doubt her loyalty and her trust. That wasn't the reason for her secrecy.

"It was to keep you safe -"

"Bullshit," he snapped. Riza frowned. "How would not knowing _that_ keep me safe?" The edge in his voice turned to a growl.

"To keep you _focussed_ and to allow me to do my job effectively. I couldn't do that if you kept me back at the office."

You -!"

"What, Roy?" Riza finally snapped.

He huffed angrily, hands clenched into fists as his shoulders and jaw set. He spun on his heel and marched to the door.

"Roy?" She couldn't help but call for him. Fear had gripped her as she watched him walk away from her, terrified that this was finally the last straw for him. His hand gripped the doorknob tightly as he paused and Riza's ability to breathe stopped as she watched on. She didn't know what to do about him leaving like this. She didn't know how to make it right while stuck in this hospital bed.

She needed to make it right. _Now_. Before it was too late.

But she didn't regret not informing him of the information she held. She stood by what she did.

Opening her mouth, she was cut off by him. "I'll inform your doctor you're awake."

"Roy -"

"He wants to check over the -" Roy choked on the word, unable to say it. Dread coiled inside Riza's stomach. _No, no, no._ "The baby. To make sure they're okay."

The door slammed behind him, causing tears to jump into her eyes. They fell silently as Riza stared at the closed door.

Roy stormed down the corridor. He couldn't _believe_ her. Riza had always put herself in front of others but this was something entirely different. She'd put a –

He still struggled to even think the word. His emotions were a hurricane inside of him, unable to latch onto one specific feeling. He was unable to think the word that changed everything for him. For _them._

She'd put a foetus in danger today. _Her_ baby. _Their -_

Roy stumbled to a stop, grasping the wall beside him to keep him upright.

 _Their baby._

And she didn't fucking tell him.

It's been three months. She was three months pregnant. The wound on her abdomen had narrowly missed her tiny bump. _Narrowly missed their child._

Roy dove into the nearest restroom and vomited up his lunch.

He'd almost lost his child today and he would never have known.

She'd _kept_ that from him.

 _Why?_

He would find no answers in his miserable reflection in the mirror, no matter how hard he stared at it. The only one who could answer it was lying in a hospital bed down the hall.

Roy was angry with her. She never had any real concern for herself, only him. The result of that was she'd almost lost her baby today. That was inexcusable, and Roy would feel the same even if it wasn't his child. She shouldered everything under the pretence of "protecting him", but how would not knowing he had a kid protect him? It was such bullshit.

He'd looked into her eyes before he left, and he saw the fear held in there too. She was terrified by the whole thing - terrified of losing their child too - and Roy wasn't helping by storming out, but he needed a break. Hell, he'd just found out he had a kid on the way an hour ago, and then found out Riza's recklessness had almost gotten them killed.

Of course, he couldn't entirely pin the blame on her. He'd dragged her into this mess they now called a life. Ishval, the military, the Promised Day. She'd gotten hurt through all of them because of him. He was angry at himself and needed to remove himself from the situation before she thought that all that anger was directed at her.

The whole situation was a fucking mess.

He cleaned himself up and walked back the way he came. Taking a deep breath, he entered the room silently and saw her facing away from him. She was looking out towards the window, no doubt watching the little robin that was hopping along the windowsill. Her hair tumbled down her back and splayed across the sheet. Her shoulders were rounded in on themselves, revealing she'd either been crying or was about to start.

Roy parked himself at her back, staring at it as he heard the quiet hitches in her breathing.

"I'm sorry for storming out," he murmured. Her shoulders and spine tensed but she didn't reply. "I just… I needed to leave before everything overwhelmed me. I didn't want to lash out at you."

Slowly, Riza rolled over to stare at him. Her hands were placed under her cheeks, and her body curled into a ball. Red eyes met his and Roy instantly felt guilty.

"I was never going to keep it from you forever," she whispered. "I just didn't want you to worry -"

"Riza," he admonished softly, followed by a smile. "At this point I'm always going to worry about you."

Her gaze held his for a second longer before she nodded, dropping her eyes to the bedsheets. "I just… I wanted you focussed. It was unfortunate what happened and I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

Silence reigned and her eyes never left the bedsheet. Roy's hand gently pried on of hers from underneath her cheek. It was warm to the touch as he grasped it tightly.

He could dwell on the fact she didn't tell him for years. They would deal with that issue, but at another time. They would need to, otherwise lack of communication like this would tear them apart. However, right now… Roy didn't want to argue with her. The urge to fight left him when he dragged himself away from the sink in the men's room after cleaning himself up.

Right now, in this hospital, after Riza had been crying quietly to herself, Roy didn't want another argument.

"We're going to have a baby," he whispered quietly, a quiet laugh of disbelief leaving him. Tears of happiness filled his eyes.

Riza's gaze lifted fearfully, then paused when she saw the tearful happiness on his face.

She nodded, gripping his hand tightly. "We are," she whispered.

Roy's head bent and captured her lips with his. If was a soft kiss, but one he used to convey how sorry he was for overreacting and how he forgave her.


	51. time of the month

**"Hey, for your Royai collection... how about one where Riza gets really strong menstrual cramps at work and Roy is all worried, running around to make her comfortable and getting her warm towels to try and ease her pain?" - anon**

* * *

Riza stood from her desk chair and fought the impulse to wince. She'd managed to hide it well all day so far. The boys didn't have a clue about her pain and discomfort. There were only thirty minutes left until lunch then she could escape for an hour and take some medicine… Or put her head down on a table until the cramps passed… Yeah, that sounded like a better idea.

Movements controlled, she approached the Colonel's desk with no hint of discomfort on her face. "Here's the report, sir."

"Thank you, Hawkeye."

"Is there anything else you need me to do before lunch?"

"No, however, I could use some company out to lunch, if you're willing?" He raised an eyebrow in question. "General Grumman has asked me to travel outside East City to run an errand for him. In order for the task to be done before the day ends, we'll need to leave during our lunch hour."

 _Oh god, please no._

"Of course, sir. I just need to pop out the office for five minutes, then I'll be ready."

"Just go now, if you like," he dismissed with a pleased smile. He probably thought this would be a great afternoon but Riza could honestly think of nothing worse. She didn't want to travel while her stomach was cramping up a storm. She just wanted to remain in her desk chair. It was comfortable there. Riza had discovered if she sat _just right,_ then there would be no discomfort for a few minutes. She'd managed to gain a reprieve. One slight shift would set it off again, but at least she could breathe easily.

"Okay. Thank you, sir."

Walking out the office it felt like his eyes were boring into her back, especially after she picked up her purse before leaving.

Sitting on the closed toilet seat, Riza rested her forehead on her hands. They were clasped together tightly, squeezing each other as she tried to stave off another wave of pain in her abdomen.

God, she hated being a woman.

Holding herself completely still, Riza waited until the medication took the edge off her pain. It had been longer than the five minutes she'd initially stated she'd be, however Riza didn't care. Not right now. Feeling slightly feverish, she sighed and rubbed her forehead gently with her knuckles to try and distract herself.

Fifteen minutes later, Riza exited the lady's bathroom. The pain had subsided somewhat – it wasn't as intense as it had been before – but it still lingered. Sometimes it simply refused to shift unless she had a nap. Apparently today was one of those days.

"Ready?"

Riza jumped as Mustang snuck up on her. Scolding herself, she nodded. "Yes, sir."

The car drive to the station was silent. He flicked through a file, brow furrowed in concentration, while Riza stared out the window at the passing scenery to try and find any way to get her mind off the pain. Their driver – a young private – drove without asking any questions or making small talk, which she was thankful for. It would have just irritated her, and that would be unfair to the young man.

Again, her movements were slightly stiff and controlled as they walked along the platform at the train station. East City station was as busy as ever. Families greeted each other and bid tearful farewells. Children dashed in between the two soldiers, almost causing her to trip, which caused pain to shoot through her abdomen as her body jolted unexpectedly. She did visibly grimace this time, and she was sure the Colonel noticed. He never mentioned it, however, just simply placed a hand on her lower back to guide her inside the train carriage. Blessedly, it was empty. The door banged closed and she was grateful for the sudden silence.

"In here," he murmured. The pressure on the small of her back increased, steering her inside a private cabin. Riza sat carefully on the bench, thankful they'd finally stopped moving. Normally, movement and exercise would help, however she'd always had issues with her period. Sometimes it would be fine while others would leave her struggling to even remain upright. Today was one of the latter.

"I'll be back in a minute," the Colonel announced, closing the sliding door after himself and leaving her in the silence of the cabin before she could ask where he was going. Laying her head back, Riza took the chance at peace and closed her eyes.

Movement jolted her groggy brain back to reality and her eyes flew open. The world sped past them outside the window in a green blur. They were already out of East City, which meant she'd been asleep for at least half an hour. Something slid from her shoulders and fell into her lap. Looking down, she saw a blue military jacket in a heap on her thighs, and there was a waft of a very familiar aftershave.

"Did you sleep well?" Mustang asked her, not looking up from the file he was observing. Riza stared blankly back at him, realising he was just sitting there in a white shirt. His sleeves had been rolled up to his elbows, revealing his muscular forearms. When she didn't reply, the Colonel lifted his head expectantly, a soft smile on his face.

"Sir, I –" She stuttered, unable to believe she'd let herself slip like this. His head cocked to the side, awaiting her answer. "I apologise, sir. It wasn't my intention to fall asleep while on duty –"

The Colonel dismissed her with a wave of his hand. "It's quite all right, Hawkeye. I know you haven't been feeling great since lunch. Mind if I ask what's wrong?" His expression turned to once of concern. "If you don't want to tell me, I understand," he quickly backpedalled.

"Ah, no, sir." He was no stranger to her time of the month. He'd been witness to how much it affected her when they were teenagers. Roy had held her hair back as she vomited into the toilet more than once. "It's just…" She sighed, swallowing her soldier's pride and admitting her weakness. "It's my period, sir." It was embarrassing to admit in a professional setting however the Colonel had known her since she was a child.

He straightened, nodding in understanding. He'd leaned forward expectantly while he awaited her answer. "Ah, I see." Silence descended on them. Her cramps had let up slightly after her impromptu nap, however every now and then there was a twinge in her stomach. When unexpected, it made her flinch. "I'll be right back."

The colonel rushed out the train cabin before she could argue. Again. Sighing, Riza left him to it, knowing that no matter what she said, she wouldn't be able to put a stop to whatever plan he'd suddenly cooked up in his head.

When they were younger, he'd always rushed around to try and make her feel better. Once he'd left for the military that had obviously stopped, and he hadn't done it since. He'd never needed to, because Riza had mastered how to hide in her adult years. Today, however, her body wasn't playing ball and her insides were wreaking havoc with her life and ability to perform her job correctly.

 _Damn it, I know I'm not pregnant, body. Leave me alone_.

It felt like her womb was screaming at her that she wasn't pregnant as another cramp hit her. It was like a harsh reminder that she'd failed to create a child. Sucking in air through her teeth, Riza exhaled forcefully. She wished it wouldn't scream at her. Probably every woman wished that. A letter in the mail would be nice. Just a gentle reminder that she wasn't pregnant, instead of her body ripping itself apart in an announcement.

Ten minutes later the Colonel returned with a hot water bottle in his hand.

"Where did you get _that_?" she asked in disbelief.

"I have my ways," he grinned mischievously. He chuckled at her suspicious look. "This is a sleeper train and the staff very kindly lent me it for this afternoon." Riza felt her stomach drop at the thought of him declaring that he had an ill Lieutenant who needed it. "They think I get extremely cold feet," he whispered conspiratorially.

She was touched. "Thank you, sir."

"Don't mention it. Do you need anything else? Painkillers? Tea?"

Riza shook her head. "I've already taken something. If you wouldn't mind though, a tea would be really nice right now."

Roy grinned. "I'll be right back!"

Riza smiled to herself as she placed the hot water bottle underneath her jacket. The warmth spread over her stomach and it wasn't lost on Riza that even after all these years, he'd remembered what worked best to soothe her cramps. She rearranged Roy's jacket to lay over her stomach, covering it from view. However, she needn't have bothered, because the curtains for the cabin had been closed to hide a sleeping Lieutenant from view from other passengers and staff. Another soft smile graced her features. He could be so thoughtful.

Even though she didn't need his jacket now that she was hidden away, Riza kept it in place. Every so often she'd get a waft of the smell that was wholly him – his aftershave mixed in with the smell of burning and ash. It was an extreme comfort and one she wasn't ready to part with just yet. Plus, she was ill. She was allowed this small comfort just once.

When he returned with a piping hot tea and a bar of chocolate her smile only grew.

"I got one of those hot towels as well. First class sure do have it good." The sliding door closed behind him. "I… don't really know what you'd use it for, but I thought I'd bring it anyway. I hope it helps…"

Riza took her gift from him, feeling warmth spread through her body, and it wasn't from the hot water bottle pressed against her stomach. Bless him, he looked so worried about her. "Thank you, sir. So much."

He grinned back at her. "Don't mention it."


	52. undercover riza

**AN: So maybe do an undercover Riza and a very jealous Roy?" - Polaroid23**

* * *

"Hawkeye –"

"I'm doing this, sir, and that's final," she interrupted him, her voice hard and unforgiving. It was edging on cold, and Roy felt dread prickle over his skin. "I'm not under your command here and I'm going to do my job." She shot him a pointed look after picking up her pistol and sliding into a holster strapped to her thigh. Roy watched her movements, rapt, as the fabric of her dress fell back into place to conceal the weapon. "There's no way for you to stop me."

That dress…

Riza was stunning tonight in a floor length royal blue gown. When Roy had first laid eyes on her his breath had caught in his throat and he'd been unable to utter a word. He was so completely wrapped up in her beauty that she had her earrings and the finishing touches of her lipstick on before he realised it.

And that _slit_ up the side… It rose to mid-thigh and was extremely unfair. He wanted to catch it with his own hands to reveal the flesh underneath, but that was not why they were here tonight. She was here to work, not for a secret tryst in the night with him.

"If you need _anything_ ," Roy stressed, catching her gaze with his own. "You call me."

"Understood, sir," she replied with a nod. Something told Roy she wouldn't be calling him tonight and that hurt more than it should have. Stupid feelings. Stupid emotions.

But he still hated this. She was going into that den _alone_ with no back up to try and seduce the drug lord. Who knows what could happen? It didn't warrant his jealousy, but it did warrant his worry.

The thought of those men eyeing his Riza like a piece of meat, trying to get off with her, made him almost see red. Jealousy reared its head and he couldn't help but put his hands possessively on her hips and crush his lips against hers. A primal part of him wanted to get his scent on her to ward off the other men.

"Roy," she breathed, and he grinned against her neck. His pride swelled because only he could make her feel this way and could elicit such a reaction. "Roy," she repeated, her voice firmer, losing the breathy quality that drove him crazy. Teasing her for a second longer, Roy pulled away and looked into her eyes. He expected to see irritation, but there was none. Just a smile.

"I'll be fine," she reassured him softly. In a surprising move, she placed a hand on his cheek to try and offer some comfort before stepping around him to go and do her job.

Just like that, she was gone. Roy was left standing in the living room to the safehouse watching her retreating form through the window. Even the way she stepped inside the cab outside made him grunt. The way the slit spread up her thigh made his trousers tighten almost uncomfortably. He probably should have looked away to try and save himself a problem, but he couldn't. He would watch her back until she was out of his sight, just like he promised all those years ago.

Damn General Grumman for putting her on this detail. The old man sure knew how to push Roy's button, and he wouldn't be surprised if this was a ploy to try and push them together even further. He was always banging on about Roy marrying his granddaughter. Both men were aware who the General's granddaughter was, but no one else in the military did. He especially played up that part when Riza was around. It took every fibre of her being not to roll her eyes, Roy was sure, and that's probably where Grumman got his kicks. The old bastard could play anyone like a harp.

The next few hours were spent with Roy sitting on various pieces of furniture and on multiple spots on the floor. He was restless in his worry (and jealousy after seeing how good she looked tonight) that he couldn't find a spot to stay in. It was edging past midnight, but he wouldn't rest until Riza was back at the safehouse, asleep in his arms.

The clock struck two o'clock and Roy heard a car pull up outside. It was too dark to tell who was approaching, but Roy's breath was caught in his throat as he hoped it was Riza. Relief rushed from his head right down to his toes when he saw her walk through the door. Then Roy froze. That's when he noticed the blood staining her skin and dress.

Riza waved him off immediately, reading the question in his eyes. "Before you ask, none of this is mine." She looked down irritably at the blood covering the skin on her arm, a scowl forming.

"You're okay?"

"Of course," she stated, as if it would be any other answer. Roy couldn't help a proud smile spread across his face. That was Riza Hawkeye, all right. Completely capable and unfazed by anything. "I'm going to take a shower. I'll be down in a few."

"Need some company?" Roy called suggestively.

Riza waved him off again. "Nah. I've had enough company from men for one night."

Roy snorted and chuckled. While she freshened up, he entered the small kitchen and fixed up a glass of wine for them both.

"My target was kind enough to leave me with a parting gift." Riza announced entering the room.

"Oh?" Roy asked curiously from his spot on the couch. He couldn't have asked much more because that's when he spotted what Riza was wearing. It was one of his faded academy t-shirts and a pair of his shorts. His breath caught in his throat and Roy struggled to swallow the handful of peanuts he'd placed in his mouth to chew just before Riza entered.

"Yes, blood. Just what every woman wants."

Roy snorted again, unable to help himself. In that moment, he felt incredibly honoured. This was a side to Hawkeye that many rarely saw. He was eternally grateful she was comfortable and trusted him enough to show this side of herself.

"And how did that happen?"

Riza flopped down beside him, curling her legs underneath her body. She reached for the bowl of peanuts and helped herself. "I got the evidence I needed on tape and he discovered the wire on one of the other women. He tried to restrain me, but I got free."

"Restrain you?" He felt the temperature of his blood tide.

Riza snorted. "Tried." She popped another handful of peanuts in her mouth and chewed.

"He touched you?" Roy asked sharply. He couldn't help it.

Riza nodded, appearing absent minded. "He did, yes. Quite a few times. I had to play the part of the doting but oblivious girlfriend, you see. I can't do that very well without hanging on his arm."

His jealousy spiked and Roy couldn't help it. The fact that snake had his hands on Riza…

"Then there was the dancing. We shared all the slow ones," she revealed. Roy's eye twitched. "Of course, I was required to share a dance with his men too. It's tradition in Creta, so I had to oblige and entertain them." His eye twitched in irritation again and that was when Roy noticed Riza's small smile. She was winding him up. Well, two could play at that game, and his jealousy increased his need to be more possessive of her. Fortunately for Riza, it would just heighten her experience.

Roy picked up the now empty bowl and stood, rounding the couch to go and get some more. Every move was carefully planned.

"How about you discover how a _real_ man does it?" he whispered in her ear suddenly from behind the couch. Riza shivered as his breath spread across the shell of her ear and Roy smirked.

Riza turned, her expression confused. "How? The drug lord is already in custody, sir." Roy blinked at her. "It would be difficult to spring him from there with the excuse that you want him to show me how a real man should love me."

Riza cackled loudly as Roy growled and pounced on her. In his haste he vaulted over the back of the couch and attacked her with his lips. Her laughter turned to moans as the two moved as one right there on the couch, not even making it to the bedroom.


	53. what were you thinking?

**AN: i think arguing royai is my new favourite thing to write/read hehe**

* * *

" _ **what were you thinking?!"**_

"Hawkeye," the Colonel growled, but Riza ignored him and breezed past, into her bathroom. She grimaced at the sight of her face in the mirror, noting the blood in her hair and trailing down her face. It had dried and cracked, irritating her skin and making her feel filthy. In the moment she hadn't noticed it. While adrenaline was rushing through her veins it wasn't even a thought, but now it was all over, she just wanted a long, hot, shower.

"Hawkeye!" She closed the door on him and his ranting.

A shower first, then she'd deal with his tantrum.

Riza understood he was worried about her. She knew that. In the reverse situation, she'd feel the same way, but this was her _job_. He never seemed to understand that about her.

The water pounded against her skin, the heat of it burning her nerve ends and setting her skin alight. Anything to wash away the troubles of the night. Roy was quiet outside the door and Riza knew he'd be pacing in her living room or something, too restless to simply sit still.

Riza turned to grab the soap to scrub her face, but she winced and let out a hiss of pain. Automatically bringing her hand up to her injured side, she clutched it. Damn it. She'd forgotten about that one. A poorly aimed stab resulted in a gash across her side, midway down her torso. A hand was placed on the tile in front of her to brace herself as wave after wave of pain washed over her. The water stung in her wound and Riza flinched away from it.

Washing herself free of the dried blood and grime took a lot less time than she would have liked thanks to that wound. Shutting off the water, Riza stepped out of her shower and grabbed a towel, not caring that blood would get over the white fabric.

The cut was ugly and ran from underneath her breast, around her back to underneath her shoulder blade. Riza sighed at the sight of it, but it was just another one to add to her collection. Opening the cabinet, she dug out a patch and bandages, ignoring the shaking in her hands as she clenched her jaw, gritting her teeth against the pain ravishing her torso. Wrapping it up was a quick affair, but it would do to stop blood covering her carpet and clothes after getting dressed. It was at such an awkward angle that she couldn't properly clean it either. To do so, she had to stretch, and that made the pain worse. Giving up, she tossed the unused bandages in the sink and pressed the pad in place. It would need to be properly looked at.

Hesitantly she poked her head out into her bedroom. Roy had seen more of her than anyone else had, but that didn't mean Riza wanted him to see her right now. Plus, he wasn't the kind of person to confront her, half naked, in her bedroom after exiting the shower. No, he'd be stewing in her living room, waiting for her to exit. She was half tempted to leave him there. She was tired, she was sore, she just wanted to curl up with her dog and go to sleep. But Riza rarely got what she wanted in this life.

Putting on her pyjamas was a painful affair. She bit her lip throughout to try and hide the pain, leaving her panting at the end as her wound stretched.

Just as Riza thought, he was waiting for her in her living room. Roy was pacing in place, a frown on his face while his chin rested on his fingers. Hayate sat on the rug in front of the fire, watching him, but when Riza exited, her dog trotted over to Riza, following her to her kitchen.

The room was silent for a moment as she readied herself a cup of tea. The pot was filled with extra water to boil so she could sterilise anything if she needed to while patching herself up.

"What were you thinking?" His tone was quiet. Dangerous. Riza rolled her eyes, preparing herself for his tirade. He had no right. She was only doing her job.

"Tea?" she asked, ignoring him.

"Hawkeye –" he barked.

"Sir, would you like a tea or not?" she glanced over her shoulder, noting how his jaw set, his expression hardening.

"No," he spat out. "Now –"

"Sir, I'm tired. Can this wait for another time?"

"What were you thinking?!" he growled angrily.

"It's my _job_!" she snapped, her voice rising in volume. Something inside of her broke. He had _no right_ to talk to her this way. It was her job to protect him and she'd done that tonight, and yet he felt it was appropriate to yell in her face about it, about how "stupid" she'd been. "Or have you forgotten that?"

"It's _not_ your job to get yourself _killed_ ," he fired back.

"I'm not dead, am I?" she asked, demanding an answer from him. "I'm more than capable, and I don't need you breathing down my neck and scolding me like a _child_ for doing what I'm being paid to do!"

"You were reckless –"

"To you, yes, but only because I got hurt. If I hadn't gotten hurt, there would be no problem, would there?" she challenged him, and she saw the spark in his eye. Riza knew she was right. She'd hit the nail on the head. "If it was any of the other men, you wouldn't be throwing such a fit, but I _vowed_ to protect you so you could reach to the top. Conveniently, you've suddenly forgotten that just because I got injured."

"I've not forgotten that," he replied, tone controlled.

"Really?" she scoffed. Riza crossed her arms. "Because that's exactly what it looks like from my side. "In order to do my job effectively I _need_ you to stop holding me back. We have a history, I _get_ that, and if the situation was reversed, I would be worried sick about you too, but the world can _not_ stop still just because I'm in a dangerous position. I'm expendable. You're not."

Fire flashed in his eyes, but Riza was right. When it was broken down, that was the basics of their professional relationship. She'd sacrifice herself for him so he could keep on living.

" _Never_ refer to yourself that way." His voice was low and dangerous again. He was angry, but, yet again, he'd conveniently forgotten that she was employed as his bodyguard and _would_ take a bullet for him if it was required.

"It's the truth," she shrugged.

"No, it's _not_ ," he ground out.

"Personally, maybe, yes," Riza corrected herself. "But professionally? I'm your _bodyguard_ , Roy. That means I lay my life down for you to protect you, so you can keep on working for the top, unharmed."

"I don't want that to happen."

Riza offered him a sympathetic smile. "Then this isn't going to work out."

Roy stared her down, unable to offer her anything further, but only because he knew she was right. He just didn't want to admit it. Riza took no pleasure in proving him wrong and having this discussion, but she _needed_ to be able to do her job effectively. She couldn't be held back like that by him just because he was worried.

Riza poured herself the tea and reached automatically for the sugar, then winced and gasped in pain. Her hand flew to her side and she bit her lip, riding out the pain.

"You're right," Roy spoke with finality. "This isn't going to work."

Glancing up, Riza watched his retreating back. Her apartment door closed with a click, but it sounded like a gunshot in her mind. Sighing, and hanging her head for a brief moment, Riza accepted his decision.

They were done.

Riza didn't know what this meant but right now she didn't care. Numbness was setting in. All she could worry about was getting the wound treated and having her tea to soothe the twisting in her stomach.

The blood had seeped through the pad and onto her t-shirt. Changing into just a bra and tossing her bloody t-shirt aside, Riza re-entered her kitchen to pick up her better equipped first aid bag – Only to find Roy back in her kitchen, laying medical supplies across her table. He glanced up but barely flinched that she was only in her bra.

"Here," he beckoned with a jerk of his head. "Have a seat," he murmured.

Riza eyed him as she did so. She hadn't expected to see him back. Roy motioned for her to turn so he could see her injured side. He peeled away the patch with such a gentle touch. His anger from before was gone and his eyes looked regretful.

"You're right, this isn't going to work if I act like that," he murmured.

"No, it won't." Riza hissed as his hands pressed the alcohol swab against her injury.

"Sorry," he murmured. It was a loaded apology, referring to the sudden sharp pain from the cleaning alcohol, and his behaviour. "You're right, of course," he chuckled humourlessly. "As always. I was being a fool."

Riza bit her lip as pain shot in her side. "It doesn't mean I don't appreciate your concern," she bit out as the alcohol felt like fire against her injured skin.

"I know," he stated, taking a short break. Riza appreciated it and took it as an opportunity to get her breath back. "I don't know I…" Roy swallowed. "Every time I see you hurt, I just lose it. I hate it, but only because it frustrates you, because you're right – I'm holding you back and preventing you from doing your job. That's something I never want to do."

Riza nodded, glad he'd seen sense at least. Roy moved behind her and poured a cup of boiling water. He lifted the needle from the kit and placed it in the cup, sterilising the needle.

"Just like old times," he commented and Riza smiled. They'd patched each other up before like this, but not for a long time, and not on this level. Being in the military and being in the war they'd picked up some medic skills, and Riza was glad. She really didn't feel like going to the hospital like this.

"Just like old times," Riza agreed. "I'm glad you've seen sense."

Roy huffed a laugh. "Sorry for being an ass."

"Apology accepted." Riza smiled to herself. "Respectively, don't do it again."

"If I do, I give permission for you to shoot me."

"Noted," she smiled dryly. Riza winced as the needle pierced her skin. She tried to keep her pained gasps and winces controlled, but sometimes she couldn't. As soon as Roy announced he was finished her body sagged in relief. Hands were placed on her shoulders, his thumbs rubbing circles against her skin.

"Come on," he murmured. "Let's get you comfortable." Roy helped her stand. It was a struggle to stand properly because of the pain in her side, but Roy grasped her elbow and assisted her walking across to her couch. Riza didn't need it, but she gave in to it for a moment. It was nice to be comforted in such a way. They couldn't do it any other time, so she allowed herself it just this once.

In a surprise, arms wrapped around her shoulders as she lay back in her couch. Riza was eased backwards onto Roy's chest, her body in between his legs are they lay back together. He pulled the throw across her body once she shivered in the cool apartment air.

"Get some rest," he murmured. "I won't be going anywhere."

"Are you sure that's wise?" Riza asked, unable to help herself.

Roy chuckled, his breath skating across her cheek and her ear. His hands rubbed up her arms. "Get some sleep. It's fine, Riza."

She closed her eyes and drifted off. Riza was glad she'd gotten that off her chest and was glad they could talk about things like this and it wouldn't create a rift between them. At the end of the day, they were _both_ terrified of losing each other, however in a professional capacity, that was the reality of things. They both knew this, but fear had a funny way of altering one's actions when faced with a terrifying situation. Riza could have died tonight, but she didn't because she was good enough. She wasn't indestructible, she knew, but she was _good_ and confident in her abilities. Roy knew this too, but he'd seen her almost being stabbed after she'd charged in front of him to protect him from being hurt. In the shock, Riza would have probably done the same.

Allowing herself to succumb to the comfort he always provided her so effortlessly, Riza relaxed and let the day slip away from her. They were both alive and ready to live another day. That's all that mattered. They still had to get to the top, after all.


	54. married?

**an: if you're still doing prompts, can i ask you to consider one where roy's dogsitting and starts talking to hayate about how much he loves riza and how he wants to marry her. idiot doesn't know that she's just conveniently come home and is short circuiting in the corner – anon**

* * *

"Here, boy," Roy commanded to his charge, slapping his thigh. Hayate followed him into Riza's living room, out of the kitchen. Roy sat on her couch and Hayate sat obediently by his feet. Roy cocked his head and looked at the pup, causing Hayate to copy him. After a moment's deliberation, Roy patted his lap and motioned for the dog to jump up. Hayate shifted in place and whined, obviously unsure. "I won't tell if you won't, boy," Roy whispered conspiratorially with a grin, bending forward to lift Hayate onto his lap.

Riza was adamant he wasn't allowed up on the furniture, but technically this wasn't the furniture. It was Roy's lap and he wanted the comfort from the pup. Plus, Roy knew for a _fact_ that Hayate was allowed up on the furniture, because Roy had seen him up on Riza's couch countless times before when she was home. Perhaps she just didn't trust him not to let Hayate run riot in her house while she wasn't home… The cheek!

Hayate made himself comfortable and settled on Roy's lap, his head resting on Roy's knees. Sighing happily, Roy sat back in place and ran his hands over Hayate's fur. He loved this little dog as if it was his own. In a way, he snickered to himself, he was Roy's dog. No one could know about it right now, of course, but he and Riza had been together _forever_ and that hadn't changed since the Promised Day happened. They'd grown closer – in every way possible – and the thought made Roy grin.

"How are you doing, boy?" Roy asked, bending forward to look at Hayate's face. He let out a sigh and Roy laughed in response, rubbing his head vigorously. "Yeah, I miss her too." He'd only been dog sitting for two hours but he still missed Riza. Ever since they'd hooked up – discreetly, of course – every moment apart was agony. Riza had rolled her eyes at his dramatic claim, making Roy grin. He'd smile, because claims like that always drew a smile out of her too, and it was a wonderful sight.

But he still moped and pouted when she had to go somewhere without him.

Maybe he was just whipped. Roy chuckled. He was _definitely_ whipped. He missed his girlfriend, so sue him. Well, his girlfriend, who wasn't really supposed to be his girlfriend, but they'd both said fuck it and done it anyway. Roy snickered again at the pun.

Roy's eyes roamed around Riza's apartment and noted the photos she had placed on her coffee table. There were photos of them both, professional and personal. There was the team. Rebecca was in there too. Then there was the photo Winry had sent each of them of her new family. Roy's smile turned into a grin after seeing that one. He hadn't got around to finding a frame for his yet, so it was pressed in a book in his bookcase to keep it tidy and clean. He was so proud of those kids. He would've never admitted it to Edward or Alphonse, but they _did_ feel like sons to him. Riza felt the same way. She was the only person who was aware of just how much Roy cared for them, and vice versa.

He grinned again. Despite all they'd been through, he was happy Riza was still there with him. It felt wonderful to share his life with her, even when they weren't together. He hadn't exactly _told_ Riza how much she meant to him yet, but something told Roy she already knew. Still, it was different to hear it in person. Perhaps he should do it soon…

"Y'know," Roy began, using both hands to pet Hayate's fur. "I really do love Riza, Hayate," he told his canine companion. "I'm so happy she hasn't kicked me out on my ass yet," he chuckled. "God knows I deserve it after all the headaches I've caused her," he grinned. "But no, she truly is a gem and I honestly don't know what I'd do without her." Roy leaned forward again, watching as Hayate's eyes looked up at him. "What would you say to me marrying her?" he mused aloud. Roy had spotted the joke gift he'd given her one Christmas. It was a sign that said, "all visitors must be approved by the dog before entering", and it hung up on her wall. It looked tacky as hell, Roy had to admit, but it _was_ a joke and he hadn't expected her to hang it up, of all things. "Hm?" he prompted the dog.

Hayate sighed but his tail began to wag, the fur brushing over Roy's stomach. That had to be a good sign, right?

Raising an eyebrow, Roy stared down at the dog. "A yes or a no would be great, buddy," he joked. Hayate let out a quiet yip, lifting his head to lick Roy's cheek. A grin broke out over his face. "I'll take that as a yes," he replied proudly. Sitting back, Roy beamed. "I'll ask her to marry me then. I just need to find the perfect time –"

" _Married?_ " a startled voice cried out in disbelief.

Roy froze. The hands petting the dog stopped and Hayate looked behind him, whining for Roy to continue. Obviously seeing Riza drew his attention away, and Hayate hopped down off the couch and padded over to his stunned master.

Standing in a flash, he whipped around, panicking slightly. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!_ "Uh…" Roy stated eloquently.

"Married?" Riza stuttered again. Roy blinked at her, the panic within him dying down when he noticed the state she was in. Her mouth was opening and closing like a goldfish in her surprise. Her eyes were wide and, he hated to say it, slightly crazed.

"Uh… surprise?" he grinned sheepishly.

That seemed to throw her over the edge because her eyes almost bugged out of her head. Roy felt a laugh bubbling inside of him. He'd _never_ seen her so surprised before. It seemed like her brain was short-circuiting, unable to restart and function again after hearing that titbit of information. The laugh left him, and that caused Riza to frown. Then glare.

"I'm sorry," Roy replied through his giggle. He approached her hurriedly, gripping her biceps gently in his hands as he gazed into her eyes. "I didn't even realise you were home." She wasn't supposed to be back for another hour, that's the only reason he was talking to Hayate about marrying her. Whoops.

"Married?" she stated again, disbelieving.

Roy nodded, his sheepish grin returning. "Not the most conventional way to ask – and not the way I planned to ask _at all_ – but it's out there now. So… What do you say?" he asked expectantly.

"Married."

Roy felt his laughter bubbling back up again. That seemed to be the only word she could say. Her, Riza Hawkeye, his Captain, reduced to one word and completely speechless outside of that. It _was_ entertaining, and Roy was glad he'd been the one to do it. This was unprecedented. He never thought this could be done! Gleefully, he was taking great pleasure in bringing her to this state, so shocked she couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Yes. Riza Hawkeye, will you marry me?" he asked, his voice soft.

"Married…"

Roy rolled his eyes fondly at her, drawing Riza into his embrace.

"Married," he confirmed, apparently finally speaking her language.

There was a long pause before she replied, and it had begun to set Roy on edge, but everything was right with the world when she finally replied.

"Yes," she whispered, the grip on him tightening as she squeezed him, and her voice cracking in her joy. Roy grinned and returned the tight embrace, kissing her temple in response.

"Married," he confirmed with the happiest smile on his face.


	55. ed and al's mistake

**AN: "Ed and/or Al mess up and hurt Roy and/or Riza on a mission" – Anon**

 **so not a lot of royai in this one, just a little bit at the end, but there's a lot of mama hawk which i love owo**

* * *

"Do you want backup on this one Lieutenant?" Mustang asked her as she loaded her pistol.

She hid her small smirk, predicting his question perfectly in her mind just moments before he asked it.

"That won't be necessary, sir. We'll be fine."

"I know _you_ will be fine. It's Fullmetal I'm concerned about."

"He'll be fine too," she stressed playfully, turning her smirk towards him. Her expression turned soft when she saw the concern in his eyes. It was natural for him to worry about them all before going on a solo mission. Yes, she would have Edward with her, but he'd only been a State Alchemist for a few weeks. He could handle himself in a fight – that much had been proved already – but he was still just a child. A fact the military seemed to forget.

Mustang muttered something under his breath. Riza ignored it while rolling her eyes. Then, the new Fullmetal Alchemist walked through the door, followed closely by his brother.

"We're ready, Lieutenant Hawkeye," Edward announced.

"We?" Mustang questioned.

"Yeah," Edward replied, as if it was obvious. "We."

"Alphonse is coming too?" Riza questioned, lifting an eyebrow with a small smile. She'd expected as much.

"Well, I, uh, was wondering if I could come alone with you? Someone needs to keep Ed out of trouble," Alphonse reasoned, pleading his case.

"Hey!" Edward protested

"I don't doubt your abilities Lieutenant Hawkeye, but two sets of eyes are better than one."

Riza chuckled as Edward begun to protest loudly and the two begun to argue. She took off walking down the street, heading towards their destination while the sound of their argument followed closely behind her.

* * *

"Edward?" Riza hissed. There was no answer. "Shit."

Creeping forward, pistol drawn, she approached the area of warehouse where she'd last seen the brothers. She cursed herself for letting them out of her sight. They were tracking down a lead on the Philosopher's Stone and she was there as back up. Now she'd let her charges out of her sight.

The ground begun to shake underneath her feet. She stumbled at the sudden shock, throwing out a hand to catch herself against the wall. It continued to shake before simply crumbling. She hit the ground, her knees bashing against the stone painfully. The wall also began to crumble, falling, striking her hand and arm on the way down. Riza hissed in pain as some rocks broke the skin before she could pull away.

"Come back here you bastard!" she heard Edward cry out from somewhere to her left.

Rolling her eyes, Riza pushed herself to her feet, shaking out her hand to try and rid it of the pain.

"Edward!" Alphonse cried, probably to try and stop him from doing something reckless. However, given the situation and the current state of the warehouse they were in, he'd already done something incredibly reckless.

There was another clap followed by more shocks beneath her feet. She tried to walk, but she kept falling as the ground continued to move.

"Alphonse?" she called out, trying to get at least one of them under control.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye?" he replied. She rounded a stack of crates and found him in the centre of a small clearing, whipping his head around as he tried to locate her.

"What's going on?" she barked, trying to get a handle on the situation.

"Oh, uh, nothing. Just, uh…"

" _Alphonse_ ," she warned.

"Sorry, Lieutenant. Ed's trying to stop the guy we're tracking from escaping."

"This is _not_ the way to do it," she stated, voice hard as she flicked the safety off her pistol. "Where is he?" Riza barked, eyes scanning the room.

"Come back!" they heard Edward call out. "I want to talk to you!"

Suddenly there was a massive tremor and the glass above them shattered. Riza looked up in horror, finding there was nowhere for her to move to so she could shield herself.

"Lieutenant!" Alphonse cried. Suddenly, she was pulled sharply backwards into his metal body, hitting it hard. It was enough to knock the wind out of her lungs. She gasped as his hands held her body still. The glass missed the vital parts of her body, but her arms were still stretched out as her body was jerked backwards, the glass piercing her bare skin. Riza closed her eyes against the pain, biting her lip to try and stop herself from crying out.

"Are you okay?" Alphonse asked worriedly.

Finally getting her breath back, she straightened up and forced herself out of Alphonse's arms.

"Where is Edward?" she bit out between her teeth. Her voice was deadly calm, posture wound tight because if it wasn't, she would explode there and then. Her anger was carefully restrained inside of her, as she'd learned to do for most of her life.

 _Edward is just a kid. He's just a kid. Don't snap. Don't do it._

"I, uh –"

"Find him. Now," she forced out. "I will be waiting for you outside."

* * *

"Lieutenant?" Edward's small voice reached her.

She turned, fixing her gaze on him. It seemed to make him shrink in size. His shoulders rounded inwards, his head dipped, and his gaze was cast downwards. This was a new look for him. Normally when the Colonel was telling him off for something, he would argue right back, but with just one sharp look, Riza had him shying away from her. It would have amused her, how different the reactions from Edward were between her and the Colonel. It would have, had she not been so angry at him.

"You cannot, _under any circumstances_ , waltz into a warehouse – or any building, actually – and start tearing up the place just because you don't want someone to leave."

Edward nodded while Alphonse stood ashamed next to him. Riza had finished wiping the blood off her arms and tossed the soiled tissue in the car behind her. Edward watched and visibly paled at the sight of her injuries.

"If that man wants to leave, you let him leave, you do _not_ use alchemy to make him stay, _do I make myself clear_?"

Riza's voice remained a deadly calm throughout. Her anger at the boy's recklessness and complete disregard for everything and anyone around them was held in check. After all, they were just children. She remembered being that age. Her and the Colonel got up to all kinds of mischief as teenagers – it was mostly just Roy doing something insanely stupid so he could try and amuse her. But this was on a whole other level, and it was uncalled for. Edward was in the military now. Regardless of that fact, he couldn't go around tearing up the city because he felt like it.

The boy before her audibly gulped then nodded. "I understand," he whispered.

"Good. Get in the car." Her order wasn't barked, but it almost was. Her anger was slipping through, but she reigned it in as tightly as she could.

Edward flinched and nodded, walking around to where he'd sat on the ride over like a dog with its tail between its legs. The door was closed quietly.

"Lieutenant –" Alphonse began, his tone anxious.

Riza was facing the warehouse, her back to him, and she didn't turn. She couldn't just yet. If she did, she would glare at him, and she didn't want to.

It was likely Edward had initiated this whole thing, but Alphonse could be equally as careless as Edward sometimes. They just didn't _think_. For being two kids who were supposedly prodigies, they could be clueless, especially when it came to the real world.

And that was the reality of it all. They _were_ children. Many didn't understand that because they were in the military, but Riza understood it perfectly, because she'd been in the same position. She'd had to grow up far too fast and had been left to fend for herself, so everyone in town treated her like she was older than she was. It was likely they thought she was older but was just a bit on the small side for her age.

"In the car, Alphonse," she stated.

She needed time. She needed to decide what to do. The two of them had practically torn the place apart, and now she was left to deal with the fallout. No wonder the Colonel was so frustrated with Edward sometimes.

There was a quiet pause then the sound of metallic feet walking away from her, towards the car.

Letting out a long sigh once the door was closed, she walked back into the warehouse to assess the damage. She could almost picture Edward and Alphonse protesting at her entering alone, but there wasn't a peep from them. She'd probably scared them into silence. Drawing her weapon and flicking the safety off, she entered the building.

She had no idea what was going on. She didn't even know who the target was! She'd just been given a name. Edward had destroyed the place and caused the ceiling to fall on them before she could see the target.

Letting out a frustrated growl as she assessed the damage, Riza made a loop of the building, which she determined was empty. Whoever that man was, he was long gone, and Riza didn't blame him.

Walking back to the car, she was in deep thought. Arriving at a solution, Riza tried to let all her anger flow out of her. She hated to do it to them, but she needed to call it in. Someone needed to survey the damage and restore it to its rightful state. Someone also needed to assess what stock had been damaged and how much the military owed the business owner. The thought alone made Riza want to pinch the bridge of her nose to try and stave off the headache forming.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye," she stated to the operator across the car radio. She gave her security number, calling the Colonel's office and requesting the team to meet her at the warehouse.

She wasn't looking forward to having to explain to him what had happened. Especially as it was under her watch.

Riza slammed the door closed after climbing in the driver's seat, using that as an outlet for her anger. Out the corner of her eye she noticed the two brothers flinch at the sound in the rear-view mirror.

"You both don't _think_ ," she began.

"We're sorry," Alphonse replied, his voice incredibly small and sounding every bit like the twelve-year-old he was.

"That's fine, Alphonse, but what if someone had gotten hurt?" Riza asked. It wasn't to be nasty. It was to show them the reality of working with the military. She didn't point out the fact that she _had_ gotten hurt. That would be cruel to them. "What if _you_ had gotten hurt? These bad guys won't see a child and immediately stop and show mercy. The people you encounter will _not_ hesitate to kill you just because you're a child," she stated, her voice softer. "Especially if you're with the military," she added.

Glancing over at Edward, he dipped his gaze in shame. "Your talents are great – the both of you." She glanced over at Alphonse too. "But that will only get you so far. You're not indestructible. You never will be. If that automail breaks you're out of commission, Edward," she reminded him softly. "If someone manages to break Alphonse's armour, he's gone."

Edward stiffened, and Alphonse shifted in his seat, his metal clanking together.

"You need to think before you act."

"We're sorry you got hurt," Alphonse apologised, sounding like he was on the edge of tears. "You're right – we didn't think."

"Yeah," Edward added. "I'm really sorry, Lieutenant Hawkeye." His eyes were full of remorse as he met her gaze finally.

"Good. Apology accepted."

Out the corner of her eye, she spotted the Colonel's car pulling up.

"Stay in here," she ordered softly. Holstering her weapon, she stepped out of the car. The last thing they needed right now was Mustang yelling at Edward.

"Hawkeye, what –" His eyes landed on her scratched and bloody forearms. His gaze lifted her hers, questioning and hard. With one eyebrow raised, he asked her what happened.

"A little misunderstanding," she waved off. "The guy thought Edward and Alphonse were trying to take him away somewhere, so fought back."

Mustang stared her down, but that had never worked on her before. He probably knew she was withholding information but wouldn't call her out on it. Not in front of everyone.

"The guy was a maniac," Riza added. "Collapsed the glass ceiling on top of us, so we had to fight back," she shrugged as if it was nothing. It wasn't a lie – the target _had_ collapsed the ceiling on top of them to try and stop Edward from chasing him. "Some of the stock inside got damaged as they defended themselves."

Mustang rolled his eyes and turned to face the warehouse, ordering members of the team to go inside and scope it out.

"And you, Lieutenant?" he asked, looking down at her arms, before his gaze flicked back up to hers. There was an unspoken question in it, an unspoken concern in there. She offered him a small smile in return.

"Perfectly fine, sir. Just a flesh wound."

Mustang rolled his eye as he turned to face the warehouse again. "Why is it, that it's always trouble with those two."

Riza shrugged, surveying the work the team was doing as they had their discreet conversation. "I don't know, sir, but it reminds me of someone."

"Oh?" he asked, his tone questioning.

Riza nodded. "A boy I knew from when I was a child. He always seemed to drag me into trouble, just like Edward seems to do with Alphonse."

Mustang chuckled beside her, shifting in place so his hand brushed against hers. She felt the sensation tingle over the back of her hand and passed her wrist.

"That boy sounds like a riot."

"He was," she surmised. "But a pain the ass, too." She smiled fondly when he turned sharply to face her with a disapproving frown. "He turned out okay, though. I just like to remember the mischief and trouble we got into when we were their age," she added, jerking her head backwards towards Edward and Alphonse in the car. It was a reminder for Mustang to go easy on them.

The brothers couldn't hear their conversation – they were both too far away – but when they turned, both boys seemed to shrink into the seat.

"That boy did get into a lot of trouble, didn't he?" Mustang mused to himself. "I remember you telling me about him."

"I'm sure you did too, sir," she smirked. "So, remember, go easy on them."

Mustang sighed and nodded. "I _suppose_ ," he joked. Riza bumped his shoulder with hers before walking to help her teammates in the warehouse. Behind her, she heard Mustang greeting the brothers, but his tone was soft as he encouraged the boys out of the car.


	56. know each other so well

**an: oooohhh my goddd ive been reading your one shots for a while and i adore them!** **️** **️** **️** **️** **️** **️ may i have one where roy and riza show just how much they know each other but they're like completely oblivious about it... like idk this is an example but someone's like "oh i wonder if riza likes whopper jrs with no pickles and extra onion with the ketchup put aside" and then roys like "nah she don't like that" "dude why on earth do you know that..." akskdjksks THANK YOU! – anon**

* * *

Jean Havoc eyed his commanding officer carefully. He wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, for a change, he was simply ordering lunch. But… Jean narrowed his eyes. Mustang was making two orders, one for himself, and one for Hawkeye. She was being held up with another officer elsewhere in headquarters – Jean didn't know what for or where – but they hadn't seen her since that morning.

"Just the sandwich of the day please," Mustang ordered. He already had his order, so this was for Hawkeye. "Except with no tomato, a little bit of extra onion, and can the mayonnaise be spread thinly, please."

"Of course, sir," the cafeteria worker replied, beginning to make Hawkeye's sandwich.

"And can I get a packet of pepper as well?" he requested. Once Hawkeye's order was ready, Mustang sauntered along to pay for their lunch.

"What can I get you, sir?" the lady asked, jerking Jean out of his thoughts.

Approaching the table, Jean watched, baffled once more, as Mustang was sprinkling a touch of pepper on Hawkeye's sandwich.

 _Why_ would he know that though…?

Realisation dawned on Jean, and _of course_ , because it was so obvious between the two of them. Jean already knew they were close and suspected more went on behind closed doors, but this confirmed it… Kind of. It wouldn't stop Jean from having a little bit of extra fun at Mustang's expense. It was one of his favourite past times, after all.

"… How do you know Hawkeye likes her sandwiches like that?" Jean asked, his face a picture of innocence as he sat down. He tried to hide his grin when he noticed Mustang freeze for the briefest second, then carried on as if nothing was amiss.

"She told me."

"We haven't seen her all day, so… when did you speak to her?" God, he should get a reward for his acting skills here. Jean was trying so hard not to laugh.

"Before we came down," Mustang replied smoothly.

"But… We never saw her," Jean pushed, his expression covered with fake confusion. "I was with you the whole time…"

Mustang opened his mouth, but for once in his life, nothing left it. Jean couldn't help himself. He dropped the act and snorted. Hard. Mustang just glared at him.

"She told me," he reiterated firmly, his brow furrowing.

"This is the first time we've ever had that sandwich on sale in the cafeteria. There's no way she would've known before lunch, and there's no way you would've been able to speak to her to tell her," Jean grinned. The tips of Mustang's ears had turned pink after being caught out. "You know how she likes her sandwiches. That's cute."

"Havoc," Mustang warned through gritted teeth.

"Okay, it's cute as fuck."

" _Havoc_."

"I don't know what you're getting so up in arms about."

"Perhaps the way you're announcing it so casually in a busy cafeteria?"

Jean made a show of looking around him. There was no one seated anywhere _near_ them. Mustang had picked the most isolated table, and whether that was on purpose or not, Jean didn't know. "I see no one near us. I'd hardly call it busy either," he snorted.

" _Still_. Shut up."

"Now I'm curious," Jean smirked. "What else do you two know, _oh so well_ , about one another?"

"Quit while you're ahead, Havoc."

Jean ignored the warning in his tone like he always did. "Nah, I want to know. Do you know how she likes her eggs in the morning?" he asked, suggestively waggling his eyebrows.

Mustang, fair play to him, just ignored Jean, and didn't bite when Jean laughed out loud.

"It's nice," Jean stated, finally calming down. It wasn't any fun pushing Mustang's buttons when he ignored him.

"What is?" Mustang asked, seemingly thrown off.

"That you know each other so well. It must be nice to have someone like that."

For a second, Mustang just blinked at him, then he turned his gaze away. His eyes softened as he looked at Hawkeye's lunch order. "It is. We've known each other for a long time."

His smile was genuine this time as Jean saw the very obvious love Mustang had in his eyes for his Lieutenant. Jean had always suspected it but had nothing confirmed.

"Good afternoon, sir, Havoc," Hawkeye greeted them both in turn.

"Hey, Hawkeye," Jean greeted.

"Afternoon, Lieutenant," Mustang greeted. He was all business. The fleeting look from before had disappeared, and in a way, Jean was sad to see it go. It must be hard for them both to work so closely all the time and be unable to act on anything. But still, they were the ultimate team. They had made it work for years and were still going strong. Nothing could stop them or hold them back.

Watching carefully out the corner of his eye, Jean saw Hawkeye lift the top piece of bread and inspect her sandwich closely. Apparently, it was satisfactory because she nodded and replaced the bread. "Thank you for ordering my lunch, sir."

 _Mustang had got it spot on without even asking her_ , Jean thought, amused. He grinned wide.

Hawkeye was oblivious to the glare Mustang shot his way.


	57. if i'm a monster what are you?

**AN: If you open for req, can you do "If I'm a monster, what are you?" from the angst prompt list for Royai. Riza is the one that said those words. I love your writing so much it give me life 💕💕 - anon**

* * *

 _ **if i'm a monster, what are you?**_

"Riza."

She ignored him as she approached her tent. Her strides were strong and with purpose. It was determination that drove her, to put as much distance as possible between herself and him.

"Riza, wait."

The hand that reached for her wrist was batted away harshly.

"Don't touch me," she hissed, whirling around to face him.

The Major looked taken aback for just a second, then his expression hardened.

"Riza, calm -"

"Don't tell me to calm down," she glared. Her voice never raised. She didn't want anyone else to overhear. "Don't you dare. And its Private Hawkeye, _sir_." The honorific was spat, spoken like it was a curse.

"Listen, we both have to do what we have to do here." His defence was weak.

"No, we don't. So much for "using alchemy for good"."

"Riza." Her name was a growl, finally showing his frustration and irritation at their argument.

"You promised me," Riza reminded him. "Or was that just empty? Everything we went through, does that mean nothing to you? Did it _ever_?"

"I'm doing the best I can!" Roy exploded. He was angry. Good. Now he felt the same way as her. "I can't just turn away -"

"No, but you're happy to stand in the street and barbecue people in plain sight. You have no shame."

He blanched at how blasé she said it.

"At least I'm not cowering in a tower, killing my victims out of sight!"

It felt like the sand blowing about in the air fell to the ground with the force of his shout. The wind stopped blowing as his words settled over her.

Riza watched the regret appear across his face in an instant. Obviously, he hadn't meant to say it out loud, but he had. He'd let it slip. Words said in anger were often true.

"If I'm a monster, what are you?" she demanded. Riza's voice lowered as she approached him, slowly. Clearly, Roy didn't expect this kind of response, because his mouth parted in shock.

The word "monster" wasn't said by him, but the implication was heavy. From the way he spoke, he seemed to think what she was doing was far less honourable than what he was. Riza almost snorted. As if extermination campaigns could be honourable in any way.

"I never said that -" he stammered.

Riza didn't give him a chance.

"Because you've done _so much worse_ than me."

The air was deathly silent and incredibly cold around them.

Roy didn't dare to breathe. Not that he could anyway. Her question, then her reasoning, felt like a sucker punch to his gut, expelling all the air painfully from his lungs.

Riza was breathing hard as tears collected in the corner of her eyes. She didn't let them fall. Not in front of him. He'd betrayed her and her trust. He didn't deserve an _ounce_ of her time and her emotions anymore.

Without another word Riza stormed off, back to her tent. There, she could break down and cry. Roy's betrayal cut through her chest like a knife, carving shiny through her entire body.

This time he didn't follow her.


	58. is that my shirt?

**AN: Royai + fluff and romance ("Is that my shirt?") - anon**

 **i feel like we could all use a little fluff rn**

* * *

 _ **is that my shirt?**_

Roy fumbled around the clothes in his bed. He'd emptied his wardrobe looking for his last clean shirt but it had disappeared.

He'd forgone washing and ironing any shirts last night because a certain Lieutenant was coming over to "drop off some files" and he'd been in a rush to get their dinner ready for her coming over. Leaving the office later than planned certainly hadn't helped either, but Roy knew he had at least one clean shirt hanging up, so didn't give it much more thought.

Now it was gone.

He'd scratched his head in confusion. He wasn't going crazy, right?

No… No, he'd definitely seen it the night before when he'd done a quick check.

So where…?

Riza had gotten up early - about four o'clock - so she could sneak back to her own apartment. Roy had tried to fight his way out of the hold sleep had over him, but it was hard. He was still half asleep, still lost in dream world with the woman who had just left his arms… Had _she_ taken it?

But… she'd brought her own change of clothes. Plus, she was going back to her apartment anyway to get ready…

A proud smile spread across his face. The image of Riza wearing anything of his made his chest puff up.

The phone ringing broke him out of his ruminations.

"Hello," he greeted.

"Sir, I'm leaving my apartment now." Her voice was professional but what they'd done last night was _anything_ but. The sound of her moans would be embedded in his mind for the rest of the day. A smirk spread playfully across his face.

"Sir?"

His gaze had slowly wandered as he daydreamed and settled in the clock. He had ten minutes.

 _Shit!_

"Sorry," he apologised, his brain kicking back into gear. He still had to find a shirt. He snickered at the thought of just not bothering with a shirt today. He could picture Hawkeye's raised eyebrow now.

"I'll be over shortly."

"Of course, Lieutenant. See you soon."

As soon as he put the phone down Roy dashed for the clothes he'd discarded last night. Well, Roy snorted, the clothes _Riza_ had taken off him last night. His white shirt from yesterday was a crumpled mess underneath them.

"Fuck it," he muttered. It smelled clean enough.

Roy ironed out the collar and vowed to keep his jacket on all day. It was coming into summer and he may end up cooking like a ham in the office, but it would be better than explaining _why_ his shirt was so creased today.

The shirt thief herself knocked on the door to his apartment, right on time.

After a quick greeting, Roy ushered her inside and closed the door. She didn't get very far before Roy arrested her movements with his hands on her hips.

"Is that my shirt?" he asked, unable to resist smirking.

"I don't know what you're talking about, sir," Riza replied, unaffected by the hands on her hips, his fingers increasing their pressure.

He hummed in disbelief, dipping his head so his lips brushed against the skin of her neck. A soft gasp left her, and her body stiffened underneath his hands. "Well," he drawled, slowly kissing his way up her neck to her ear. "There was only one clean shirt hanging in my wardrobe last night, and now it has _miraculously_ disappeared," he murmured. His lips grazed the bottom of her jaw and this time a moan left her. " _You_ were the only one digging about my bedroom last night, Miss Hawkeye. So, shirt thief, where is it then?"

"Is it a big deal that I'm wearing your shirt?" she replied, her head tipping back further.

"On the contrary," he chuckled. "It's a very attractive look on you."

"So, there's no problem then, is there?"

Roy glanced up at her to see her own smirk. His hand rose quickly to grip her neck gently and Roy kissed her fiercely. He pressed his body against hers. The force made Riza take a step back as well as let out a moan. Roy backed her up against the wall, making sure she didn't bump it too hard.

They broke apart, panting, and Roy trapped her head in between his hands on the wall. Their noses were almost brushing as they stared in each other's eyes.

"Sir," she whispered. The breathy sound made him kiss her again. Riza was driving him wild, but then again, she always did. "Sir," she tried again. "We'll be late."

"We've got time," he dismissed. They didn't, but he'd make time. His hands dropped to her waist and began to untuck her - no, _his_ \- shirt from the waistband of her trousers.

"What about your shirt?" she snickered as he dropped it over the back of the couch.

"Anything you wear always looks better on my floor anyway."

The bedroom door slammed closed being them, drowning out Riza's laughter.


	59. if i'm a monster what are you

**AN: Hey Emma, this list of prompts is a treasure! I wish i could ask you to write them all! Especially the angsty ones. Could you do: "If I'm a monster, what are you?" with royai pls(what am i doing to my poor soul) 😏 thank you and have a lovely day! 💕**

* * *

 _ **if i'm a monster, what are you?**_

"You're killing my men," Roy snapped, losing his patience.

"Does that make me a monster, Colonel Mustang?" The Ishvalan man in front of Roy sneered.

He'd been killing soldiers at random throughout the city and Roy and his team had finally tracked him down to a stand off.

"If I'm a monster, what are you?" the man asked, casually. His next statement, however, was anything but. The ice in his tone rivalled the fortress of Briggs. It cut deep into Roy's mind, carving a painful path through his memories. "Because you did _so much worse_ than what I've been doing."

The words sunk into Roy's skull, pausing his movements. Suddenly, he was transported back to the desert, twenty years ago. The man was right. No side in the war was better than the other. They were all trying to survive -

A gunshot rang out and Roy jumped. He snapped back to reality and saw how the man had lunged for Roy. He hit the floor with a thud, arm outstretched. The knife that had been in his hand clattered against the concrete.

He'd tried to kill Roy while he'd been distracted.

Whirling around, he saw Hawkeye standing behind him, gun levelled. Coolly, she lowered it slowly, but remained on alert. Roy noticed her grip shifted as she licked her lips.

"Lieutenant?" he called to her quietly, afraid of startling her.

"Are you all right, Colonel?" She didn't meet his eyes. She just stared at the body.

"Riza," he tried again.

"Colonel," she replied, her tone sharp. "Are you all right?"

Roy met her eyes and saw just how much her actions were affecting her

"Are _you_?" he challenged quietly.

They were alone but he couldn't raise his voice higher than a murmur. The shock at the man's statement and the sequence of events had rocked him to his core.

"Yes."

She wasn't. The breath she let out was shaky and her eyes had widened slightly in fear. She wasn't okay.

"He tried to kill me," Roy stated, as if trying to justify the kill.

"Just like we probably tried to kill him years ago." It appeared she too had lost the ability to talk at a normal volume. And she was right. Roy's words left a bad taste in his mouth.

Suddenly, Hawkeye's knees shook and she stumbled. Roy caught her, lowering her gently to the ground with him. Her fingers smarted against his biceps, which she was gripping fiercely.

"I shouldn't have done that," she whispered. Her eyes were wide and unseeing, looking at the ground behind Roy. "But… he was trying to kill you." Her gaze snapped up to look at his. "I couldn't let that happen."

Roy nodded. "It's okay. I know."

"I was back there." Her voice was fearful as she shook her head, trying to rid the images and memories from her mind. "And he was right."

"He was." Roy's expression turned grim.

Because the Ishvalan man _was_ right. They'd already taken so much from the Ishvalan people, and they'd done it again, twenty years on. If Roy hadn't been so distracted and let him get into his head, Hawkeye might not have needed to shoot him. He would have been able to defend himself.

Roy had, once again, made Riza Hawkeye's life worse.

 _He was a monster._


	60. why aren't you with her?

_**royai angst + "why aren't you with her?" - anon**_

* * *

A ringing phone disturbed Roy from his sleep. His head jerked up, disorientated. His feet kicked in the sheets, completely tangled up, but after a moment he got his bearings and realised he was in his bedroom. Blinking, Roy looked around the room as he still tried to waken up. The phone hurried along his process, continuing to ring with no mercy.

As he stumbled tiredly to the phone, his heart sank. Getting a phone call in the middle of the night was never going to be good news. What was awaiting him on the other side of the phone?

"Hello?" he croaked. His voice was thick with sleep.

"Roy Boy," Madame Christmas greeted.

"Madame? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, kid," she reassured him. "I just have a customer here who's asking for you."

Roy glanced at the clock, wondering why a customer would still be at the bar, and noticed it wasn't the middle of the night. It was just passed midnight. He hadn't been sleeping for as long as he thought, just two hours.

"Who?" he asked suspiciously.

"I ran into Elizabeth," she stated smoothly. Roy's spine straightened. Now he was awake. "She's been asking for you."

"Is that so?"

The Madame made an agreeable sound. "I think you should come down and see her. She's looking for a dance."

Hawkeye would never ask him for a dance, so she must be drunk, and the Madame called him to come pick her up and bring her home.

Things must be… bad? Hawkeye never got drunk. Well, never got drunk enough that Roy had to go and pick her up to take her home.

"Okay." He drew it out. Of course, he'd go and help her, but this was still an unprecedented situation. He'd just have to take it as it came and help Hawkeye as best he could. The Madame must not have enough room for any guests, otherwise she'd absolutely let Riza stay with her. "I'll be along shortly."

"Thank you, Roy Boy." The line went dead.

Pulling up to the bar, Roy parked the car and stared at the door. He had no idea what was waiting for him on the other side of that door. Steeling himself, Roy took a deep breath and entered.

Hawkeye was sitting at the bar, swaying every now and then in her bar stool. The Madame had been chatting to her, staying close by, while still serving other customers. As Roy approached, he heard himself being mentioned.

"Elizabeth, Roy's here to take you home," she stated.

Hawkeye spun in her chair with more grace and control than Roy thought she would possess. Her eyes were half lidded and she looked _drunk_. Her hair was tousled, the longer strands of her fringe falling loose from the clip and framing her face beautifully.

As soon as she saw Roy, she stiffened and turned in her stool, but not before Roy noticed the stricken look on her face.

"Let's get you home, dear." Hawkeye had muttered something to Christmas, and that was her reply.

"Hey," he greeted with a smile to Hawkeye's back. "Did someone order a taxi?"

Hawkeye didn't answer, and Christmas just watched the Lieutenant's reaction. Abruptly, she stood from the stool and walked over where her jacket was hanging on the wall.

"You need to speak to her," the Madame prompted quietly with a pointed look, before rounding the bar. She grasped Hawkeye's elbow gently and ushered her and Roy to the front door. Roy had no idea _what_ he needed to discuss with Hawkeye, and Christmas wasn't exactly forthcoming with the details.

Before Roy could reply, Riza stumbled and he reached out to catch her. Instead of steadying his Lieutenant, she jerked away from him and stumbled again, but regained her footing. She stalked away without a word, not looking back. Roy's hands remained outstretched to catch her, dread settling in his stomach. What just happened?

"Talk to her," Christmas stated again, then turned on her heel and re-entered her bar, leaving Roy with a drunk and a standoffish Hawkeye.

"Did you have a good night, Lieutenant?" he asked casually as he pulled away from the bar. He glanced over at her, noticing her ramrod straight spine and how she was staring straight ahead. Roy thought she was trying not to vomit, but when she finally spoke to him, her voice was cold. It gave the impression something else was wrong. Roy worried he'd done something to anger her, but he didn't know what.

"Yes."

That was is. Nothing more was said than that.

There was an uncomfortable silence all the way back to her apartment. This wasn't like them, and Roy began to worry. What was wrong? Had he done something? How could he make it right?

"Thank you for the ride, sir," she muttered as she exited the vehicle. She held herself well despite how drunk she was and begun to walk towards her apartment building. Of course, Roy couldn't just leave it with a goodbye as cold as that, so he hurriedly jumped out the car after her.

"Hawkeye, wait," he called. She didn't. If anything, she walked quicker. Roy caught up with her as she waited for the lift in her building. "What's up?"

"Nothing," she replied sharply.

"Something is," he pressed. "Did I do something wrong?"

She glared at him but dropped it quickly. Roy was too stunned to make it into the lift before she forced the doors to close early. Her face disappeared behind steel doors, but Roy managed to catch her face falling when she thought she was out of sight. Her hands lifted to grasp her elbows, hugging her arms close to her body.

Roy took the stairs two at a time to try and catch her before she locked her apartment door. Once that door was closed on him, there was nothing he'd be able to do. There was the possibility of leaving her to cool off, but this was so unlike Riza. Roy was worried, and she was also drunk. He wanted to take care of her. She'd done it many times for him, and it was about time he returned the favour.

"Riza." He tried a different tact as she approached her doorway. Her pace picked up, trying to escape from him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" she exclaimed, turning on him. He was taken aback by the fire in her eyes, but he saw tears collecting in the sides. "Nothing you would understand anyway," she muttered, turning away from him.

"Try me," he challenged instantly.

"No."

"Riza –"

"Stop it! Just leave!"

Her apartment door opened, and she tried to slam it shut, but Roy jammed his foot in the gap. His hissed in pain, his foot smarting incredibly painfully.

"Roy –"

"I'm not going until I fix whatever it is that I've done."

"If you don't know, then you can't fix it, can you?" she sneered. She tried to close the door again, but his stance remained steady, no matter how much it hurt.

"Talk to me, please," he pleaded. "Riza, I just want to help –"

"You can't," she spat. Roy had never seen her this angry before with someone. Certainly not with him. The worry burned in his stomach, clawing at his insides and feeling worse than the pain in his foot.

"I want to try."

"Roy, leave."

"No."

"Get out!"

"No!"

They stopped their shouting match, Riza glaring at him while Roy challenged her with his gaze.

Eventually, Riza backed down, which was also unlike her.

"Whatever," she muttered, walking away from the door. It swung open slowly on the groaning hinge, revealing her apartment to him. He watched her stalk down the dark hallway and slam her bedroom door closed.

Roy entered the apartment and closed the door. Hayate approached for welcome scratches, that Roy readily provided.

"What's going on, boy?" he murmured, feeling at a loss of what to do.

Hayate cocked his head in reply. He licked Roy's and pressed his back into Roy's ready hands.

"What are you still doing here?" Riza glowered at him as she walked to her kitchen. She'd sobered up slightly, but she was still under the influence. Whatever was wrong was amplified by that fact, because she'd never acted like this before. She must be really pissed with him.

"I'm not going until I know you're all right."

Riza scoffed. "Why wouldn't I be? Because I'm alone?"

Roy cocked his head in confusion. "No, why would that be the case?"

Riza didn't answer him. She just continued to rifle through her kitchen cupboards.

"Riza, if I can help, I will –"

"You can't, I can assure you," she interrupted him. The cupboard door slammed shut, her anger manifesting once more.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Because _you_ are the problem," she finally revealed, irate. Her words slurred, and it caused Roy to remember that she was drunk. Whatever she was saying now would be the truth, but it would come out in a way that Riza may not have initially intended it to. However, if he was a problem, he still wanted to help her.

"Why?"

"Because you don't care!"

A silence descended over the small apartment. Even Hayate went quiet and looked between them, whining quietly as it dragged on.

"What are you talking about –?"

"Nothing," she interrupted hurriedly. From the wide eyes, Roy guessed this was not something she planned on revealing.

"Riza, I care about you more than anyone else –"

"It doesn't feel like it," she bit back. However, there was less of a bite to her words. Her tone was sullen, like a teenager.

"Why?"

"Just…" She sighed heavily and slammed another cupboard door closed, venting her frustration. Whatever she'd been looking for, she didn't find it. Then, Roy watched as Riza brought a hand up to her face and covered her eyes. Her shoulders rounded in on themselves and Roy saw them shake.

"… Riza?" His call to her was quiet. It appeared the fight had left her, and now she was trying not to cry. Roy was almost at his wit's end with worry. He didn't know what was happening and just wanted to help.

There was no answer to his call. The only response was her shoulders to bunch up by her ears.

"Just go," she whispered.

"No," he replied with confidence. "If I'm the problem, and it's making you _this_ upset, I'm not going until I make it right."

"Roy, leave." The bite was back, and he knew now, it would be back with a vengeance. Still, he persevered.

"No."

"Leave!" Her hand flew from her face with the force of her shout. She was still upset but it was overcome with anger. "Go back to your apartment and whoever you're sleeping with tonight!" He was stunned into silence. "I don't even know why you're here for me anyway," Riza continued, forcefully, like she truly believed he wouldn't stay and help her. "I'm _nothing_ and I'm sure you have a much better offer somewhere else."

"What…?" He was still too shocked to form words.

"I know it's true." She was so sure of herself, _so sure_ that was the truth, but it was complete nonsense. "Who was it tonight, I wonder? Vanessa? Why aren't you with her? Was it Rose? Beatrice? Instead, you're here with sad little mess Riza, who can't even keep a lid on things for one night –"

She cut herself off with the force of her sobs. Her knees shook and she brought a hand to cover her face again, pressing into her eyes hard with her fingertips. The other hand braced herself against the kitchen counter. The sound she was making though kicked Roy's mind back into gear. He lunged for her, wrapping Riza up in his arms. She fought it, and hard. Even while upset and drunk, she almost managed to escape his hold. Then, she grew tired. Weary was probably the better word. By the end of her fight, she was gripping his upper arms tightly, holding onto him like he was a life raft in the sea of her worries and insecurities, keeping her afloat and safe.

"There's no one like that, Riza," he murmured as he ran a hand through her hair. The hair trapped in her clip had become a mess, so Roy let it free. The blonde tresses tumbled down her back like a golden curtain.

"Yes, there is," she sniffed. "Don't lie." She slurred with her petulant tone.

"I'm not, I assure you." The grip he had on her tightened. "They're informants, you know that."

Riza sniffed again. "It still doesn't explain why you bother with me," she muttered.

Roy pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. She looked scared. Her eyes were wide in fear and her mouth parted with an intake of breath.

"Because I love you," he answered simply. It wasn't the first time he'd told her, but Roy had tried to wrack his brain for the last time he'd told her that. He couldn't remember. "Why would I be out with other women like that if I loved you?"

"Because I'm nothing –"

"You're _everything_." She had no answer for him, so Roy bent his head to kiss her tenderly, his lips lingering on hers. "There is no me without you," he murmured against her lips. A sob left her, and Roy bundled Riza back up in his arms.

He knew she could be insecure with herself sometimes. Professionally, she would never be. However, personally was a different story. She had her isolated upbringing with her impossible father to blame for that. Roy had looked up to the man, but as he'd grown older and realised just how badly he'd treated Riza, Roy had resented him for it.

"There's no one like that, I promise," he repeated. "There's only been, and only _ever will be_ you."

"But what if I'm not worth it?" she whispered.

"Impossible. I've been with you for long enough to know if that was the case. It never will be. You're my whole life, Riza. I don't want to lose you from my side."

She appeared to misunderstand him, because her hands dropped limp to her sides.

"Okay." Her tone was even, but emotionless.

"Both professionally and personally," Roy quickly added. "I can't afford to lose you," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers gently. "If I did… I don't even want to consider the possibility."

Riza's eyes lifted to his, her gaze swapping between both his eyes as tears fell quietly and steadily down her cheeks. She was studying him, trying to discern if he was telling the truth, but Roy had nothing to hide. That was the truth. The complete and whole truth. Nothing would change his feelings.

"I want to spend every minute of every day with you, Riza," he continued. "And it kills me that I can't. Not in the way I want to. However, this was the path we both chose, and must bear its fruit." He lifted his hands to grip her biceps gently but firmly, meeting her gaze square on. "If I could, I'd hold you in my arms every day and not let you go. I'd kiss you every minute of every day." He punctuated his statement with a kiss. "And every night," he added, dropping his voice low as he lowered his face for another kiss, but paused just above her lips. There was a quiet intake of breath from Riza. "I would make love to you. It's what you deserve, and I would be more than happy to oblige." He offered her a small smile. His hand lifted to cup her cheek. "I love you, Riza, and there's only ever been you. No one else."

She grasped the back of his neck and drew his lips down, crushing them against hers. Their kiss was passionate as hands grasped and tugged at clothing, trying to ride themselves of the barrier between them as quickly as possible. Breaking apart for air, Riza slowed to a stop, panting. Her hands were on his bare chest, her fingers splayed across his muscular frame. His were on the soft skin of her waist, his thumbs caressing the skin above the waistband of her trousers. Her shirt was untucked from the waist, hanging loose by her sides with her white bra exposed, and Roy thought it was the sexiest look he'd ever seen on her.

"I – I'm sorry," she stuttered. Her tears had stopped, but Roy sensed they'd be making a comeback once more.

He pecked her lips. "It's okay," he murmured. "Let's get some rest and discuss this later, okay?"

Her eyes jumped up to meet his. "Rest?" Roy nodded. "I… I don't need rest. I need _you_."

Nodding in understanding, Roy lowered his lips to hers once more. This kiss was more loving as he bent his knees, lifting one of her legs from behind the knee to hook onto his waist. Getting the hint, Riza raised onto her tiptoes while Roy did the same with her other leg.

"Okay," he readily agreed. "Let me show you how much I love you," he whispered against the skin of her neck, making Riza throw her head back and moan. "You're my queen," he proclaimed, kissing the pulse at her neck. Her body jerked in his arms. "Let me love you like one."

The fingertips raking against his scalp was his answer as he kicked her bedroom door closed with his foot.


	61. you lied to me

" _ **you lied to me" ||**_ " _ **get the hell out" – anon**_

"Riza –"

"Don't call me that," she whispered, her voice deathly quiet, but with a hitch contained within. "Not anymore."

"Please." Roy pleaded with her, _begging_ her to understand, but he already knew he was losing her. Hell, he'd already lost her with his actions. If only he'd _listened_ to Berthold _._ What a damn fool.

 _I've lost her_.

"No." Riza denied him of a second chance, and while that wasn't unexpected given her character, it still hurt like hell. He'd pushed away the one person who meant most to him in his life. What was he without Riza Hawkeye? His world didn't exist without her in it. There was no "Roy Mustang" for him. It was "Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye". Always had been, and Roy had thought it always would be.

Not anymore.

He'd ruined it.

"You lied to me." Her eyes met his own. In them, he saw assurance, mirroring her tone, and Roy wouldn't deny her of that. Technically, he hadn't _lied_. It hadn't been intentional. He hadn't intended to come to Ishval and use the gift she'd given him to murder.

 _Look where this damn dream has got you. Look where the military has left you_.

He stared into Riza's eyes – dear, sweet, Riza, the girl who'd brightened up his days under the pressure and burden of her father's teachings – and truly _saw_ where his actions had left him.

Up shit creek without a paddle.

And there was no turning back.

He'd hurt the one person he'd sworn he never would. How would he ever forgive himself for this? How could he continue?

"Get out."

Those two words were his death sentence. His chest felt crushed underneath the pressure in his heart. The woman he loved was turning him away, disgusted by his actions and who he'd become. Roy didn't blame her, but it was still agony. He was frozen in place, mouth parted as he simply stared at her. His eyes were wide, begging her to reconsider, but hating himself for asking her for that second chance.

"Major Mustang?" a voice called in the distance. "Damn, where is he? He's due for patrol," the voice growled, impatient.

Roy stiffened, but Riza's gaze hardened further.

"Go and be the dog you always wanted to be," she muttered. It was quiet, but the malice was unimaginable. Roy's world was crumbling around him, and he was becoming numb. If he didn't obey orders he'd be demoted, like Armstrong. He'd never be able to prevent something like from happening again and would never be able to help the greater good.

Nodding once, then twice, Roy saluted Private Hawkeye. It wasn't warranted at all, but Roy felt it was needed.

"Until we meet again, Private," he managed to force out. His voice cracked and he had to clear his throat after speaking, but Roy was too numb to care. He paused in the threshold of her tent, deliberating upon his parting words. Despite everything, he still cared for her. He always would.

"Stay safe," he murmured over his shoulder before finally leaving.

He was no longer a part of her life, that much was clear, but if she died here… It would be because of him, and he'd never be able to forgive himself for it.

An ache had settled in his chest as he left that tent. There was a burning in his heart and his head throbbed after the emotional roller coaster he'd been through. He had no right to complain, though. How could he? He'd murdered so many. Roy found he didn't have a right to complain about his heartache. His actions were on him. He could have stopped. He could have laid down his gloves like Armstrong, but he didn't. He'd made his choice.

Now he had to live with it, as his world crumbled and shattered around him.


	62. is that my shirt

" _ **is that… my shirt?" – poofynegi + anon**_

* * *

When Roy Mustang moved in with Riza Hawkeye the last thing he expected was he'd lose half of his wardrobe along with it. She took everything. His t-shirts and hoodies were a complete write off. There was always one missing from his side of the wardrobe, and when he went looking, he'd find her wearing it. Not that he minded, of course, it pleased him very much.

Roy flopped down on the couch next to his girlfriend. She was on her phone, her legs curled up underneath her as she leant on the arm of the chair. There was an extremely adorable crease in her forehead as she read the screen in concentration and Roy felt himself falling in love with her all over again. And, Riza looked positively cosy wrapped up in his hoodie. It was a little on the big side for him, but it was even bigger on her. She'd buried herself into the fabric, her nose just poking over the neckline.

"You better not get snot on that hoodie," Roy warned with a dry smile.

"I won't," she smiled sweetly, returning to scanning her phone.

Roy sighed happily and settled himself against her legs, his head lying against her knees. He stared up at her as she looked through her phone. Her hand absentmindedly lowered to his head, beginning to stroke his dark hair.

"Stop staring at me," she muttered, not taking her eyes off her phone. "It's unnerving."

"But you're so pretty," he whined. "I can't help it."

Riza rolled her eyes, but still couldn't stop her smile from spreading across her face as Roy chuckled.

"If I'd known how much you'd like that hoodie, I would have bought two," he revealed, turning his head down towards his feet.

Riza glanced down at it, then shrugged. "It's comfy and it reminds me of you."

Roy practically melted on the spot.

"Don't think I haven't noticed the t-shirt either."

The hands in his hair stilled.

"What t-shirt?"

"The one you're wearing," he grinned.

"I'm not wearing your shirt," she frowned.

Roy laughed. "You've been wearing it so much, you thought it was yours?"

"… Is that my shirt?" she asked herself quietly doubting her claim.

Shifting her legs, she placed them on the floor while Roy sat up. Pulling the neckline away, she looked at the t-shirt she was wearing beneath.

"No… No, it _is_ mine. I remember buying it. I was with Rebecca…" Realisation flashed across her face. "Have you been wearing _my_ t-shirts, Roy?" she accused with a growing smile.

He shook his head. "I bought that in West City with Havoc."

Riza shook her head too, mirroring him. "I bought mine in East City with Rebecca."

"So… It could be either of ours?"

"Or, there is a mystery doppelgänger shirt floating around our apartment somewhere," she quipped.

"I definitely bought mine."

"So did I," Riza reassured him. "I still have the receipt in my purse."

"Hm," Roy hummed, lowering his head back against her legs. "I'll keep a look out then, to protect you from mystery t-shirts."

Riza snorted, placing her hand back on her head as her hands began to move through it. "I think it will be the other way around."

Roy chuckled. "I think so too."

Still to this day, neither knows who owns the shirt, but they're more than happy to take turns sharing it. Both like how it reminds them of each other.


	63. quit it! you're hogging the blankets!

**an:** " _ **quit it! you're hogging the blankets!" – poofynegi**_

* * *

Something was tugging at the cover over Roy. He tugged back, half asleep, noticing how the soft surface he was lying on was dipping in place when it shouldn't. There was another sharp tug and Roy returned it, still in limbo between awake and asleep.

"Quit it!" a voice whined. "You're hogging the blankets!"

Roy sighed quietly to himself and tried to stop from groaning out loud as a rush of cold air caressed the bare skin of his arms. Blinking his eyes open, he saw the cover was completely off his torso. To make matters worse, as the body curled underneath the cover even more, a leg kicked out and contacted his shin rather painfully. Roy grunted in pain, his leg jerking further out from underneath the cocoon of warmth.

Sitting up, he saw his son pressed up against his mother's back, shivering. His eyes were squeezed tightly closed, looking tiny under the mound of the cover he'd stolen from his father.

Roy was instantly alert as he noticed the wet tracks down Mae's cheeks.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Roy asked gently. That would be the only reason he'd ran through to his parent's bed. Maes was very good at sleeping by himself, but when he had a nightmare, the four-year-old was desperate for the comfort of his mother and father.

Maes was silent and still, but his eyes slowly opened. They became wide with fear. He nodded.

"I'm sorry bud," Roy whispered. He shifted further into the centre of the bed and lay down on his side, facing Maes. Roy brushed Maes' fringe off his small face, rubbing his thumb across his forehead.

"I'm too scared to sleep," he whimpered.

"Don't worry, Maes. Mummy and I will make sure the bad dreams stay away."

"I don't want to sleep," he replied, his voice growing in volume as he became more upset.

"Maes," Roy soothed. "It's all right. I'm right here and I won't leave you, okay?"

Roy was also conscious of waking Riza. She was in her third trimester right now and needed all the rest she could get, so he tried to calm his son down as best he could.

"You promise?" Maes asked.

With a smile, Roy pressed a kiss to Maes' forehead. "I promise. Get some sleep, okay? I'll be right here."

Roy eased himself right in beside Maes, cuddling him close. He shivered in the cool air but remained by Maes' side. He would never leave his son while he needed him like this. It didn't matter how uncomfortable he felt.

* * *

Morning seemed to come far too quickly for a sleep deprived Roy. A hand on his head stirred him from sleep. Blinking his eyes open, he was met with his face pressed into his son's pillow.

The bed was far too small for him, but at least it was warm. He'd retreated into here when he was confident Maes wouldn't wake back up. He'd left Maes and Riza in his bed and made himself comfortable in his son's room. His feet stuck out the end of the bed and his toes were frozen in the cold morning.

"Good morning," Riza greeted quietly. She lowered herself down onto Maes' bed with a hand cupping her swollen stomach.

Roy grunted in response. "Morning."

"Why did you sleep in here?" she asked in concern, running a hand through his hair.

"Our bundle of joy decided to steal all the blankets," he groaned, burying his face deeper into Maes' pillow.

"I did wonder why he'd suddenly appeared overnight," Riza replied dryly. "Was it a nightmare?"

Roy nodded, his nose squishing painfully against Maes' pillow. "He was really upset. I promised I'd stay with him until he fell asleep. When he finally did, I was freezing, and I knew I wasn't going to be able to steal any of the covers off him."

Riza made a soft _aww_ sound, lowering her hand from his head to lay against his back. Her touch relaxed him as her thumb stroked in between his shoulder blades.

"Why didn't you wake me?" she accused lightly.

Pressing himself up, Roy turned to face his heavily pregnant wife. He placed a hand on her stomach and smiled as the baby inside kicked right away.

"Because you're already taking care of our other bundle of joy," he replied softly, pride and love surging through him as he felt another kick.

"Yes," Riza agreed. She lifted her hand to rest on his shoulder, then slid it up to cup his neck. "But you shouldn't have to go to bed cold because of that." She pecked his cheek.

"I know," he mumbled, breaking out into a yawn. Roy shrugged. "But it was okay. I didn't mind."

Her expression turned to one of sympathy as he smiled at her, probably looking as tired as he felt.

"You're a gem, you know that, right?"

"Really?" he yawned again, covering his mouth. "That's not the general consensus with most people," he joked.

Riza shook her head. "I don't care about most people. I care about you."

Eyes watering from is yawn, Roy smiled at her, feeling his love for her grow inside his chest. It swelled, threatening to overwhelm him completely.

Riza chuckled at the dopey look on his face, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. Roy secured her against him, placing his hand gently on her neck, turning the quick kiss into a lingering one.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too, Roy," she grinned.

"Mummy?" a voice called from the other room.

Breaking away, Riza sighed but smiled. "Duty calls."

As she pressed herself awkwardly off the bed, Roy hopped out to help her.

"I'll go," he offered.

"It's fine, I –"

"I did promise him I'd stay all night to keep the nightmares away," Roy argued gently as he guided Riza out into the hall, herding her towards the bathroom. "You go and have a shower. I'll look after Maes."

"All right." She quickly kissed him before making her way slowly to their bathroom along the hall.

"Hey, bud," Roy greeted as he quietly closed the bedroom door behind him. Hopping into the bed, Roy pulled his son close as he began to explain that Mummy and Daddy had gone downstairs to start making breakfast already, and that's why he was on his own.

That was okay, Maes had told Roy excitedly, because being next to his Mummy and Daddy really _had_ kept the nightmares away all night, just like Daddy had promised.


	64. a moment of despair

_**I've been reading your Royai collection (and absolutely loving it) and I can't get this prompt out of my head. Can you write a Royai who don't think they deserve happiness because of the things they've done but will allow moments of joy together? And when they can't handle the despair they'll spend an intimate night together just to get the strength to move toward the future? Thanks! We love a hurt/comfort Royai – heartsquake**_

* * *

Riza was waiting for the knock on her apartment door when it came. She'd been antsy since she'd gotten the phone call and afterwards, she hadn't strayed far from her couch closest to the door. It was after midnight. She _should_ be asleep, however something told Riza sleep wouldn't come so easily for her tonight.

Opening the door, she eyed her visitor critically, noting how the rain outside had soaked his hair, leaving droplets dripping off their ends. His clothes were drenched as well, a wet sheen very apparent all over his body.

"Come in," she beckoned, ushering him in the door hurriedly. "Did you walk all the way here?"

"I was at the bar," he replied, his voice hoarse. So, he'd been drinking. Riza also noted how he staggered to the left, but caught himself on the wall, leaving a wet handprint against the paint.

"Easy," Riza soothed, grasping his shoulders lightly and directing him towards her bedroom. Through there was her bathroom, where he'd need to go to dry off and change into something dry.

Roy seemed to know exactly where he was going and why, his feet carrying them both towards their destination. He never said a word and from his posture and the way he carried himself, Riza knew something was wrong. He'd been drinking for a reason, tonight. It wasn't a business call at Christmas' Bar.

Riza clicked on the light and Roy flinched at the sudden light. He came to rest in the middle of the room, simply looking at himself in the mirror. Her hands fell from his shoulders, coming to rest by her sides.

"Are you all right?" she murmured, looking at his eyes through the reflection in the mirror. His stared right back at her while he remained frozen in place.

He wasn't all right. That much was clear as day. Riza just wanted him to say _anything_.

"No."

Her heart ached with the pain she heard in his tone.

"All right."

Busying herself, Riza bent underneath the sink and pulled out a towel from the cupboard there. She turned on the shower, turning the temperature up hot enough that it had begun to pour steam into the room. No doubt he'd just stand there under the spray, completely still, and Riza didn't want Roy to scald himself. If he did, he'd probably bear it anyway, thinking he deserved it.

From his tone and his expression, she'd determined the reason for his behaviour. He was back there. In Ishval. He was struggling with it, so headed to his mother's bar to try and forget. It was past closing time, and he obviously wasn't ready to be alone yet, so he'd sought her out. Riza knew exactly how he felt, because she'd been there herself more times than she could count. They both had.

Peeling the wet coat off his shoulders, Riza bundled it up in her arms as she stepped back, looking at him once more in the slightly steamed up mirror. He'd simply watched her, still unmoving, and had done while she'd got the shower ready for him.

"Take all the time you need," she murmured, stepping out the room quietly and closing the door behind her.

She hung his coat up on the peg by her front door and eventually heard movement from her bathroom. There was a change in the rate the water was falling, signalling he'd stepped inside to heat himself up. She hadn't missed how he was shivering underneath her hands as they'd walked.

Hayate yawned as he walked to greet her in the living room. Riza sat on her couch once more to wait, beckoning her pup up onto her lap. She listened carefully for any change in her guest's movements as Hayate curled up on her legs, closing his eyes as she stroked his fur.

After twenty minutes with no change, Riza bit her lip. Lifting Hayate gently up and onto her couch, Riza re-entered her bedroom and knocked on her bathroom door.

"Roy?" she called out.

Silence.

Opening the door only slightly, Riza was blasted with heat.

"Roy, are you all right?"

"Yeah."

Her stomach twisted at how desolate he sounded.

"Sorry," he apologised, turning the water off. "I'm just coming out."

"Okay. Take your time."

She noticed a pile of his wet clothes folded neatly by the bathroom door. Before she left, Riza bent to pick it up, putting it in her washing machine so she could get them clean and dry them out for tomorrow.

Roy joined her five minutes later, wearing the clothes she'd set out for him. It was a pair of his own jogging bottoms he'd left here one night, along with a t-shirt. The hand towel she'd given him was draped over his shoulders, catching the drips from his soaking hair. Apparently, he didn't have the strength to dry it for himself.

"Here," she murmured, beckoning him towards the couch. He sat heavily. Hayate was jostled from his sleep and whined grumpily. He hopped down onto the floor and Roy blinked at him, not even realising he'd been there.

"Sorry, boy," he murmured sadly, opening his hand to his canine friend.

Hayate approached and sniffed, ducking his head so that Roy would rub his hand over his head and give him scratches, which he did.

Riza watched on, smiling at the exchange and happy that the two most important men in her life got along so well, even if it was her superior and her dog. It meant a lot to her. While he was distracted, Riza lifted the towel off Roy's shoulders and began to gently rub his hair dry. He froze in place, causing Hayate to beg quietly for more scratches. Riza continued with her task, disregarding how Roy had stiffened underneath her touch.

She probably took longer than she should have, but she enjoyed drying his hair with the towel, then running her hands through it to make sure it didn't get all tangled. From the way he sighed in content and leaned backwards on her couch, Roy enjoyed it very much too. Once she'd stopped, they both met each other's eyes, suspended in time and lost in their depths.

Hayate sneezed, breaking them both out of the trance they'd found themselves in, and both looked away at the same time. Riza's cheeks were heating up after seeing the intensity of his stare. She walked into her bedroom and tossed the towel into her hamper but paused just before it. Roy had neatly folded up the towel he'd used and placed it on top.

"How are you doing?" she asked, returning to sit by his side on the couch.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, letting out a shuddering breath. "I shouldn't have come here."

"It's all right," she smiled reassuringly at him.

"No, it's after midnight. I shouldn't have disturbed you."

"Roy, we've both been here numerous times before," she reminded him gently. "And I'll continue to be here for you as long as you need me."

His eyes finally met hers and she saw the sheen of his eyes.

"I just…" His sigh was heavy as he leaned forward, covering his face with his hands.

Riza placed a hand on his back, beginning to rub circles on it, hoping it would offer him some comfort. Silence followed and Riza quietly told him to take his time.

"You're too good to me Riza," he smiled at her sadly. "I don't deserve you."

"I think you do," she replied. She continued, noting the furrowing of his brow. "I think you deserve someone to keep you on the right path and remind you that it's okay not to be okay sometimes."

He huffed, rubbing his face with his hands. "It's not sometimes. It's most of the time."

"I know," she soothed. "Me too."

"I just needed to see you. I don't know why. I can't describe it. I just _did_."

She was honoured, but in a way, it saddened her. It wasn't for the reason most women would be excited about. It was because she knew exactly what horror he'd been through and was the only person who understood his personal hell.

"Thank you for coming to me." She'd hate to think what state he'd be in if he'd gone home with more drink. "I'm more than happy to help."

"I don't think I deserve your help," he sighed sadly. "I don't think I deserve anyone's help."

"I can tell you that you do." Riza shifted closer to him, placing a hand on his bicep and snaking the other across his back to his other shoulder. She leant her head against the shoulder closest to her, offering him a side hug. "You're a _good_ person, Roy. You do deserve it."

"I'm not good," he scoffed lightly. "Not after what I did."

"We had no choice, remember?"

"I could've walked away. I could've _fought_."

"If you did, you would've been demoted," she reminded him gently. They'd had this conversation before. "And those poor people would have died either way, but by mortar and gunfire instead." She swallowed, because if he had, she would've been called in to pick up the pieces. "If you did, you'd never be able to rebuild Ishval and prevent something like that from happening again."

He didn't reply.

"I'll be here for you, okay?" she told him, squeezing his bicep and his shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere and you're more than welcome to stay here tonight."

"I… I don't know."

"If you don't that's fine too," she reassured him. "But to be honest? I'd rather you stayed here. I don't want you being alone," she admitted. "Not like this."

Roy turned his head and Riza lifted hers in response. Slowly, their lips met but once they connected, the urgency of the kiss increased. Breaking apart, their breaths mingled together as they both panted.

"I…" He faltered, pressing his forehead against hers. "I need you," he admitted, and Riza understood immediately.

They came together once more, Riza falling back on the couch as Roy moved his body over hers. Their lips didn't stray far from one another as he tugged the hem of her pyjama top up, his hands finding her sides and lower back. She gasped underneath him, pulling at the waistband of his trousers.

Roy pulled them both up, lifting Riza's legs around his waist as he moved to stand. She was flush against his chest, hands lost in his damp hair, as Roy carried her through to her bedroom.

"I love you," he whispered against her throat, lying over her in her bed.

Riza's hands blindly found his jaw and tugged him gently back up so she could see his face.

"I love you too, Roy," she breathed. "More than anything."

The kiss sealed their confessions and carried them further into the night. When they awoke the next morning, they were both still tangled up in each other, loath to move. They might not think they deserved happiness, but stolen moments like that night kept them pushing forward. It reminded them both they weren't alone in this fight and never would be. It was the perfect comfort they both needed in order to face the next day.


	65. little & pure

**_little + pure - anon_**

* * *

"Look how tiny his fingers are," Roy marvelled over Riza's shoulder.

Her eyes moved to their son's hands, noticing that indeed, the were very small and adorable. _Everything_ about him was small and adorable in Riza's eyes though. He was perfect in every way. Their little bundle of joy had brought them both so much happiness over the last nine months and now he was finally here.

"He has your hair," she smiled, smoothing down the tuft at the top of his head.

Their son stirred in Riza's arms, opening his small mouth to let out a yawn that made both parents coo softly in sync. Amused, they both let out a quiet laugh, but were unable to draw their eyes away from him.

"I can see your face in him," Roy replied. Roy moved the swaddle away from his chin, exposing more of his face to them both. "Yeah, definitely. He's so adorable. He definitely gets that from you."

Riza rolled her eyes at his comment, chuckling. "I don't know," she argued lightly. "You're pretty adorable yourself."

"Yeah, but you're way cuter, and so is he." He pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "So, he definitely takes after you."

Silence descended over them once more as they just stared at their little boy, each amazed he was even here.

"He's so pure and innocent," Roy murmured, drawing his hand away from the swaddle. "He has no idea what's going on in the world right now."

"No, he doesn't," Riza mused, smiling down at him. "I will make sure you're protected forever from the big bad world, my boy," she vowed. "I promise." She'd never felt such an urge to protect anyone before, aside from Roy. She was so overwhelmed with that feeling and her love for her son that they almost took her breath away.

"What name do you think we should go with?" Roy asked quietly as their son began to snore softly, asleep once more. "I don't want to call him "my son" forever," he teased.

Riza steeled herself for Roy's reaction. She'd swapped back and forth between telling him about her idea for months but decided to wait until their son was born. She'd knew when she met him what name would suit him the best. Now she did.

"How about Maes?"


	66. modern espionage

**an: another paintball au? another paintball au. (also known as: i've been rewatching community and the paintball episodes still remain my absolute faves)**

 **Hi! I just finished reading the first 68, and they were so amazing! I'm more of a comedy girl, so if you are still taking requests than a comedy with lots of fluff and definitely Mustangs team involved too! Thank you so much you are such a good writer! – guest on ffnet**

* * *

Roy's fingers gripped Riza's waist tightly, pulling her body sharply against his so that a bullet missed her body. In response, she whipped around in his arms, firing off her own shot. The two of watched as neon pink paint splattered across the chest of the shooter. The soldier's shoulders slumped, and he grumbled to himself, leaving the "battlefield".

"Nice shot," Roy remarked, suddenly finding his face very close to hers.

"Did you ever doubt me, Sir?" Riza quipped, stepping out of his embrace. He mourned the loss of her already.

"Not for one minute," he replied smoothly. "Although…" He reached out and grabbed her hand, jerking her backwards into a fort made of old car tires. It towered well over their heads and conveniently hid them from prying eyes. The paint splattered across the wall of rubber was a burst of colour within the suddenly dull surroundings.

"Sir, what –?"

"I will say though," Roy grinned. "That thigh holster is a _good_ look on you, Lieutenant."

She rolled her eyes but jerked her head back to face Roy as his fingers lightly caressed the skin of her cheek. He leaned in close, his hot breath causing the muscles of her face to twitch as it brushed over skin. His lips were in line with hers, but they never touched. A smile graced them instead as he noticed every minute change to her posture and her expression thanks to him.

"Any chance you could wear it later?"

Riza collected herself then supplied her own smirk. "Don't get put out of the game then, _Sir_."

As she walked away, Roy shuddered at the way she said his honorific. Damn. He shouldn't have let slip that little secret because she was using it as ammo against him… but in the best way.

Exiting the tire fort, they were back on guard as they made their way through across the open concrete area in front of the old, abandoned, office building. Roy was determined now, more than ever, not to get put out of the game. Not even for the holster, although it did look divine strapped around the bare skin of Riza's toned thigh. No, it was the promise of a _later_ that was driving him now.

Grumman had told them they could wear civilian clothing this time to their annual paintball training session. That morning had been sweltering, so Roy opted for shorts and a t-shirt, and was delighted to see that Hawkeye had done the same. The holster was situated below where her very short shorts ended, and it was almost driving him insane. He had considered that she'd worn them on purpose just to mess with him. He didn't mind one bit if she had.

 _Keep thinking with your head, Mustang. That's the only way there will ever_ _ **be**_ _a later_.

The duo approached the team where they were taking cover. "Trenches" Grumman had called them, when in reality it was a wall of sandbags piled in front of an old, very shallow, drainage ditch.

Havoc's head popped up, eyes narrowed and scrutinising who was approaching, but his expression relaxed when he spotted who it was. It was comical in the way his blonde head appeared from nowhere and Roy coughed to hide his laugh.

"Were you two… _dancing_?" Havoc asked.

"That wasn't dancing, Havoc," Roy replied. "It was moving to fight strategically." He smirked, a mischievous streak striking him at the most opportune moment. "I don't expect you to understand what that means."

"It was dancing," Breda stage whispered to Havoc.

"That's what I said," Havoc frowned at Breda. "But I don't care for what you're insinuating, Mustang." Havoc narrowed his eyes, frowning at his commanding officer.

Roy just shrugged, uncaring.

"But the real question is," Havoc added, a playful smile suddenly appearing on his lips. " _Why_ are you both so good at dancing together, Mustang?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"It's like they're made to move together," Fuery muttered to himself quietly. His eyes were cast downwards, a thoughtful expression on his face as he considered Havoc's question.

"Because, Havoc," Roy replied smoothly. "Some of us are just natural born movers. Unlike yourself."

Breda snorted. "Yeah, that's it," he muttered.

Roy frowned at him whereas Riza glared in response, re-joining the team in their "trench".

"I only tripped _once_ at the last military ball, thank you very much," Havoc replied heatedly, a scowl overtaking his face.

"And made your lovely date spill her drink down her dress," Roy supplied. "And kicked her in the shin –"

"Yes, we were all there," Havoc snapped. "We don't need to drag it up."

Roy opened his mouth but was stopped by Riza elbowing him in the side. "What?" he asked, mildly affronted.

"In case you hadn't forgotten, we are playing a game here." She shot Roy a pointed look, and his smirk fell from his face. He knew what that look meant: " _shut up and stop being a nuisance or there won't be a 'later'_ ". He sobered instantly.

"Hawkeye's right," Breda interjected. "I say we just send Fuery in."

"What?" Fuery squeaked.

"You kicked ass last time. You're like a one-man army," Breda replied.

"No –" Fuery backed up, holding up his hands in surrender.

"We're a _team_ ," Hawkeye reminded them.

"Yeah, and if anyone's a one-man army, it's _me_ ," Havoc boasted. "Just call me your paintball angel… with a shotgun," he grinned, slinging his paintball shotgun over his shoulder.

The group burst into laughter, causing the smile to fall promptly from Havoc's face.

"What?" he demanded.

"You? A one-man army?" Breda guffawed.

"Well I could do better than _you_ ," Havoc hissed, glaring at his comrade.

"Oh yeah? Wanna prove that theory?" Breda challenged.

"Havoc would come out on top in that scenario," Falman interrupted.

" _Thank you_ ," Havoc cried, gesturing towards Falman at the same time Breda got offended by such a statement.

"Havoc is very proficient with a weapon and has a shooting score which almost rivals Hawkeye's," Falman shrugged. "The evidence is all there. He would definitely win."

"Who do you think would win, boss?" Both of them whirled around to face Roy.

He didn't know, and Falman put forth a very compelling case, placing Havoc as the more obvious winner, Roy thought, however he was all for stirring the pot today. Especially after his subordinate's inappropriate suggestive comment earlier.

"Breda."

Roy sat there with a shit-eating grin as an argument erupted before his very eyes, each soldier putting forth a compelling case as to exactly why they would win in a scenario such as this. Fuery tried to keep the peace while Falman continued to rattle off that statistically, yes, Havoc would win.

Riza just shook her head as they bickered. They would get nowhere with them like this, so opted to let them get it all out of their system first. Roy paused and caught her eye, shooting her a soft smile, which she returned.

Despite their childlike fighting, she really did love this group, and wouldn't have had it any other way.

* * *

"Is it later enough yet?" Roy asked, producing a bouquet of flowers from behind his back.

Riza's face softened and took the flowers from his grasp, ushering him inside her apartment. Hayate greeted him happily, barking softly in greeting. Roy bent down to pet him, telling him he was a good boy in the process. Riza walked away, heading into her kitchen in search of a vase.

"I suppose it is, yes," Riza agreed. "Seeing as you didn't get put out of the game."

"Good, because I can't get the thought of you dressed like you were today out of my head," he replied, leaning against the doorframe to her kitchen.

Riza scoffed as she searched through a cupboard. "Maybe it isn't late enough yet," she muttered, but Roy heard the amusement in her tone.

He pushed off the doorframe and approached. As she busied herself readying the flowers, he wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. Riza laughed quietly, continuing her task.

"All joking aside, you really did look great today."

"I was wearing an old pair of shorts and a t-shirt."

"Exactly," he stressed. "Great. It was so very… civilian of you."

"Civilian, huh?" Riza spun in his arms and looped her arms around his neck. Her head cocked to one side as she considered him.

"It was a _very_ good look." He hummed in approval as he slowly leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers. "One I could get used to."

"You like the domesticity?" she asked.

"Of course," Roy replied, as if it were obvious. "It is completely separate from work and would the life I like to think we would have had if things had gone differently."

Her face softened, her fingers toying with the hair at the base of his neck. Now, it was her turn to make his body twitch in response to her touch. "Do you think about this often?"

"Sometimes," he admitted.

"Tell me," she prompted.

And so, Roy regaled her with what his grand plans had been for years of their lives, if things had turned out differently. Riza mused that he'd obviously thought about this a lot more than just "sometimes". And it made her fall even more in love with him.


	67. there was only one bed part 1

**AN: "there was only one bed... but not as we know it!" part 1**

 **thank you to the two anons on tumblr who fired me an ask looking for some humour/crack. this was what my brain came up with from that lmao so i hope you like it. it made me laugh at least! and i guess that's what its all about :)**

* * *

"Lieutenant –"

"Shut up," Hawkeye barked before he could even finish saying the word.

Roy sighed and lifted one arm up over his head, bringing the hand to rest behind his head as he shifted in place to make himself more comfortable. It was not the most ideal situation to be in, but they were both adults. They would deal with it.

Sighing again was another mistake.

"Shut _up_!" Hawkeye hissed next to him.

"I didn't say anything!" he protested.

"You sighed."

"So, what? Now I'm not allowed to breathe?"

"No."

Roy scoffed.

"No, you're not," Hawkeye ground out. "Because it's irritating and I'm trying to sleep."

He fell silent, making a point to exhale loudly through his nose. Hawkeye stiffened beside him and Roy could've sworn he heard her growl. Well, two could play at the "being petty while irritated" game.

Silence fell and Roy knew sleep wasn't going to come to him. He was too alert. He was too aware of his position inside this hotel room... And his Lieutenant's position in the room as well.

It was a while before anyone made any sound. Roy had ended up lost in thought, staring up at the flaking paint on the ceiling above him.

"Lieutenant, are you asleep?" he whispered.

"Yes," she barked.

"No, you're not."

"Sir, if you do not stop talking I _will_ chokeslam you through the desk across the room."

Roy spluttered at her threat. But to be perfectly honest, she would probably follow through.

"I just want to talk," he reasoned.

"What could we possibly discuss right now that can't wait until morning?"

"I don't know," he finally answered after a struggle. "I just –"

"Sir," she interrupted him, although the heat of her glare was enough to bring him pause too once she'd sat up and turned around to face him. "Go. To. Sleep. We have a busy day ahead of us tomorrow and need all the rest we can get."

"But –" he interjected, sitting up from lying down on the bed they currently had to share.

"Oh my _God_."

Abruptly, Hawkeye stood and grabbed a pillow angrily. She stomped around the bed and grabbed one of the decorative blankets the hotel had provided to cover the bed.

"Where are you going?" Roy frowned.

Hawkeye just glared at him as she threw her pillow onto the floor then crouched, disappearing from view.

"I'm not letting you sleep on the floor," he exclaimed.

"I'm perfectly happy here. Much happier, in fact."

"Lieutenant, get in the bed."

"No."

"Lieutenant –"

"I'm comfortable," she lied, pulling a thin blanket up over her shoulder and closing her eyes in defiance. "And I'm not moving again."

"Hawkeye, this is an order," he growled, his temper rising exponentially.

"Go to sleep!"

Roy threw the sheet off his body and jumped out of bed. Hawkeye's eyes popped open at the sudden commotion, and she frowned as she watched him approach.

"If you refuse to sleep in the bed and want to subject yourself to the cold and uncomfortable floor, then I will too," he huffed. Roy had already felt himself shiver from the cold but remained steadfast in his resolve.

" _What_?"

"I mean it," he stated confidently. "If you're going to be this petty –"

" _Petty_?" Hawkeye echoed, offended.

"Yes."

"I just want to sleep!" she exploded, but she didn't raise her voice too high. She did, however, forcefully shove herself up and into a seated position. "You're the one who won't shut up and who keeps fidgeting! How can I fall asleep when you've got ants in your pants just a foot away from me? It's like trying to sleep during an earthquake!"

"I'm sorry!" he replied, volume of his voice rising, but Roy caught himself. He took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down. "I'm sorry," he repeated, his tone much more civil. "I didn't realise I fidgeted a lot in bed. I was just... nervous. And I was worried about doing something that could be construed as unprofessional. It wouldn't be intentional, of course, but it's still not an ideal situation," he added. "I apologise."

The room was silent as Hawkeye regarded him. Although, it felt like he was on trial, waiting for her verdict.

"Fine," she relented sourly. "But if you start squirming again, it's your ass on the floor, not mine."

Roy frowned. "That's not fair," he began without thinking but Hawkeye's expression quickly had him backpedalling. "All right! All right, sorry. Okay, I will."

Tentatively, Roy re-entered the bed they'd found themselves in for the night. It was just one night. He could survive one night with Hawkeye sleeping next to him, couldn't he? It wasn't the first time it had happened...

Yeah... He'd be fine, right?

* * *

 **roy: breathes**

 **riza: chokeslammed thru a desk. obliterated, sir.**


	68. there was only one bed part 2

**AN: "there was only one bed... but not as we know it!" part 2**

* * *

Roy woke up in the morning with his face pressed into something warm and soft. There was a faint smell of shea butter filling his nostrils as he twitched his nose, discovering something was tickling it. He moaned weakly and shifted his head, trying to move away from whatever was annoying him, but didn't get too far. Gently, his nose bumped against something hard. Blearily, Roy's eyes opened and he blinked to try and clear his vision. Why was everything in front of him yellow? No, not yellow. The colour was golden. It reminded him of… Hawkeye's hair…

His entire body stiffened.

He was pressed right up against her back. His face had been buried in her hair as he'd slept. The smell of her shampoo was still tantalising, tempting to draw him back in, but the shock and horror of discovering himself in this compromising position doused that desire out rapidly. Because not only was he pressed up against her back, but he'd been _spooning_ her in his sleep. His right arm went over the top of her upper arm, and he was currently gripping the back of her hand tightly. Both hands were pressed in towards her neck and he could feel her breath caressing his wrist. He shivered at the contact –

 _No, this is not good!_ Hawkeye was going to kill him.

Cheeks red, he slowly began to disentangle himself from her. Her hand went limp underneath his after he let go. A soft sigh left Hawkeye upon the loss of contact and Roy swallowed. He had to be slow and careful.

Leaning forward, he lifted his eyes to the heavens as his chest was pressed against her back even more. He needed the leverage to remove his hand from the little cocoon she'd made with her own arms around his.

 _So, it wasn't entirely his fault then_.

His face was a grimace, his tongue stuck out in concentration as he moved as slow as he could. Once his arm was hovering over her body, and he thought he'd gotten off scot-free, Hawkeye shifted in her sleep, rolling over so she came face to face with his chest. Roy thought he saw his life flash before his eyes.

Did… Did Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye just _cuddle into him_? A soft sigh left her once she was settled. Her hands were curled underneath her chin and pressed into her neck as her face pressed into his stomach.

 _Oh, dear God. Please._

Roy continued rolling over in place, moving slowly so he wouldn't disturb her further. He settled onto his back to collect himself. He needed to lower his heart rate and process what he'd just been through. His forearm was slung over his eyes as he felt a flush of shame, embarrassment, and something else that was _completely_ inappropriate spread over his cheeks. _Damn his subconscious for betraying him like that!_

Gently, he removed himself from the cursed bed and booked it to the bathroom. He needed a shower. Desperately.

* * *

He'd gone out for breakfast for them both and during that time, Hawkeye had showered and dressed herself. After Roy returned he caught her buttoning her uniform jacket. He stuttered to a stop, remembering how soft her hands had been as they'd gripped onto his while she slept. Hawkeye had just looked at him expectantly while he stared. Grinning sheepishly, he lifted the cup holder that contained two coffee cups as he tried to recover.

"Thank you for the cuddle this morning, Sir," Hawkeye deadpanned, face completely straight, as she checked her appearance over in the mirror one final time before they left to go to work.

Roy, on the other hand, felt the colour drain from his face. The towel he'd been drying his hands on from the bathroom fell to the floor.

 _Oh my God… She knows._

"I'm a dead man, aren't I?" he quipped, a nervous smile appearing on his face as he geared up to apologise.

"On the contrary, it was… rather nice."

"… What?" Roy blinked.

"You heard me, Sir," she replied, but he caught the hint of a smirk on her face as she turned around to pick up her weapon from her bedside table. She holstered it and approached the door of their hotel room. Holding it open, she turned to look at him, a complete professional.

 _She knew all along…_ Had she been _awake_ as he'd tried to disentangle himself from her? Had _Riza Hawkeye_ been _faking_ sleep as that happened?!

"Are you coming, Sir?" she prompted. Her expression gave nothing away. Roy was sure his did. His cheeks were probably bright pink.

"Uh, yes. Of course," he stuttered like a fool.

He walked out, in the process of shrugging on his overcoat as Hawkeye ensured their door was securely locked.

"Perhaps," she murmured as she busied herself. "We could do the same again tonight?" she asked. Deadly serious.

As Roy spluttered and stuttered for a response, he heard her laughing to herself as she walked down the hallway.


	69. you broke my heart

" _ **you broke my heart" – anon**_

* * *

The wind tugged at Riza's overcoat as she stared down at the grave. She wished she could pull forth something, _anything_ to feel for this nameless person right now, but there was nothing inside of her. Did that make her a complete monster? She already knew she was one, here on the Ishval sands. Maybe now she'd been pushed over the edge and there was no saving her. She was too far gone to even care about the person she'd buried.

It was an awful realisation.

"Hey."

Her shoulder sagged in defeat.

"How are you holding up?"

She snorted, unable to help herself. What a question to ask in a place like this. It was with the best intentions, but that wasn't necessary right now. Not with how she was feeling.

"Fine," she forced out.

"Riza –"

"Sir, I have to go."

"Wait."

She stopped. She wasn't sure what held her there. She was a monster. She didn't deserve the comfort only he could provide her. The comfort she so desperately craved but hated herself for wanting it.

"I care about you, Riza. I just want to make sure you're all right."

"No, I'm not. Can I go now?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Riza, this isn't healthy," Major Mustang stressed. "You need to talk to someone about it all –"

"You broke my heart, Roy, when you left." If he wanted her to talk about it then he was going to listen to what she had to say now.

His face turned into a grimace, but he nodded in understanding.

"When I needed someone to talk to," she continued. "When I needed _you_ … you left."

"I'm sorry." He dropped his gaze. "I'm trying to be here now."

He had her there. She could argue that it was too little too late, but compared to before… This was when she needed him most, not before when she still lived with her father.

Roy took her silence for her answer. "I understand if you don't want anything from me but know that it will always be there for you. I'll never turn you away."

Her heart was screaming at her to accept, to run to him, but her head held her in place. It wouldn't be proper, for one thing.

She took one last look at the grave and turned away from it, trying not to dwell on it too much. Riza had just buried a dead body. No identity on them, no way of remembering the life they'd had. It should be tearing her up inside but there was nothing. They had burn marks on their skin. There was only one person they'd receive those marks from.

 _He took the flame alchemy then left you._ _Again._

"I wish I could believe that," she whispered, turning and walking away from him.

A hand gripped her wrist and she felt her irritation spike.

"I promise," he whispered, his voice pained. "I _swear_ it's the truth."

His eyes were earnest. They even shined in the setting sun as it cast a warm glow over his face. It highlighted the dark circles underneath his eyes and the slight hollow of his cheeks.

"I promise," he breathed, his breath hitching as he let go of her wrist.

Riza watched him for a brief moment, coming to her decision. She gave him a tiny nod but turned away, hopefully before he noticed how wet her eyes were becoming too.

She believed him. She really did. Roy wasn't a liar and he'd always looked out for her. He'd left for his own personal reasons. He had a life outside of her, and Riza knew that. She just hated that she'd been left behind, powerless to follow and do anything to make her life better.

He was a good person. She did believe him. She always would… But she couldn't give into that comfort. She didn't deserve it. Not here.


End file.
